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Dating More Than One Girl?

Jul 11, 2016#1

ThatNickGuy

So I'm in a predicament I've never been in before.

Recently, I've been feeling a lot better. I'm working, I'm doing a metric fuckton of writing (halfway through Dill #3 and about 2/3's of the way through a YA novel), and I think the new medications my psychiatrist prescribed me are doing a damn good job.

As a result, I decided to dip my toe back into the dating waters. I re-opened my OkCupid account and installed both Tinder and Bumble (a recent Tinder-like app). Not really using any of them very much, I more or less used them casually. I let my OkCupid idle and let the girls message me, though none did. And I flipped right and left for some girls.

Except, something interesting happened. I've been talking with two different girls. Nothing serious, just small talk and joking. I went for a date with one on Saturday and had a pretty good time. We're discussing a second date, but nothing concrete yet. The other girl's open to a first date.

Then today, I started chatting with a girl I matched with on Bumble. And I'm going for a coffee date with her later tonight.

This is all new territory for me. I'm usually a very serial, monogamous dater, even if we're not exclusive. I tend to put all eggs into one basket at a time, whether it works out or not. But carrying on essentially three different conversations with potential mates? I won't lie, I feel a little like a player. Though I suppose I'd be a true player if I was sleeping with all of them at a time. Which definitely won't happen because I don't jump into bed unless there's at least some emotional feelings attached.

Anyway, is this a bad thing? A friend of mine says she doesn't think I should go on different dates with different people. I really don't know. As I said, this is all uncharted territory for me.

Jul 11, 2016#2

sixpackshaker

Play the field, have fun, keep it safe and easy. Then if one of the girls interest you more, then think of monogamy then sex.

Jul 11, 2016#3

MindDetective

Cue That Nick Guy! sitcom opening credits.

In all seriousness, it boils down to betrayal. Will anyone feel betrayed? Well, if it goes on long enough, secretly enough, probably. But if it is just exploratory, then some ladies will fall by the wayside early on and a frontrunner will capture your heart, then there isn't any drama (probably). And, honestly, it should probably work like that, I think.

Jul 11, 2016#4

phil

I think it's ok until intimacy gets involved. Really, you're just hanging with people for now, seeing if there's anything there. That's what first dates are for. One of these girls you'll end up not digging cause she was rude to the waiter and the other will ghost you for some reason anyway. So long as no one is being used or lied to, it's fine.

Jul 11, 2016#5

Denbrought

Don't lie and you'll be fine. You're not seriously dating, so most people won't be expecting monogamy out of you. There's a reason why the word "exclusive" is used these days.

Also consider polyamory--we communicate a lot, and we bake delicious cookies!

Jul 11, 2016#6

ThatNickGuy

Yeah, I'm a serial monogamist. I couldn't do polyamory. But yeah, I'm pretty much at a point where I'll get to know each of these girls and see how it goes. Once one gets more serious, then things change.

I certainly won't get intimate with all three. Homey don't play that.

Jul 11, 2016#7

blotsfan

MindDetective said:
Cue That Nick Guy! sitcom opening credits.

I can't wait until he plans a date with all of them at the same time.

But yeah, as long as its just casual dating you shouldn't be under any obligations to stick with one.

Jul 11, 2016#8

Cajungal

Nothing at all wrong with what you're doing. As long as you're honest, it's all good. That way, if one of the girls you're seeing it comfortable with the situation, she can choose to step away.

Have fun! No matter what happens, it's always interesting to get to know new people. That's all this is.

Jul 11, 2016#9

Ravenpoe

When proposing a threesome, the classic approach is to first broach the subject as a joke, and then based on reaction...

Oh... wait, am I too early? I'm too early. This is supposed to be in a future thread.

Jul 11, 2016#10

ThatNickGuy

Welp, just got back from a date with Girl #3. Good conversation, nice girl, but that's about it.

Jul 11, 2016#11

Denbrought

Remember to make friends along the way.

Jul 11, 2016#12

ThatNickGuy

Denbrought said:
Remember to make friends along the way.

Jul 11, 2016#13

Terrik

No, but really, you aren't doing anything wrong. Have fun and meet some people. It's part of the joy of dating.

Jul 12, 2016#14

Just Me

blotsfan said:
I can't wait until he plans a date with all of them at the same time.

Thunderdate! Thunderdate!

You do better than I did, Nick! I'm so monogamous that I never managed to have eyes for more than one possible date at a time. Of course that was also before apps and stuff.
Like the others said, be honest and nice and see what comes of it

Jul 12, 2016#15

PatrThom

Just Me said:
be honest and nice and see what comes of it

This is actually a proven strategy.

--Patrick

Jul 12, 2016#16

Jay

To me, unless you're exclusive with a girl (PS4 exclusive!), then it's fair game.

When I was single, at some point I was dating about 6 girls at the same time and I wasn't necessarily having sex with them... all.

When one girl wanted to be exclusive then we checked our options.

If a girl I dated asked if I was seeing someone else I simply answered, "I like you. (dramatic pause) However, we're not exclusive. So yes, I am indeed going out on occasion with someone else. I hope you're ok with this, If you feel otherwise, I'm willing to talk about it."

