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Hey Dave,

There's a good friend of mine who is engaged, but things have turned extremely sour, and she wants out. The trouble is, her entire money situation is currently dependent on her fiance's family.

To be specific, she works for her fiance's parents, her apartment is paid for by her fiance's parents, and her fiance's parents are helping her pay for college.

She'd be able to move back in with her parents if she leaves the guy, but there's still a problem that. They just went bankrupt, and are both unwilling and unable to help her with more than just food and shelter.

For most people, that would be enough to help them get back on their feet, but her situation is a bit different. She has some rather expensive medical problems (which she still can't quite afford even after insurance), and she's currently going to college full-time for a pre-med degree (she hopes to become a doctor).

We sat down today and decided that she needs a part-time job that will get her AT LEAST $800 a month, but still gives her time for studying and a full load of pre-med courses.

So, my question is this: Do you have any advice on where a college student could look to either find such a job? If not, do you know where to look for different types of aid involving medical / tuition / day-to-day living?

Thanks a ton!

1. Ride the money train until she graduates.
2. Talk to his parents about what's going on with the relationship, not as a future daughter-in-law, but as an equal adult.
3. Take a break from college until her financial situation is more stable.

Quotemander Prime said:

1. Ride the money train until she graduates.
2. Talk to his parents about what's going on with the relationship, not as a future daughter-in-law, but as an equal adult.
3. Take a break from college until her financial situation is more stable.

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1. She's tried to do that, but the relationship has reached the point where she's now having near-daily mental breakdowns and has started seeing a therapist and taking depression meds to keep from committing suicide. (Also of note: her fiance refuses to do couples therapy.)

2. That won't work, unfortunately. His parents are extremely controlling, and have previously refused to talk to her on an equal level about anything, or compromise about anything. We're talking tyrannical, here. She recently tried to tell them that she'll need to get a different job so that she can get health insurance (which they aren't giving her and she's previously been getting through her stepfather, which requires her to be a full-time student to get), and they outright refused to take her off the payroll and explicitly told her not to get another job (Which forces her to either stay in the situation, work two jobs while screwing with her studies and causing massive conflict within the family because she defied his parents, or NOT work for the parents even though they won't stop paying her, which would cause even WORSE conflict. Keep in mind: my friend is already having breakdowns almost every day).

3. That's more or less exactly what we're trying to avoid (especially since her therapist said that she shouldn't stop college entirely for a semester could be extremely detrimental to her mental health.)

So as much as I appreciate your advice, it's unfortunately not that simple. We NEED to find her something, and we need to know where would be the best places to look.

What's your relationship with this girl? It's good to want to help a friend, but try not to get in over your head by feeling that you need to be her keeper.

Tell her to try a job at target, or a similar store. They're usually looking to hire people part time, and the hours are generally flexible. It'll be minimum wage, but it'll be an easy job that won't distract from her studies.

I assume she's already been to the financial aid office? She should be there every morning, badgering them until she finds every bit of free or not so free money she can get.

Waitress.

200 a week would be cake and they have some of the most flexible schedules possible for students. At all the restaurants I ever worked at, 60-70% of the staff were college students.

Starbucks offers health insurance for everyone who works more than 20 hours a week. Though at 8 something starting wage she'll probably have to work more than she'd ideally want to, but sometimes that's just how it goes. Depending on her previous work experience she might try to go strait into a shift supervisor position to help get a bit of extra cash.


Otherwise she needs to hit the pavement and start applying anywhere and everywhere. There is no magic job out there that will let her both get paid fat stacks of cash while also only working exactly how much she wants. She's probably going to have to face the fact that she will need to cut back on school a little to facilitate her other needs.

Maybe she can do something that will let her go into business for herself? Tutoring? Lawn work? Being a nanny?

Personally, she needs to dump the situation she's in before she needs to fix anything else.

She's not living her life on her own terms at all. Where the fuck does she live? China?

She should move back with the parents or with a friend in an small appartment, start from square one, live on her own terms, continue to go to school, get a waitress job for money. If all else fails, move to Canada or marry a Canadian, we get free medicare here.

Just bring a coat.

And fuck his parents. The guy has no fucken balls neither.

Thanks for your responses, guys! I really appreciate it.

Ravenpoe said:

What's your relationship with this girl? It's good to want to help a friend, but try not to get in over your head by feeling that you need to be her keeper.

Tell her to try a job at target, or a similar store. They're usually looking to hire people part time, and the hours are generally flexible. It'll be minimum wage, but it'll be an easy job that won't distract from her studies.

