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Or, to be more precise, the Republic of China military has asked me to join them, in the form of this cute little conscription notice they sent to my house today. Every male in Taiwan is required to do national service, and now it's my turn.

I know some of you guys have military experience, any general tips? I know some people also live in countries with conscription (Ranger immediately springs to mind), what was it like for you?

Oh, and if, in the next year or two, cross strait tensions get too high and erupts into violence, know that I fought and died with honor!

Understand the mind games the military plays, do what you are told, get into the best shape of your life.

Don't forget your large wooden sword.

...I have only one thing to say to you, now that you are with the Red Army...




WOLVERINES!!!

RoC not PRC

God bless America for not forcing me to serve, only forcing me to sit through annoyingly bland or shmaltzily patriotic infomercials prodding me to join at the movie theatre.

Settle down, friendly Colorado insurrectionist, not every country with the word "Republic" in it's name or description is communist.






Or is it?

my step dad tells me stories (he was in the Red army too) it is not like U.S. army.

Chibibar said:

my step dad tells me stories (he was in the Red army too) it is not like U.S. army.

Click to expand...

an illuminating statement!

bhamv3 said:

Or, to be more precise, the Republic of China military has asked me to join them, in the form of this cute little conscription notice they sent to my house today. Every male in Taiwan is required to do national service, and now it's my turn.

I know some of you guys have military experience, any general tips? I know some people also live in countries with conscription (Ranger immediately springs to mind), what was it like for you?

Oh, and if, in the next year or two, cross strait tensions get too high and erupts into violence, know that I fought and died with honor!

Click to expand...

EVERYTHING can be made into a sandwich. You will do everything wrong the first time, just shut up and try and do it that much better the second. When told to jump do not ask "how high?" Jump as high as you can and pray that it is high enough.

I don't have anything relevant to add. I just want to wish you luck.

Gilman Chatsworth said:

God bless America for not forcing me to serve, only forcing me to sit through annoyingly bland or shmaltzily patriotic infomercials prodding me to join at the movie theatre.

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I didn't realize you were forced to go to the movie theater. You should call your congressman.

Covar;420151][QUOTE=Gilman Chatsworth said:

God bless America for not forcing me to serve, only forcing me to sit through annoyingly bland or shmaltzily patriotic infomercials prodding me to join at the movie theatre.

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I didn't realize you were forced to go to the movie theater. You should call your congressman.[/QUOTE]

You don't know the half of it. I've seen Eclipse like five fucking times.

You're forced to if you want to experience the EYE POPPING 3D!



It's coming right at me!

SpecialKO said:

Settle down, friendly Colorado insurrectionist, not every country with the word "Republic" in it's name or description is communist.






Or is it?

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All those fucker from acorss the way look the same, and you and I both know that they aint Amer'can, they aint up to no good. nuke em all, I says!

Gilman Chatsworth;420161][QUOTE=Covar said:

I didn't realize you were forced to go to the movie theater. You should call your congressman.

Click to expand...

You don't know the half of it. I've seen Eclipse like five fucking times.[/QUOTE]

Someone get this man a medal. A big, ostentatious one.

Vagabond;420172][QUOTE=Gilman Chatsworth;420161][QUOTE=Covar said:

I didn't realize you were forced to go to the movie theater. You should call your congressman.

Click to expand...

You don't know the half of it. I've seen Eclipse like five fucking times.[/QUOTE]

Someone get this man a medal. A big, ostentatious one.[/QUOTE]
Make it extra sparkly in the sunlight.

Baerdog said:

Make it extra sparkly in the sunlight.

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Gilman Chatsworth;420161][QUOTE=Covar;420151][QUOTE=Gilman Chatsworth said:

God bless America for not forcing me to serve, only forcing me to sit through annoyingly bland or shmaltzily patriotic infomercials prodding me to join at the movie theatre.

Click to expand...

I didn't realize you were forced to go to the movie theater. You should call your congressman.[/QUOTE]

You don't know the half of it. I've seen Eclipse like five fucking times.[/QUOTE]


I FEEL YOUR PAIN!

When you do long marches, hook the handle of your rifle into your belt and place you hand over it. It will look like your carrying it. Your rifle will grow heavy with long marches. Resting it with your belt should help.

Do as your told. Otherwise the sergent will make you his new pet project.

Start doing push ups before you go in. Atleast in America, you mess up, you do push ups. In the beginning you will be doing a lot of push ups.

You will get yelled at alot.

