Dave (and others): Breaking up with someone?

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Gusto

Gusto

How do you do it?

After deliberating about it for a while I've determined that my current relationship isn't really going anywhere. My girlfriend and I have been seeing each other for about 8-9 months, and we rarely see each other anymore. I've offered to give up some of my shifts or hobbies to make more time, and she didn't want me to do that. She didn't offer to give up anything, which for her is mostly just excessive studying and extracurricular school stuff.

Recently we had an argument about her job prospects which eventually lead me to the decision that we ave some pretty fundamental differences, and I'm honestly not feeling any love or significant attachment to her. I've decided it would be better for both of us (namely me) at this point if we just broke up.

But I've only ever been in one relationship before and that was a simple high school parting-of-ways. I've never had to break up with anyone.

What should I do?
 
Cajungal

Cajungal

Staff member
Don't have much to add besides what I said in AIM, but I will wish you luck. At least it might not be too bad since you said you thought she might have the same thoughts about the relationship as you.
 
Thread Necromancer

Thread Necromancer

Gusto,

It's time to make a clean break. All break ups have emotions attached and are hard to do. Even if you don't feel like you two have anything in common, you did have in the past. But if you now know it's time for you to part ways, then it must be done. Feelings will always be hurt and I recommend doing it easy, which is tricky, but for what you have said you don't see a future. That is that as they say.

Gently tell her that you care for her, we always care for those who have shared our lives in some way, but explain the caring you feel is not going to carry you both through.
 
Dave

Dave

Staff member
What they said. But tell her soon. The longer you wait the worse it's going to get.
 
figmentPez

figmentPez

Staff member
I've only ever been broken up with, never been the one dumped, but here's what I'd want:

1. Do it in person.
2. Be definite about it. No "if things were different...", no "maybe in the future". Just say that it's time you moved on.
3. Be nice even if she's not. People can say nasty things when they're upset. I'm not saying she will, but if she says something hurtful, don't try and hurt back. Be hurt, be upset, but do your best to realize it's not necessarily what she means.
 
W

Wasabi Poptart

Sorry to hear this, Gusto. Be honest with her about how you feel. Don't beat around the bush because you want to let her down easy. Come out and say it. As TN also said, though, you want to let her know that you do care about her and this break up isn't because you find fault with her personally.
 
Math242

Math242

offer to continue the relationship on an acquaintances with benefits Status.

either: she dumps you or she agrees.

you can't lose
 
David

David

I've broken up with two girlfriends in the past.

The first went as such:
"I'm breaking up with you."
Considering she was cheating on me, I wasn't too concerned with being sensitive about it.

The second I actually didn't want to initially break up with, though I did have some problems with our relationship I wanted to talk to her about and see if we could work through, but she wanted to turn it into a drama in front of her friends and I decided not to deal with more than I had to. So something like:
"I'd like to talk to you alone later."
"Why?? You're breaking up with me, aren't you!?"
"...yes."
 
D

Dusty668

Make sure to get 'stuff' sorted first. It may sound cold and callus but realizing she has your one of a kind doohickey, movie, or book that you can't live without, calling her to see if you can get it later could happen during an emotional down swing and be seen by her as harassment, OR VICE VERSA.

Go through your own house and find anything she's left (not presents, those are yours but don't be surprised or petty if she demands it back)and have it close to hand for her to pick up or take to her. This not only prevents excuse filled recontacts or harassment but will also help make the break cleaner and heal faster.

If she has your stuff and you get to her house and find it on the yard/sidwalk damaged, covered in water/urine/insects, or just shredded with a lawnmower don't freak. Just pick up the pieces and go. Dump them out if needed and be glad that the hard part is over.
 
Gusto

Gusto

Thanks for the further advice my homies, and don't worry, I'm not gonna be a petty bitch or an asshole who can't take some insults, and we have none of each other's belongings as far as I'm aware.
 
Gusto

Gusto

As much as she completely broke character by yelling at me during the talk, and brought up some points that I could have refuted easily, I didn't do it. Se was on the verge of tears already.

Buh...
 
Cajungal

Cajungal

Staff member
Gusto said:
As much as she completely broke character by yelling at me during the talk, and brought up some points that I could have refuted easily, I didn't do it. Se was on the verge of tears already.

Buh...
Click to expand...
For what it's worth, this was really nice of you. I promise a venting session later!
 
Espy

Espy

Ah man... I'm sorry, it's never easy... unless you hate the person. When you like and respect someone it's even harder but if it's gotta be done... well, you gotta do what you gotta do.
Glad you made it though though and it sounds like you were a real stand up guy about it.
 
strawman

strawman

Gusto;374414][QUOTE=figmentPez said:
So, uh, Gusto, buddy... pal, can I have her number? Help a fellow out, man.


too soon?
Click to expand...
Not soon enough.[/QUOTE]

LOL!

It's too bad quitting a girlfriend isn't as easy as quitting a job:

Dear Beth,

This letter serves as my 2 week's notice of termination of our relationship. I have very much enjoyed being your significant other, and have been fulfilled in our relationship. However I find that I have reached a plateau in regards to my love for you, and as a result have not been putting myself 100% into our relationship. I feel this is a disservice to both of us, and that a clean break will allow us to both find better matches for our needs.

My last day in this relationship will be May 5th, 2010.

I wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors, and hope our paths cross in the future.

All the best,
Your ex.
Click to expand...
 
D

Dusty668

Well like Circuit City, my ex ended our relationship with a voicemail.

I have to admit, I am still a skosh bitter.
 
Gusto

Gusto

Thanks for the electronic huggles and snuggles, internet ladies. :heart:

I'm going to see HTTYD tonight so hopefully my life will be awesome again.
 
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