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I'm currently under a great deal of stress. No, I'm not going into it. But I feel that I'm dealing with it poorly. No, I'm not homicidal or suicidal or anything like that - I'm just finding myself shutting down and my level of caring about even the smallest things is almost non-existent.

My wife has noticed but she's out of town until Sunday. Plus, I can't vent to her because she stresses worse than me. I'm usually the level-headed calm one that alleviates the stress. I'm starting to feel snowed under and I don't know what to do.

It does not have anything to do with here, but I fear if I don't figure something out this place will be one of the things that suffers. I very nearly didn't write this out because I didn't want a hundred PMs asking what was up. Because I ain't saying a word. (No, it has nothing to do with my immediate family or marriage.)

What I want to know...when you are feeling stressed out, what do you do? What techniques do YOU use to handle it? I'm willing to try nearly anything.

In before whoever suggests homicide/suicide with a "You're doing it wrong" Motivational Poster.

Going through a lot of stress myself, and I've kind of just been letting the anger boil over to the point where my mind blanks to something completely unimportant (video game/movie/hobby) and I focus on that for a couple hours until the stressors are back in play. It's a game of phases, because you can't stay stressed entirely, but you can't ignore it entirely either, so going back and forth is what works for me to try keeping things level.

I hit the gym pretty hard during my marital difficulties. I focussed on fixing my body up, and using a focus on my body to clear my mind too. I made sure to get plenty of sleep. I also...externalized...someone as an enemy that I could crystallize all of my anger and aggression and stress on.

I also wrote down everything that was stressing me out. Getting it out on paper got it out of my head which made for some nice downtime.

Also, telling everyone on the internet helps, inviting many PMs.

Adammon said:

I also wrote down everything that was stressing me out. Getting it out on paper got it out of my head which made for some nice downtime.

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This is also good; it helps organize things so it's not all some horrible, dark shapeless cloud in your head.

I go to the shooting range and empty a box or two of ammo. I also go to the gym and hit the heavy bag with everything I got for 20-30 minutes, usually in the middle of night so I can scream my rage out while doing it and no one is in the gym to notice. I find both to be generally cathartic but sometimes they can also exacerbate the feelings and I end up dwelling on them and feeling even worse.

Adammon said:

I hit the gym pretty hard during my marital difficulties. I focussed on fixing my body up, and using a focus on my body to clear my mind too.

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This has been helping me a lot lately.

I'd also suggest finding at least one person to talk to about it. Sometimes an outside voice can give you a different point of view or some helpful advice. At the very least it helps to just know you have someone there for you.

Counter-Strike

If there's a lot on my plate causing my stress, I write all the stuff I have to do down on a list. It could look quite daunting at first, which is why you choose a few of the easier things to do and get those crossed off as quickly as possible.

Nothing relieve stress quicker than taking action. The more time you spend stressing about something, the less time you're using to fix the problem or do the task.

Also arrange a reward for yourself for when you fix whatever is causing you the stress, so you have some more motivation to get through it. Something bigger than "treat myself to some ice cream."

Shakey said:

I'd also suggest finding at least one person to talk to about it. Sometimes an outside voice can give you a different point of view or some helpful advice. At the very least it helps to just know you have someone there for you.

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Talking to someone completely independant of the situation is HIGHLY recommended. It doesn't have to be a counsellor, it can be a hobo on the street. In the same sense that writing stuff down gets it out of your head, talking about it does the same thing. Coaching sessions usually use the person talking about the situation to help the person find their own solution.

- Walking.
- [social] Drinking.
- Video games.
- Sleep.

I took up yoga to help with stress. Buy a yoga dvd and do the easy stuff. It will not only help with your body, but your mind as well.

Long walks without a time limit. If possible, turn off your phone and walk for a bit.

Buy yourself something nice.

Glass of wine with some nice music. Listen to stuff you dont normally listen to. Invite a friend over and talk about life.

Break the routine, do something different.

-Disclaimer

Nothing will be a quick fix. You have to take time and train your body to relax. Just have it as a goal in your mind. Set some time aside. And just remember, everything is okay.

