Export thread

help translating

#1

Silver Jelly

Silver Jelly

At work, I translated this abstract for an article, but I think some sentences sound funny and probably some of it's english is not correct. Would you mind giving it a look and telling me what doesn't work?

Thank you all!

Considering how important the graphic style in Tintin comics is, does the change of aesthetics in the Spielberg adaptation affect in a negative way the audience’s experience?
We start with a description of Hergé’s art style, based on his usage of caricature and its two formal mechanisms (simplification and deformation). A very simplified art style with a medium-low degree of deformation in characters, but almost inexistent in backgrounds and objects, is very particular of Herge’s style. As Hergé himself admits, his style, which is highly influential in the franco-begian “ligne claire” stylistic canon, is completely focused on facilitating the process of reading visual narrative for children and pre-teens.
While it’s simplification would make Herge’s style to be highly iconic, the careful and rigorous approach by his collaborators in finding and reproducing real references for the objects and backgrounds in his comics makes Tintin a realistic comic book, or, at least, a book that (as we may see today with the work of authors like Joe Sacco) illustrates the real world of its time. It’s images are precieved and decodified by the young readers as real.
Even with the visual realism intended, which is achieved with magnificent textural work, hyper realistic backgrounds and the usage of motion capture to give movement to the characters, Spielberg’s film doesn’t achieve the same effect as the comics. The Adventures of Tintin: The Secret of the Unicorn, keeps a high level of deformation in it’s characters, very similar to the level used by Hergé himself, but disregarding any of his attepts at simplification. Instead, the pursued effect is to show how the characters from a Tintin book would look in the real world, almost like in “untooned” art. The achieved effect, though, is a very realistic reproduction, but not realistic enough as a human being to avoid falling straight into the Uncanny Valley. Even if they look objectively more real, the hyper realistic renderings of these characters are perceived as grotesque deformations, an effect that affects negatively the audience’s experience.
Added at: 13:40
Oh, it has even kept the pink parts from the word file (the parts I'm most unsure of)!


#2

strawman

strawman

Considering how important the graphic style in Tintin comics is, does the change of aesthetics in the Spielberg adaptation affect in a negative way the audience’s experience?
"affect in a negative way" is usually shortened to "negatively affect", and as a result longer version sounds odd, even though it's grammatically correct.

"...Spielberg adaptation negatively affect the audience’s experience?"

(alt: ...adaptation affect the audience's experience in a negative way?)

We start with a description of Hergé’s art style, based on his usage of caricature and its two formal mechanisms (simplification and deformation).
Good.

A very simplified art style with a medium-low degree of deformation in characters, but almost inexistent in backgrounds and objects, is very particular of Herge’s style.
inexistent --> nonexistent. Also the structure "inexistent in" is confusing - Are you trying to convey that he rarely has backgrounds and objects, or that those don't contain the same "simplified art style..." that the characters have? Regarding your highlighted area, "...is very characteristic of Herge's style." is probably what you're looking for. You could also use distinctive if you want to emphasize that this style is rare and easy to identify.

I'd be strongly tempted to reverse the sentence structure, however:

"Herge's style is distinctive, defined by a very simplified art style with a medium-low degree of deformation in characters, but almost nonexistant backgrounds and objects." -- Note that this slightly changes the meaning of the sentence, so might not fit your needs.

As Hergé himself admits, his style, which is highly influential in the franco-begian “ligne claire” stylistic canon, is completely focused on facilitating the process of reading visual narrative for children and pre-teens.
Good.

While it’s simplification would make Herge’s style to be highly iconic, the careful and rigorous approach by his collaborators in finding and reproducing real references for the objects and backgrounds in his comics makes Tintin a realistic comic book, or, at least, a book that (as we may see today with the work of authors like Joe Sacco) illustrates the real world of its time.
it's --> its ("it's" always means "it is", it's the odd duck out in terms of possessive pronouns)

Reproducing is fine here, but if you're looking for a different word/meaning, give us a bit more info one what you want that word to convey.