I assume she's already been to the financial aid office? She should be there every morning, badgering them until she finds every bit of free or not so free money she can get.

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She and I have been close friends for about seven years now. I'll try my best to not get in over my head (I know that getting emotionally invested with people in situations like this can be extremely harmful), but I can't help but worry about a friend who I've been through so much together.

Stores like target are a possibility, though she's not had much luck landing these jobs in the past. I think that might have something to do with the fact that she answers the questions on those personality tests truthfully. I've recently told her that I've gotten hired at those places by pretending to be a complete extrovert who is happy about everything ever, so I think she might have more luck in the future.

I do know that she's gotten some financial aid at the university, though I'm not sure how hard she's been looking. If you think that badgering the financial aid office daily will yield results, I'll definitely pass that on.

Shegokigo said:

Waitress.

200 a week would be cake and they have some of the most flexible schedules possible for students. At all the restaurants I ever worked at, 60-70% of the staff were college students.

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Waitress, eh? That actually might work really well. I'll be sure to bring that up to her and see what she thing.

She's basically looking for as many possibilities as she can, so she have a lot of options to choose from. It's probably worth noting that she's done a lot of clerical and administrative work for doctors' offices before (She pretty much ran one office, to the point where the office pretty much went to crap when she left), so she'll definitely see if there's anything in that field she can get, though she doesn't know how well that will work around a college schedule.

Had to get an account because the forum stopped letting me post without one for some reason.

phil said:

Starbucks offers health insurance for everyone who works more than 20 hours a week. Though at 8 something starting wage she'll probably have to work more than she'd ideally want to, but sometimes that's just how it goes. Depending on her previous work experience she might try to go strait into a shift supervisor position to help get a bit of extra cash.

Otherwise she needs to hit the pavement and start applying anywhere and everywhere. There is no magic job out there that will let her both get paid fat stacks of cash while also only working exactly how much she wants. She's probably going to have to face the fact that she will need to cut back on school a little to facilitate her other needs.

Maybe she can do something that will let her go into business for herself? Tutoring? Lawn work? Being a nanny?

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How much experience does a person need to be a shift supervisor? Because I think that would work with her skill set extremely well.

Jay said:

Personally, she needs to dump the situation she's in before she needs to fix anything else.

She's not living her life on her own terms at all. Where the fuck does she live? China?

She should move back with the parents or with a friend in an small appartment, start from square one, live on her own terms, continue to go to school, get a waitress job for money. If all else fails, move to Canada or marry a Canadian, we get free medicare here.

Just bring a coat.

And fuck his parents. The guy has no fucken balls neither.

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I've tried to tell her to leave right away, but she's too scared to because off all the financial issues. Maybe that'll change in time (I'm hoping the therapist will be able to help), but in the meantime I'm going to be looking for options that will allow her to feel safer leaving the man.

She has expressed a desire to move to Seattle one day, so Canada might actually be an option in the future. Kind of hard to move to a different country in the CURRENT situation, though.

If she has any kind of previous manager experience she can probably either land a shift leader job pretty easily or at least be in a position to get promoted quickly.


But I'll 2nd what jay said. She needs to pack up and leave tonight if at all possible.

I know nothing about the situation, so this question is completely unfounded, but are you in love with this girl? Because that's a dangerous situation and another help thread altogether.

phil said:

If she has any kind of previous manager experience she can probably either land a shift leader job pretty easily or at least be in a position to get promoted quickly.

But I'll 2nd what jay said. She needs to pack up and leave tonight if at all possible.

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Some of her work could definitely qualify as management, so I'll bring it up to her. I'll keep working on the "leaving him" part, though that might take a while. She feels trapped, and it'll take a lot of effort to convince her that she's not.

Ravenpoe said:

I know nothing about the situation, so this question is completely unfounded, but are you in love with this girl? Because that's a dangerous situation and another help thread altogether.

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Nah, just really concerned about a good friend in a bad situation. There was a flicker of romance years ago, but nothing really materialized, and I'm not hoping to try anything with her, especially not now.

Prostitution. Great way to get back at her douche of a boyfriend. Plus you can be her pimp, and have her call you "daddy". Win - win, my friend.

I, uh... I think I'll pass on that one, thanks.

But then you both have a new exciting job. Plus this of the hats you get to wear!


I really think you're not thinking this pimp thing out.


I hear it's not that easy though.

That's phil's solution to every problem. Hats. Get your mind out of hat-ville, philip james! (How freaky would it be if I correctly guessed your middle name?)

