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Some months ago, my father and his common law wife broke off their relationship in which they were together for over ten years. I thought he was taking it well until he started to do various chores for ex-GF like fixing the house, creating and managing her garden. Now small chores for her isn't the problem I have, the real trouble is that this isn't the first time they've broken up, and he always repeats the same cycle of bending down to her whims, and getting back together with her. This would be the third time now.

Only recently he signed over his vehicle to her, now he has no car. He's no longer in a relationship with her, yet he puts her needs and wants before his. This pattern is really starting to scare me, and I don't scare easily at all. I believe there may be a serious underlying problem to this, but I'm very reticent to confront my father about this, and on the other side I want to shake him stupid for being so weak. My dad means the world to me, he's helped me out more times than I could know, but this is grating on my nerves, what he's doing goes against everything he's taught me.

I need a passionless, impartial, opinion on this before I can decide anything. I'd appreciate any relevant input.

ThatGrinningIdiot! said:

I need a passionless, impartial, opinion on this ...

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OK.

ThatGrinningIdiot! said:

.... shake him stupid ....

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^This

Ok, maybe not this. But definitely sit down and have a good heart to heart Man to Man with him.

Yeh. Listen, after my mom died my dad got into a relationship with a manipulative, abusive woman. She would regularly do terrible things to my sister and I...yet he thought the sun shone out her ass and did EVERYTHING for her.

It took a real good scare and a stern talking too from people he respected to make him open his eyes and see that he was being brainwashed by this woman. Even then, after he gave her the boot he still helped put a down payment on a car and a house for her when she asked him too. He was given another stern talking to.

It's amazing how different my dad is now. I don't think he believed he deserved any better than that woman after my mother died...some people just need to be talked to and told what's what.

You might want to see if any of your dad's friends or other family members have observed this behavior. My dad wouldn't listen to me if the house was falling down with him in it and I was telling him to get out. He would, however, listen to one of his friends.

It seems to me like he is just sticking with what he knows and is comfortable with. He does those things for her because he always has. Maybe the solution would be to help him get out and meet someone new or get a new hobby that has nothing to do with her. It's hard to change your life when it revolved around someone else for so long.

ThatGrinningIdiot! said:

Some months ago, my father and his common law wife

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This is as far as I read.

Just walk away. That's a sinking ship.

*WHEW*

I had a good talk with my father, turns out he only signed over the car because he is unable to continue paying for insurance and repairs. He just cut down his debt by a few years, and he assured me that is over her. I am very grateful for this, it was toxic relationship that needed to stop. Thank you guys, for your support.

ThatGrinningIdiot! said:

*WHEW*

I had a good talk with my father, turns out he only signed over the car because he is unable to continue paying for insurance and repairs. He just cut down his debt by a few years, and he assured me that is over her. I am very grateful for this, it was toxic relationship that needed to stop. Thank you guys, for your support.

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your avatar is not grinning. This hurts the dark blob of snot they call my soul.

Xiaofang Nuren;388521][QUOTE=ThatGrinningIdiot! said:

*WHEW*

I had a good talk with my father, turns out he only signed over the car because he is unable to continue paying for insurance and repairs. He just cut down his debt by a few years, and he assured me that is over her. I am very grateful for this, it was toxic relationship that needed to stop. Thank you guys, for your support.

Click to expand...

your avatar is not grinning. This hurts the dark blob of snot they call my soul.[/QUOTE]

Tell you what, you create an avatar that fits my handle, and I'll use it. No questions asked.

ThatGrinningIdiot!;388524][QUOTE=Xiaofang Nuren;388521][QUOTE=ThatGrinningIdiot! said:

*WHEW*

I had a good talk with my father, turns out he only signed over the car because he is unable to continue paying for insurance and repairs. He just cut down his debt by a few years, and he assured me that is over her. I am very grateful for this, it was toxic relationship that needed to stop. Thank you guys, for your support.

Click to expand...

your avatar is not grinning. This hurts the dark blob of snot they call my soul.[/QUOTE]

Tell you what, you create an avatar that fits my handle, and I'll use it. No questions asked. [/QUOTE]

...

Xiao, honestly I would change my avatar to your suggestion. But I am inebriated, and I lack the brainpower to make the adjustments myself.