A Totally Biased History Thread

LittleSin

LittleSin

I jokingly said that one day I should create a Newfoundland thread.

Well, I am bored. So here it is. I'm hoping others wil include their state/country/whatever histories here.

The Basics!:

Province: Newfoundland and Labrador

French: Terre-Neuve-et-Labrador

Combined Area: 405,212 square kilometres (156,500 sq mi), Twice the size of the UK, a little bigger than Japan and smaller then California. Most of the land is undevolped so you don't have to go far from any city or town to find a good place to stretch you legs.

Capital City: St. Johns. 181,00 people live in the capital...which is a considerable chunk of out just under 500,000 population.

Natives: Dorset, Beothuk (extinct), Inuit, and Mik'maq. We used to try and gloss over the fact that we killed off the Beothuk but now pretty much everyone knows who lives here and we all feel rightfully sorry for it.

Europeans who tried to settle here and decided 'fuck no': Leif Erikson settled here in what we can only assume was a REALLY nice Spring/Summer and decided to dub the land Vinland. His settlement was called L'Anse aux Meadows...who knows what it was actually called. Eventually they called it a quits, probably after the decided that the winter was too much for even Nordics to deal with, and got the fuck out of dodge.

The Portugese may have stopped by but who knows.

Europeans that settled here and didn't have the common sense to leave: John Cabot landed here in 1497, saw a fuck tonne fish and claimed us for England...we think...he may have actually ended up in Nova Scotia or Maine but the UK decided it had to be Newfoundland

Probably because the Portugese decided to stay this time and the French claimed a bit of us too.

We became Englands first colony in North America and, for a little while, we were their precious babies before the Americans and Canadian mainlanders became their problem as well.

Other things: We became a domion in 1907 and were actually beginning to be in a good position to become our own little nation until WW1 rolled around and we sent troops and LOTS of money to aid the Brits because we loved them.

The money was never paid back and the railroad we were trying to put in pretty much ruined us.

So, World War 2 rolled around...we did things...and the Brits decided they couldn't help us out anymore and basically encouraged us to join Canada. We did.

In 1992 we over fished out waters, mainly because Canada didn't have a clue about how to manage the fishery and let Russians, Japanese and Americans trawl the waters with out really considering how that would effect anything. We were left destitute and the brunt of jokes. We became a Welfare Province.

We now have many energy sources and rich oil reserves that we are constantly fighting with Canada over. We have a good seal industry which everyone else in the world wants to shut down.

So, there we are! HISTORY.

Ask questions and I shall answer. :p
 
HCGLNS

HCGLNS

Don't forget your landmark deal to sell hydro-electric power to Quebec for 1% of market value for 60 years! (Which when it runs out will bankrupt Quebec unless it gets its shintz together)
 
LittleSin

LittleSin

HCGLNS said:
Don't forget your landmark deal to sell hydro-electric power to Quebec for 1% of market value for 60 years! (Which when it runs out will bankrupt Quebec unless it gets its shintz together)
Click to expand...
Yus...although our latest leader seem more than content to sign a new deal which will continue giving them the lower for an even lower rate along with our other resources!

...no one is happy about that.

Especially not the former premier who fought really hard for that NOT to happen.

S'okay. She's resigning because she fucked up recently.
 
jwhouk

jwhouk

A lawyer from Michigan decided to take advantage of the mineral deposits toward the Mississippi River, and surveyed land along this ridge that went all the way up to Green Bay. Halfway between the two, he realized two things: first, the land on the northwest side of the ridge was frozen practically solid for a third of the year. Second, the land down to the right had a lot of lakes, but was basically flat.

Fortunately, this guy liked lakes. He liked them so much that he went up a hill between two of them in the lower part of the state, and called it the state capitol. And suddenly, the word "isthmus" became a common term.

In retrospect, this was seen as a basically bad idea, because all of the people lived all the way over by the big lake named after another state. More and more people decided to live over on that side of the state, which resulted in a lot of annoying people coming in by boat, road, rail and (eventually) air.

