[Funny] Things I used to believe...

[Dave]

This thread is to tell about things you seriously believed in, only to now realize you were a bit of an idiot. I'll give you two examples, only one of which is mine.

• A girl I worked with thought that the direction she was facing was always North. She thought this because whenever she was looking at a map she'd turn it so the direction she wanted to go was up. And she knew that North was up on a map. Took a lot of explaining to get that one gone!
• In the earliest days of the internet I had signed up for several email newsletters. When I'd get responses I always assumed that it came directly from the person I sent it to. So I'd get an email from, for example, Bruce Springsteen and I'd think that HE actually sent me the email. This wasn't that long ago, like in the early 1990's. I was in my mid to late 20's.

So what's your "oh shit!" thing you used to believe?

 

[PatrThom]

I used to think that Hebrew was the only other foreign language.

--Patrick

 

[LittleKagsin]

That most of the pictures shown are actually of the back of the White House and not the front. Mind blown that the rotunda is the back!

 

[drawn_inward]

That most of the pictures shown are actually of the back of the White House and not the front. Mind blown that the rotunda is the back!

Oh snap. TIL.

 

[Tinwhistler]

That most of the pictures shown are actually of the back of the White House and not the front. Mind blown that the rotunda is the back!

I had to explain that to my wife's family when they came up to visit this summer.

I used to believe that you could hit someone's nose bones up into their brain and kill them. And when I was really young (8-9 years old) I used to believe everything in the National Enquirer--I figured it was a news source, and they couldn't lie. This was back when they were more about bigfoot and aliens than they were about chasing hollywood stars.

 

[LittleSin]

I recently had to inform a cousin that the 'pee hole' and the 'vag hole' are two different things. She fought with me on it. Diagrams were necessary.

 

[Celt Z]

I recently had to inform a cousin that the 'pee hole' and the 'vag hole' are two different things. She fought with me on it. Diagrams were necessary.

A few years back I had to explain that to Mr. Z and one of his coworkers. NYC public schools, man...
I think your's is slightly worse, though, considering she is a female and thus HAS them.

 

[Chad Sexington]

A few years back I had to explain that to Mr. Z and one of his coworker. NYC public schools, man...
I think your's is slightly worse, though, considering she is a female and thus HAS them.

Not only do I seem to have this conversation more frequently than I ever thought I would, I have encountered females who don't... know. And lots, lots of guys.

 

[Ravenpoe]

Not only do I seem to have this conversation more frequently than I ever thought I would, I have encountered females who don't... know. And lots, lots of guys.

There was a whole episode of Orange is the New Black about this.

 

[LittleSin]

It's shocking to me. It really is...just...nnngh.

 

[WasabiPoptart]

My grandmother believed that if you didn't have a belly button you couldn't have a baby. Apparently she was taught (or assumed) that the baby would attach to the inside of the belly button.

I used to believe in a lot of supernatural and pseudo-scientific things. I went to see psychics, had my palm read, regularly read my horoscope, etc. My mom was into it when I was growing up, so I was never around an opposing viewpoint other than my dad saying he didn't believe in it without explanation. Now I roll my eyes at how naive I was.

 

[drawn_inward]

I used to believe in myself.

Spoiler

Just kidding, I'm pretty rad.

 

[General Specific]

I used to believe in a lot of the supernatural stuff; aliens, loch ness monster, etc. It was mostly a process of me growing up and learning science and using logic that got me past it.

 

[fade]

That most of the pictures shown are actually of the back of the White House and not the front. Mind blown that the rotunda is the back!

TIL there's no good way to make a joke about how the White House had junk in its trunk without sounding mildly racist.

 

[HCGLNS]

Apparently the entire tourist industry of Prince Edward Island is based upon a fictional person.

New England is apparently not an actual state.

 

[Simfers]

When I was VERY young (4 and under, before I went to school, where I was disabused with the quickness), I believed that only women could wear glasses. It was a perfect storm of only my female relatives (at the time that would be my mom, my grandmas and my aunts) wearing them and none of the boys in our neighbourhood wearing them. I was extremely confused for a second or two my first day of kindergarten.

 

[fade]

I thought until like 7th grade that you could pay bail and get out of jail at any point. Like it was an either/or deal.

 

[Jay]

I used to think thunder was the gods bowling. I hated those assholes

 

[Enresshou]

My mother-in-law used to believe that only women could eat fruit and that, if a man ate fruit, he wasn't a real man. She broke up with someone because of this belief. There was actually a rational explanation behind why she thought this.

 

[LittleSin]

My mother-in-law used to believe that only women could eat fruit and that, if a man ate fruit, he wasn't a real man. She broke up with someone because of this belief. There was actually a rational explanation behind why she thought this.

I...I really wanna know what the explanation was....

 

[PatrThom]

"You ate a tomato?"
"Honest! I swear I thought a tomato was a vegetable!"
"Boo-hoo-hoo!"
(This is what my brain conjures up)

--Patrick

 

[Charlie Don't Surf]

10 years ago, my politics posts would have been indistinguishable from GasBandit's

 

[LittleSin]

I used to believe trees caused win when I was very small.

Like, I can remember my reasoning!

Because the leaves would blow off the tree that MUST mean the tree was blowing them off.

I saw an episode of Arthur later in life where D.W. said something similar and I felt TOTALLY vindicated for my stupid kidness.

 

[Cajungal]

When I was little and I'd run errands with mom, I was fascinated by the turn signal. I couldn't see her flip the switch, so I just decided it was powered by mind control. I was really really little, mind you.

