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you are going to secretly watch her? why not just tell her you are recording and that will ensure she follows the rules? that way you dont have to be super creepy.

I like that, makare. That's the way to go, I think. And remember - if you record sounds it's probably illegal.

recording people without their knowledge is probably not a good idea.

No Im not thinking "this guy is a freak" im thinking "this guy is inadvertently and well meaningly committing a crime".

if it is for the kids tell her that. then she wont take it personally.

you can use the alarm clock.. i dont know why you are asking this question

you didnt come off badly. also if you are not from the US what i was saying might be irrelevant anyway.

good luck.

I found this site Using A Nanny Cam that goes on to say that video recordings are legal in all 50 states, but recording audio without consent is illegal in some states. Be sure to check local laws before you use them.

See? That's what I said!

I'm all for watching these sorts of things but when you do it you should know that you may be breaking some laws/confidences/moral ideologies. But if it's going to be in the child's room I see less of an issue. But if you have a 12 year old I doubt that you'll need the camera unless you are worried about things like theft. The 12 year old should be able to tell you if anything untoward is happening.

yeah im confused as to what kind of rules would be broken in a 12 year olds bedroom.


also just because something isn't illegal doesnt mean you wont get reamed in a civil case.

What could possibly be shady about secretly recording your brother's girlfriend?

And "certain rules"? Dude, that sort of phrase does not help the creep factor.

There are definitely a few things kind of creepy about it. I know you didn't mean for it to be intentionally creepy, but that is just how it rolls.

One, it is understandable that a kid should have some rules, but the kid should be smart enough to follow those rules because he respects you. I don't think enforcing those rules by spying on the child will help your case in making sure he keeps following them, and in fact may even push him to break those rules to spite you. I did that a few times as a kid when I felt my father was not trusting me, and it will only get worst when he starts having hormones involved as a teenager.

Two, even if you in the end decide to spy on your son and brother's girlfriend, how are you going to approch them should the rule be broken? If you admit you know, they are going to question you. You can't just say you know, so you would have to give up how you did it. The camera thus comes out after the fact, and everyone is going to be unhappy in that situation. It is a trust breaker.

Really, just talk with the woman and make sure she understands the rules. Talk with your son each day about making sure he keeps his chin up and does not do anything stupid. Just be honest, and make the kid understand that you are trusting him as you walk out the door. If he breaks the rule, he breaks your trust and you punish him accordingly, but if you tape him breaking the rule, you break everyone's trust and make it harder for him to want to listen to you.

It would help to know what these "certain rules" are. It does make a difference. If the certain rules are that they must put the dishes away right after dinner and they aren't doing it until right before bedtime it's no big deal. But if the rules are "no computer time after 8" then it's a different story. I would say in most cases the special rules will be able to be overlooked as long as the end result is the same or there will be other ways to verify.

But again we can't say. I don't think you're creepy, I think you are overprotective and that's FINE! How long have you known this woman? What are her qualifications for watching kids? Since a background check is probably impossible, what character references can you get?

Your kids are the top priority and I think you already realize that.

As a former au pair I also find it a little insulting.
Do your bosses record everything you do withouth your knowledge?
If you are going to trust her with your children: trust her. If not: get another one.

Morphine said:

As a former au pair I also find it a little insulting.
Do your bosses record everything you do withouth your knowledge?
If you are going to trust her with your children: trust her. If not: get another one.

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Not the same situation unless his job involves his bosses kids. I think he has every right as a parent to take steps to make sure his kids' safety is insured. I've seen specials where the kid said nothing and the nanny wasn't caught until the nanny cam was used. However, I agree that it might be a bit extreme if the OP's "certain rules" are more of a micro-management variety. All it takes is for an adult to lose their temper and hurt a kid...can happen in a flash.

Clarification about the situation and these certain rules would definitely help.

A good nanny would probably be more like $500-1000... per week. Child care ain't cheap.

If you don't trust someone to be with your children unmonitored, don't leave them with that person.

People sure are uppity around here. Check out the options at Spy Camera Center: Spy Cameras, Digital Spy Camera, Spy Video Camera on Sale - DealExtreme - they are cheap, but slow shipping.

