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I'm pretty sure I am going to be proposing to my girlfriend in the next couple of months, and wanted to get her an engagement ring. Now, I'm not asking for advice on the specific cut or style or price or anything like that. My interest is in how you figured out what to get her, if you went shopping with her for it, etc etc.

Personally I don't want to shop with her in advance, I want this to be a surprise. And I don't want to guess at what she wants and then be wrong. I've actually historically done well getting her jewelry but I dunno about stuff like this. The other stuff was necklaces and she doesn't wear rings.

My first thought is to buy a simple gold band at her size so I have something that I can present her when I get down on one knee, and then we'll go pick something out for her. But then there's the "oh god he is proposing to me with a 200$ ring there is no way I am marrying this dude" issue, she won't know offhand that the ring is a placeholder. I mean, she's not going to reject me because of that, but it may mess with the moment a bit.

Then I thought about putting a small disc in there that said clearly "Your ring here" or something like that.

Anyways, what did you guys do (or for the ladies what did your man do?)

Nate and I went shopping before hand (he surprised me though by buying the ring of my dreams, when I settled for less - planning on upgrading it later, finances willing), but if you want it to be a surprise, then I don't see anything wrong with just a simple band. Or with a small stone in the center. Then you can let her know that you want to go with her shopping for what she wants later. Whatever you want to do, I'm sure she'll be surprised and happy either way. I would, however, try to find out if she prefers gold or white gold instead.

When we decided we were both willing to get married, etc, etc, we talked about her "ideal" ring. Then, when time was right to actually get engaged I went and bought it and proposed. So she gave me some info, it was practical and I'm damn glad she did.

I went browsing with my then-girlfriend to get a sense of what she liked. We looked online and in a few stores. We were already talking about marriage some day but we never browsed with the intention of actually picking a ring. I managed to surprise her by proposing in an unexpected way, place, and time. She really didn't see it coming, although she did figure I would propose eventually. She assumed it would be near her birthday or our first-date anniversary.

If you absolutely don't want her to know, then you either have to make an educated guess or use a quirky stand-in item (i.e. an onion ring!) Have you really not talked about marriage? If not, you should! If you have, or will, you can do a little fishing during that discussion.

We went browsing together, a lot - long before we seriously considered getting married. If you've had good luck with jewelry buying the past, that will probably translate well into ring buying. If you can discretely find out what sort of metal and styles for generic gemstone rings she likes, I would imagine your stress level would decrease significantly.

I like the thought of proposing with something akin to a wedding band, and she would probably be just as likely to say 'yes' when presented with that as when presented with something a bit shinier. That said, one of the surprisingly big things for me after getting engaged (and I am not normally a fan of any sort of attention) was to be able to show the ring off to others. But, I'm not sure how long it takes to get a engagement ring made, so all that may be moot.

All that said though - I am quite sure that whatever you end up doing will thrill her to bits. [Don't let my partner know, but he could have presented me with a twist tie and I would have still been thrilled and said 'yes'. Not that I'm advocating that approach.]

Good luck!

I chose the stone first, and had it in a simple band, then after proposing we went to select the final ring. Sure, the ring itself was $200 (which they took back and gave me a credit for on the final ring) but the stone and ring together was much more.

If we were to go back and do it again she says she would have chosen a ring with the stone set into the ring further, so it didn't interfere with gloves (a winter necessity here).

Other than that she was very happy with the simple ring for the proposal, and was glad that she was able to make a date out of ring shopping afterwards.

The only sneaky thing I had to do was have my sister discover her ring size.

Wow look at them fast replies.

MindDetective said:

Have you really not talked about marriage? If not, you should! If you have, or will, you can do a little fishing during that discussion.

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We've talked about marriage many times, but I never really thought to ask about the ring, because in every one of those conversations I wasn't ready to get married/wasn't sure I wanted to marry her, so talking about a ring seemed insincere. Now I'm pretty sure (although the more I talk about it the mroe I question it, I guess that's normal).

If we were to go back and do it again she says she would have chosen a ring with the stone set into the ring further, so it didn't interfere with gloves (a winter necessity here).

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Yeah that seems like it could be an issue. I'm not even sure if she wants a diamond or whatever, but I'm quite certain I will get a low-profile/rounded cut.

stienman said:

The only sneaky thing I had to do was have my sister discover her ring size.

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I'd likely be sneaky enough to palm a piece of her costume jewelry...

Everything you're doing is fucking wrong.

