I haven't rebuffed what you said at all. I just told you I already tried it, and that the sexual aspect wasn't the main point anyway.
Sounds like something you should bring up during couples therapy.I've tried talking again, and once again, I got the brush off that nothing is wrong, and that she's perfectly cool with the way things are, and it's all in my head. This in and of itself is odd, because clearly I am not perfectly cool with it. I think she wants me to just shut up.
Let her know that what is in your head counts. If you express your concerns in terms of how you feel (and not in terms of objective, observable facts) it is harder to dismiss them. Also, ask for her help rather than ask her to change.I've tried talking again, and once again, I got the brush off that nothing is wrong, and that she's perfectly cool with the way things are, and it's all in my head. This in and of itself is odd, because clearly I am not perfectly cool with it. I think she wants me to just shut up.
Either she is in denial or she may be gaslighting you. I know that term is usually used in conjunction with abuse, but if she is trying to make you believe your concerns and feelings are all in your head then IMO it fits. Right now it sounds like she wants to invalidate your viewpoint. She needs to know that this is not only about her perception of the state of your relationship, but also the way you see them.I've tried talking again, and once again, I got the brush off that nothing is wrong, and that she's perfectly cool with the way things are, and it's all in my head. This in and of itself is odd, because clearly I am not perfectly cool with it. I think she wants me to just shut up.
It kinda sounds like things are already bad? But it also sounds like you prefer it that way, as opposed to anything changing.
Well it's not like you're going to do anything about it anyway.
To me, it sounds like the other person is the driver and OP is the passenger. The driver claims she has a good driving record, so OP continues to let her drive even though he doubts her driving ability. He also thinks if he just stays quiet about her swerving all over the road that some how his motion sickness will disappear on its own.More like driving down a boring road where you see fun things in the distance, but your passenger just wants to keep driving. So you drive because it's easier than turning.
I try to imagine what I would do if I were in your situation. The answer is that I would be depressed, be anxious, be sorrowful... and then I would get a divorce. It sounds like you have done everything in your power to reconnect, but she has to meet you part of the way. I think you have exhausted all options, and though it may be sad, it is time to move on. As for how to start that conversation, don't look for a special way to open it. Be honest and direct.I wish I could say any of this has gotten better. I got over a lot of the depression, but nothing has improved in the relationship.
Let me clarify so no one has to read back through.
There simply is no connection between me and my wife. I almost never talk to her. She leaves the room when I enter. She literally says nothing back when I ask her questions. For my part, I know I've been emotional about this with her, but only because the only times she ever says anything back is when things finally build to a head. I think back on our younger days, and it almost seems like she was a different person. Now, she is always preoccupied with work and the kids, and never has any time for me. I'm fairly certain she's been pretending to be asleep at night when I come to bed.
The more this goes on--and it's been about 5 years now since this change came over our relationship--the more I think that I just don't want to die like this. In a relationship with no connection. I've asked for help. I've asked for conversations. I've asked for therapy, but she says nothing is really wrong. I don't get it. As for what happened 5 years ago? I moved to a different city for work ahead of them, and was here by myself for about a year. That's it, but I feel like she regrets getting back together at the end of it.
She says (when she says anything) that she doesn't like to talk because I get angry and argue. She's not wrong--I do tend to get upset. I shouldn't, but in my defense, that's because the only time we ever talk is when I get to the boiling point, because she has literally said nothing back to me up until that point. See the problem here? It's self-perpetuating.
I keep trying to respark. I do everything I can to alleviate home life work for her, but she still seems to hide in work. That's the only thing I can think it is. It's some kind of martyr-like shelter. If I do anything, she will go out of her way to find some other task, or hell, ever re-do something I already did. Last week I searched everywhere for a toy street sweeper, and gave it to her as a gift. This was a meaningful thing for us at one point. The first night we spent together (up talking, not sexual you pervs), we walked to the waterfront, and no matter where we turned, the street sweeper was there. We thought it was hilarious at the time, and it became kind of a thing. When I gave her the street sweeper, she acted confused. After I told her the whole story which she was there for, and that we joked about for years, the best I got was an, "Oh yeah. Thanks." That killed me. It really did.
I really don't feel like there's anything left. I wish I had the courage to talk with her about moving on, but I don't even know how to start.