Disney to buy Marvel

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This thread is now about your favorite jokes.

OK NOW THIS THREAD IS ABOUT POSTING YOUR FAVORITE JOKES.

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(Oh, got it)

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Aww nuts. Okay, that one was first, this thread is now about your favorite jokes.

John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha has long ago given up trying to get him to change.

One day, John came home about noon and told Marsha that he had gone to a nearby city and purchased a Robot. It was no ordinary robot, but it was in fact a Lie Detector. He said it had to charge 4 or 5 hours, and then he would show her how it worked.

At 5:30 that afternoon, Tommy, their 11 year old son, came in from school, nearly 2 hours and 15 minutes late. Both parents were understandably angry.

'Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?', they asked.

'Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project,' said Tommy.

The Robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.

'Son, this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you went after school.'

'We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie.'

'What did you watch?', asked Marsha.

'The Ten Commandments.'

The Robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair.

With lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, 'I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen.'

'I'm ashamed of you Son,' said John. 'When I was your age, I never lied to my parents, never tried to see dirty pictures much less dirty movies, told dirty jokes, nor did I misbehave.'

The robot walked around to John and delivered a roundhouse right that not only knocked him out of his chair, but out the back door and half way across the patio.

When he came back inside, Marsha was bent double laughing, almost in tears. 'Boy, did you ever ask for that one! And you can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!'

The Robot immediately walked around to Marsha, and literally slapped the shit out of her, not once, but three times
A man walks into a hardware store, and asks the clerk for a potato clock. The clerk is confused, as he's never heard of such a thing. So he asks the man what he needs it for, to see if he can recommend a suitable replacement.

The man said, 'Well, I went for a job interview today, and I got the job, and my boss said I start tomorrow at nine. He also said since I'll have to be at work at nine o'clock, I should get a potato clock.'

At this point the clerk gets a piece of plywood and beats the man to death for his stupid pun.
 
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