If you feel your going to go crazy and shoot everyone, calm down, talk to your fellow soldiers or a counsler. Do not shoot your drill instructor in a head.

Have fun.

For the record, I really haven't seen Eclipse five times. If I had, I wouldn't be here right now, I'd be in the obits.

Well in that case, no sparkly medal for you!

Go into this knowing that you need to basically submit your identity to the one they're trying to mold you into. Once you're out of boot, life is easier, and you can be yourself again. In boot, the nail that sticks out gets hammered down.

Most folks will tell you to never volunteer, and there's merit to this advice, but look at it this way: if you volunteer for stuff, you're guaranteed to be doing something different, which helps stave off boredom, which makes the time go by faster.

baw

Officer_Charon said:

Most folks will tell you to never volunteer, and there's merit to this advice, but look at it this way: if you volunteer for stuff, you're guaranteed to be doing something different, which helps stave off boredom, which makes the time go by faster.

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Holy crap. I had forgotton the whole "Volunteer" stuff. Listen to OC. He knows what he is talking about. I knew guys who saw volunteering as ass kissing. But its true, if your bored and feel like doing alot of work, then go for it.

Volunteer is better than volun-told.

LordRavage;420207][QUOTE=Officer_Charon said:

Most folks will tell you to never volunteer, and there's merit to this advice, but look at it this way: if you volunteer for stuff, you're guaranteed to be doing something different, which helps stave off boredom, which makes the time go by faster.

Click to expand...

Holy crap. I had forgotton the whole "Volunteer" stuff. Listen to OC. He knows what he is talking about. I knew guys who saw volunteering as ass kissing. But its true, if your bored and feel like doing alot of work, then go for it. [/QUOTE]
I would say always volunteer. There is a 50/50 chance that what you are doing is a shit detail or a break where they needed most of your platoon to do a shit detail. Better to volunteer and be the guy willing to step forward.

Gilman Chatsworth;420140][QUOTE=Chibibar said:

my step dad tells me stories (he was in the Red army too) it is not like U.S. army.

Click to expand...

an illuminating statement![/QUOTE]

Well. I am not sure if the stories are suppose to scare me or true or not, but it is pretty gruesome stuff.

Never talk back to the NCOs.
Keep a straight face at all times when dealing with people who outrank you.
Work on your physical fitness beforehand, if possible. It will make boot camp much easier for you.
Particularly in firing ranges, follow the instructions TO THE LETTER. They are there to make sure there aren't any accidents.
Agree early on with the guys in your room what your lockers will look like. They have to look exactly the same or else you'll do it again during inspections.
Treat your equipment with respect, particularly your gun. Because if you don't, you'll just have to do it all over again.
Maintain good out-of-service relationships. Even though my relationship went belly up six months after my service, I would have gone bonkers if I hadn't spent time on weekend leaves with my girlfriend.
Learn the loopholes and use them to your advantage.
Build up a tolerance for boredom. You'll always have to wait long times before you rush, or you'll have to rush to get to wait for a long time.
If possible, maintain a stash of private rations in case of bivouac or being confined to barracks: caffeine tablets (don't OD on 'em), cigarettes, chocolate, canned tuna etc. If the bivouac food is inedible, at least you'll have something to give you a boost.
If you smoke, use that to your advantage. Smokers sometimes get breaks.
If food in bivouac is inedible, use your private stash. But remember to keep yourself in liquids: you can survive a while without the crap they call food, but you'll definitely want all the tea/coffee you can get.
Volunteer. Just do it. It's a gamble, but there's a chance you'll get something nice.
Learn the local slang.
Learn to take a joke, there's bound to be a prankster or two in every company.
If not currently doing anything, find a place where the NCOs are least likely to see you right away; this way you can avoid often shitty extra service.

I'm no soldier, but a buddy of mine in the Marines told me this about his time in boot when I asked him:

-NEVER volunteer in order endear yourself to the D.I.s, because they smell it a mile away and will make it worse on you, and your buddies will give you shit.
-DO volunteer in order to try new duties. The D.I.s will smell it as well, but they'll respect that approach a lot more than the ass-kissing version. Your buddies will still give you shit, but it may be more sympathetic.
-Remember that the D.I.s aren't out to get you or actually hurt you, they're trying to toughen you up, get you to rely on the others for support, and weed out the people who really aren't suited for the role and responsibilities that could arise.

I dunno how much that applies to the service in RoC, but I imagine it's similar.

Don't drop the soap. Wait, never mind.