Never once did I have a girl get angry to me about this and about twice they straight took the ball by the hand and said, "Well, I think we should go exclusive."

Then proceeded to show me why.

It worked both times.

Jul 12, 2016#17

Hailey Knight

Dating is just dating. You're seeing what's out there. Once you and a girl are locked in, relationship, that's where the line is drawn.

Jul 13, 2016#18

IronBrig4

Just before I got into my last exclusive relationship, I was dating two girls at the same time. Both girls were really into me but one of them smoked regularly and that was the deciding factor. I let both girls know the situation and let the other one down easy before I got intimate with the one I chose. Complete transparency. It also helped that I met both girls on Match so we all knew the factors in online dating.

Be honest and open. When you make your choice and let the other girls know, try to tell them face to face. Whatever you do, do NOT ghost on anybody. NO. BAD.

Jul 14, 2016#19

Null

If you're not in a real exclusive relationship, then there's no harm is dating a few people. It's healthy to keep your options open when you're not going behind anyone's back. Be honest, don't overthink it, and see where it goes.

Jul 19, 2016#20

ThatNickGuy

Welp, I'm down to one, anyway. I never heard back from one girl. I politely told the second girl I was just interested in being friends and haven't heard back from her.

Meanwhile, I finally met the third girl last night. We saw Ghostbusters together. Then we wound up talking in the parking lot for TWO HOURS after the movie. Kissed, too. Talking about playing pool on Wednesday. She's cute as hell and is a huge comic book nerd. She's probably the first person I've met in a long time that can keep up with me on naming writers, artists, etc.

Jul 19, 2016#21

PatrThom

ThatNickGuy said:
playing pool

<phrasing.jpg>

--Patrick

Jul 20, 2016#22

ThatNickGuy

PatrThom said:
<phrasing.jpg>

--Patrick

I can't wait to see her stick and balls handling.

Jul 21, 2016#23

ThatNickGuy

Welp, I'm three-for-three. Girl #3 told me just now that there's a lot of personal crap going on in her life and she has to put the breaks on things between us.

My intuition (or my NICKtuition as I call it) tells me she's being polite and letting me down without hurting me. Or she might be telling the truth and shit really is going on, which, hell I've been there.

I told her I understood and that, in the event she clears her head and we're both still single, that I'd be willing to give a second go. Told her I wouldn't wait for her or expect her to "come back," but if by happenstance we are, then I'd like to try again.

Still, kinda sucks. Of the three, I liked her the best and hate that it happened. Oh well.

Jul 21, 2016#24

bhamv3

ThatNickGuy said:
Welp, I'm three-for-three. Girl #3 told me just now that there's a lot of personal crap going on in her life and she has to put the breaks on things between us.

My intuition (or my NICKtuition as I call it) tells me she's being polite and letting me down without hurting me. Or she might be telling the truth and shit really is going on, which, hell I've been there.

I told her I understood and that, in the event she clears her head and we're both still single, that I'd be willing to give a second go. Told her I wouldn't wait for her or expect her to "come back," but if by happenstance we are, then I'd like to try again.

Still, kinda sucks. Of the three, I liked her the best and hate that it happened. Oh well.

Dude, sorry it didn't work out, but honestly I'm happy for you that you're getting out there, meeting people, having fun, you know?

Jul 21, 2016#25

Ravenpoe

ThatNickGuy said:
Welp, I'm three-for-three. Girl #3 told me just now that there's a lot of personal crap going on in her life and she has to put the breaks on things between us.

My intuition (or my NICKtuition as I call it) tells me she's being polite and letting me down without hurting me. Or she might be telling the truth and shit really is going on, which, hell I've been there.

I told her I understood and that, in the event she clears her head and we're both still single, that I'd be willing to give a second go. Told her I wouldn't wait for her or expect her to "come back," but if by happenstance we are, then I'd like to try again.

Still, kinda sucks. Of the three, I liked her the best and hate that it happened. Oh well.

I'm sorry man, but at least you're putting yourself out there. Out of curiosity, though, did you tell her about naming your intuition before she called it off? Could be relevant.

Jul 22, 2016#26

ThatNickGuy

Ravenpoe said:
I'm sorry man, but at least you're putting yourself out there. Out of curiosity, though, did you tell her about naming your intuition before she called it off? Could be relevant.

Heh, no. Most times, that's something I joke with friends. "My Nicktuition is saying this about the situation."

Oddly enough, that Nicktuition has a very high success rate.

Jul 22, 2016#27

Gruebeard

Nicktuition sounds like a fee she has to pay to get "schooled" by you.

Jul 22, 2016#28

sixpackshaker

Gruebeard said:
Nicktuition sounds like a fee she has to pay to get "schooled" by you.

Does that school have a Prom Night?

Jul 22, 2016#29

Gruebeard

sixpackshaker said:
Does that school have a Prom Night?

Every night is Prom Night at NickU

Jul 22, 2016#30

ThatNickGuy

All at once or one at a time. Class is in session. :unibrow:

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