Fucking right = http://www.pizzahut.com/proposal.html

OH YEAH, that's real.

Don't buy a diamond

@Frankie - What part of that warrants the cost of $10,000?

The pizza probably.

Shegokigo said:

@Frankie - What part of that warrants the cost of $10,000?

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lifetime supply of vag?

(who am I kidding?)

Charlie Don't Surf said:

Don't buy a diamond

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I actually do think that the diamond trade is pretty bad, and I would normally be in agreement here. However, part of marriage is about making sacrifices, and if her happyness requires the sacrifice of my moral high ground (and some africans) then so be it. This is one reason I do want her to be involved in the decision though, because she may agree and I wouldn't mind discussing that with her.

Necronic said:

I actually do think that the diamond trade is pretty bad, and I would normally be in agreement here. However, part of marriage is about making sacrifices, and if her happyness requires the sacrifice of my moral high ground (and some africans) then so be it. This is one reason I do want her to be involved in the decision though, because she may agree and I wouldn't mind discussing that with her.

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Buy a Canadian diamond. We have a few less issues with human rights complaints.

Necronic said:

if her happyness requires the sacrifice of my moral high ground.

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You're doing it right.

I got what felt right for her based on her personality, because I knew that she'd prefer something symbolic over shininess.

Obviously your only option is to go with the dolphin ring that Will Smith used in Independence Day





You're welcome.

Charlie Don't Surf said:

Don't buy a diamond

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Agreed. Why buy a diamond when you can steal a diamond with one awesome heist?

That scene made me feel racist.

Necronic said:

I'm pretty sure I am going to be proposing to my girlfriend in the next couple of months, and wanted to get her an engagement ring. Now, I'm not asking for advice on the specific cut or style or price or anything like that. My interest is in how you figured out what to get her, if you went shopping with her for it, etc etc.

Personally I don't want to shop with her in advance, I want this to be a surprise. And I don't want to guess at what she wants and then be wrong. I've actually historically done well getting her jewelry but I dunno about stuff like this. The other stuff was necklaces and she doesn't wear rings.

My first thought is to buy a simple gold band at her size so I have something that I can present her when I get down on one knee, and then we'll go pick something out for her. But then there's the "oh god he is proposing to me with a 200$ ring there is no way I am marrying this dude" issue, she won't know offhand that the ring is a placeholder. I mean, she's not going to reject me because of that, but it may mess with the moment a bit.

Then I thought about putting a small disc in there that said clearly "Your ring here" or something like that.

Anyways, what did you guys do (or for the ladies what did your man do?)

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People! PEEEEEOPLEEEEEEEE!!!! For the love of God please read!

Necronic said:

Personally I don't want to shop with her in advance, I want this to be a surprise. And I don't want to guess at what she wants and then be wrong.

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LittleKagsin said:

Nate and I went shopping before hand....

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Espy said:

When we decided we were both willing to get married, etc, etc, we talked about her "ideal" ring....

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MindDetective said:

I went browsing with my then-girlfriend to get a sense of what she liked...

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Dirona said:

We went browsing together, a alot...

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stienman said:

I chose the stone first...

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Bumble the Boy Wonder said:

Obviously your only option is to go with the dolphin ring that Will Smith used in Independence Day

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Frankie Williamson said:

Everything you're doing is fucking wrong.

Fucking right = http://www.pizzahut.com/proposal.html

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Obviously, you haven't received any proper advice and let the Jay provide you with a sure way to get the reaction you want.... how? Well, I've been there.... and I accomplished the impossible. I proposed to my woman, without a ring... just a small black box with a plastic ring that I bought from a toy machine. I attached a little note to it.

It read.

"It gets better."

I was incredibly uncomfortable with buying a wedding ring without her choosing it and wanted to make it a total surprise... which I did when we went on vacation in St-Marteen, on the beach during the most beautiful sunset we've ever seen with no clouds in the sky and a great warm winds that made us feel good in our skins... while we were alone walking on the beach at the steps of the wedding gazebo we stopped at "randomly".

After I popped the question and she said yes and put on the ring... a few hotel staff came out as planned and gave us some champagne, an unexpected gift basket and even lit the gazebo lights on for us. They even got the band from the resort's restaurant to show up and play for us while we gazed into each other's eyes under the gazebo while we sipped champagne.

The next day, I got a message from the resort manager who told us he took the liberty to find any "free suite" accommodations for us and upgraded our room. (it was during quiet season of course)

I tell you Sir, you should focus more on the the way you want to do it than what you'll be presenting.

