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Tomorrow night, 6:45pm-ish.. met on Match.com, (I now have a 6 month subscription). We've been talking for a week through email/gmail chat, and talked over the phone once for an hour. We seem to be, so far, a pretty good match overall, food we're opposites on a lot, lol but we're learning about each other. I have good feelings that I haven't had about someone before.. my last ..involvement.. was 4 years ago (4 and a half really). I find myself missing her until I remember the troubles we had and were growing to if we stayed together.. with this new lady in my life, there is no such trouble. (sorry don't want to go too much into specifics there)

Tomorrow night is about getting to know each other in PERSON... and as it's been pointed out to me (not by her) by my other friends lately, I've been REALLY GOOD at making others walk on eggshells around me the last couple weeks in particular... so much so that I took 2 days off last week to chill out and re-center myself, which seems to have succeeded. Still, I'm a lil nervous. We're just planning on coffee and chat so far, and taking things slow and steady. This lady is 11 years my junior, but she found ME. I'm concerned about my past.

One thing neither of us are looking for in the least is a sexual fling, one night stand or anything of that nature. We're looking and looking carefully to see if we are right for each other for the long haul : marriage.

[questions]?

[thoughts]?

[1st date/meeting etiquette advice]?

reread necronic's predators thread. live it.

It's a job interview for a relationship. Come across as competent, confident, with good potential, instead of a desperate broken wreck. Dress nice, be polite, and muster some charm.

Small details can be key. If she's wearing some small accessory, chances are, she picked it for a reason. Make a mental note of it, and see if you can ask about it in conversation. If nothing else, it may make for a tangent to head off on if the conversation looks like it might be losing steam in the direction y'all were going.

Have you exchanged photos? That's kind of a big deal.

Anyways, I strongly suggest rubbing one off before you head off to meet her. Maybe even take a stiff shot to loosen up. You should to mellow and have to enjoy the situation and not be a nervous wreck.


I wouldn't talk about the past; focus more on the future and most importantly, the present. Talking about your past…. a major no-no! Do not talk about previous relationships. Keep it drama-free. You should come across as someone who’s :


- Mildly interested in her (particularly about things she likes and her hobbies) but not too much so that you come across as a sexual predator that hasn’t gotten laid since the Bush administration.


- Have fun; make sure you have chemistry with her. This is important.


- Don’t forget to act like a gentleman, go out of your way to pay for her meal/drinks without being aggressive about it. Chivalry is not dead.

Really, all of Jay's post sound better with Sideshow Bob.

Just don't worry about it all that much. The more you do, the more nervous you'll be when it happens.

Have a few back up plans and suggestions for things to do in case the cafe is crowded or something, or if you two still want to hang after that.

Congrats


I hope it goes well for you

Do not question her all the time because that will make it seem like an interrogation for her. Find a couple subjects the two of you have in common and run with that. That way she can talk comfortably and won't feel as if you're prying.

Just be yourself!

...but don't be more of yourself than she can handle at first. Start slow, let her get used to the water before jumping in. Also, let her talk longer than you might feel comfortable doing. You both have a lot of anxiety to babble/vent before you can get to good, solid communication.

--Patrick

If you think she's losing interest, tell her that you control the spice.

UDFy-38135539 said:

reread necronic's predators thread. live it.

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I'd have to read about it again myself.

phil said:

If you think she's losing interest, tell her that you control the spice.

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That sounds reasonable.

heh. don't talk about the past (at least not yet and not on first date)

Just enjoy each other company and have fun.

Don't talk about your past, but allude to it with vague references to something dark that happened. Perhaps mention that you can't go back to Reno, or that you and dogs...don't really get along.

ha! null reminded me of this:

Hulu - Saturday Night Live: Don Draper's Guide

Do this.

...Where did my post go?

mr_thehun said:

It was.... *sunglasses* nulled.

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YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHH!

Fizzle.

mr_thehun said:

don't punch her.

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Yes, chloroform works much better...much, much better... :sneaky:

Matt² said:

Fizzle.

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Sorry to hear that.

If things don't go well, heed the Wolf:

Null;449775][QUOTE=Matt² said:

Fizzle.

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Sorry to hear that.[/QUOTE]

Ditto. You alright man?

Matt² said:

Fizzle.

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Look at it as practice, or taking a survey.

