I need help

Cajungal · Jan 14, 2015

I'm reaching out for support.

Most days I feel ridiculous about how helpless I feel. There are so many supportive people in my life, but they can't help me with this.

I don't want to be anywhere near 200 lb again. I'm trying so hard, but I have the same trouble as my father--in times of great stress the self control is not there. I've tried being kinder and more harsh with myself. I've tried writing everything down and cooking new meals and exercising more/better. I do other things to keep me busy when i get tempted--play ukulele, go for a walk, have sex, take a drive...but 3 times out of 5 I end up overeating.

I don't want to be thin or super muscular. Im still fit enough to hike and run and do everything I love. I just want to prove myself that I have more control. I don't want to buy new clothes. I was strong for a long time when life was easier and didn't need to seek comfort or an escape every day.

I don't think I have the most serious case of emotional/compulsive eating but I do know I'm unhappy with my behavior and need to change.

A pep talk would be nice. Please help me get back to where I was--to a stronger place. I already know how to exercise and eat, so that advice isn't needed as much as some encouragement from you kind poeple. Tell me you think I can do this.

I've set goals. I have a new app that reminds me every afternoon to resist when the urge gets the worst. I have everything in place except my mind.

jwhouk · Jan 14, 2015

Let me know what works, because I sure as hell need it too.

You have an advantage over me, though - average temperatures over the last week down there are likely 30-40° higher than what they were here.

Cajungal · Jan 14, 2015

My current system:

-back to using MFP (track regular intake of fruits, veggies, whole grain, lean protein)
-keep healthy snacks in my office
-walk around campus after dismissal to get energy up
-water water water
-strength exercises 4x per week, cardio 7 per week, lower intensity on two of those days
-little meditation in the morning and afternoon where I say my goals aloud--that's new.
-trying...tryino really hard not to eat late at night--statted brushing my teeth almost right after dinner
-use the small bowls and plates

It's a good pl an on paper...

bhamv3 · Jan 14, 2015

You can do this.

You know how I know?

Because you've done it before. You've proven to yourself that it's doable. You will succeed in this endeavor. It's the process of getting there that's not hashed out yet.

So maybe you'll successfully control your urges today. Maybe you won't. But that's okay. Because tomorrow you'll have another chance to do it again. And the day after that. Every day you get a new chance to prove to yourself that you can do it again. You can replicate the process that you've already done before, and can do again.

Why do we fall, Master Ceej? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up. One day you'll be able to control your compulsions, and it'll come so naturally it won't even feel like an accomplishment. Until that moment arrives, however, take it one day at a time. Perhaps you'll fall today. It's okay. Pick yourself up and try again tomorrow. You already know you can do it. You already know you're going to succeed.

Simfers · Jan 14, 2015

I can't improve on bhamv3's beautiful post, but I want to add this: Every time I see someone who teaches children for a living, I am amazed at the drive, and the determination, and at times the sheer bull-headedness that they exhibit. I know I certainly couldn't do it. I'm not that strong. You are. You do it every day. Use that.

You're strong.

You got this, CG. You SO got this.

Cajungal · Jan 15, 2015

Y'all are awesome.

Thank you.

Cajungal · Jan 15, 2015

I have considered that. There are a lot of reasons why I don't share this with people in my life. It just becomes all-consuming. I did Weight Watchers with my mom when I was at my heaviest, and that worked for a while. Then I started slipping because it is a seriously depressing place, and it became all about trying to sell us their sad processed meals. Mom still texts me with my old 'fat' pictures with messages like "You've come far!" and that makes me really uncomfortable for some reason--even though I know she means well. When I lost 60 pounds, I was alone at college. No support system at all. Somehow it was enough for me to answer to me, and I'd like to keep it that way if possible. It's hard to explain why I hate talking about this stuff with people in my life... it either becomes all we talk about or I become the person no one wants to talk to because I'm a drag (I don't think I am... but some people really don't want to hear this).

I think I'm forgetting about how many months I struggled before I saw any real progress the first time. I'm trying to recreate as many of the conditions that made this work the first time. I think that the hardest thing is to get over that hump where you have to think about food a lot just to remind yourself of what you can and cannot do. Then it becomes a habit that you don't need to think about. This stress-induced relapse into bad behavior has thrown me off, and getting back into good habits has been hard.

drawn_inward · Jan 15, 2015

You are capable of change, and you have had success in the past. This is a difficult issue for sure. I don't have any advice other than try not to beat yourself up or meditate on the negative. Focus on the positive - eating healthy and exercising will lead to a more enjoyable life. I too struggle with self-control issues and it's a tough road. I wish you the best and hope you let yourself off the hook. You are a capable, intelligent, and strong person. Think positive and do positive things. Cheers!