Cajungal said:

Don't drop the soap. Wait, never mind.

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This actually is a good segway to shower etiquette. Two rules:

1) eyes above waist level
2) if you're going to sing, sing something everyone can sing along to.

"I feel pretty... Oh so pretty..."

Also, if you get sick or ache too badly, go to the hospital. But if not in serious pain, try to get the papers that will allow you to go to the mess hall instead of being confined to barracks.

North_Ranger said:

try to get the papers that will allow you to go to the mess hall instead of being confined to barracks.

Click to expand...

You...you guys eat people who feel sick in boot? :wtf:

No wonder the Soviets lost!

Finnish boot camp is a real dog-eat-dog operation.

Never...never ever get out to sing cadence and be peer pressured into singing illegal cadence. I mean for me it was worth it, but singing "1,2,3, and quarter. I got a date with the Generals daughter" while running past the Division Commander during a Division run will get you nasty looks, but lots of laughs from your soldiers . Oh and welcome to the Machine.

Challenge yourself to complete every thing on this list, it is Skippy's list of 213 things he can't do in the U.S. Army:
Explanations of these events:
a) I did myself, and either got in trouble or commended. (I had a Major shake my hand for the piss bottle thing, for instance.)
b) I witnessed another soldier do it. (Like the Sergeant we had, that basically went insane, and crucified some dead mice.)
c) Was spontaneously informed I was not allowed to do. (Like start a porn studio.)
d) Was the result of a clarification of the above. (“What about especially patriotic porn?”)
e) I was just minding my own business, when something happened. (“Schwarz…what is *that*?” said the Sgt, as he pointed to the back of my car? “Um….a rubber sheep…I can explain why that’s there….”)

To explain how I’ve stayed out of jail/alive/not beaten up too badly….. I’m funny, so they let me live.

The 213 Things….

1. Not allowed to watch Southpark when I’m supposed to be working.

2. My proper military title is “Specialist Schwarz” not “Princess Anastasia”.

3. Not allowed to threaten anyone with black magic.

4. Not allowed to challenge anyone’s disbelief of black magic by asking for hair.

5. Not allowed to get silicone breast implants.

6. Not allowed to play “Pulp Fiction” with a suction-cup dart pistol and any officer.

7. Not allowed to add “In accordance with the prophesy” to the end of answers I give to a question an officer asks me.

8. Not allowed to add pictures of officers I don’t like to War Criminal posters.

9. Not allowed to title any product “Get Over it”.

10. Not allowed to purchase anyone’s soul on government time.

11. Not allowed to join the Communist Party.

12. Not allowed to join any militia.

13. Not allowed to form any militia.

14. Not allowed out of my office when the president visited Sarajevo.

15. Not allowed to train adopted stray dogs to “Sic Brass!”

16. Must get a haircut even if it tampers with my “Samson like powers”.

17. God may not contradict any of my orders.

18. May no longer perform my now (in)famous “Barbie Girl Dance” while on duty.

19. May not call any officers immoral, untrustworthy, lying, slime, even if I’m right.

20. Must not taunt the French any more.

21. Must attempt to not antagonize SAS.

22. Must never call an SAS a “Wanker”.

23. Must never ask anyone who outranks me if they’ve been smoking crack.

24. Must not tell any officer that I am smarter than they are, especially if it’s true.

25. Never confuse a Dutch soldier for a French one.

26. Never tell a German soldier that “We kicked your ass in World War 2!”

27. Don’t tell Princess Di jokes in front of the paras (British Airborne).

28. Don’t take the batteries out of the other soldiers alarm clocks (Even if they do hit snooze about forty times).

29. The Irish MPs are not after “Me frosted lucky charms”.

30. Not allowed to wake an Non-Commissioned Officer by repeatedly banging on the head with a bag of trash.

31. Not allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for any of my actions.

32. Not allowed to let sock puppets take command of my post.

33. Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I brought enough for everybody.

34. (Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation even if I *did* bring enough for everybody.

35. Not allowed to sing “High Speed Dirt” by Megadeth during airborne operations. (“See the earth below/Soon to make a crater/Blue sky, black death, I’m off to meet my maker”)

36. Can’t have flashbacks to wars I was not in. (The Spanish-American War isn’t over).

37. Our medic is called “Sgt Larwasa”, not “Dr. Feelgood”.

38. Our supply Sgt is “Sgt Watkins” not “Sugar Daddy”.

39. Not allowed to ask for the day off due to religious purposes, on the basis that the world is going to end, more than once.