Espy;449793][QUOTE=Null;449775][QUOTE=Matt² said:

Fizzle.

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Sorry to hear that.[/QUOTE]

Ditto. You alright man?[/QUOTE]

I dunno.. let me bury myself in some work for a while.

Guiness makes everythign feel better.

Matt: don't worry too much about it. It is all part of dating I say find something else (like work or hobby) and then get back in the game.

edit: Since you have a membership, I say check to see if there are other interesting candidate. It is the 1st date. Sometimes the chemistry is just not there. I have been many first date that just don't work out.

Matt² said:

Fizzle.

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That sucks man

Matt²;449830][QUOTE=Espy;449793][QUOTE=Null;449775][QUOTE=Matt² said:

Fizzle.

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Sorry to hear that.[/QUOTE]

Ditto. You alright man?[/QUOTE]

I dunno.. let me bury myself in some work for a while.[/QUOTE]

Sorry man. Just remember it was just a date. It wasn't the end of the world.

Matt² said:

Fizzle.

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Fo' Rizzle?

Tell me all the gory details.

I'm sorry, man. Was it a bad date, or did she hit you with that "I had a good time but I'm just not feeling it" line afterward?

IronBrig4 said:

I'm sorry, man. Was it a bad date, or did she hit you with that "I had a good time but I'm just not feeling it" line afterward?

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Or "We have such a good time, but I just want to be friends" (I get that a lot)

Chibibar;449901][QUOTE=IronBrig4 said:

I'm sorry, man. Was it a bad date, or did she hit you with that "I had a good time but I'm just not feeling it" line afterward?

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Or "We have such a good time, but I just want to be friends" (I get that a lot)[/QUOTE]

I thought you were married?

That's mostly from his wife.

sixpackshaker;449908][QUOTE=Chibibar;449901][QUOTE=IronBrig4 said:

I'm sorry, man. Was it a bad date, or did she hit you with that "I had a good time but I'm just not feeling it" line afterward?

Click to expand...

Or "We have such a good time, but I just want to be friends" (I get that a lot)[/QUOTE]

I thought you were married?[/QUOTE]

Before I was married.

Chibibar;449929][QUOTE=sixpackshaker;449908][QUOTE=Chibibar;449901][QUOTE=IronBrig4 said:

I'm sorry, man. Was it a bad date, or did she hit you with that "I had a good time but I'm just not feeling it" line afterward?

Click to expand...

Or "We have such a good time, but I just want to be friends" (I get that a lot)[/QUOTE]

I thought you were married?[/QUOTE]

Before I was married.[/QUOTE]

Good to know you are not still a major player...

sixpackshaker;449931][QUOTE=Chibibar;449929][QUOTE=sixpackshaker;449908][QUOTE=Chibibar;449901][QUOTE=IronBrig4 said:

I'm sorry, man. Was it a bad date, or did she hit you with that "I had a good time but I'm just not feeling it" line afterward?

Click to expand...

Or "We have such a good time, but I just want to be friends" (I get that a lot)[/QUOTE]

I thought you were married?[/QUOTE]

Before I was married.[/QUOTE]

Good to know you are not still a major player...[/QUOTE]

Better not be playing with minors either...

I once got, "I'm used to dating better looking men."

She's the same one who told me, "You're not Tom Cruise...but you're not hideous."


Thanks. Thanks a lot.

Adammon;449936][QUOTE=sixpackshaker;449931][QUOTE=Chibibar;449929][QUOTE=sixpackshaker;449908][QUOTE=Chibibar;449901][QUOTE=IronBrig4 said:

I'm sorry, man. Was it a bad date, or did she hit you with that "I had a good time but I'm just not feeling it" line afterward?

Click to expand...

Or "We have such a good time, but I just want to be friends" (I get that a lot)[/QUOTE]

I thought you were married?[/QUOTE]

Before I was married.[/QUOTE]

Good to know you are not still a major player...[/QUOTE]

Better not be playing with minors either...[/QUOTE]



I laughed harder than I should have at that

where did that come from

phil said:

That's mostly from his wife.

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Okay, I admit, I laughed outloud at that one.

Time to start spending some time out in the Library, park, shopping malls, etc. Y'know...lose a little of that cloistered geek affect, spend a little time around other people so you get used to their scent again.