Apparently I internalize it so much that I develop psoriasis breakouts on the back of my head, according to the doctor today.

Yeah one time I straight up broke out in hives.

Pornography.

That is all.

Masturbation, sex. WoW. Not necessarily in that order.

Externalizing helps. Focusing on something entertaining but pointless can help put it in perspective (the problem's still there, but you're breathing, healthy, and loved by your family. Everything else can be worked with.)

I've been know, in times of a great deal of stress, to go for a run and grind my gears until a solution either presents itself or the problem just doesn't seem as bad any more.

I'm starting to take up recreational shooting, too, but that's something else... Mmmmm.... gunpowder.....

From experience, I'd say that stress is a matter of perspective as much as anything else. If you can take a minute to step back from it, either by distracting yourself or talking it out, chances are you'll be able to work through it.

Wish you the best of luck!

Talking to both my friends and a random person/therapist have been my best solutions.

I use to have a lot of stress as well but I looked at the situation I was in and asked myself "is this something that was my fault and is it something I can change?" The answer was "no" (we were going through reorg at work and they were going to lay off a bunch of people) and once I realized that me worrying about it would not change the outcome I let it go. Sounds stupid but it worked for me. After that I've lead a relatively stress free life. If I can change the situation I work on that, if it's out of my control then I just ride it out. It took a bit to get my mind to wrap around that since you are basically changing your behavior but once you get there it's wonderful.
Another coping method is hanging out with a group of friends you cut up with. It's amazing how healing laughter is.

Don't know if this will help you or not but I wish you luck, Dave.

Fine said:

Talking to both my friends and a random person/therapist have been my best solutions.

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I would heavily advise against talking to a random therapist.

Actually the way I deal with stress isn't so great, so maybe that is in fact a fantastic idea.

I deal with stress by developing an ulcer and insomnia.

I wouldn't recommend either of those.

I sleep a lot so that the pain of consciousness can't get to me.

I deal with it by slowly killing myself with food, alcohol, and bouts of depression.

I hope you find a significantly better solution.

Random person or specific therapist. :-P

Boxing and hockey are my two stress outlets.

Chazwozel said:

Boxing and hockey are my two stress outlets.

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And you can do them both at the same time!

I immersed myself in Fallout3 and then I watched "The Book of Eli".

I still couldn't sleep until 1 am. I will do better tonight as I am going to be DJing my last gig ever. It's going to be very weird shutting the power off for the last time.

I'm sorry to hear you're DJing your last gig. It seemed like something you liked a lot

Typically I deal with stress by identifying the sources of stress, then determining what about those sources I am responsible for and can affect. Then I decide what actions I need to take to resolve the issues.

To just blow off steam I either go for a walk in the woods or chop wood.

Like several other people here, I exercise. I'm convinced a lot of the negative humours leave through your pores when you work out.

Hey hey hey hey

Smoke weed every day.



No but seriously I just try to put it in perspective. If no one is going to die, and you'll still have a roof over your head it can't be THAT bad.

Dave;443543][QUOTE=Chazwozel said:

Boxing and hockey are my two stress outlets.

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And you can do them both at the same time![/QUOTE]Boxer hockey? Whuu?

Seriously, though...

I tend to get really tired when I get really stressed. Whether this is something I've conditioned myself to do or whether stress just releases lots of sleep hormones (like an insulin spike, I guess), I don't know. All I know is that when I get really stressed, I start to get really slow and drowsy and calm. For all I know, this is just my mind dropping in the control rods to slow the reaction enough so that I don't blow. I tend not to blow up. I don't LIKE to blow up.

Most of the time, I store and release. Minor/intermittent stress gets stored up for those times when I need to lift something heavy. Stronger stress gets channeled into something a bit more physical. While in school, for instance, I was helping some relatives move out of a house in downtown Detroit but I was too young to help move furniture. Instead, I cut down all of the trees growing in the backyard with a machete. We're talking about 30 or so trees, varying from 3-10in diameter. My arm and shoulder hurt the next day, but I can't tell you how alive I felt that next morning.

Other things that help...'violent' video games (AoE, Starcraft, Turok II), distraction (bend that fury to household chores), but yeah, mostly sleep.

