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It is the season of giving, but many among us are woefully ill-prepared for the holidays and our encounters with Father Christmas. Unfortunately, it is with a heavy heart that I do the following. Due to recent losses, I have taken it upon myself to educate you all in proper holiday etiquette, especially in regards to the handling of the mythical beast that is so central to our traditions. Please watch the following safety video and documentary for your own protection, as well as the protection of one of Nature's most priceless creatures.

(WARNING: First video has brief nudity and is thus NSFW)





For more information, I will direct you to this longer, more in-depth video. Stay safe everyone and remember to keep your eyes on the prize.

The training was hilarious! Love these clips, Ash!

This is the kind of thing I imagine North_Ranger does for a living.

Nah. I worked in the local URSA (Urban Reclamation & Security Authority). Our job was to hunt down specimens who had broken training. It's a hard job, but when a 400-pound alpha goes on a rampage, someone needs to put the poor creature down.

Heed these directions well. Nobody wants a new Helsinki '07. I was there, and I still have nightmares. So much blood... so many crumbled cookies...

So...trolls in the trees and Santas on the prowl for fresh meat?

Damn, I guess you must wake up, pull on your big boy sauna pants and get shit done.

Tell me about it. Elves are the worst. The Finnish variety - the bearded tundra elf - is a particularly nasty customer. Fuckers will steal your children and your oven just like that, if you're not careful.

North_Ranger said:

Tell me about it. Elves are the worst. The Finnish variety - the bearded tundra elf - is a particularly nasty customer. Fuckers will steal your children and your oven just like that, if you're not careful.

Click to expand...

Still, if you need gingerbread cookies for your anti-Santa activities, there is no better source.