PatrThom · Jan 15, 2015

Might be an idea to set up a Ulysses contract with someone else, someone who can be trusted to keep their end of the bargain.

Further education on arming yourself against how your brain works available here.

--Patrick

drawn_inward · Jan 15, 2015

Having an accountability partner could be quite useful. Someone that won't sugar-coat it.

PatrThom · Jan 15, 2015

If I'm detecting a theme here, it's that this kind of stuff is easier when you have someone in your immediate vicinity who is helping you.

--Patrick

Cajungal · Jan 15, 2015

drawn_inward said:
Having an accountability partner could be quite useful. Someone that won't sugar-coat it.

I guess that's why I started by coming here. I couldn't think of anyone to talk to or reach out to outside my regular circles, and I know there are people here who will be gentle and kind, but there are also people here who will be kind...but also brutally honest. Both of those things are helpful. It couldn't hurt to look around here for a support system. In the meantime, maybe I'll report here on my blog. I don't want this thread to keep popping up and clogging the feed...

Cajungal · Jan 15, 2015

Okay, well I'll state today's goals (I won't do this every day...)

1. I have a small snack mid-morning, 100 calories or less, just to keep my energy up. I've been overdoing it, and I don't want to do that today. I already did this--small handful of roasted sunflower seeds and a plain coffee.

2. 45 minutes at least of intense cardio, and I really want to push it with strength training today. I've been stopping too early and not challenging myself. I wanna say "ow" today without completely immobilizing myself..

3. No eating after 8:00.

4. Enjoy one of my hobbies--I'm trying to focus on all the things I love to do besides cook and eat.

drifter · Jan 15, 2015

4x strength training plus 7x cardio a week plus limiting diet sounds like a rough go. How much do you actually end up eating above maintenance? I know I'd burn out pretty fast on that kind of exercise volume if I wasn't eating enough.

Unless you've recently regained ten pounds, I wonder if you're being too hard on yourself here.

Bubble181 · Jan 15, 2015

Besides what's been mentioned before and the fact that I'm sure you can do this (and that, last time I saw a picture of you, you looked hot, so don't worry

), I just want to remind you not to be too perfectionistic.
Your weight will change. It always will. The time of day, the meals you had the last few days, the temperature, stress (even if you're not eating more), the time in respect to your menstrual cycle, etc etc will ALL have an influence on your weight and your figure. If you set an exact goal - "I must weigh 170 pounds and not one ounce more!" - you're setting yourself up for failure. If you try to put it as "I never want to weigh more than I did the day before", you're setting yourself up for failure; as you will sometimes weigh more or gain a bit, through perfectly natural processes designed to keep you healthy and that your body needs. Some weightkeeping software I've seen seems designed by sadists who want to sell antidepressants or something, making you feel like a failure if you indicate having eaten a cookie or not exercising for a day or or weight 200 grams more than yesterday. That's ridiculous, and a trap you should definitely try to avoid.

With the amount of physical exercise you're doing, no matter what your actual weight, you're probably in better shape than 80% of people around you - heck, I'm thin, but I never do any sports at all and I assure you I'm winded if I walk up 2 flights of stairs. Better to be 5 pounds "over weight" but capable of running a mile without falling down flat or feeling chest pains like me. be aware that "thin", "healthy", "good looking", "in shape",... are all very different things. Out of those, there's one you don't need to worry about because you've got it down, two you're doing really good for, and one that really has no actual value.

Don't take this as "just let yourself go, you don't need to do anything" - that's not what I'm saying. But do try not to lose focus of the important things, and try not to let your self image be too defined or too warped by certain aspects.

Cajungal · Jan 15, 2015

drifter said:
4x strength training plus 7x cardio a week plus limiting diet sounds like a rough go. How much do you actually end up eating above maintenance? I know I'd burn out pretty fast on that kind of exercise volume if I wasn't eating enough.

Unless you've recently regained ten pounds, I wonder if you're being too hard on yourself here.

I probably am... I just want to nip this in the bud. Last time I let it go way too far without catching myself. I think I eat plenty, and I don't cut out any necessary food groups. My daily range is 1400-1900 calories per day, depending on how much I've worked out or if it's a holiday. I try to keep it on the low side, and if my stomach is screaming at me for food, I don't ignore it.