--Patrick

I used to draw a lot when younger. Still do, but not as frequently as I did/should. Enjoyable... and a release valve for stress with me. I was bullied a lot when I was at school, all the way until the end of high school, and one method I coped was draining my anger and stress into drawings of fantasy. Goblins, dragons, ancient gods, barbarians, dwarves... and battles. Huge battles. Goblins on charging warhogs, dragon riders, dwarven cannoneers and axemen, you name it, I drew it. It was strangely cathartic for me, particularly if I chose to add the stylized likeness of my bullies into the picture, getting their heads chopped off and spiked.

I smoke, I run, I clean, I lift weights, I masturbate furiously. You can always tell if I am stressed because it is the only time I will clean, I am the kind of person who will hire somebody to clean before I do it myself, so if you see me with a broom or cleaning dishes its best to keep your distance.

Generally, anything I do boils down to taking stock of my life and counting all the good things. While I do this I...

1. Take a long walk--not a stroll. It helps to work up a sweat.

2. Free-write. Just jot down anything that comes to mind.

3. Cook something complicated with music on. Focusing on that forces me to put everything else aside.

4. Play my ukulele. I just drift off to a nicer place.

5. Go out to a mellow place and have nice, casual conversations with strangers. This usually involves going to a coffee shop and making small talk. Having pleasant moments with friendly people that I have no real commitment to is somehow helpful for me.

6. Have a good cry. This sounds sad, but it's actually nice. I just get into a hot shower or bath and let it all go. Then I just finish my shower and get on with my day. I like to pretend the bad thoughts are circling the drain.

7. Housework... especially the stuff I hate to do. Getting it over with makes me feel better in the end.

8. I put on a song that makes me smile and dance like an insane person. This is also good for getting my energy back right after work or school.

9. I go buy a small gift for someone else. The promise of that moment when they'll smile and thank you and hug you is uplifting.

So that is what I do. I hope that whatever it is passes soon, Dave! :hug:

Rearrange the chemicals in your body to make you feel good. You can do that in a variety of ways.

muay thai and boxing.

it works

Music, mostly. Used to draw but lately that makes me even more frustrated.

Personally, I smoke too much, develop ulcers, get blinding tension headaches, go through nasty bouts of insomnia (case in point, it's 6:00am and I've been awake since 10am yesterday), and recently have developed so much tension on one side of my neck that I'm starting to pull my shoulder out of alignment.

On the other hand, I like to do a little yoga on the wii fit, cook a nice meal, clean my kitchen (down to scrubbing the floors and bleaching the counter tops) or, until 4.0.1 was released, log on my Rogue and Pwn some Alliance filth. Taking a long drive in the countryside can be nice too, if you can afford the gas. I just get in the car, pick a compass point, and head in that direction until I feel better, then turn around and/or find a hotel room. Or, if the weather cooperates, I find standing on my balcony watching it rain, with all of the lights in the house off and candles lit helps a lot - but I like rain. Other than that, pretty much everything CG said, except the Uke part. I can't play a ukulele, and apartment complexes generally tend to frown on the late night playing of saxophones, clarinets, or trombones. Oh, and not the crying. Not that I have anything against it, it's just really difficult for me to do unless I'm extremely depressed, and I'm not that far down yet.

I finally told my wife everything that was going on and it's much better. There was stuff going on with work and home and I had no refuge. So yesterday I talked to my wife about the home stuff and my boss about the job stuff which probably saved my position.

So the stress is still there but not nearly as bad.

good to hear Dave.

What I do when I'm stress?
make a list - Find out the areas that causing me stress
write out a plan of "attack" - see if you can actually deal with the stress that you have control over. Generally, if I have no or little control over, I try not to worry about it as much. It is easier said than done, but it does help ALOT. Writing it out also a good form of venting. Sometimes I start writing something and just deletes it (or not saving it) and it makes me feel better.
Take up a physical activity - it is not good to be sitting and coup up all the time. You need to release some of that energy. You can go punch a bag (I have one at my house that I use) and just keep going until you feel better. You be surprise how much physical activity can help.

That's great Dave. Getting doubly wammied with stress is the worst.