I am so confused (relationships)
- Thread starter IronBrig4
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Regardless, I'll find out more probably by Tuesday (Monday is a holiday). I only have an inkling of what her ex did to her; once he barged into her office when people were around and started screaming at her. That's the only incident she's ever told me about. If that is just one example of his boorishness, he must've been traumatizing.
Cajungal
Staff member
Yeah. :\ I'm related to a couple of women who survived horribly abusive situations, and it's really hard to recover from completely. I know this has been a trying time for you, but I'm glad you seem willing to work to keep the friendship at least. People who have been through that need to learn to be strong and to trust again, and that can only be done with a strong support system. So I really hope y'all can reconcile somehow and be more than simply civil. 
I think you need to test HER.
Create a series of riddles, the answers to which be locations in the surrounding area and with it the next riddle in the series, with the promise of treasure at the end. Finally the last one will lead her here where I'll answer the door and tell her that people don't like being tested like that.
Or a history of Russia exam.
Create a series of riddles, the answers to which be locations in the surrounding area and with it the next riddle in the series, with the promise of treasure at the end. Finally the last one will lead her here where I'll answer the door and tell her that people don't like being tested like that.
Or a history of Russia exam.
P
Philosopher B.
Ask her what she's got in her pockets.
Shego doesn't tap. She hits.
W
Wasabi Poptart
From what I have read I'd suggest you move along. You only went on one date, you weren't in a serious relationship, and things took this course due to her having a bad relationship previously. It's recipe for repeated incidents like this, IMO. These "tests" will be her way of having control in the relationship until she can get a handle on her past experience. Good luck .
North_Ranger
Staff member
Wow... déjà vu. Reminds me of the Psycho Bitch Queen and how she used to act like I owed her to let her have her way because her bastard of an ex hadn't. This is why I cringe at these "tests" and stories about "emotional baggage" from previous relationships and such.
I should also add that I'm thinking about transferring out of Hawaii. It's not a final decision by any means but just a very tentative possibility. I still have an invite from Texas A&M for the Fall 2010 semester. The program there is just as good. More importantly, the funding's better so I'm more likely to get an assistantship. The cost of living is also just a fraction of what it is here. No, the difficulties between me and her aren't playing a role in this decision. I only started thinking about this a few days ago, when I heard that my department's budget was going to be cut AGAIN, even after the faculty took a huge pay cut. I'd much rather not have to take out $20k in loans every year for the next several years as the state and UH go bankrupt.
That same female friend has suggested I wait for a couple weeks just to to let the girl settle into the semester. If things haven't improved by the end of the month, I should tell her that. It might be the kick in the butt she needs to finally start burying the hatchet.
That same female friend has suggested I wait for a couple weeks just to to let the girl settle into the semester. If things haven't improved by the end of the month, I should tell her that. It might be the kick in the butt she needs to finally start burying the hatchet.
Yes, because using guilt to get her to start acting how you want her to makes you such a great person.
K
Kitty Sinatra
Why would you care about burying the hatchet if you're leaving?
It's okay to leave on bad terms if you're never gonna see her again. Totally peachy, in fact.
It's okay to leave on bad terms if you're never gonna see her again. Totally peachy, in fact.
I have not decided to transfer out yet and I'm not leaving right NOW. There's a lot of variables to consider and I've got professors to meet with. Even IF I leave it won't be until the summer. And I'd prefer to settle the matter sooner rather than later because it'll be ridiculous to spend the semester in this state.
And if I left I'd probably see her again because A&M is not only her alma mater but is also close to her home. Before you get any ideas I must inform you that I applied for A&M in the winter of 2008, almost a year before I even met the girl.
@ Ashburner - You don't know? Guilt is one of the primary weapons in Good's arsenal.
http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0068.html
Besides, it's not guilt. It's just an announcement that I might not be around for long and that if we're gonna reconcile it should be soon. Guilt would be something like "I'm leaving because you don't like me anymore."
And if I left I'd probably see her again because A&M is not only her alma mater but is also close to her home. Before you get any ideas I must inform you that I applied for A&M in the winter of 2008, almost a year before I even met the girl.
@ Ashburner - You don't know? Guilt is one of the primary weapons in Good's arsenal.
http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0068.html
Besides, it's not guilt. It's just an announcement that I might not be around for long and that if we're gonna reconcile it should be soon. Guilt would be something like "I'm leaving because you don't like me anymore."
W
Wasabi Poptart
No, it's not guilt. It's kind of like a "goodbye post" on a message board. It's a way to get attention.
Sounds like you two are just right for each other.
Yep.
