From my perspective, someone outside of the situation can tell the person who was in the situation about it being that until they are out of breath, but until the person that was in the situation starts to understand it themselves, it's hard to unlearn.Ohhh! That makes more sense. You’re definitely right. I think he’s barely realizing how much his ex has been abusive. With certain behaviors of his I would look at them and ask if she had done something to make him feel he had to do that. And if he said yes, I’d then point out that she was in the wrong for it and how he doesn’t deserve the treatment he got. So it’s been wild to see all of the damage from her. I’m sure he wants to unlearn some of those behaviors and work on that too while we’re apart.
This might have been said and/or the person may have resistance to it (depending on their feelings toward the subject), but since mental health is a very important part of people these days, did you happen to suggest that he go to a therapist/support group/etc. to be able to talk through things? That may be a way to get through some of those things - esp. a support group (ex: my sister-in-law is working on a divorce after being separated for a while (as soon as she can afford it), so my wife and I have suggested she go to a divorce support group that a local church puts on).