Or cocoon yourself away from humanity. I suppose it depends on your ultimate goal.

--Patrick

PatrThom said:

Or cocoon yourself away from humanity. I suppose it depends on your ultimate goal.

--Patrick

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This really is dependent on the amount of [STRIKE]cocaine[/STRIKE] patience you have. As well as delivery services on speed dial that will leave the food at the door and know where to find the cash +tip.

Pizza's here, see you guys next week.

Eh, don't be bummed, man, it happens. You are guaranteed to have dates that don't work out, regardless of how well you seem to get along via email, chat, whatever. No reason to take it badly.

UDFy-38135539;450027][QUOTE=PatrThom said:

Or cocoon yourself away from humanity. I suppose it depends on your ultimate goal.

--Patrick

Click to expand...

that sounds good.

So the "date", for lack of a better term, actually went fairly well... it was a meet and greet and get to know the real person instead of just email and chat. During the course of the evening it was fairly clear that though we have some things in common, in our lives we are both going separate directions. I told her so this morning and she agreed and we went our separate ways.

Meanwhile I am really bummed because there was a strong match for our likes, I think more than I've met before... I turn 38 next month and am feeeling ollllllllllllllllld..especially considering I want (my own) children, and most of those in my graduating class have TEENAGERS now.

arrgghh.

If you don't mind sharing what were the "separate" ways? I'm guessing it must have been pretty huge, not like you want orange juice in the AM and she wants tomato.

Espy said:

If you don't mind sharing what were the "separate" ways? I'm guessing it must have been pretty huge, not like you want orange juice in the AM and she wants tomato.

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I'd rather not share that info, sorry.

Bitch played Zerg.


ZERG

lol@phil

Matt²;450123][QUOTE=Espy said:

If you don't mind sharing what were the "separate" ways? I'm guessing it must have been pretty huge, not like you want orange juice in the AM and she wants tomato.

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I'd rather not share that info, sorry.[/QUOTE]

No worries man, you don't have to.

Horde/Alliance?

She was an atheist?

She's was moving on up with the Jeffersons?

Clearly, she thought it was better that Han didn't shoot first.

If she was a Zerg player then you're better off without her.

Nerds before zergs, man

Matt²;450123][QUOTE=Espy said:

If you don't mind sharing what were the "separate" ways? I'm guessing it must have been pretty huge, not like you want orange juice in the AM and she wants tomato.

Click to expand...

I'd rather not share that info, sorry.[/QUOTE]

no worries mate.

Of course in this period of your life, you have to see what you consider a high priority. You can't have it all. Of course, in the end, it is up to you to decide what you want.

Dave said:

I once got, "I'm used to dating better looking men."

She's the same one who told me, "You're not Tom Cruise...but you're not hideous."


Thanks. Thanks a lot.

Click to expand...

Crap, I can't decide between "not hideous is generous for that avatar" or quoting "That's mostly from his wife".

Didn't have my first kid until well into age 40. There's still plenty of time.

--Patrick

PatrThom said:

Didn't have my first kid until well into age 40. There's still plenty of time.

--Patrick

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Listen to this man.

Here at Halforums, we are forever young.

Except for Dave. He was never young.

Matt² said:

though we have some things in common, in our lives we are both going separate directions

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That's a killer, man, sorry. It's easy to find people that have similar interests, but it's hard to fine someone that has compatible (note - not similar, compatible) life goals.

It's always going to be a hard hit when you get close to something you think might actually work out, then fall. Take a breather, but get back out into the ring again soon. This too shall pass.

Kids will come when you find the right person, but don't push yourself into the wrong relationship because you think you are somehow behind or running out of time. The best thing you can do now is get your life in order so when things do work out, you'll be the person you want to have fathering your children.

escushion;450213][QUOTE=Dave said:

I once got, "I'm used to dating better looking men."

She's the same one who told me, "You're not Tom Cruise...but you're not hideous."


Thanks. Thanks a lot.

Click to expand...

Crap, I can't decide between "not hideous is generous for that avatar" or quoting "That's mostly from his wife".[/QUOTE]

Oooo! Oooooooooooo! Door #2! Numbah twoooooo!

Bah, don't understand the point of creating the thread if you don't want to reveal stuff.

But whatever, I guess the subject is closed to respect his privacy.