Co-parenting with my ex.

GasBandit

Staff member
I don't know anything about shared custody but is this not a violation of it? Keeping her from you and keeping you from speaking with her?
She's manipulative. She'll poison his daughter against him, then use manipulated out-of-context data and conversations to get lawyers and judges to side with her. It's a really shitty situation. The sad fact of the matter is that aside from a few rare victories, fathers are at the mercy of the mothers for access to their kids, usually.
 
She's manipulative. She'll poison his daughter against him, then use manipulated out-of-context data and conversations to get lawyers and judges to side with her. It's a really shitty situation. The sad fact of the matter is that aside from a few rare victories, fathers are at the mercy of the mothers for access to their kids, usually.

I understand that but I guess I just assumed that was only in situations where custody hadn't been already court decided. This seems to be going directly against court orders. I don't know enough about the exact ruling but it would seem like if she's able to just keep Hailey without ever allowing him any visitation, or anyone else independent confirming that these are actually Hailey's wishes, then what is the point of having had the ruling to say he does get visitations. If he can't have them enforced it seems futile. So sorry you're put in this situation @Shawn .
 
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Basically I am in a predicament.
I have a set visitation enforced by the court that is set in stone. I could enforce it but then I open myself up to Sarah not being flexible about other things such as being willing to change the day of a visit. For example I have Hailey 1 entire week during her Christmas break, from Sunday 10am to Sunday 10am. This year Christmas falls on a Sunday and this is Sarah's year to have Christmas with Hailey, so I have requested the week with me be the next Wednesday to the following Wednesday. This is also beneficial for me because it allows for cheaper flight rates since I plan to take Hailey to Colorado this year and it allows us to not have to fly back on New Years Eve. If I start enforcing the visits she is going to say "Sorry. Sunday to Sunday because that's what's in the stipulation". She is petty like that.
My solution right now is telling her that I am expecting to keep Hailey overnight on Sunday unless I hear directly from Hailey herself.
 
I have emailed Sarah the following.

Sarah, I am retiring the previous two threads to combine them here as they deal with the same matter. I am letting you know that I will be enforcing both my dinner visit tonight and an overnight Sunday visit on the 14th. These are due to me not receiving my regularly scheduled visits the previous week, which was a decision that you made without my input ahead of time. After this makeup dinner tonight, and the overnight on Sunday we will carry on the following week in our normal schedule. With a dinner on the 19th and a regular Sunday visit on the 21st. You wish Hailey to be able to have choices and I agree up to a point. Her visits with me are important and are non negotiable. However Hailey has many choices during the visits such as what we do, what we eat, etc. She is 9 years old and you should not be letting her decide if she wants to see me or not. This needs to be an established part of her routine, just like school, her therapist, sports, etc.
 
I have emailed Sarah the following.

Sarah, I am retiring the previous two threads to combine them here as they deal with the same matter. I am letting you know that I will be enforcing both my dinner visit tonight and an overnight Sunday visit on the 14th. These are due to me not receiving my regularly scheduled visits the previous week, which was a decision that you made without my input ahead of time. After this makeup dinner tonight, and the overnight on Sunday we will carry on the following week in our normal schedule. With a dinner on the 19th and a regular Sunday visit on the 21st. You wish Hailey to be able to have choices and I agree up to a point. Her visits with me are important and are non negotiable. However Hailey has many choices during the visits such as what we do, what we eat, etc. She is 9 years old and you should not be letting her decide if she wants to see me or not. This needs to be an established part of her routine, just like school, her therapist, sports, etc.
This is a good approach.

I know you want to be able to be flexible but with someone like this you can't. Stick to the court appointed schedule and enforce it. There is no room for friendly negotiation with someone that operates in bad faith, and by this point you have to assume everything she does is in bad faith.
 
We had a parents meeting with Hailey's therapist today. I admit I was concerned she was going to try and recommend that I let Hailey choose visits, as Sarah has been claiming that the therapist has been telling her. However I was relieved when the therapist instead brought up that she is in no way involved with court ordered visitation. She told us that all that is important is making Hailey comfortable, even if it is comfortable doing something that she may not want to do such as visitation. However, it doesn't seem that Hailey is uncomfortable with it at all, despite Sarah's claims. In fact the therapist mentioned that Hailey likes the consistency of it and is absolutely fine so long as there is a schedule (which there is).
Sarah did not like that. At one point the therapist asked her to be open about her feelings ("because I can see you seem frustrated and want to say something") and Sarah basically told her that she was wrong and that it is not okay to make Hailey do something she doesn't want to do. Sarah cussed quite a bit. Told the therapist that she doesn't know anything because Hailey lies to her all the time about things and then comes tell Sarah the truth after the sessions. Etc.
I just stayed quiet on that one. When it was my turn to speak I just asked her about something I could do differently during my visits, which she answered, and we ended the session on time and both of us quickly logged out of the video chat without saying anything to Sarah.
It was intense. We didn't accomplish much honestly with the session, but I do think the Therapist has a better idea of what I'm dealing with.
 
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