40. I do not have super-powers.

41. “Keep on Trucking” is *not* a psychological warfare message.

42. Not allowed to attempt to appeal to mankind’s baser instincts in recruitment posters.

43. Camouflage body paint is not a uniform.

44. I am not the atheist chaplain.

45. I am not allowed to “Go to Bragg boulevard and shake daddy’s little money maker for twenties stuffed into my undies”.

46. I am not authorized to fire officers.

47. I am not a citizen of Texas, and those other, forty-nine, lesser states.

48. I may not use public masturbation as a tool to demonstrate a flaw in a command decision.

49. Not allowed to trade military equipment for “magic beans”.

50. Not allowed to sell magic beans during duty hours.

51. Not allowed to quote “Dr Seuss” on military operations.

52. Not allowed to yell “Take that Cobra” at the rifle range.

53. Not allowed to quote “Full Metal Jacket “ at the rifle range.

54. “Napalm sticks to kids” is *not* a motivational phrase.

55. An order to “Put Kiwi on my boots” does *not* involve fruit.

56. An order to “Make my Boots black and shiny” does not involve electrical tape.

57. The proper response to a lawful order is not “Why?”

58. The following words and phrases may not be used in a cadence- Budding sexuality, necrophilia, I hate everyone in this formation and wish they were dead, sexual lubrication, black earth mother, all Marines are latent homosexuals, Tantric yoga, Gotterdammerung, Korean hooker, Eskimo Nell, we’ve all got jackboots now, slut puppy, or any references to squid.

59. May not make posters depicting the leadership failings of my chain of command.

60. “The Giant Space Ants” are not at the top of my chain of command.

61. If one soldier has a 2nd Lt bar on his uniform, and I have an E-4 on mine It means he outranks me. It does not mean “I have been promoted three more times than you”.

62. It is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission, no longer applies to Specialist Schwarz.

63. Command decisions do *not* need to be ratified by a 2/3 majority.

64. Inflatable novelties do *not* entitle me to BAQ or Separation pay.

65. There are no evil clowns living under my bed.

66. There is no “Anti-Mime” campaign in Bosnia.

67. I am not the Psychological Warfare Mascot.

68. I may not line my helmet with tin foil to “Block out the space mind control lasers”.

69. May not pretend to be a fascist stormtrooper, while on duty.

70. I am not authorized to prescribe any form of medication.

71. I must not flaunt my deviances in front of my chain of command.

72. May not wear gimp mask while on duty.

73. No military functions are to be performed “Skyclad”.

74. Woad is not camouflage makeup.

75. May not conduct psychological experiments on my chain of command.

76. “Teddy Bear, Teddy bear, turn around” is *not* a cadence.

77. The MP checkpoint is not an Imperial Stormtrooper roadblock, so I should not tell them “You don’t need to see my identification, these are not the droids you are looking for.”

78. I may not call block my chain of command.

79. I am neither the king nor queen of cheese.

80. Not allowed to wear a dress to any army functions.

81. May not bring a drag queen to the battalion formal dance.

82. May not form any press gangs.

83. Must not start any SITREP (Situation Report) with “I recently had an experience I just had to write you about….”

84. Must not use military vehicles to “Squish” things.

85. Not allowed to make any Psychological Warfare products depicting the infamous Ft. Bragg sniper incident.

86. May not challenge anyone in my chain of command to the “field of honor”.

87. If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.

88. Must not refer to 1st Sgt as “Mom”.

89. Must not refer to the Commander as “Dad”.

90. Inflatable sheep do *not* need to be displayed during a room inspection.

91. I am not authorized to initiate Jihad.

92. When asked to give a few words at a military ceremony “Romper Bomper Stomper Boo” is probably not appropriate.

93. Nerve gas is not funny.

94. Crucifixes do not ward off officers, and I should not test that.

95. I am not in need of a more suitable host body.

96. “Redneck Zombies” is not a military training aid.

97. Gozer does not dwell in my refrigerator.

98. The proper response to a chemical weapon attack is not “Tell my chain of command what I really think about them, and then poke holes in their masks.”

99. A smiley face is not used to mark a minefield.

100. Claymore mines are not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell new soldiers that they are.

101. I am not allowed to mount a bayonet on a crew-served weapon.

102. Rodents are not entitled to burial with full military honors, even if they are “casualties of war”.

103. My commander is not old enough to have fought in the civil war, and I should stop implying that he did.

104. Vodka, green food coloring, and a “Cool Mint” Listerine® bottle is not a good combination.

105. I am not allowed to bum cigarettes off of anyone under twelve.

106. I may not trade my rifle for any of the following: Cigarettes, booze, sexual favors, Kalishnikovs, Soviet Armored vehicles, small children, or bootleg CD’s.