No, YOU read!

Necronic said:

Anyways, what did you guys do (or for the ladies what did your man do?)

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Added at: 20:46
Just realized I needed to reflect some of the snark, too:

Jay said:

I tell you Sir, you should focus more on the the way you want to do it than what you'll be presenting.

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Thiiiiiiis.

Not getting into details since I need to get to bed, but: made big deal of dancing, got songs going to get her in the right mood, said what I wanted to say, and then surprising her by dropping trou... I mean, down on one knee.

Quotemander Prime said:

... and then surprising her by dropping trou...

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...go onnn...

MindDetective said:

No, YOU read!

Just realized I needed to reflect some of the snark, too:

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"WAAAH WAAAH I got called out on not giving advice in advice thread and will reuse old content to provide one's self some false sense of dignity and gather a few likes from others who were called out as well."

Folks, advice threads require... advice.

People already have a hard time enough asking for it and sometimes formulate it incorrectly. You want to tell them exactly what you did which goes contrary to what they are seeking to do by all means, be an idiot.

Necronic, have you put in any thoughts on how you'd like to go about it?

Reading fail number two! This is your subforum, man!

MindDetective said:

If you absolutely don't want her to know, then you either have to make an educated guess or use a quirky stand-in item (i.e. an onion ring!) Have you really not talked about marriage? If not, you should! If you have, or will, you can do a little fishing during that discussion.

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tl;dr: Jay, you're wrongity wrong wrong wrong.

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Jay said:

People ... sometimes formulate it incorrectly. You want to tell them [something] contrary to what they are seeking to do...

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Exactly. They may not formulate it correctly, they may not even know what they want, and even if they do formulate it correctly and know what they want, they may still be wrong. There are countless advice threads where the correct advice is exactly what the person said they didn't want, and it's not bad advice, or lack of reading, it's that the OPs is wrong.

In this case I believe it's very subjective, and people aren't merely saying, "You must take her to the store and ring shop with her" they're saying, "We did X because Y and Z are true for us." Suggesting that if Y and Z are also true for the OP, he may want to reconsider his opposition to a particular course of action.

For most people, advice is relative to the situation. For absolutists there may in fact be one and only one right way to approach a given situation, but that doesn't mean that advice "outside the box" is useless and unwarranted.

For others, taking a silly argument seriously and arguing the opposite is quite enjoyable.

MindDetective said:

No, YOU read!


Added at: 20:46
Just realized I needed to reflect some of the snark, too:

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lol, nice.

Necronic, have you put in any thoughts on how you'd like to go about it?

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Jay, where in my post did I ask for any advice on how to do it? OH WAIT I DIDN'T. In all seriousness though I can figure that part out for myself.

Someone put a gif up mocking him for not reading, I can't do it from work.

Necronic said:

Someone put a gif up mocking him for not reading, I can't do it from work.

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Necronic said:

Jay, where in my post did I ask for any advice on how to do it? OH WAIT I DIDN'T. In all seriousness though I can figure that part out for myself.

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https://www.halforums.com/threads/l...elter-i-dont-get-signals-dating-advice.26274/

Sorry, I thought you actually needed advice. I guess I'll go back to the spam threads then.

But enjoy that link... it's where you'll find many many pages of what you seek.... which consists of a whole lot of the "I don't know what exactly I'm asking, nor am I willing to properly take read any advice or understand the concept that a new type of question asked".

So yeah... yeah good luck to you Sir. While you'll be wondering how the hell you'll do all of this... I'll be here.

Jay said:

https://www.halforums.com/threads/l...elter-i-dont-get-signals-dating-advice.26274/

Sorry, I thought you actually needed advice. I guess I'll go back to the spam threads then.

But enjoy that link... it's where you'll find many many pages of what you seek.... which consists of a whole lot of the "I don't know what exactly I'm asking, nor am I willing to properly take read any advice or understand the concept that a new type of question asked".

So yeah... yeah good luck to you Sir. While you'll be wondering how the hell you'll do all of this... I'll be here.

Spoiler

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Taking stalking pictures of couples?

Mike and I talked about marriage but never about rings since I never wore rings and rarely wore jewelry anyway. He knew that I liked silver better than gold, though. He went shopping with his mom and they didn't know my ring size since, well, I didn't even know my own ring size! She knew we were similar though and went 1/4 size up from hers.
He ended up getting me a gold ring but I love it! The size was perfect, it's beautiful and I love it.