It's legal to video in your own home in every state, and it's only illegal to record speech without a person's consent in the following 15 states: California, Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, Hawaii, Illinois, Louisiana, Maryland, Massachusetts, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, Oregon, Pennyslvania, and Washington.

So if you are outside those states, you don't have a problem. Inside those states you can check to see what your legal responsibilities are - for instance you may be able to record conversations you are having with someone, and given that you are guardian of your children you may be able to record conversations they have with people, which would make most recording completely legal. But if you're worried about it, simply disable or tape over the microphone. Honestly it's going to be hard for your nanny to prove you are recording their conversations unless you actually use the material against them in court.

I don't know why people are spending so much time telling you it's a bad idea. The best time to put in some sort of monitoring hardware is before you even suspect there's a problem. You have absolutely no obligation, ethically, morally, legally, or otherwise to tell someone that you are videotaping rooms inside your own home for the safety and security of your family. It's ludicrous to think that people believe their "personal privacy bubble" should extend into your home when they are spending time alone with your children. I simply don't understand the mindset around here.

Yes, ideally trust would be enough, but if your brain is sending signals that a situation needs to be monitored (not even acted on - "Hey, let's just collect some information and make sure everything's going ok!") then, were I you, I'd pay attention to those gut feelings and do some monitoring. I wouldn't care about the legality of recording the audio because, at this point, I'm merely gathering information, and if I find out I was wrong, great! Everything goes in the bit bucket. If I find out there's a problem, then great! I can, ideally, resolve the issue long before anything goes too far.

But don't take the naysayers here to heart, and don't let them dissuade you from this path with the faulty idea that the privacy of the nanny is more important than the safety of your children and the security of your home.

However, I definitely agree with those saying that if you believe there is a problem, don't use the girlfriend. In this case it seems you merely don't have enough trust, but don't have any reason to distrust, so adding monitoring on top of the belief that you can trust those who tell you she's fine seems a prudent and reasonable action.

-Adam

It sounds to me like he doesn't have that much choice in who is watching his kids. Daycares are not open during the times he needs them watched so it adds another wrinkle.

Dave said:

It sounds to me like he doesn't have that much choice in who is watching his kids. Daycares are not open during the times he needs them watched so it adds another wrinkle.

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Also, if I remember correctly, he is living in HIS brother's home.

Chibibar;426265][QUOTE=Dave said:

It sounds to me like he doesn't have that much choice in who is watching his kids. Daycares are not open during the times he needs them watched so it adds another wrinkle.

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Also, if I remember correctly, he is living in HIS brother's home.[/QUOTE]

So man is gonna spy on his brother's girlfriend in his bro's house where he is staying while's she's watching his kids?

Chibibar;426265][QUOTE=Dave said:

It sounds to me like he doesn't have that much choice in who is watching his kids. Daycares are not open during the times he needs them watched so it adds another wrinkle.

Click to expand...

Also, if I remember correctly, he is living in HIS brother's home.[/QUOTE]

That a real problem then. I have no problem with him doing it in his home, I think Adam said everything about that that needed to be said. If it's not your home though? Weeeeell maybe think twice.

Espy;426269][QUOTE=Chibibar;426265][QUOTE=Dave said:

It sounds to me like he doesn't have that much choice in who is watching his kids. Daycares are not open during the times he needs them watched so it adds another wrinkle.

Click to expand...

Also, if I remember correctly, he is living in HIS brother's home.[/QUOTE]

That a real problem then. I have no problem with him doing it in his home, I think Adam said everything about that that needed to be said. If it's not your home though? Weeeeell maybe think twice.[/QUOTE]

This is a guess. People keep changing their name so I can't remember who is who. I remember someone posting about having to move back with his brother and his gf's place for a bit, have kids, and thinking about dating (could be two separate stories and my brain is just jumble together)

In the other thread talking about his ex, he mentioned his son was having issues in school or something right? It could be that he's far more worried about his son breaking rules behind the babysitter's back than he is about the babysitter. If the monitoring device if for the kid's room, then I can imagine a few things it could be for, and most of the things I'm thinking of are kind of out of the realm of "spying on the babysitter".

