Free at last, free at last!

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Necronic

Necronic

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Rant the night away:

So me and my girl split up, like a month ago (2 weeks after we got back from Italy). We had been together for almost 3 years, been living together for the last 8 months. Its interesting, we had gotten really close to breaking up a couple times before, and every time it was severely traumatic for both of us. We cried, we got nauseous, etc.

This time, she told me she's going to join the peace corps, and I was like...."well, you know what that would mean" and she's like "well, yeah, I guess so" and I was like "hmmm" and she was like "yeah" and then we broke up and went to a party together.

It was sooo damned easy at first, but I was really preparing for the emotional hit that comes after the first couple days of being alone. But it never came. I feel fucking fantastic. I can play video games all day if I feel like it, I can rub one out right after work, I can watch what I want when I want to, and I can go to bars with my friends and chase women.

We both said we wanted to be friends after. I have a history of staying good friends with exes, and I don't backslide. My last girlfriend of ~2 years is now dating a good friend of mine. Fuck, I basically introduced them. Anyways, the point, oh yeah.

I do want to be friends, but I'm slowly coming to realize I simply don't like her that much as a person. I think I was able to stay in denial about that for the 3 years we were together because the sex was that fucking amazing, but now that has lost its luster, its like "man, you kind of suck". That's not necessarily a big problem, I think a lot of my friends suck in one manner or another, but she is trying to become my best friend, and that shit ain't happening.

She keeps calling and wanting to hang out, and when I told her one night that I couldn't hang out because I was gonna play borderlands all night she got all pissy and was like "You're so selfish!" and I was like "this game is tits"

....

lost my point again

....

hmmm.....

I guess I'm saying I am in a sticky situation. I'm free and loving it, but I do care for her and don't want her to understand that I would rather not be around her that often. Not because of emotional hangups, but just because I'm really enjoying my newfound freedom, and that involves her not affecting what I do with my time.

So, I am a total dick, and I want to continue acting like a total dick, but I don't want her to be affected by me being a total dick. But I also don't want to go out of my way in the slightest.

Better nate than lever!
 
Null

Null

So, what you're saying is that you don't like her more than you like being a dick? I don't know, I kind of got confused there.
 
W

Wasabi Poptart

Best thing to do is be honest. It's not being a dick if you just don't like her any more. It is if you string her along and don't tell her why you aren't interested in hanging out. People grow apart. She sounds like she doesn't want to move on. That's her hang up, not yours. The "I don't want to hurt her" type of thing is ridiculous. If she really wants to be your friend, then she should understand that you have your own life.
 
bhamv3

bhamv3

Necronic said:
Better nate than lever!
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BAN HIM!!

No, I kid.

Wildsoul's suggestion of being honest might work, though naturally it would involve a rather uncomfortable scene.

What if you do hang out with her a few times? Then two things might happen, either she would be able to sense that you're not really enjoying your time together, or you might discover something about her you like and enjoy her company more. And even if that doesn't work out, at least you've still got the honesty route as a safety net, and at least you can say you've tried.
 
Cajungal

Cajungal

Staff member
If you've been broken up that short a time, what does she want to hang out with you so much for? Why doesn't SHE get out there and do exactly what she wants to do for a while too? Maybe tell her y'all can get together after more time has passed.

You can care for someone and still not really want to hang with them. I'm that way with a lot of people. I hope for their wellbeing... I just want them out of my hair, too... because we just don't have the makings of good friends.
 
drawn_inward

drawn_inward

Condolences, I guess? 3 years? Yeesh.

I say cut the ties. I can't be friends with exes. There's a good damned reason they're my ex and I certainly don't want to hang with them.
 
strawman

strawman

"Look, I'm sure we'll be good friends eventually, but for now I just need my space so I can settle into a new routine. It doesn't mean I don't want to see you, but it does mean I'm not going to be available every time you are."
 
Enresshou

Enresshou

stienman said:
"Look, I'm sure we'll be good friends eventually, but for now I just need my space so I can settle into a new routine. It doesn't mean I don't want to see you, but it does mean I'm not going to be available every time you are."
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Or, in the same vein, you're friends (rather than a couple) now. The same freedom that relegates her to 'friend' status also means you have the option to do what you want with your time--sometimes at her expense. Look at it this way: if one of your other friends called you out of the blue to hang out, and you declined because you wanted to play Borderlands, would they get all pissy? Would you feel like a dick?

You're out of the relationship now, and you're not a dick for wanting to go your own way. Feeling tied at the hip after the relationship sort of seems to negate the point of breaking up, anyways.
 
Shegokigo

Shegokigo

drawn_inward said:
Condolences, I guess? 3 years? Yeesh.

I say cut the ties. I can't be friends with exes. There's a good damned reason they're my ex and I certainly don't want to hang with them.
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I am pretty much of this boat.

My first real long term relationship I kind of "dissapeared" on her and have had close encounters with her on a couple of occasions (one time I actually got stuck with her for a day, yeah we slept together and I ended up having to disappear AGAIN),

Second long term relationship she fucked me over and I've avoided her like the plague whenever I can, seeing her makes me physically ill/nauseous and I've had a few close calls with her too (luckily never stuck with her for any period of time).

If I were to split up with my current GF I'd have to move 4hrs away just to try and live a semblance of a normal life.
 
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