It’s images are precieved and decodified by the young readers as real.
It's --> Its

Even with the visual realism intended, which is achieved with magnificent textural work, hyper realistic backgrounds and the usage of motion capture to give movement to the characters, Spielberg’s film doesn’t achieve the same effect as the comics.
Good.

The Adventures of Tintin: The Secret of the Unicorn, keeps a high level of deformation in it’s characters, very similar to the level used by Hergé himself, but disregarding any of his attepts at simplification.
disregarding --> disregards

You could also use "discards". Disregards means the movie ignores his simplifications, in a passive manner, almost by accident. Discards means the movie actively threw those simplifications away, not necessarily malicious, but it was by choice, not accidental or thoughtless.

Instead, the pursued effect is to show how the characters from a Tintin book would look in the real world, almost like in “untooned” art.
I'd go with "desired" rather than "pursued." It's not wrong, but it's an odd usage. You might also consider "attempted."

The achieved effect, though, is a very realistic reproduction, but not realistic enough as a human being to avoid falling straight into the Uncanny Valley.
The "as a human being" feels out of place. It introduces a subjective "human being" into the piece that wasn't introduced earlier, and forces the reader to make assumptions about this new character who is evaluating the work. If you want to keep this whole, you should consider replacing the "human being" with something referencing the audience, intended audience, etc.

You might also consider:

"The achieved effect, though, is a very realistic reproduction, but not realistic enough to climb out of the Uncanny Valley." or further: "The achieved effect, though a very realistic reproduction, is not realistic enough to avoid the Uncanny Valley." You could also replace "avoid" with "bridge" if you like the "valley" part of the metaphor and want to extend it.

It removes the human, keeps your overall sentence structure, and tells the reader that the movie fails to keep clear of the uncanny valley. It also implies that the movie actively tried to avoid this trap, but failed. Hopefully that fits your needs.

Even if they look objectively more real, the hyper realistic renderings of these characters are perceived as grotesque deformations, an effect that affects negatively the audience’s experience.
"...an effect that negatively affects the audience's experience." would flow a bit better.


#3

Silver Jelly

Silver Jelly

Thank you!!
Added at: 15:01
Changes made!

Considering how important the graphic style in Tintin comics is, does the change of aesthetics in the Spielberg adaptation negatively affect the audience’s experience?
We start with a description of Hergé’s art style, based on his usage of caricature and its two formal mechanisms (simplification and deformation). Herge's style is distinctive, defined by a very simplified art style with a medium-low degree of deformation in characters, but almost nonexistent in backgrounds and objects. As Hergé himself admits, his style, which is highly influential in the franco-begian “ligne claire” stylistic canon, is completely focused on facilitating the process of reading visual narrative for children and pre-teens.
While its simplification would make Herge’s style to be highly iconic, the careful and rigorous approach by his collaborators in finding and reproducing real references for the objects and backgrounds in his comics makes Tintin a realistic comic book, or, at least, a book that (as we may see today with the work of authors like Joe Sacco) illustrates the real world of its time. Its images are precieved and decodified by the young readers as real.
Even with the visual realism intended, which is achieved with magnificent textural work, hyper realistic backgrounds and the usage of motion capture to give movement to the characters, Spielberg’s film doesn’t achieve the same effect as the comics. The Adventures of Tintin: The Secret of the Unicorn, keeps a high level of deformation in it’s characters, very similar to the level used by Hergé himself, but discards any of his attepts at simplification. Instead, the desired effect is to show how the characters from a Tintin book would look in the real world, almost like in “untooned” art. The achieved effect, though a very realistic reproduction, is not realistic enough to bridge the Uncanny Valley. Even if they look objectively more real, the hyper realistic renderings of these characters are perceived as grotesque deformations, an effect that negatively affects the audience’s experience.
(The backgrounds thing didn't mean there aren't backgrounds, but that they are not deformed at all. Is that what my sentence says?

Also, this "It's" thing... I know it, I've always known it. I did it wrong anyways!!)