107. Must not mock command decisions in front of the press.

108. Should not taunt members of the press, even if they are really fat, exceptionally stupid, and working for UPI.

109. I am not authorized to change national policy in Eastern Europe.

110. Never, ever, attempt to correct a Green Beret officer about anything.

111. I am not qualified to operate any US, German, Polish, or Russian Armored vehicles.

112. When saluting a “leg” officer, an appropriate greeting is not “Airborne leads the wa- oh…sorry sir”.

113. There is absolutely no need to emulate the people from “Full Monty” every time I hear the song “Hot Stuff”.

114. I cannot trade my CO to the Russians.

115. I should not speculate on the penis size of anyone who outranks me.

116. Crucifying mice – bad idea.

117. Must not use government equipment to bootleg pornography.

118. Burn pits for classified material are not revel fires – therefore it is wrong to dance naked around them.

119. I cannot arrest children for being rude.

120. An EO briefing is probably not the best place to unveil my newest off color joke.

121. I should not use government resources to “waterproof” dirty magazines.

122. Radioactive material should not be stored in the barracks.

123. I should not teach other soldiers to say offensive and crude things in Albanian, under the guise of teaching them how to say potentially useful phrases.

124. Two drink limit does not mean first and last.

125. Two drink limit does not mean two kinds of drinks.

126. Two drink limit does not mean the drinks can be as large as I like.

127. “No Drinking Of Alcoholic Beverages” does not imply that a Jack Daniel’s ® IV is acceptable.

128. “Shpadoinkle” is not a real word.

129. The Microsoft ® “Dancing Paperclip” is not authorized to countermand any orders.

130. “I’m drunk” is a bad answer to any question posed by my commander.

131. No dancing in the turret. This especially applies in conjunction with rule #113.

132. The loudspeaker system is not a forum to voice my ideas.

133. The loudspeaker system is not to be used to replace the radio.

134. The loudspeaker system is not to be used to broadcast the soundtrack to a porno movie.

135. An order to put polish on my boots means the whole boot.

136. Shouting “Let’s do the village! Let’s do the whole fucking village!” while out on a mission is bad.

137. Should not show up at the front gate wearing part of a Russian uniform, messily drunk.

138. Even if my commander did it.

139. Must not teach interpreters how to make “MRE” bombs.

140. I am not authorized to sell mineral rights.

141. Not allowed to use a broadsword to disprove “The Pen is Mightier than the sword”.

142. “Calvin-Ball” is not authorized PT.

143. I do not need to keep a “range card” by my window.

144. “K-Pot, LBE, and a thin coat of Break-free” is not an authorized uniform.

145. I should not drink three quarts of blue food coloring before a urine test.

146. Nor should I drink three quarts of red food coloring, and scream during the same.

147. I should not threaten suicide with pop rocks and Coke ®.

148. Putting red “Mike and Ike’s” ® into a prescription medicine bottle, and then eating them all in a formation is not funny.

149. Must not create new DOD forms, then insist they be filled out.

150. On Sports Day PT, a wedgie is not considered a legal tackle.

151. The proper way to report to my Commander is “Specialist Schwarz, reporting as ordered, Sir” not “You can’t prove a thing!”

152. The following items do not exist: Keys to the Drop Zone, A box of grid squares, blinker fluid, winter air for tires, canopy lights, or Chem-Light ® batteries.

153. I should not assign new privates to “guard the flight line”.

154. Shouldn’t treat “piss-bottles” with extra-strength icy hot.

155. Teaching Albanian children to taunt other soldiers is not nice.

156. I will no longer perform “lap-dances” while in uniform.

157. If I take the uniform off, in the course of the lap-dance, it still counts.

158. The revolution is not now.

159. When detained by MP’s, I do not have a right to a strip search.

160. No part of the military uniform is edible.

161. Bodychecking General officers is not a good idea.

162. Past lives have absolutely no effect on the chain of command.

163. Take that hat off.

164. There is no such thing as a were-virgin.

165. I do not get “that time of month”.

166. No, the pants are not optional.

167. Not allowed to operate a business out of the barracks.

168. Especially not a pornographic movie studio.

169. Not even if they *are* “especially patriotic films”

170. Not allowed to “defect” to OPFOR during training missions.

171. On training missions, try not to shoot down the General’s helicopter.

172. “A full magazine and some privacy” is not the way to help a potential suicide.

