Duplicate Gift Faux Pas or whatever it's called

[Hailey Knight]

Originally the plan was to get my mom some scented candles for Christmas, which is a really boring stock option I go for when she's being entirely unhelpful in telling me what she wants. My sister's the one who can figure out something a person will like without asking--I need people to just tell me and I'll get it for them.

By accident, I stumbled across a beautiful lamp on Amazon that I know my mom would like. In fact, it's so nice I know my stepmom would like one too, whom I also don't know what to get for Christmas.

This wouldn't be a problem, since they never meet, but my sister moved back to my mom's house a month ago, and she visits my dad probably once a month (and will certainly be there in Christmas, whereas I won't). I could get each a different color, or I could just pick one to give it to and go back to hunting for something for the other.

Not sure what the etiquette is here.

 

[Chibibar]

Is there a rule that you can't buy two same gift for two different people?

edit: ok... I ask a co-worker (a mother with ex-husband who remarried) she said NO!!! it is bad bad bad.. cause she wouldn't feel special getting a gift from her son. I told her at least she is getting a gift, she said she is entitled but if the stepmom got the same thing, she wouldn't feel special and may not like the gift. (Edit edit: I did ask her if it was different color and her answer is still no. She did they, that is how she would feel. Each people may react differently)

While my other friend (male) who in a similar boat as you had two answers.
1. If the mom and stepmom are friends and are in competition (to be the best mom) then no no no no no.

2. If they don't, then it is ok. but that is a guy perspective.

I did have a stepmom but my biological father passed away and she took everything years ago. So I got nothing personal to add.

 

[phil]

Just do giftcards to places they like.

 

[makare]

Get them two tickets to that thing they love.


Seriously I don't see the problem if you think they'll like the lamps. Especially if you custom pick the colors to match their decor.

 

[Dei]

If you get different colors, it should fly. And, this is totally sexist, but it's probably easier to get away with doing that as a guy, since it's expected for them to be less than creative with gifts (which you already admitted to).

 

[Jay]

"Hey, while I searched for mom for a gift, I came across this really nice lamp so I bought it for her. I found out that I could also get a nice deal on a 2nd lamp and thought about you right away. I hope you like it. I love you sis."

 

[General Specific]

Here's my idea, see if the lamp will still be there later. If so, go ahead and buy one lamp. Then, keep looking for gifts and if you don't find something that is equally good or better for one of the two, then buy a second lamp.

 

[Mountebank]

Here's my solution: buy three lamps.

Give one lamp to your mother.
Give one lamp to your step-mother.
Threaten to smash the remaining lamp over your sister's head if she ever mentions the gift duplication.

 

[Cajungal]

My mom does the duplicate thing literally every year for Christmas. She finds an article of clothing that my sister and I will both love, and just gets the same thing in the color we would prefer. I always get the red/blue/purple one and Stace always gets the yellow/green/brown one. It's never an issue. In fact, Mom JUST did that with mittens and headbands last month.

 

[Hailey Knight]

I appreciate everyone's comments and I probably would've gotten the two lamps.

My dad tells me my stepmom wants some special markers though, so that's what I'm doing now.

 

[darkangel6988]

Good choice on the one lamp and the markers....

Is it normal I'm not too fired up about xmas this year? normally I'm over joyed and this year id rather hide then think about it !