J
Just Some Guy
It's beginning to look more and more as though a friend is trying advance our relationship into something more. And I'm not sure how I feel about it.
Background: I met this girl about 3 years ago through some mutual friends. I was attracted to her initially, but she had a serious boyfriend and my dating life was a wreck, so I didn't pursue her. About a year after that she got pregnant. Since the baby was born, she and the father have split up amicably... but he still lives in a separate room at her house.
During the last year I began to notice odd little hints coming from this girl. At times she is bitingly sarcastic with me (which is fine; it's how she interacts with most of her friends), but other times it took on more flirtatious overtones. She would make little comments that could be construed as her coming on to me, but they were vague enough that I couldn't be sure. I just assumed that I was reading too much into it and tried to ignore it. Still, it kept happening. Even my other friends began to notice and wonder. She began to tease me about how we don't hang out enough, just the two of us. She began trying to make plans with me all the time despite the fact that I was never free at the same time she was. Still, I told myself that there was no way she was interested and she just wanted to hang out as friends.
So last Monday, after a dinner party at our friends house, she and I walked out to our cars. She was tired so I simply said good night and walked off to my car. She suddenly made a quip about wanting to go out to dinner this weekend. I finally agreed to meet up, still thinking this would just be a friendly outing. She suggested pizza, and I agreed for tonight (Sunday).
Now here is where my alarms are really going off. She sent me a text saying she still wanted to go out, but wasn't in the mood for pizza. No problem, I replied. I asked if she had any suggestions. She decided on a place I'd never heard of. Looking at the website, I can see this is an ideal place for dates with a darker, quieter atmosphere. The food is decidedly more upscale - it's just the type of place you would take to impress someone.
So here are my issues:
First, I'm not sure what's going on exactly. Is she into me? Is she just a friend and I'm reading too much into it all? It's starting to seem like too many hints and coincidences, but the more logical part of my brain makes me think it can't be.
Second, if she is into me... what should I do? I do find her attractive and normally I would definitely be interested in dating someone like her. But I'm not 100% convinced this would be a good idea. My main issue is that she's a single mom with a complicated relationship with her child's father. I respect the hell out of her and what she does. I just don't think I'm ready for that level of complication. My work situation is dodgy and I'm still looking for something better. I'm awkward with kids and I don't know how to act around her daughter. I'm full of self doubt and have a tendency to be a little flighty at times. I worry that I don't have my act together well enough to even contemplate this type of relationship.
My head is spinning with this. I'm just not sure, so I'm turning to you guys. Opinions? Advice? Therapy?
Background: I met this girl about 3 years ago through some mutual friends. I was attracted to her initially, but she had a serious boyfriend and my dating life was a wreck, so I didn't pursue her. About a year after that she got pregnant. Since the baby was born, she and the father have split up amicably... but he still lives in a separate room at her house.
During the last year I began to notice odd little hints coming from this girl. At times she is bitingly sarcastic with me (which is fine; it's how she interacts with most of her friends), but other times it took on more flirtatious overtones. She would make little comments that could be construed as her coming on to me, but they were vague enough that I couldn't be sure. I just assumed that I was reading too much into it and tried to ignore it. Still, it kept happening. Even my other friends began to notice and wonder. She began to tease me about how we don't hang out enough, just the two of us. She began trying to make plans with me all the time despite the fact that I was never free at the same time she was. Still, I told myself that there was no way she was interested and she just wanted to hang out as friends.
So last Monday, after a dinner party at our friends house, she and I walked out to our cars. She was tired so I simply said good night and walked off to my car. She suddenly made a quip about wanting to go out to dinner this weekend. I finally agreed to meet up, still thinking this would just be a friendly outing. She suggested pizza, and I agreed for tonight (Sunday).
Now here is where my alarms are really going off. She sent me a text saying she still wanted to go out, but wasn't in the mood for pizza. No problem, I replied. I asked if she had any suggestions. She decided on a place I'd never heard of. Looking at the website, I can see this is an ideal place for dates with a darker, quieter atmosphere. The food is decidedly more upscale - it's just the type of place you would take to impress someone.
So here are my issues:
First, I'm not sure what's going on exactly. Is she into me? Is she just a friend and I'm reading too much into it all? It's starting to seem like too many hints and coincidences, but the more logical part of my brain makes me think it can't be.
Second, if she is into me... what should I do? I do find her attractive and normally I would definitely be interested in dating someone like her. But I'm not 100% convinced this would be a good idea. My main issue is that she's a single mom with a complicated relationship with her child's father. I respect the hell out of her and what she does. I just don't think I'm ready for that level of complication. My work situation is dodgy and I'm still looking for something better. I'm awkward with kids and I don't know how to act around her daughter. I'm full of self doubt and have a tendency to be a little flighty at times. I worry that I don't have my act together well enough to even contemplate this type of relationship.
My head is spinning with this. I'm just not sure, so I'm turning to you guys. Opinions? Advice? Therapy?