 

[Yoshimickster]

That the two party system actually works.

 

[Enresshou]

I...I really wanna know what the explanation was....

Her family grew up very poor in Taiwan. There were four: her, her mother, her sister and her father. Fruit was kind of a luxury, so any time they got some the dad gave it to her or her sister. She just thought men didn't eat fruit and that it was for women... And didn't find out otherwise till after she'd broken up with that poor guy.

 

[Hailey Knight]

I used to believe that staring at your food as it microwaved would make the microwave explode. Thanks for that one, mom! It was probably until middle school that I realized she was wrong. I also used to believe that you had to wait until the microwave stopped beeping before you opened it or the radiation would still be in there to hurt you, and my stepdad had to tell me that my mom doesn't know what she's talking about (he's an appliance repairman).

I think we're missing a big one--believing in stuff like Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, etc. I don't know if I ever actually did, because far back as I can remember, I would grill my mother about how any of this stuff was possible, despite being among the fine folks who without hesitation believed in Bigfoot. So that's Bigfoot yes, Santa Claus no. Anyway, I love hearing stories when people have a revelation moment. My cousins last year found out this stuff wasn't real when they found their Easter presents under the seat of their moms' car.

My wonderful smartass cousin was outraged. Her to mother: "Is Santa Claus real either? And the Tooth Fairy? Do you EVER tell the truth?!"

 

[mikerc]

I used to believe trees caused win when I was very small.

Like, I can remember my reasoning!

Because the leaves would blow off the tree that MUST mean the tree was blowing them off.

I saw an episode of Arthur later in life where D.W. said something similar and I felt TOTALLY vindicated for my stupid kidness.

Hey if it was in Calvin & Hobbes that's good enough for me!

 

[Simfers]

When I was little and I'd run errands with mom, I was fascinated by the turn signal. I couldn't see her flip the switch, so I just decided it was powered by mind control. I was really really little, mind you.

Them turn signals were a source of confusion for me too. I used to believe that the ones in my grandpa's car (my parents never had a car, so keep in mind I was young AND stupid AND inexperienced about cars) were the car telling him when he needed to turn to reach his destination. Of course, the fact that he'd told me that was so probably helped.

I love my grandpa. He also claimed he could control traffic lights, but I never bought that one. Although I pretended once or twice to make him smile (that's my story and I'm sticking to it).

 

[figmentPez]

Until I was in my mid-twenties, I believed that most women don't really like sex, and almost all women think that nude men are ugly. I really thought that most women wanted nothing to do with a man's penis, and that they just had sex because it was expected of them, in order to get the parts of marriage that they did want.

 

[Chad Sexington]

I used to believe trees caused win when I was very small.

Like, I can remember my reasoning!

Because the leaves would blow off the tree that MUST mean the tree was blowing them off.

I saw an episode of Arthur later in life where D.W. said something similar and I felt TOTALLY vindicated for my stupid kidness.

I mean, that's legit. Cause and effect; just a mistake due to unknowns -what kid understands air pressure? However, I once met a 26 year old who believed wind was caused by ocean waves, so... She asked me why there was wind in subway tunnels... And was stunned to learn that trains caused changes in air pressure, but even more stunned to learn that all wind is just pressure systems moving.

As for myself, I believed, until I was 22, that people from the Netherlands were called Hollish, since the Netherlands is often interchangeably called Holland. But, of course it's Dutch, derived MUCH MORE LOGICALLY from Netherlands.

Whatever.

Hollish. I stand by it.

 

[WasabiPoptart]

Until I was in my mid-twenties, I believed that most women don't really like sex, and almost all women think that nude men are ugly. I really thought that most women wanted nothing to do with a man's penis, and that they just had sex because it was expected of them, in order to get the parts of marriage that they did want.

My grandmother tried to tell me this exactly. I used to think she was a closet lesbian.

 

[Ravenpoe]

I mean, that's legit. Cause and effect; just a mistake due to unknowns -what kid understands air pressure? However, I once met a 26 year old who believed wind was caused by ocean waves, so... She asked me why there was wind in subway tunnels... And was stunned to learn that trains caused changes in air pressure, but even more stunned to learn that all wind is just pressure systems moving.

I knew someone IN COLLEGE who did not know how the water cycle works. She thought that water got into clouds via water spouts, aka tornados over water.

Also, this exact conversation happened, word for word.

Her: I've always wanted to learn sign language, because blindness runs in my family.

Me: How would you see the signs if you're blind?

Her: They can sign it in your hand, like Helen Keller.

Me: But you'd still be able to hear, why not just talk?

At this point a look of wonder crossed her face, and you realize she never thought of that before.

 

[Terrik]

Until I was in my mid-twenties, I believed that most women don't really like sex, and almost all women think that nude men are ugly. I really thought that most women wanted nothing to do with a man's penis, and that they just had sex because it was expected of them, in order to get the parts of marriage that they did want.

It's true. A penis is a disgusting, nausea-inducing instrument.

Except mine of course. Mine was forged by Hephaestus himself.

 

[PatrThom]

Mine was forged by Hephaestus himself.

Isn't forgery a felony in some parts?

Also, I used to believe that everyone always wanted to know what they were doing wrong. I mean, I always want to know what I'm doing wrong, so everyone else would too, right? Well, I found out that's not the case. And this is something I rediscover over and over again as life goes on.

--Patrick