When our best friends were getting engaged, Jake and I actually went shopping first. We looked at some rings, he had an idea of what Sara wanted since she talks a lot. He knew she wanted something in a "different" shape. They talked about marriage a lot, knew they wanted to get married, but Sara can be oblivious to obvious signals, so that was a plus. Jake was able to ask questions without her realizing anything was going on. (She's great with puzzles and picking up clues in books, shows, etc... but real life? Not so much. It's easy to gather information from her!
I grabbed one of her rings while we were walking once and wore it "just for fun" and kind of figured out her ring size. (I think Jake ended up taking one of her other rings with him though.) And then Mike and Sara went to a baseball game once and she just happened to talk about the type of ring she would want if Jake were to ever propose, so that was covered too. Also, because Jake has bought her other jewelry, we get the Kay Jewelers catalogs at home, and she always says what she likes!
She was 100% surprised when he ended up proposing to her and loved the ring, except for the fact that it was just a little big.

Jay said:

https://www.halforums.com/threads/l...elter-i-dont-get-signals-dating-advice.26274/

Sorry, I thought you actually needed advice. I guess I'll go back to the spam threads then.

But enjoy that link... it's where you'll find many many pages of what you seek.... which consists of a whole lot of the "I don't know what exactly I'm asking, nor am I willing to properly take read any advice or understand the concept that a new type of question asked".

So yeah... yeah good luck to you Sir. While you'll be wondering how the hell you'll do all of this... I'll be here.

Spoiler

View attachment 4316

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Oh man, I guess I should probably go to a therapist.

Anyways, the reason I am being pretty specific about what I want advice for is that I'm not looking to crowdsource my proposal, as that undermines the personal nature of it. I should have mentioned that in the OP though. My main concern is just what to do about the ring itself, and you guys have given me quite a lot to work with here.

But seriously you should probably go to a therapist.

I knew roughly the size to buy my wife's engagement ring because I essentially stole one of her other rings and sized it appropriately to that. Bought the diamond and then showed my mother who promptly took me BACK to the jeweler and made me double the size of it.

Proposed in a park, down on one knee and all that stuff. She didn't notice all the romantic stuff because as soon as I opened the box it was like the Flash had swooped by and stolen it, it was on her finger so fast. She spent days examining it closely until one day at work she noticed a flaw along the interior of it. And now that she had seen it, she couldn't UNsee it. So, being the dutiful husband I took it back and upgraded it again one size larger. Didn't tell her I had done this so I drove her back again to the park telling her I had to do some work prep for an event. Went to the same spot, got down on one knee again and she laughed and asked for her ring.

She was happy with this new one until I upgraded it again a couple years ago.

The company got mine from had it in a box with a little light at the top shining down on the ring once opened. She took the box from me, turned it this way and that, then looked into the lid and exclaimed, "Oh! There's a light in there!" I said, "Yes. There's also a ring... so is that a yes?"

Adammon said:

Bought the diamond and then showed my mother who promptly took me BACK to the jeweler and made me double the size of it.

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I love your mom already.

My ring is pretty small, because we were broke ass college students when my husband proposed, and he went for cut and color and clarity over size. Honestly I don't mind a small understated ring because I am not a big jewelry person and would be terrified of somehow losing a giant diamond. This does not stop be from being a dick and ribbing my husband when we see other people's rings. I'm a bad person.

Dei said:

I love your mom already.

My ring is pretty small, because we were broke ass college students when my husband proposed, and he went for cut and color and clarity over size. Honestly I don't mind a small understated ring because I am not a big jewelry person and would be terrified of somehow losing a giant diamond. This does not stop be from being a dick and ribbing my husband when we see other people's rings. I'm a bad person.

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My mom has a nearly 2 carat diamond on her ring worth more than my car so I'm not arguing from a position of strength when it comes to diamond size

stienman said:

The company got mine from had it in a box with a little light at the top shining down on the ring once opened. She took the box from me, turned it this way and that, then looked into the lid and exclaimed, "Oh! There's a light in there!" I said, "Yes. There's also a ring... so is that a yes?"

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That's like when my friend was proposed to! Her family went camping, her now-husband showed up and she thought nothing of it. They went for a walk in the woods, she just thought he was being romantic. He got down on one knee and had a box with a light and all she was wondering at the time was how he got the box to light up. XD

Alternate answer: smash the patriarchy. It is the 21st century and you are dating an independent woman. She buys you a ring and proposes to you. Take her last name.