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Let me just start by saying I'm sorry for posting this, but I love you guys like an extended family, and I just needed to get this out

This saturday is my mom's birthday. I don't remember if I posted anything about it, but she died a few months back. I thought I had dealt with it and I was passed it, but these past few days I've been having increasing panic attacks. She should still be here, and she's not and I have this...thing inside me that tells me a GOOD son should have died for he, even though it wasn't possible for me to.

But..I'm going to her grave on saturday. I don't know if she can still hear me, but I'm reading a poem for her. Emo, I know. The thing is, I thought I was passed this. I thought I had dealt with it and I had moved on, but for the life of me I can't fucking understand why it still hurts.

That's my piece. I'm sorry for taking up board space with this indulgent spew.

It's not emo. I hate how showing any emotion has become equated with "emo." Emo is losers who comb their hair over their eyes and stare at the rain while writing mournful poems about how awful it is that their parents want them to clean their rooms.

What you're doing is grieving, and it's healthy and right.

It always seems to sneak up on you, ya know? My grandparents passed a few years ago and every now and again I just can't stop thinking about them and how much I miss them.

It's just one of those things where, while I'll never be happy that it happened, there are aspects of it that I can take comfort in. They're not in pain anymore, and they both lived good lives and cared for us just as much as we cared for them.

I know you can get through this.

That isnt emo at all, man. :\ Do whatever helos you to work through it. I'm so so sorry for your loss. And don't worry about posting this... We love you too :hug: It's only been a few months. That's your mom, you'll need time, just let yourself have it. You're gonna go through a lot of pain, but we're here for you. Just don't bottle it up, let it out and let yourself grieve. I'm sure you were a wonderful and lvoing son to her.

You're not EMO in the popular sense of the word. I'd be a damned mess if I lost my folks. Grieve and cry and express how you feel. Holding all that in couldn't possibly help.

Take care, brother.

*hugs*

It is not weakness nor shame to feel the pain of those you loved gone when they should not be. It is love. I hope you find peace.

Grief is a good thing. Not feeling it would be so much worse - that someone who was a foundation of your live leaves not even a void behind.

As previously stated, it is only good and honorable to mourn, respectfully. You have my deepest and most sincere condolences.

Speak your words, hold your small ceremony. Above all, remember. Remember the good times, remember the bad. They are all there, and they are all part of the life you both shared.

Wolf, never - EVER - apologize for "taking up board space" with things like this. This is why we are here.

I can't say I know what you are going through because although I've lost people in my life I've been fortunate enough that none of them have been really close to me. I know that with the failing health of my father and a few other relatives I will be experiencing it sooner than I'd like.

Go to the grave, read the poem, have a cry. She loved you and would probably like you to remember her as full of life and vigor. Remember the good things and laugh away the bad. And if you want, come back here and just talk.

This isn't emo at all, this is real emotion over losing someone unbelievably important to you. There's nothing wrong with that. Do what you need to do, and hopefully it'll bring you a little peace.

I agree with everyone above : NOT Emo!

Losing a parent is difficult, and it can take a long time to get over.. I guarantee it takes longer than a few months, and I don't want to say how long it's been for me because I don't want to discourage you in your healing, but it's been a while and I still miss my own mother. It does get better, little by little, day by day. The best I can tell you to do is DON'T hold it inside! Get it out! Get our your fears, your failings, your understandings or misunderstandings.. talk, whisper, read, yell, cry, weep, mourn your heart out alone, in public, at her grave,..wherever it needs to be done when it needs to be done, and don;t apologize for a second of it. This was your mother.. the person that only came along once in your life. Remember as many good times together as you can.. maybe write them down?

*hugs*

escushion said:

It's not emo. I hate how showing any emotion has become equated with "emo." Emo is losers who comb their hair over their eyes and stare at the rain while writing mournful poems about how awful it is that their parents want them to clean their rooms.

What you're doing is grieving, and it's healthy and right.

Click to expand...

^^^^

She was your mom, dude. You only get one.

Yes, definitely not emo. One of my best friends passed in a car accident and less than 24 hours after that my grandfather died. This happened 5 years ago, and I still cry over both of them. Losing a loved one is something that leaves a mark on the heart for a very long time, and mourning about it is okay. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Creature said:

Yes, definitely not emo. One of my best friends passed in a car accident and less than 24 hours after that my grandfather died. This happened 5 years ago, and I still cry over both of them. Losing someone a loved one is something that leaves a mark on the heart for a very long time, and mourning about it is okay. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Click to expand...

There's not a day that goes by that I don't miss my brother and my sister-in-law, but at least my bro's smartass attitude is already beginning to show up in my nephew.

Yeah, his death was one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with in my life. It's was the sudden, unexepected, tragic nature that made it, for me, particularly difficult. He was so young. God I miss him so much still I try to remember the good times, though. It's a great thing that you can see your brother shining in your nephew

Thanks guys...it means a great deal to me.

I'm doing my best to make her proud, to get out of law school, get a job as a prosecutor and work in service of the country she loved so much (My mom moved here with my dad from Ireland). I've already decided that when I have kids, I'm naming my daughter Leigh, after her. Which scares me further, since my girlfriend perked up when I mentioned kids.

Sounds like you've been a wonderful son, and I'm sure you'll be a fantastic lawyer. Watch out for pinholes in your condoms now, brotha.

You're grieving and it's a long process especially when it comes to those we care about most. I was very close to my maternal grandparents. My grandfather died 14 years ago and my grandmom died over 10 years ago. I don't hurt like I did when they both first died, but I miss them all the same. Most days I don't think about it, but there are times (like when I got married) when it is harder to deal with the loss even after all these years. I like this Eskimo proverb that someone sent me after my grandmom died:
“Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.”


I am very sorry for your loss. You may want to look into grief counseling if you really do feel you are having problems dealing with your mom's death. If nothing else, it may let you know you are not alone and what you are going through emotionally is completely normal.