And my weekend cardio is a lot less intense. Exercise has just gotten to be a necessary thing. Even on a "rest" day if I don't go for a walk I get really crabby and I get that squirmy, twisty "restless leg" feeling. I only recently started doing more strength days because I wasn't seeing results, even by doing more every day. I thought this might help. But I never go to bed completely ragged or starving.[DOUBLEPOST=1421341386,1421341039][/DOUBLEPOST]I do feel pretty healthy most days, @Bubble181, and that's a huge comfort. And I do take pride in being the only teacher who never uses the staff elevator. Just gotta conquer making myself uncomfortably full for dumb reasons. It's really important to me that I don't get too hung up on the appearance aspect of this endeavor. Thank you.

Tinwhistler · Jan 15, 2015

ok...here's my perspective from a guy who used to be extremely thin and fit, up to morbidly obese and then bounced weight around a bit:

1) You can do it..you've done it before, so have the confidence that you can do it again/keep it up.
2) Don't beat yourself up too much. The first time I lost a ton of weight (from 300 to 225), I was super strict with myself, allowed myself no simple pleasures (food, alcohol, etc), and had an extreme exercise regimen. That can't last, so when I let go, I really let go, and blew back up to close to 280. If you keep a more relaxed attitude, your progress may be slower, but it is more likely to be more permanent.
3) Be aware of how your job can affect your metabolism. Any job that requires hours and hours of sitting totally fucks your metabolism. It's one of the reasons why patrol cops, bus drivers, computer programmers, teachers, etc, tend to start swinging heavy after a while.
4) You're gonna have weight swings. It's natural. Especially for women, who can carry a wider range of water weight. My wife used to get hung up on if she gained a pound or two in a week. It took her a while to stop stressing about it. It doesn't help that the time of the month that women tend to carry more water weight is also the time of the month when they're more emotionally fragile.
5) Try not to stress. Stress can cause weight gain. Also, as you mention, it can cause emotional overeating.
6) This is a pretty common time for weight gain, between the double whammy of holidays and winter. I gained about 12 pounds between Thanksgiving and Christmas, and I'm only just now a pound shy of where I was before the holidays.

A lot of places say you shouldn't weigh every day, especially because of point #4 above, but I find that I personally do better when I do weigh every every morning. If I'm up a pound or two, even if it's just because of water retention, it helps remind me to quit slacking off on my portion control, salt intake, etc, and I tend to be extra vigilant. I just don't let it destroy me emotionally when it happens.

It also helps that since my wife and I are both have to goal of being more fit, we can talk pretty regularly about what's going on and help support each other if we slip, or give each other kudos when we hit new milestones.

Dei · Jan 15, 2015

Random menstrual cycle comment, I was totally holding onto 5 pounds(?!) of water weight last week right before my period, so... yeah. So fun. [emoji14]

Cajungal · Jan 15, 2015

Been there, sister. Mine is always awful. I have a bra that's a full cup size up that's *just* for my period.

GasBandit · Jan 15, 2015

Dei said:
Random menstrual cycle comment, I was totally holding onto 5 pounds(?!) of water weight last week right before my period, so... yeah. So fun. [emoji14]

Cajungal said:
Been there, sister. Mine is always awful. I have a ... full cup ... *just* for my period.

Celt Z · Jan 15, 2015

Ceej, I feel like I could have written this post myself. I'm so convinced I'm going to fail at keeping off the weight the lost, my bigger clothes in a box in the basement "just in case". I also feel like I keep losing/ gaining the same 10lbs.since I've entered my 20's.

But like others have said, I believe you can do it. A big sign of that is this post. You're being conscious of yourself and your habits. You know how easy it is to slip back into bad habits. And like Dei mentioned, there are times when no matter how hard you work, the scale isn't going to be in your favor. (Yay, womanhood.)

We'll be happy to be your cheerleaders here. It's not something you do once and it's over: you have to continue a healthy lifestyle and it's not like you can give up eating. I'm sending you lots of hugs because I know first-hand what you're feeling. But I really think you can do it, despite how daunting it seems at the moment.

Cajungal · Jan 15, 2015

Y'all do my heart good.

Cajungal · Jan 15, 2015

Okay well I made most of the other goals. I challenged myself with my kettlebell swings and did twice as many as usual. Feels good.

I worked out so late that I had a snack a few minutes ago, but I didn't go over my limit or stuff myself.

Bout to go finish the rest of my book and listen to a podcast about sea monkeys. It's been a good night.

Cajungal · Jan 23, 2015

Welp, I had a bit of a frustrating week. Couldn't stick to my workout schedule because I got sick again.. But I'm on the mend and should be back on it next week. I'll be cleaning classrooms for 6 hours tomorrow, so that'll keep me active and on my feet.

