What Object Got Stuck Where 2022

Ah, it's my favourite time of the year where we gather around the fire to learn what moron stuck something in an orifice it didn't belong.

Fellas, we've all been there before, right?
  • “CEILING FAN CHAIN IN HIS PENIS HOLE, STATES IT HAS BEEN THERE SINCE HIS SHOWER AT 9 LAST NIGHT”
 
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EAR:
  • PLASTIC OWL - I just want to make it very, very clear that I do not live in the USA and thus, cannot feature in this list.
  • “FRUIT FLY WAS ON HER HEADPHONE WHICH SHE PUT IN HER EAR AND FELT ‘BUZZING’, USED HYDROGEN PEROXIDE TO KILL THE FLY BUT WITH PERSISTENT BURNING/DISCOMFORT IN EAR, UNSURE IF THE FLY STILL ALIVE” - OK, but did the fly turn out to still be alive or not?!
NOSE:
  • “A BOOK OR A BUG” - ...how can you be unsure between those two?
THROAT
  • “PATIENT SAYS HE FORGOT TO TAKE FOIL OFF FOIL-WRAPPED BURRITO” - Yeah, ok, we've all been high at some point, but how'd you get the whole thing stuck in there? Is chewing a lost art?
PENIS
  • AAHHHHH NOPE NOPE NN....Actually this year's list isn't that impressively crazy.
VAGINA
  • AHHH THE HYGIENE
RECTUM
  • “SENT IN BY WIFE FOR POSSIBLE 16OZ GLASS BOTTLE IN RECTUM” - possible. Might also be something completely else.
  • “PATIENT COMPLAINING OF RECTAL PAIN. PATIENT ADMITS TO INSERTING SEX TOYS 6 MONTHS PRIOR” - OK, and...Is it "it's still hurting from back then" or is it "it's still in there"?
  • “SAYS GIRLFRIEND PUT VIBRATOR IN RECTUM WHILE HE WAS ASLEEP” - Yes, I, too, have seen all that porn of guys taking advantage of sleeping women (and sometimes vice versa). Shockingly, the odds of someone inserting a vibrator up your ass without you waking up when you're not in a druf-induced coma are pretty slim, I assure you.
 
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