Good luck, anonymous. No other advice to add on my end. I hope your friend sees better days soon.

Sounds like the girl is dependent on everyone for everything. I suspect the problem lay with the girl more than anyone else. My suggestion: tell her fiancees parents that she's using tthem and him to get her through college and then plans on ditching the whole family once her bills are paid. That'll help her out a ton when reality pounces.

Being a good friend is good, but tread carefully in this situation. You may end up with more heap of trouble that you can handle.

She got herself in this situation which is going to be hard to get out of IF she really needs her fiance's money (which is a bad situation)
personally I say look for alternative insurance. Is she disable? what about possible student loan option it is not ideal BUT my personal advice is this.

find alternative school fundings/housing/loans
tell her to move back with her parents
live minimally
and get out of her current situation ASAP.

I think Jay has the right idea. She needs to get out, damn the torpedoes. Does she have kids? If yes then it gets hard. If not, fuck it. Go.

So with her parents she'd get food and shelter? So? What else does she need? She can go to work doing nearly anything and make money for the rest. If she has to dump college for a year or two then she can.

But she really needs to grow up and stop relying on others to do everything for her.

I agree with Dave and Jay. Situation is not good and must get out ASAP

Get that bitch some coping skills, bitches love coping skills.

I guess I am curious on the other side of the story.

I am sure the guy is always the same (at least some do) they got engage. What happen that turn sour? Why she got engage in the first place?

From the sound of it, she was working for his parents for a bit of time now and trying to get health insurance.
that should have been a sign.

the medical issue is unavoidable, but with her struggling on the med bills and still going to pre-med school? (that can get pretty expensive combo)

I question the girl's motive initially. I have nothing against the girl personally since I don't know her, but sounds like she got into this situation with both feet hoping to get a "ride" from the guy's family via paying for her bills, schools, and room/board. I mean, you can't be totally oblivious to the situation and get into total money dependent on someone else who is not of your family (by law since they are engage).

If they are already married, I can understand, but this is before.

OP I found this picture on the net, I thought of your friend right away. Please don't hate the Jay.

*plays a funky techno beat*

Every day I'm suff suff suff suffering!

Dave said:

I think Jay has the right idea. She needs to get out, damn the torpedoes. Does she have kids? If yes then it gets hard. If not, fuck it. Go.

So with her parents she'd get food and shelter? So? What else does she need? She can go to work doing nearly anything and make money for the rest. If she has to dump college for a year or two then she can.

But she really needs to grow up and stop relying on others to do everything for her.

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Well there's the whole meds issue. What kind of meds? Cause if it's shit like acne cream, Imma slap a hoe. If its regulatory things like insulin or thyroid medication those things are dirt cheap even without insurance.

Thyroid medication CAN be cheap, however the constant 3-4 month doctor visits are not....

Not justifying her position at all, just pointing something out that I'm familiar with.

Yeah Im glad (sorry im about to say this) im indigent right now. The place that keeps my thyroid in check charges me 5 dollars a visit. Someday Ill be paying big money though im sure for the visit and the blood panel.

From the sounds of things, the meds are anti-depressants or other such meds. They're not stupidly expensive, but they can get pricey, depending on the brand.

I don't know if it's the same in the U.S., but does her university cover any kind of medical fees like this?

ThatNickGuy said:

From the sounds of things, the meds are anti-depressants or other such meds. They're not stupidly expensive, but they can get pricey, depending on the brand.

I don't know if it's the same in the U.S., but does her university cover any kind of medical fees like this?

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Probably. Most universities offer cheap insurance and an on campus doctor to students that gets tagged along with their tuition payments. I remember mine was like 300 bucks a semester or something. Actually came in handy, I herniated a disk in my back playing football/lifting weights and my MRI's were covered 100% (like 3 grand worth).

Really, no one is ever backed into a horrible corner like the girl in the OP's story is implying. You can never be trapped in your own life unless you want to be (thank you, Titanic). There's always a way break the chains and be your own person. Sounds to me like the chick had/has an easy meal ticket and now shit got serous so she wants to back out.

I haven't been able to respond for a while, because work has been a bit crazy. I'd like to thank everyone who's given advice.

She has a lot of medical issues, which call for frequent doctors appointments, blood tests and medicine changes since she hasn't yet found a medicine combination that continues to work for her. I'd prefer to not go into further details, since I feel like I've already delved into her private issues a little too much.

I hadn't considered the university-provided insurance, but it definitely sounds worth looking into.