173. I am not allowed to create new levels of security clearance.

174. Furby ® is not allowed into classified areas. (I swear to the gods, I did not make that up, it’s actually DOD policy).

175. We do not “charge into battle, naked, like the Celts”.

176. Any device that can crawl across the table on medium, does not need to be brought into the office.

177. I am not to refer to a formation as “the boxy rectangle thingie”.

178. I am not “A lesbian trapped in a man’s body”.

179. On Army documents, my race is not “Other”.

180. Nor is it “Secretariat, in the third”.

181. Pokémon® trainer is not an MOS.

182. There is no FM for “wall-to-wall counseling”.

183. My chain of command has neither the time, nor the inclination to hear about what I did with six boxes of Fruit Roll-Ups. ®

184. When operating a military vehicle I may *not* attempt something “I saw in a cartoon”.

185. My name is not a killing word.

186. I am not the Emperor of anything.

187. Must not taunt officers in the throes of nicotine withdrawal, with cigarettes.

188. May not challenge officers to “Meet me on the field of honor, at dawn”.

189. Do not dare SERE graduates to eat bugs. They will always do it.

190. Must not make s’mores while on guard duty.

191. Our Humvees cannot be assembled into a giant battle-robot.

192. The proper response to a briefing is not “That’s what you think”.

193. The Masons, and Gray Aliens are not in our chain of command.

194. Shouldn’t take incriminating photos of my chain of command.

195. Shouldn’t use Photoshop ® to create incriminating photos of my chain of command.

196. I am not allowed to give tattoos.

197. I am not allowed to sing “Henry the VIII I am” until verse 68 ever again.

198. Not allowed to lead a “Coup” during training missions.

199. I should not confess to crimes that took place before I was born.

200. My chain of command is not interested in why I “just happen” to have a kilt, an inflatable sheep, and a box of rubber bands in the back of my car.

201. Must not valiantly push officers onto hand grenades to save the squad.

202. Despite the confusing similarity in the names, the “Safety Dance” and the “Safety Briefing” are never to be combined.

203. “To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys” is a bad long term goal to give the re-enlistment NCO.

204. NEVER nail a stuffed bunny to a cross and put it up in front of the Battalion Headquarters sign as an “Easter Desecration.”

205. Don’t write up false gigs on a HMMWV PMCS. (“Broken clutch pedal”, “Number three turbine has frequent flame-outs”, “flux capacitor emits loud whine when engaged”)

206. Not allowed to get shot.

207. The Chicken and Rice MRE is *not* a personal lubricant. (Skippy wanted this noted for the record that this is not something he has ever attempted or considered! It was something we heard at dinner on 22 September 2001 and it was just so obscene it had to go here.)

208. Not allowed to play into the deluded fantasies of the civilians who are “hearing conversations” from the NSA, FBI, CIA and KGB due to the microchip the aliens implanted in their brain.

209. An airsickness bag is to be used for airsickness *only*. (Also not a Skippy-ism…this was the same dinner.)

210. Must not make T-shirts up depicting a pig with the writing “Eat Pork or Die” in Arabic to bring as civilian attire when preparing to deploy to a primarily Muslim country.

211. Don’t ask LTC Steele to sign my copy of Blackhawk Down.

212. Must not go on nine deployments in six years that require a security clearance that I don’t have, even if the Army tells me repeatedly that I have one and I have no reason to question them.

213. Do not convince NCO’s that their razorbumps are the result of microscopic parasites.

SpecialKO;420282][QUOTE=North_Ranger said:

try to get the papers that will allow you to go to the mess hall instead of being confined to barracks.

Click to expand...

You...you guys eat people who feel sick in boot? :wtf:

No wonder the Soviets lost![/QUOTE]

It's only a matter of time, especially on bivouac if we get served Slop Bucket Surprise.

In all seriousness, though, I was talking about papers one gets from the hospital if and when one either gets sick or injured in service. I'll use the Finnish terms here:
VP (=vapautus palveluksesta): 'release from service'; you don't take part in any exercises or classes, and are expected to remain in bed at the barracks. Any worse than that and you go to the hospital. But you are also denied any leaves or chance to visit the mess hall at the evening free hours.
VUP (=vapautus ulkopalveluksesta): 'release from outdoors service'; you'll take part in indoor services and lectures, but are released from outdoor activities. But you still don't get to the mess.
VMTL (=vapautus marssi-, taistelu- ja liikuntakoulutuksesta): 'release from march, combat and physical exercises'; meaning you do all the thing as in VUP, including any harder indoor services. And in the evening, you get to go to the mess hall.

