I have a uniquely web 2.0 problem

[abc]

I have two friends. They are dating. I follow both on twitter. Their @ replies to each other are maddeningly stupid, inane, boring, annoying, worthless, and basically worse than hitler. This isn't some thing where I'm a bitter single person. They are insufferable. Also, they tweet at each other all the fucking time. They seem to have no clue what a DM or instant messaging program is.

I actually enjoy their tweets that are not @ replies to the other. I have been considering unfollowing one, since the @s to the other would disappear. But I don't want to completely unfollow either of them!

I also cannot really say anything to them. I don't think we're close enough for me to do that without them getting butthurt and getting pissed at me. And I don't want that.

So what do I do?

 

[figmentPez]

Tell hem to use direct messages?

 

[Jay]

The only solution in this situation is to stop using Twitter altogether.

At 1 hour after quitting Twitter:

- Your blood pressure decreases
- Your brain realizes the inane usage of Twitter altogether has stopped and halted the production and pumping of dumbfuckamine into its system to prevent a system shock. Thus your pulse rate drops.
- Your body temperature of hands and feet increases, why? Because you're on your way of becoming a useful member of the community again.

At 8 hours:

- Dumbfuckamine level in blood drops almost to normal.
- Oxygen level in blood increases to normal, you're probably able to shower now.

At 24 hours:

- Dumbfuckamine level in blood drops to negligible to nonexistent.
- Chance of dating someone of the opposite sex increases as you find your way out of your home, maybe wear some clean clothes.

At 48 hours:

- Your nerve endings that connect your brain to your personality begin regrowth.
- Ability to cook a homemade meal may improve as you don't need to "check what happened in the last minute" with whoever the fuck you deemed worthy to follow on Twatter.

Between 2 weeks and 3 months

- Walking becomes easier as you regain use of your legs. Within several months, you have significant improvement in general functionality as a human being.

In 1 to 9 months

- Your singleness may be affected, perhaps not so much as first but the tubbies will see you about as you struggle to regain your ability to use your legs. They may approach you and you will find the tubbies easy pray for casual sex or a short term relationship.

Between 1 and 5 years after quitting Twitter

- You will find you have managed to join the ranks of the masses of the mundane. You will be able to walk about, feeling well enough about yourself (though your twitter nightmares will continue to haunt you until the end of your days), you'll have moved on from having a relationship with a tubby and maybe find someone near your score range (probably a 6, maybe a 6.5). You'll find a better job, you'll get laid and most importantly, you'll be thankful to your dearest friend, Jay.