#4

strawman

strawman

Looks good. One spelling issue I see: "level used by Hergé himself, but discards any of his attepts at simplification." --> attempts


#5

Adam

Adammon

Now Silver Jelly, you must teach me how to speak Spanish! Yo quiero entender a muchachas españolas hermosas.


#6

Silver Jelly

Silver Jelly

Ay ay ay! La muchacha come el taco grande!


#7

Adam

Adammon

Ay ay ay! La muchacha come el taco grande!
I'm going to assume I'll never want to say this to someone.


#8

Silver Jelly

Silver Jelly

¡Muchas gracias, señorita! ¿Dónde está el baño?


#9

Adam

Adammon

I know that one already! Although I noticed in Mexico that it was often labelled aseos instead of baños. Save me Zorro, you're my only hope.


#10

Silver Jelly

Silver Jelly

¡Sálvame Zorro! ¡Eres mi única esperanza!


#11

Adam

Adammon

Spanish overuse of punctuation makes me smile :)


#12

drifter

drifter

Here are some indispensable phrases to help your cross-cultural experience.

Can you give me a massage?

¿Quiere frotar mi culo?

Can I have some eggs for breakfast?

¿Chupa mi huevos por la mañana?

I think we should have seafood for dinner tonight!

¡Quiero comer su concha esta noche!


#13

Adam

Adammon

Here are some indispensable phrases to help your cross-cultural experience.

Can you give me a massage?

¿Quiere frotar mi culo?

Can I have some eggs for breakfast?

¿Chupa mi huevos por la mañana?

I think we should have seafood for dinner tonight!

¡Quiero comer su concha esta noche!
French and Spanish are close enough for me to know not to buy what you're selling, Mr Drifter.


#14

drifter

drifter

You'll be sorry when your culo needs some frotando!


#15

Silver Jelly

Silver Jelly

¡Arriba arriba!


#16

PatrThom

PatrThom

My recommendations in bold:
Considering how important the the importance of graphic style in Tintin comics is, does the change of aesthetics in the Spielberg adaptation negatively affect the audience’s experience?
We start with a description of Hergé’s art style, based on his usage of caricature and its two formal mechanisms (simplification and deformation). Herge's style is distinctive, defined by a very simplified art style with a medium-low degree of deformation in his characters, but almost nonexistent in his backgrounds and objects. As Hergé himself admits, his style, which is highly influential in* the franco-begian “ligne claire” stylistic canon, is completely focused on facilitating the process of reading visual narrative for children and pre-teens.
While its simplification would make Herge’s style to be highly iconic, the careful and rigorous approach by his collaborators in finding and reproducing real references for the objects and backgrounds in his comics makes Tintin a realistic comic book, or, at least, a book that (as we may see today with the work of authors like Joe Sacco) illustrates the real world of its his time. Its images are perceived perceived and decodified decoded by the young readers as real.
Even with the intentional visual realism intended, which is achieved with magnificent textural work, hyper-realistic backgrounds and the usage use of motion capture to give movement to the characters, Spielberg’s film doesn’t achieve the same effect as the comics. The Adventures of Tintin: The Secret of the Unicorn [Put title in italics, remove trailing comma] keeps a high level of deformation in it’s its characters, very similar to the level that used by Hergé himself, but discards any of his attepts attempts at simplification. Instead, the desired apparent effect is to show how the characters from a Tintin book would look in the real world, almost like in “untooned” art. The achieved effect, though a very realistic reproduction, is not realistic enough to bridge the Uncanny Valley. Even if they objectively look more real, the hyper-realistic renderings of these characters are perceived instead as grotesque deformations, creating an effect that negatively affects impacts the audience’s experience.

*This sentence suggests that his style is derivative of/influenced by the style of others. If you want to say that other artists' style was influenced by him, then you probably mean to say "influenced by" instead.
All are merely suggestions, take or reject them as you see fit. :)

Also, Drifter:
"¡Agarrará mejor desnudo que cornudo!"

--Patrick


#17

Silver Jelly

Silver Jelly

"Many thanks for submitting your abstract to the Third International Comics Conference. I am delighted to inform you it has been provisionally accepted. "


Top