Don't know how these things go in RoC...

North_Ranger;420289][QUOTE=SpecialKO;420282][QUOTE=North_Ranger said:

try to get the papers that will allow you to go to the mess hall instead of being confined to barracks.

Click to expand...

You...you guys eat people who feel sick in boot? :wtf:

No wonder the Soviets lost![/QUOTE]

It's only a matter of time, especially on bivouac if we get served Slop Bucket Surprise.

In all seriousness, though, I was talking about papers one gets from the hospital if and when one either gets sick or injured in service. I'll use the Finnish terms here:
VP (=vapautus palveluksesta): 'release from service'; you don't take part in any exercises or classes, and are expected to remain in bed at the barracks. Any worse than that and you go to the hospital. But you are also denied any leaves or chance to visit the mess hall at the evening free hours.
VUP (=vapautus ulkopalveluksesta): 'release from outdoors service'; you'll take part in indoor services and lectures, but are released from outdoor activities. But you still don't get to the mess.
VMTL (=vapautus marssi-, taistelu- ja liikuntakoulutuksesta): 'release from march, combat and physical exercises'; meaning you do all the thing as in VUP, including any harder indoor services. And in the evening, you get to go to the mess hall.

Don't know how these things go in RoC...[/QUOTE]

yeah, basically you get to BREATHE, and that's it.
If you DON'T want to serve, I can come up with a few things that might help to help you get OUT of it.. but again, American military is different.. I don't want you to get shot or hung for my suggestions!

I hope someone else's decisions don't get you killed.

142. “Calvin-Ball” is not authorized PT.

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You know, you could probably just make that part of the rules, for the one game at least.

---------- Post added at 10:03 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:02 PM ----------

that it is authorized PT that is. I mean, rules is rules.

Tinwhistler;420191][QUOTE=Gilman Chatsworth;420161][QUOTE=Covar;420151][QUOTE=Gilman Chatsworth said:

God bless America for not forcing me to serve, only forcing me to sit through annoyingly bland or shmaltzily patriotic infomercials prodding me to join at the movie theatre.

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I didn't realize you were forced to go to the movie theater. You should call your congressman.[/QUOTE]

You don't know the half of it. I've seen Eclipse like five fucking times.[/QUOTE]


I FEEL YOUR PAIN![/QUOTE]



HEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! I love those movies!! Be NICE TIN!

Tin, man, you deserve a big sparkly medal.

Baerdog said:

Tin, man, you deserve a big sparkly medal.

Click to expand...

But he's already got Calli...
even if her taste in movies is questionable...

Drink lots of water. Do not dishonor your ancestors. Drink lots of water. Do not dishonor your ancestors. Drin...

etc

Covar;420142][QUOTE=bhamv3 said:

Or, to be more precise, the Republic of China military has asked me to join them, in the form of this cute little conscription notice they sent to my house today. Every male in Taiwan is required to do national service, and now it's my turn.

I know some of you guys have military experience, any general tips? I know some people also live in countries with conscription (Ranger immediately springs to mind), what was it like for you?

Oh, and if, in the next year or two, cross strait tensions get too high and erupts into violence, know that I fought and died with honor!

Click to expand...

EVERYTHING can be made into a sandwich. You will do everything wrong the first time, just shut up and try and do it that much better the second. When told to jump do not ask "how high?" Jump as high as you can and pray that it is high enough.[/QUOTE]

To add... DO NOT TRY TO BE A LEADER! Be a follower.

Officer_Charon;420374][QUOTE=Baerdog said:

Tin, man, you deserve a big sparkly medal.

Click to expand...

But he's already got Calli...
even if her taste in movies is questionable...[/QUOTE]

Awwwww...


wait heyy! LOL

Good luck bro, I know things are kind of tense between China and Taiwan.

D=

I'll just leave this here...

Skippy's List » Skippy’s List: The 213 things Skippy is no longer allowed to do in the U.S. Army

Amorous Eyes;420941][QUOTE=General Specific said:

I'll just leave this here...

Skippy's List » Skippy’s List: The 213 things Skippy is no longer allowed to do in the U.S. Army

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This very page: http://www.halforums.com/forum/t14391-2/#post420286 ^

He even pasted the entire thing. You had to scroll for hours and you still missed it![/QUOTE]


Because I didn't see the second page before I went to find the link. Dang.