The good stuff: I've been within my calorie goal 9 times of out 10, and I've been able to do about 20 minutes of light exercise for the past couple of days, getting back on track after my cold. A surprising amount of help has come from doing goofy dances in the mirror after I get out of the shower. It cheers me up and allows me to take all this a bit less seriously.. and just learn to like myself a bit more during this long process.

The bad stuff: I lost control big time on a very bad day, but I got right back on the horse.

PatrThom · Jan 23, 2015

Create good habits.
Reassure good habits.
Feel good about keeping them.
Reward yourself for keeping them.
Reinforce good habits.
Repeat good habits.

--Patrick

Cajungal · Feb 3, 2015

OKAY huge goal today. It's a teacher luncheon day, and everything they're serving is incredibly heavy and not at all what I want to eat right now. I packed a nice lunch that I was actually looking forward to, but I know that by the afternoon I'll be tempted to go for the unhealthy stuff.

If I report back this afternoon that I stuck with my healthy lunch and snacks instead of digging into king cake and enchilada casserole, I'll consider it a huge victory. And that'll free me up for a slice of WAY better king cake this weekend. From that French bakery I love and not a grocery store.

jwhouk · Feb 3, 2015

Cajungal said:
OKAY huge goal today. It's a teacher luncheon day, and everything they're serving is incredibly heavy and not at all what I want to eat right now. I packed a nice lunch that I was actually looking forward to, but I know that by the afternoon I'll be tempted to go for the unhealthy stuff.

If I report back this afternoon that I stuck with my healthy lunch and snacks instead of digging into king cake and enchilada casserole, I'll consider it a huge victory. And that'll free me up for a slice of WAY better king cake this weekend. From that French bakery I love and not a grocery store.

YOU CAN DOOO EEEEEETTTTTTTT!!!

:minionhappy:

rac3r_x · Feb 3, 2015

Hail to the king

Cajungal · Feb 3, 2015

I made it through lunch. It was hard. There was bread pudding made of sopapillas. But I had sunflower seeds and my Greek yogurt dipping sauce with lots of raw vegetables. I'm trying to be more mindful; it's easy to forget how powerful it is to really think and talk aloud about what you're doing and why. Right now, I'm glad I ate well because I don't feel sleepy right before having to teach 3rd graders. No afternoon caffeine required. Bring on the little nuggets!

Officer_Charon · Feb 3, 2015

Seej, I just want to say that this thread has been very inspirational and motivational for me dealing with my own junk food cravings and wanting to snack/graze throughout the day. I see this and say "Why am I not being just like her?"

Rock on, motivator!

Cajungal · Feb 3, 2015

Aw, I'm so glad to hear that. Makes me feel better about having a thread about myself... Good luck to you.

:drunk:

<---There's refreshing, low-calorie citrus-infused water in those bottles. ^_^

Cajungal · Feb 10, 2015

Okayyy, I went overboard last night. I was running errands all over town and was caught without my usual car stash of raw almonds and other "tide-me-overs." So I stopped at the closest place, famished. I had fried chicken, which tasted awesome, but I had to record my information and realize that I'd gone about 200 calories over my limit and hadn't stuck to making my daily fats good fats. Luckily I hadn't worked out yet, so I sort of adjusted it to suit the amount of calorie burn I was going to need.

Today, I worked hard to make up for my error. I've been eating light all day without starving myself, drank plenty of water, and I have a healthy meal already prepared at home.

Things are going really well. Not every day has been perfect, but my state of mind has improved, and I'm more forgiving of myself. I'm learning to appreciate my good qualities and understand that, no matter how many goals I reach, I'll never be perfect. Just gotta be the best me.

WasabiPoptart · Feb 10, 2015

That is an awesome attitude, Ceej.

Bubble181 · Feb 11, 2015

If you figure out a way to keep that attitude, write it down. I think in that scenario step 2 is "profit", without any "???" steps in between, really.

Cajungal · Mar 13, 2015

I really like sweets; it's one of my downfalls. This week I tried something. I avoided all foods with added sugar. There's so much of it in everything that it was difficult. The only exception was bread, but I bought a fresh loaf that had less added sugar than supermarket bread.

Today was the first day I've had sweets. A student brought chocolate pie for a preemptive Pi day celebration. I ate half a slice and didn't feel too well afterwards. I felt a headache come on and I felt tired. Maybe it was because of the sugar--maybe not. Either way, I didn't miss dessert as much as I thought.

It was an interesting experiment. I think I'll keep this up. I'm feeling very well lately.