After this really great guy had this idea about doing things to advance the common good of everyone, politicians finally realized that this would eventually mean that they would not be needed. But the guy who advanced these great things, something called "progressiveness", held too much sway.

Years went by, and some short Italian came to Green Bay and whipped a local squad of hired thugs into a bunch of champions. Unfortunately, he ended up dying of cancer, and the guy from Alabama who was his star pupil couldn't even come close to reproducing his magic touch. Years passed, people wrung their hands and handed control of the state to this affable guy named Tommy.

And then a kid from Kiln, Mississippi started running around and throwing the ball. The term "cheesehead" got thrown around. That team won a bunch of games - but only one trophy. This frustrated people, who suddenly realized that this kid was a bit of a diva. But he won us a championship, so there was that, dere hey.

People started to realize something - everyone else thought we talked funny, aina hey? We didn't think much of it, though. Even though others pointed out our cities were drastically segregated, and we had prisons that were bursting at the seams, and there was this one weirdo who had a lot of nasty things in his fridge.

But we had this neat new ballpark with a roof on it. A ROOF! We could watch baseball without worrying about snow or rain! It was great! But the team sucked. And then our former owner screwed us royally by giving us a big, marquee event - and having it end in a tie. I mean, really? For criminy cripes sake, a tie???

Anyways. We woke up one day and discovered that the guys we'd put in to replace Tommy were a bunch of corrupt bastards who took their lessons from Illinois politics. And we hate Illinois. So we voted them out.

And that was when things went all to hell.

Sure, we won another championship and all that, but the guys we voted in? They were ten times worse than the idiots we voted out. They thought "progressive" was a dirty word. As employees of Koch Industries, Inc., they went all out against the average guys in the state.

Some people got a bit miffed, and tried a recall election - but no one cared, because we won a championship! And these guys were giving us stuff! Don't mind the crappy roads and no railways and the bad economy.

Recently, the entire state froze. The. ENTIRE. ####ING. STATE. And yet, no one thought our Koch Brothers flunkies could do any wrong.

So they went as far as to try to convince everyone the 13th and 15th Amendments were "really bad ideas." But no one cared, because OMG Aaron Rodgers is HURT!

And the entire state is STILL ####ING FROZEN. Even the CHEESE.
 
bhamv3

bhamv3

Sixty or seventy years ago, Team RED and Team BLU fought.

At first the fight was kinda even, really back-and-forth, but soon RED got their act together and pushed BLU back.

Eventually, BLU was left with just its final cap point, but set up enough sentry farms that RED couldn't break through.

So RED set up even more sentry farms just outside BLU's spawn, so BLU couldn't push back either.

So now the two sides are stuck there. They spend their time hurling "your mama" jokes at each other over the chat, while occasionally trading hats.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the history of modern Taiwan.
 
Zappit

Zappit

Staff member
In the early 1990's, Rob Liefeld, Bart Sears, and Todd McFarlane reinvented the idea of human anatomy. Liefeld decided feet no longer were necessary, and that facial features could very well be asymmetrical. Sears redefined proportions, increasing average chest size by roughly 80%. Waists were similarly reduced. McFarlane developed new, dynamic poses for the human body, positions made possible by the introduction of roughly 247 previously undiscovered muscles.
 
fade

fade

Staff member
Zappit said:
In the early 1990's, Rob Liefeld, Bart Sears, and Todd McFarlane reinvented the idea of human anatomy. Liefeld decided feet no longer were necessary, and that facial features could very well be asymmetrical. Sears redefined proportions, increasing average chest size by roughly 80%. Waists were similarly reduced. McFarlane developed new, dynamic poses for the human body, positions made possible by the introduction of roughly 247 previously undiscovered muscles.
Click to expand...
Macfarlane also doubled the number of teeth in the human mouth.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top