Welp, I go in tomorrow.

See you guys in a year.

Next time I go to Guangzhou, I'll wave to you from across the strait. Be sure to be on the lookout for me.

bhamv3 said:

Welp, I go in tomorrow.

See you guys in a year.

Click to expand...

Die with Honor.

Good luck!

Here's hoping for a peaceful tour of duty...

If you get some leave, let us know how you are making out.

Good luck and remember, if anyone shoots at you, duck!

Good luck.

Keep your mouth shut, your bunk neat and count the days.

Try to hang around in groups of 5 or more, You get the horde bonus which increases attacking speed. Also watch out for toxin tractors because they kill infantry instantly.....Maybe I should really stop playing C&C generals for a while.

Good Luck and come home safe!

I'm out on leave for the first time in ten days.

Man, life in the army sucks!

bhamv3 said:

I'm out on leave for the first time in ten days.

Man, life in the army sucks!

Click to expand...

you gonna survive, scrub?

.Amy.;430482][QUOTE=bhamv3 said:

I'm out on leave for the first time in ten days.

Man, life in the army sucks!

Click to expand...

you gonna survive, scrub?[/QUOTE]

Well, if I die, I'll be sure to tell you guys about it.

You're young, and you'll get stronger. Just try to see through the mind games. And do what you are told, legally.

Ten days in and you get leave? Soft I tell you soft! I have to walk up hill to basic training both ways and I had to kill and prep the coon skin and alligator hide, that made my leg boots!

---------- Post added at 08:51 AM ---------- Previous post was at 08:47 AM ----------

COON SKIN & ALLIGATOR HIDE

Coon skin and alligator hide
Make a pair of jump boots just the right size
Shine 'em up, lace 'em up, put 'em on your feet
A good pair of jump boots can't be beat

Birdie, birdie in the sky
Dropped some whitewash in my eye
Ain't no sissy, I won't cry
I'm just glad that cows don't fly

Well, out on leave again for the weekend.

Man, life in the army sucks royal donkey ass!!! Too many higher ranked people who like to make life shit for the new guys, just because they can.

On the bright side, I got to fire an assault rifle.

Feels good, don't it? *maniacal gun nut smile*

And the army is supposed to suck, that's how they know who has a chance of going career. Only the crazy guys who like... it... there... Oh crap, Doc's gonna kill me now, isn't he?

If the combat boot fits, wear it. *chuckles* Working on going back, myself.

Bhamv, do you already know what your job is going to be? Basic infantry, or something else? Because if you get to artillery, if you thought firing a RIFLE was fun... *nostalgic smile*

Officer_Charon said:

If the combat boot fits, wear it. *chuckles* Working on going back, myself.

Bhamv, do you already know what your job is going to be? Basic infantry, or something else? Because if you get to artillery, if you thought firing a RIFLE was fun... *nostalgic smile*

Click to expand...

I hear ya, Papa Charon. I myself served as a tank-buster (bazooka squad, not missile). But part of our training also included training with this puppy:



May I present, the 95 S 58-61 heavy recoilless rifle, colloquially known as "Musti" (common name for a black dog). 95 mm caliber, effective range 700 metres (c. 750 yards) against mobile targets, 1,000 metres (c. 1,100 yards) against stationary targets. HEAT ammunition capable of punching through 20 inches of steel plating. Eight-man crew, including two men armed with M72 LAWS and APILAS heavy bazookas. We were told to keep our jaws clenched when firing this puppy, because the blast would make our jaws jump and bite our tongues.

You know what the funny thing is? We won't be using these until AFTER we turn forty-five and can't do proper guerrilla warfare anymore. That's right, this baby is for when we turn into old farts.

I love recoilless rifles. *grins*

This was my toy of choice: the M198 towed howitzer. Not my gun, but our crew was this good together, after only a week of drills/live fires. We took great delight in the fact that, even though we were reservists, we outshot the active-duty guys at Rolling Thunder, in Fort Bragg. *grins*

We trained mostly with bazookas. Unfortunately, we didn't get to use much live ordinance, but yours truly did get to blow a hole in a defunct tank with an M72 LAW light anti-armor weapon. The best of the two squads get to shoot live APILAS ordinance.

M72 LAW:


APILAS:

Hee hee... the recoil kicked the guy right in the kisser

95 S 58-61: