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First love vs should've date around more?

Sep 29, 2009#1

strawman

So in one thread (Mavbaw) people are saying loves after the first love are not as intense.

In another thread (relationships) Shego expressed in her dissatisfaction that she should have dated more (and I've heard lots of people say, "Sow your wild oats, then settle down").

So... which is it? I realize these aren't necessarily in conflict with each other, but I'm pitting them against each other anyway.

1...2...3... fight!

-Adam

Sep 29, 2009#2

Shegokigo

I rarely hear about "first and only love to the death", when I think about my first, I can't imagine life WITH her at this point. Though I wouldn't call her my first "love" more than my first "partner" or "other".

My first "love" I've already talked about on these boards before and don't need to go into that "baww" again. But due to the nature of this topic, I'll say that I could easily see myself with her till I die in a hail of gunfire/dropped in a volcano.

The question here is, would I feel that way about her if I had dated more or less? I'm not sure. I'm not even sure having dated more would have solved anything, as all I get out and have gotten out of my relationships is a steady "lay" and nothing more.

Even so, with my current open relationship, I get different "variety" every 2 months or so. So I guess you can call that dating others on some level? I'm not even sure where I'm going with any of this anymore.

Sep 29, 2009#3

Dave

I don't think I'm going to vote in this one because it totally depends on the people involved. Some people just aren't ready to settle down when they are younger and some people are hardwired for monogamy. Not saying the poll is dumb, but it's just something that can't be either/or.

Sep 29, 2009#4

Shawn

In my experience I think it just depends on the person. There are those you truly connect with and there are those you only connect with at the start. There is nothing that says this person can't be your first relationship. If a first relationship has anything against it it's inexperience, but that could also be a bonus as it allows the two of you to grow as a couple.

Sep 29, 2009#5

strawman

Then you'll just have to flip a coin!

-Adam

Sep 29, 2009#6

Shegokigo

stienman said:
Then you'll just have to flip a coin!

-Adam

Sep 29, 2009#7

Adammon

Your first love will always be that. You don't get to take it back or switch it for another person. They'll always be your first. I was fortunate that my first also turned out to be my wife. We dated back in 2000, broke up, she moved away, started seeing other people, we kept in touch. I visited her in various cities, she visited me - as friends without benefits.

And then by some curious twist of fate I ended up going out to Switzerland to visit a friend with benefits and do some snowboarding. As it turns out that my wife had moved to the same city in Switzerland so at one point we all ended up out partying and well, one thing led to another. Needless to say both of the girls I was doing at the time weren't too happy about me and her being 'back together', as it were so I left some hard feelings in Switzerland.

But in the end, fuck 'em. I knew what I wanted out of life.

Sep 29, 2009#8

strawman

Adammon said:
Your first love will always be that. You don't get to take it back or switch it for another person. They'll always be your first. I was fortunate that my first also turned out to be my wife. We dated back in 2000, broke up, she moved away, started seeing other people, we kept in touch. I visited her in various cities, she visited me - as friends without benefits.

And then by some curious twist of fate I ended up going out to Switzerland to visit a friend with benefits and do some snowboarding. As it turns out that my wife had moved to the same city in Switzerland so at one point we all ended up out partying and well, one thing led to another. Needless to say both of the girls I was doing at the time weren't too happy about me and her being 'back together', as it were so I left some hard feelings in Switzerland.

But in the end, fuck 'em. I knew what I wanted out of life.

So you went with option C - both!

-Adam

Sep 29, 2009#9

Jake

Sure, a little more strange is always nice, but my wife was my first real love.

Sep 29, 2009#10

Cajungal

It depends on the person.

Sep 29, 2009#11

Tinwhistler

stienman said:
So in one thread (Mavbaw) people are saying loves after the first love are not as intense.

I disagree here. First love tends to be a bit unsettling because it's new. The first time I went to Six Flags was neat because it was all new, too. The first time I had sex, likewise.

But the first time I did any of those things wasn't necessarily the best time or the most intense time I experienced them.

Yes, some of the 'mystery' is gone with a secondn or alter love. But the intensity of love isn't caused by mystery. If the only thing you got going for you in a relationship is the mystery, that's a relationship doomed to fail once the parties know enough about each other.

stienman said:
In another thread (relationships) Shego expressed in her dissatisfaction that she should have dated more (and I've heard lots of people say, "Sow your wild oats, then settle down").

I suppose I can understand people who wonder what they've missed by not dating around. But usually, the kind of people who say that are people who have are unsatisfied with their current relationship. Nobody who is totally head over heels in love, and completely satisfied with what they have says "I should have dated more before settling."

To me, this kind of thinking screams "maybe I could have found someone better instead of getting stuck with this one"

Sep 29, 2009#12

Adammon

stienman;264906][quote=Adammon said:
Your first love will always be that. You don't get to take it back or switch it for another person. They'll always be your first. I was fortunate that my first also turned out to be my wife. We dated back in 2000, broke up, she moved away, started seeing other people, we kept in touch. I visited her in various cities, she visited me - as friends without benefits.

And then by some curious twist of fate I ended up going out to Switzerland to visit a friend with benefits and do some snowboarding. As it turns out that my wife had moved to the same city in Switzerland so at one point we all ended up out partying and well, one thing led to another. Needless to say both of the girls I was doing at the time weren't too happy about me and her being 'back together', as it were so I left some hard feelings in Switzerland.

But in the end, fuck 'em. I knew what I wanted out of life.

So you went with option C - both!

-Adam[/QUOTE]

In some respects yeah. I also recognize that I wasn't prepared for a relationship with her the first time around. After figuring myself out, and the type of person I wanted to be with, we ended up together again...at which point she was the one pursuing me.

Sep 29, 2009#13

sixpackshaker

Well first love is intense. AND most people date several people before settling down. First love tends to be more pure and naive, hence the fond memories. Nostalgia makes everything seem better.

Sep 29, 2009#14

ElJuski

This topic and question is so highly relative.

Sep 29, 2009#15

Shegokigo

Tinwhistler said:
To me, this kind of thinking screams "maybe I could have found someone better instead of getting stuck with this one"

Nailed it. :eek:

rly:

Sep 29, 2009#16

North_Ranger

My first love turned out to be the Psycho Bitch Queen.

And somehow I never seem to attract anyone but weird people and women living across the Atlantic...

Sep 29, 2009#17

The Lovely Boehner

I have two friends that married their first girlfriend, and they seem happy, but I'm skeptical if it will work out or was such a good idea. I really don't have enough experience to come down hard on either side of this.

Sep 29, 2009#18

ZenMonkey

I never think it's going to work out with those "first love" marriages but it does surprisingly often.

It would never, ever have worked for me, even if the guy hadn't been a douche. It is a boon for everyone involved that I didn't get married until my 30s.

Also, that tag just made my day.

Sep 29, 2009#19

Cajungal

I can't say that I wish I had seen what else was out there, because I'm happy where I am. And really, we're like a different couple now compared to when we were 18. There was actually a lot of difficulty in the beginning because it was both of our first times falling in love. Adjustments were made as time went by. We learned what a real relationship is made of together, and it just kind of became one. I can't remember how hard we really worked at it, but the end result of whatever happened is that we're still strong. The core of what drew us to one another is still there, I guess.

My major argument against first loves--besides the blinding excitement and passion of it--was that first love is often young love. And people change so much as they grow out of adolescence, who knows how the two might end up? I've learned that growing doesn't have to mean growing apart, not always. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. 'Depends on a lot of factors: how healthy the relationship is, how much the 2 people really want to remain in it, maturity, the effort put in, chemistry, etc.

So, again, it depends on the person.

Sep 29, 2009#20

phil

I think it's hard to say, because you don't really know how much you're going to like someone at first, you know?

Personally, I wish I had dated around more before entering a 3 year relationship. However, that's really only because that relationship ended and so I missed most of college dating because I was already with someone.

Sep 29, 2009#21

Bubble181

phil said:
I think it's hard to say, because you don't really know how much you're going to like someone at first, you know?

Personally, I wish I had dated around more before entering a 3 year relationship. However, that's really only because that relationship ended and so I missed most of college dating because I was already with someone.

This sums up my position completely and accurately.

Sep 29, 2009#22

Green_Lantern

I would like to be able to answer, but the ability to love has long been lost in my heart.

Sep 29, 2009#23

drawn_inward

I thought I was in love with my 1st gf when I was in HS. As I grew a bit wiser, I realized I was in love with the idea of having a gf. I didn't really like her at all. Infatuation led to tolerance. That's not love.

Now, that I have experienced love and a connection with someone. I would say this person is my first love; even though I have dated many women.

This question is too big to answer in such a poll.

Sep 30, 2009#24

@Li3n

stienman said:
In another thread (relationships) Shego expressed in her dissatisfaction that she should have dated more (and I've heard lots of people say, "Sow your wild oats, then settle down").

Based on what she usually says about her relationship i doubt that that has anything to do with the love part...

And isn't the wild oats thing about having meaningless sex so you won't feel the need when you're married?

And is there is a correlation between marrying your first love and higher divorce/unhappiness rates i'm willing to bet it's more about the age they got married at then the 1st love thing.

Sep 30, 2009#25