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Backstory:

My sister was once married to a guy named Keith. They got married too young and had two kids - my nephews Eric & Daniel. Then they fought a lot and got divorced. Years later, when the boys were in junior high and just starting high school, she married a guy named Mark who had three kids of his own. One of these kids - the only boy - is named John and he is a little prick. Mark always treated him as if his shit didn't stink, all while belittling my nephews while my sister sat idly by and let it happen. In the meantime, little angel John could do no wrong and anything he did was excused.

John's senior year of high school he gets an offer of a football scholarship to a fairly decent college. Nothing special, but he could go. Instead, at the age of 19 he got a 16 year old girl pregnant, dropped out of college (the community college he started attending instead of the scholarship school) and started working as a mechanic. His father was heartbroken but it made the rest of us titter and guffaw as the golden child committed fuckup after fuckup after fuckup.

Last Christmas he and his now wife showed up and he complained that he only had 1 gift from my parents. Of course, this was the first time he'd been there since last Christmas, but he only got one. It was at that time we all found out that she was pregnant again. Almost six months pregnant. Yet nobody knew.

Why I'm a prick:

I just got a call from my mom. Apparently the umbilical cord got caught around the baby's neck in the night and was strangled to death. This happened 1 week exactly before she was going to be induced to give birth. She ended up giving birth stillborn last weekend. The funeral is tomorrow.

God help me, but I don't care.

I feel sorry that they have to go through this, just as I would any couple whether I knew them or not. But I really do not give a damn that it happened to them. And that bothers me a little. It bothers me that it doesn't bother me. This is my nephew (through marriage) and his wife and I could not care less.

So am I a prick, an asshole or just a reprehensible human being?

Yes.

I didn't read the content; just the topic title.




...would be funny, but I did read. I can't blame you for not going--I wouldn't. In fact, from the position you are by removal from them, I don't think Mark and his young mother girlfriend would be depending on your support, exactly. It sounds more like you're expecting to have to hear about it from others in your family.

It seems to me what you're saying is that you don't care more based solely on the fact that it happened to someone from your family. It's as if you read about it on a news article or something.

I don't think anyone can really fault you for that based on how little you see these people.

Skip the funeral. Say you had a getaway planned for the long weekend.

They have funerals for stillborns?

Krisken said:

They have funerals for stillborns?

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They do when the baby is overdue and fully formed.

Dave, it sounds like you barely know these people, and they certainly haven't made any effort to keep in touch with you. There is a certain investment of time that forms the basis of any emotional relationship and you simply don't have enough with these folks.

Dave;365247][QUOTE=Krisken said:

They have funerals for stillborns?

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They do when the baby is overdue and fully formed.[/QUOTE]
Ah, I see.

I don't think you're being a prick. You just have no positive connection with your nephew. You said you feel bad in general for them, just not him specifically.

You probably feel about as bad as I do, and I've never met them, never known them. It sucks what happened. I wouldn't wish it on someone, at all. But it probably doesn't feel like it's your business.

He's not related to you by blood and you don't even have a lot of shared experiences with him. He's practically a stranger so don't feel bad about it. In fact, you shouldn't even feel obligated to go to the funeral.

IronBrig4 said:

He's not related to you by blood and you don't even have a lot of shared experiences with him. He's practically a stranger so don't feel bad about it. In fact, you shouldn't even feel obligated to go to the funeral.

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The baby died last week. I was told tonight. I couldn't go now if I wanted.

I'm glad you guys don't think I'm a heartless bastard. I really do feel bad. That I don't feel bad.

You aren't a prick, you're concerned about your behavior and the effect it would have on people. Genuine pricks wouldn't care at all.

That's really sad. It would be much worse though if he had already been born. I feel kind of disconnected to my infant cousin who died last week. I definitely mourn for my cat more than that baby and I don't feel bad about that. Everyone reacts to things differently. Some people won't understand my love for my cat at all let alone mourning for it more than a human being. I don't give a shit.

I think if you took some sort of pleasure from the news, you would be a prick. However, it sounds like this guy is practically a stranger to you. Given the history of your family, I would say it's understandable that you feel detached from the whole thing. In fact, I would say the fact that you are worried about being a prick for not caring more is actually a sign that you are a good person.

Prick would = Going to the funeral, pointing and laughing.
Prick would = Telling them it's stupid to have a funeral for something that never breathed air.
Prick would = Telling them the truth: They didn't need to be having no baby at their current situation and should be thankful that happened the way it did.

Dave = Not a prick.

A Troll said:

I think if you took some sort of pleasure from the news, you would be a prick. However, it sounds like this guy is practically a stranger to you. Given the history of your family, I would say it's understandable that you feel detached from the whole thing. In fact, I would say the fact that you are worried about being a prick for not caring more is actually a sign that you are a good person.

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This. A Troll beat me to the point I was going to make. You don't appear to be leaping for joy at their misfortune, which is what would be prickish.