I may have missed the detail about him living in his brother's home. THAT would change my opinion a bit. I still don't think it's wrong to take steps to protect the safety of one's children, but if it IS his brother's home, he needs to at least discuss both his concerns and the video monitoring with his brother.

wait wait!! before we jump on Jiarn on the housing situation, I think it was the same post (I can't find it now) about living with his brother. I can't remember. I guess we have to let Jiarn to verify first before we jump on him.

sorry for the confusion.

We are going to jump on him? Is he the new High Horse?

Jiarn said:

You all took it and ran in a very very wrong direction....[/SIZE][/FONT]

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Welcome to Halforums! Just leave your coat anywhere and mind your step in the threads. They tend to spiral of their own accord.

OT: Reread your original post from the POV of a stranger. #Solved.

I have the solution. Ready for this?

Trust your babysitter.


This is a pretty trivial thing to want surveillance for. I'd let her know this is especially important to you and then go to work knowing that either she'll lay down the law or she won't. Either way it isn't the end of the world.

Dude, the stuff you're concerned about is stuff that you could monitor through keeping an eye on your kid's behavior and environment. If they sleep more than usual... well, more than a pre-pubescent, anyways, then they are staying up too late, and this can be addressed. If you start finding plates and whatnot in the room, then you know that they are eating in the room, and this can also be addressed.

Just my $0.02. It sounds to me as though the trust issue is with your kids, not the babysitter; as you say, you're concerned about them taking advantage of auntie.

Also bear in mind that kids will be kids, teens will be teens, but ultimately, the virtues you've tried to instill in them will shine through. Mostly. My mother still despairs about my lack of cleaning ethic......

It's cool man... besides, kids generally know that parents have eyes EVERYWHERE, anyways... *grins*

Jiarn said:

Again, they would never know there was one. I'd simply tell them that I know they had done it.

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Kids aren't stupid. They'll resent you for spying. They aren't going to think you come by your information through psychic ability.

I know that if I was young and I found out my parents where spying on me I would resent them and become that much more secretive and probably do more stuff behind there backs just to prove a point.

Edit: I am dumb. I missed you saying just that. Whatever you do, I hope it works out.

Hire a robot that looks like a human that can survey them. A japanese robot.

Espy said:

Hire a robot that looks like a human that can survey them. A japanese robot.

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I don't know, things involving japanese robots either end very badly, or are awesome but leave entire cities laid to waste.

You'd want a metal Robin Williams watching your kids?

CREEPY.

Jiarn said:

Hence I dropped the subject about 6 posts back....

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Like that has ever stopped us before?

.Amy. said:

OT: Reread your original post from the POV of a stranger. #Solved.

Click to expand...

Truth.

At least the situation has been clarified, the points about triviality made, and the subject dropped X posts ago.

Espy said:

Hire a robot that looks like a human that can survey them. A japanese robot.

Click to expand...

And it needs to be a ninja robot so that we can have super secret japanese ninja robot wars that can be captured on the little spy cam and posted to YouTube.

My brother caught a Nanny slapping his toddler on one of those. So I say screw it, record the babysitter.

jiarn: Since it is your house, it is your rules you do whatever you want. We are just internet people respond to an inquiry that you post

If it was me, I would be upset later discovering that my parents were spying on me. As an adult, I would have understand NOW, but as a teenager? I probably be rebellious and try to do MORE things to see if I can get away with it. That is what I would do. I can't say for your kids, but that is what I would have done if I discover I was being spy upon.

I'd wire up the fridge and pantry with a camera so it would take a picture every time my kid took something out or put it away, then post it on their facebook page and update their status each time. I'd also put a scale in front of the fridge so it would give their weight every time they opened the fridge door. Maybe put the video of them stuffing their gaping maws on youtube.

Boom! No fat kids ever again!

I mean, why not? Just because it can be done means that it *has* to be done!

(personally, if it's important to you, then I don't think there's a problem with you monitoring your kids - you'd be doing it visually when you were at home, so what's the difference when you're not home? But then I'm much more lax than you - honestly it's took much trouble to micromanage them, and if I don't teach them that they need to do it even when I can't tell, then I suspect they will only follow my instructions when I can tell, and I can't be wiring up their friend's houses, the school, and ultimately their home when they move out and have a family of their own...)

-Adam