Emotionally abusive to psychologically manipulative.
I feel like you're new to relationships; these are common newbie relationship errors of judgment I see in your posts, and it might be best for the rest of us to let you crash and burn, learn the hard way, than coming after you about it.
Emotionally abusive to psychologically manipulative.
I feel like you're new to relationships; these are common newbie relationship errors of judgment I see in your posts, and it might be best for the rest of us to let you crash and burn, learn the hard way, than coming after you about it.
I changed the wording so it doesn't sound so dickish.
And yes, both she and I are quite new to relationships. I made mistakes, but that's exactly what they were: MISTAKES. They were accidents that were committed completely unintentionally, and usually with the aim of trying to make things better. What she did was deliberate.
That said, I'll just wait to hear from our friend. In the meantime I'm continuing to keep my distance. If I happen to find her at the same event I'll just hang out like normal and be myself.
And yes, both she and I are quite new to relationships. I made mistakes, but that's exactly what they were: MISTAKES. They were accidents that were committed completely unintentionally, and usually with the aim of trying to make things better. What she did was deliberate.
That said, I'll just wait to hear from our friend. In the meantime I'm continuing to keep my distance. If I happen to find her at the same event I'll just hang out like normal and be myself.
T
The Key of J
The only thing you can be certain to change is yourself. You can make the suggestion of change to others but they will not change unless they see the need. People will walk in and out of your life. It is the foot prints left behind that matter more than the relationships themselves. You can choose what you feel is acceptable, but you cannot make compromises on what you see and what you do to accommodate everyone. Live your life as if every day is your last. You can choose to fret over what is and what may be, but if she feels the need to have you in her life then she will seek you out.
This is a round about way of saying "let her go, if she doesn't come back then she was never yours to begin with". However it doesn't change the fact that worrying about the situation isn't going to change it. Worry about the important things and everything else will fall into place.
It really takes about six months to begin to see someone's true colors. If what you described is true then you may be better off with out her in the long run anyway. Don't promise to be there for her, don't promise terms for a relationship (romantic or friendly), just be and let her decide what is important to her. Because when it comes down to it, there is only one person you see when you look in any mirror and that is the person you have to live with.
Thanks for the advice, everyone. Thank you for questioning my judgment when it needed to be questioned. More importantly, thank you for listening. You've all given me a lot to think about. I'll let you know how it works out.
And no, I'm not going to be psychologically manipulative with her and I haven't been.
And no, I'm not going to be psychologically manipulative with her and I haven't been.
Wait, so this thread (and the manbaww) thread are about a relationship that lasted a week or two and then devolved into some kind of cat and mouse test, extremely optimistically speaking?
I have to +349028490 the whole "this test is just the first in a series that will get increasingly worse" thought. IF that's even the case. As someone else said, that's too far fetched.
Suck it up and quit trying for it...there are enough red flags that people have covered in both threads. Successful relationships are going to be much smoother, and not hit the rocks after the first week.
I have to +349028490 the whole "this test is just the first in a series that will get increasingly worse" thought. IF that's even the case. As someone else said, that's too far fetched.
Suck it up and quit trying for it...there are enough red flags that people have covered in both threads. Successful relationships are going to be much smoother, and not hit the rocks after the first week.
I
Iaculus
Hold'n a sec, J... isn't that an FLCL avatar?
Everyone else, please continue.
Everyone else, please continue.
The actual romantic relationship didn't last long, but she and I had been good friends for several months before that. The friendship is what I'm really trying to get back. If what I heard from my friend is true, then she wants to make up as well but is too scared to make the move herself.
But anyways, I'll know more about the situation next week. Until then I'm not gonna speculate because that will just drive me nuts.
PS - I really was in the process of moving on when I was suddenly confronted by all that new info.
T
The Key of J
Why yes it is. How very astute of you, Iaculus. I felt it was very fitting concerning my life style.
I
Iaculus
Oh? You surf around on airborne guitars whilst wearing skimpy bunny-outfits too?
C
Chazwozel
Wow, all this scheming and jumping to conclusions. Who's the woman in this relationship? You grab her by the shoulders. Look her deep in the eyes. And say, "Can you scratch my back? And I'm kinda hungry. Can you run over to the kitchen and bake me some pie?"
Dave
Staff member
Has she farted in front of you yet? If she does then you know it's love.
I think so. She was sitting next to another girl so it could've been either of them. When women fart it's enough to kill small animals.
Dave
Staff member
I think so. She was sitting next to another girl so it could've been either of them. When women fart it's enough to kill small animals.[/QUOTE]
Because men smell like flowers and kittens.
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