[Informational] Dave's Quest for History

Dave

Dave

Staff member
Well, I decided not to pursue this any further. At least not in the ways that I could. Right now the only remaining option would be to call them at their places of work and I just can't bring myself to do this. Talk about being intrusive. So I created a Facebook post that only a couple of the kids could see and I wrote the following:

This will probably be my last attempt at reaching out. I have other contact information like phone numbers, but have decided not to follow those avenues as I feel they would be intrusive. It is not nor has it ever been my aim to make anyone uncomfortable. So I'm laying everything out here and let the chips fall as they may.

I believe I'm your brother.

I was born in 1965 and was adopted to a couple in Minden, Iowa. I have always known I was adopted and it's never been a big deal, until my adopted mother got Alzheimer's. It got me to thinking about genetic health risks, so I took the Ancestry DNA test. This identified a cousin (who shall remain nameless) and together we discovered that your father, Richard, is most likely also my biological father. At this time I do not have any information on my mother, and I fear that if I get nowhere on this angle I may never know.

But, of course, without any of the four kids taking a DNA test (which I'd pay for) it's all conjecture at this point. The dates and ages all line up and it's the only possible option that I'm aware of.

So that's it. I think we're siblings. Please note that nobody else besides you two can see this and unless you reach back to me you'll probably not hear from me again (barring any further information received from whatever source).

I hope to hear from you to discuss.
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Well, there it is. If I don't ever hear back I'm fine with it. I haven't known anything for 50+ years, I guess it really won't hurt to not know in the future. I'd certainly like to know more about my mother's side, but it's going to be difficult to impossible to figure out unless there is a big break somewhere.

So it looks like Dave's Quest for History may be coming to an end. With a whimper, not a bang. But you never know.
 
Dave

Dave

Staff member
Holy shit, holy shit, HOLY SHIT!

It worked.

I just got off the phone with the person who might be my brother.
  • I am not a surprise. They've thought for years that I exist.
  • He is willing to take a DNA test.
  • They are open to discussing the family ties.
  • He is going to ask Richard my mother's name.
  • We are going to be exchanging information like phone numbers and addresses.
  • I might be making a trip to Texas after the holidays.
Holy shit how fast things turn around.
 
Celt Z

Celt Z

But Dave is rich with comedy!




...you may not want to inform them of this until AFTER you've gotten all your information.
 
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Dave

Dave

Staff member
Seems my bio father and his wife had divorced three times and married four. I was made during one of those breaks. One of the brothers remembers me as a baby.[DOUBLEPOST=1481320674,1481320657][/DOUBLEPOST]
blotsfan said:
Well then so much for that. :p
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:stfu:
 
GasBandit

GasBandit

Staff member
Dave said:
Seems my bio father and his wife had divorced three times and married four. I was made during one of those breaks. One of the brothers remembers me as a baby.[DOUBLEPOST=1481320674,1481320657][/DOUBLEPOST]

:stfu:
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Your father is the original inspiration for Ross Gellar.
 
Dave

Dave

Staff member
Things have been happening at an amazingly fast pace. I am now in contact with all four siblings and my potential father called last night although I was doing a gig. He did talk to my wife for about a 1/2 hour. I'll be calling him soon. I'll let you all know what's going on but it looks like he's willing to take a DNA test.
 
Dave

Dave

Staff member
And now for some updates. The following quotes are from emails I received from the siblings. It paints kind of a bleak picture of Richard, my possible biological father, as a person. But read to the end.

I shared your email with dad and unfortunately, he says he doesn't remember. Where were you born? Omaha? I know at one time he was stationed in Omaha but I believe that was when our second oldest brother was born. His discharge papers have him out of the service February 1959. Another time, he and my mom were separated and dad was living in Omaha and that is when dad did a recording of a song, Oh So Proud. All of 11 copies of a one-sided 45 record were made., He again doesn't recall what year it was. The studio was Sears Records, don't quote me on that one.

Dad not remembering is about par for the course. Short term memory is good, long term not so great. Don't give up hope though. I have found that the more we talk about this, the more he thinks about it, facts begin to surface. You made reference to snail-mail, with dad it's snail-tell/tale. Lol

Okay, I just was talking to dad and before I say any more, I feel I should, set the scene so to speak, with respect to dad's character. My dad has been an alcoholic as long as I can remember which would attest to the "non-recollection" of his life events thing. I believe the Korean War was a contributing factor to the alcoholism with all it's. amenities, mostly blackouts, denial, and being a general "dick". Sorry about the language, pun intended. Spent most of our discussion repeating myself to convince him it's okay to tell us anything and it won't effect how we feel about him. In one breath he wants to forget about it and you can hear and see the fatigue that has set in and in another he's calling Steven for your phone number. I think he's remembering more than he's saying at the moment.