I'd like to note that we're all still judging the hell out of you thought. *


you know, just to keep you on your toes.


*always

You said you feel sorry they're going through this. That's not being a prick.

The bare minimum for prickishness would be responding by opening a PBR while muttering "...as if." while they told you.

You got too much giveadamnitis for the condition you think you have.

If you were a prick you wouldn't feel bad that you didn't feel bad. It just sounds like you're not close with either of them.

Wildsoul said:

You said you feel sorry they're going through this. That's not being a prick.

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That's kinda the way I see it. You feel as bad as if you would read about a child dying in the newspaper.

Dave, you are anything but a prick. As Shego have said, you did the things she post above, then you are a prick, but not having any empathy for John's lost is normal. You don't know the person and really don't care to (the guy is an idiot IMO from what you post about him) If you go to the funeral at least you respect the family and life itself, but that doesn't make you a prick. Also to make you a prick is to do dead baby jokes (I don't think there could be such a thing) in front of them, that would make a you a prick.

I am sorry for their lost, but in a way if you believe in higher power or spiritual karma, I think it is better this way.

No, Turbo. You're not a prick. Pricks don't give a damn if they're pricks.

you are fine. As was said before, the fact that you are even questioning this means you are not.



...you would be even better if you tried to eat the baby to gain more power, though.

Prick.

NSFW Audio:

Not much wrong with it not bothering you. I've all kinds of bad shit happen to my family or people I know, and I just shrug it off. It sucks yea but its not like the "omg im going to cry for a few weeks" process others go through, I speak my piece once, pray to whatever god may or may not be listening if there is one, and go on about my life, I don't linger on it and most times I don't care since it doesn't really affect my own personal day to day life.

Its called being a realist. Sounds like John is paying his karma price back to the universe. All those years of being a dick and fucking up and never paying the cost, now he is. Karma can be a real bitch when she wants to be.

Chazwozel said:

Prick.

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I think we should all follow Chaz's lead and declare whether we are a prick or not.

Not a prick.

Mav said:

Its called being a realist. Sounds like John is paying his karma price back to the universe. All those years of being a dick and fucking up and never paying the cost, now he is. Karma can be a real bitch when she wants to be.

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What, so his child getting strangled in the womb is just and equivalent retribution for being the parental favourite?

Mav, you know how we suggest that sometimes you should pause and consider what you've typed before you hit the 'post reply' button? That was one of those times.

Oh, and rest assured that I agree with the others, Dave - your prick is incomplete. That was the question, right?

Iaculus said:

What, so his child getting strangled in the womb is just and equivalent retribution for being the parental favourite?

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I kinda agree with Mav that it does sound rather karmic.

Although I wouldn't suggest that this cosmic karma has anything to do with realism, as Mav did.

Gruebeard;365566][QUOTE=Iaculus said:

What, so his child getting strangled in the womb is just and equivalent retribution for being the parental favourite?

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I kinda agree with Mav that it does sound rather karmic.

Although I wouldn't suggest that this cosmic karma has anything to do with realism, as Mav did.[/QUOTE]

Slightly offtopic
that lends the claim of original sin a bit more credibility, though, I think. "Punish the innocent because their parents deserved it; the fuckers had bad karma." But that gets into the nasty debate of "who says something not yet alive/sentient/sapient/ " deserves a loaded term like innocence? Conception issues play a role, but I'd have to ask anyone who'd argue that the child wasn't alive/sentient etc, but in fact had more in common with a non aware, nonthinking object-- what's the point of bringing a concept like karma into that secular view?

On topic
Personally Dave , I can't say if you were a prick or not for that. I always feel bad to some degree when children suffer. Not in any sort of noble way, just an instinctual reactive thing, like flinching. This applies even in the case of fiction, (see Elfen Lied for example) but at the same time, rationally, I can't ethically make a case for moral good about feeling bad over the tragedy of strangers/unkind people just because my emotions compel me to. Having sympathy for when something bad happens to an enemy isn't a moral good or ethical requirement. But it's bothering you, so that might mean something. I wouldn't say that makes you a prick, just complex and human. If you're worried about being considered a good man free of grave sin, or bad karma, I can't answer that question, but you don't strike me as a heartless bastard who enjoys the suffering of others or an apathetic space waster.

Crone said:

that lends the claim of original sin a bit more credibility, though, I think. "Punish the innocent because their parents deserved it; the fuckers had bad karma."

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I suppose so. I'm not really inclined to think too hard on karma or original sin, but I can kinda see how Mav could see Karma here. Kind of a "Sins of the father visited on the son" thing - not that I really know if Karma deals with that - which I suppose also connects to the idea of original sin, too.

This would seem like a harsh penalty, although who am I to judge Karma or God if they dish out spiteful, over-the-top vengeance? Well, I guess I'm real while They aren't so there isn't even need of me to judge.

I don't know.