I asked him where he was when he was 35yrs old, couldn't recall but then made the statement "she had about 5 boyfriends.' I asked him "who?", He said "I don't remember her name". That's about all I got this round but the day isn't over yet. Haha. I hope I haven't said anything to hurt you but I'm sure you live in the real world and want it straight. If you happen to get any more info, no matter how small or insignificant you might think it is, let me know. I'll run it by him and maybe we can refresh his memory a bit more.
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I love Dad but am not especially close to him. We moved in with my grandmother, mom's mom, when I was three, and I lived there until I was almost fourteen. He wasn't around much so I never really got a chance to know him. Grandma and mom took care of us and there wasn't any abuse, mostly just indifference. He truly does care about his kids but just doesn't know how to show it most of the time. I know it hurts him.. It's possible he's much closer to the other kids, I was just the youngest.
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He and his wife were married 4 times and divorced 3. He was frequently absent and distant. He would disappear for months on end and his wife always took him back.

But.

Also explains, his PTSD, which wasn't a thing back then... Most of his drinking originates from that experience. He has some stories, but only tells while drinking.
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Dude was in the Korean War. He's got a Bronze Star with V cluster, Purple Heart with oak leaf cluster, and a Silver Star. He took out a couple machine gun nests on his own.

Richard 1.jpg Richard 2.jpg Richard 3.jpg Richard 4.jpg Richard 5.jpg

For me there's nothing to forgive. It's the past. But his kids all handle it differently. Oh, and there's more that will be coming in a different post.
 
Dave

Dave

Staff member
Siska said:
Seriously though, with their many breaks I hope none of your siblings gets a bad surprise from the DNA test.
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So you say that there may be some other surprises...and this is a perfect segue. In my last post I said that there's more coming that wold come in a different post. This is that post.

While talking to them, I found out that one of the brothers - Steve - had already taken the Ancestry DNA test. We don't match. At all. So there are three possibilities.
  1. Dick is not Steve's father. This would be a surprise to Steve. Lois would still be his mother so he'd still be a half-brother to his current siblings, but he'd be no relation to me at all.
  2. The cousin's father is not his real father. This would be a surprise to the cousin. But it would explain why I was related to him, but not HIS cousin.
  3. The cousin's grandfather is not the father of the cousin's father. Did you understand that? That would also be a surprise to everyone.
No matter which one it is, someone is getting a surprise. My guess is that Steve's dad is not Dick. We'll find out when Dick takes the DNA test I've sent them. But if I were the kids I think I'd get tested.

I did talk briefly - VERY briefly - with Dick on Sunday, but I called him instead of him calling me and I think it flustered him a bit. He didn't stay on the phone too long. He says he doesn't remember, but a couple of the kids aren't so sure this is the truth. But he's willing to take the DNA which should prove to be very enlightening for a number of reasons. And not just for me.
 
Dave

Dave

Staff member
The family have been amazing, truthfully. They've welcomed me with open arms and there's absolutely no hard feelings or holding back. It's like I walked into a Greek family gathering and everyone yelled, "OPA!"

I've already told them that this has been such a positive experience that even if it turns out I'm not related I'm going to keep in contact and have them as friends. And they feel the same. Makes me feel bad for my sister and her terrible experience.
 
Mathias

Mathias

Dave said:
So you say that there may be some other surprises...and this is a perfect segue. In my last post I said that there's more coming that wold come in a different post. This is that post.

While talking to them, I found out that one of the brothers - Steve - had already taken the Ancestry DNA test. We don't match. At all. So there are three possibilities.
  1. Dick is not Steve's father. This would be a surprise to Steve. Lois would still be his mother so he'd still be a half-brother to his current siblings, but he'd be no relation to me at all.
  2. The cousin's father is not his real father. This would be a surprise to the cousin. But it would explain why I was related to him, but not HIS cousin.
  3. The cousin's grandfather is not the father of the cousin's father. Did you understand that? That would also be a surprise to everyone.
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