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Insult or compliment Dave and win a prize!

#1

Dave

Dave

This one will be easy enough. It's a Twitter-style contest (140 characters max) where the most creative insult or compliment of Dave wins.

Rules:

  • Any entry exceeding 140 characters will be disqualified.
  • Anyone can enter as often as they like. Want to creatively insult me 50 times? Cool with me!
  • I will be actually tweeting some of these so don't go too nuts on the vulgarity.
  • Did you notice we have a front page now? With content?
  • Are you even reading the rules?
  • I'm the judge but my wife will probably chime in at some point.
  • There's secret bonus points for a specific action but I ain't saying what it is. Because I'm evil.
That's it. That's all there is to it. So the prizes? All Steam games. How's about...
Third Place: Costume Quest
Second Place: Psychonauts
Grand Prize: Humble Bundle V!! (Sword & Sworcery, LIMBO, Amnesia: Teh Dark Descent, Psychonauts, Bastion, Lone Survivor, Braid, and Super Meat Boy!)
Contest goes until Monday. Winners will be chosen and announced Tuesday.
I also have a Carnival Games code for the 360/Kinect but I don't know how many people have/use Kinect. I know NR has one! :p
That's it. Gimme what you got, mang!


#2

HCGLNS

HCGLNS

Oh Gusto :facepalm:


#3

phil

phil

Dave is pretty OK, truthfully.


#4

Ravenpoe

Ravenpoe

You are Dave.

Figure out if this is an insult, or compliment.


#5

FnordBear

FnordBear

Dave, you are as awesome as Twilight.


#6

Cheesy1

Cheesy1

Dave, I just want to thank you . . . for inventing the wheel. Hope you and the other caveman who worked on it are still getting royalties!


#7

fade

fade

Shall I compare thee to a Summer's Eve? You douche.


#8

Piotyr

Piotyr

Dave, you are the board patriarch, every poster's dad-in-law. Meaning you sit quietly with a shotgun in case anyone fucks with your board.


#9

ThatNickGuy

ThatNickGuy

Eh, I already own most of those games, so here's my "best" shot:

You are a butt face. You have a face that is like a butt.


#10

General Specific

General Specific

Dammit, another contest involving steam games and I do not have a steam account!! Come on, Dave! Can we have an alt prize as well? You dick.


#11

General Specific

General Specific

Dave's milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and they're like, “Oh god! This is all sour and bad! Bleach!”


#12

Fun Size

Fun Size

I tried the new Kinect game based on Dave, but really, how many times can I slap his flappy old hooties back and forth?

(You knew I was going there, didn't you?)


#13

Fun Size

Fun Size

Dave's so hardcore that Samuel L. Jackson had a special card made to stick out of his Bad Mother F***er wallet. It says "That Dave's a".


#14

Cheesy1

Cheesy1

Sorry for the “Old Joke” earlier, Dave. *clears throat* I SAID, “SORRY FOR THE ‘OLD JOKE’ EARLIER, DAVE!” YES, WE’LL GO TO IHOP LATER!


#15

Jay

Jay

This is a pretty hip idea for someone your age Dave.


#16

Ravenpoe

Ravenpoe

You are the Mav of life.

That was low, I'm sorry.


#17



SeraRelm

If you were a hot girl, I'd totally be attracted to you.


Out of all the men I know, you are one of them.


Your unswerving dedication to friends and family is remarkably admirable.


Roses are red, violets are blue, f**k, you're ugly.


While we may, at times, disagree, you, more than most, are someone I respect and whose opinion I value.


Didn't Belle cure you yet?


I wish I had a family as close and caring as yours. (at one point true)


Did you find your precious yet?


These boards/this community would be nothing without you.


Thank you for being a good example... of why I'm glad I'm gay.


(Ok, I'm done. I tried to avoid the jugular and/or overly mushy.)


#18

Bubble181

Bubble181

D'aww, I was hoping I'd be the first to go for the flappy hooties. Oh well!


Oh flundered gruntbuggly, Donallitude
Thy micturations are to me
As plurdled donally
On a lurgid bee
That mordiously hath bitled out
Its earted grabatiously
Into a rancid festering Dave


#19

Cheesy1

Cheesy1

Dave mods the forums.
And like a zookeeper does,
he deals with much crap!


#20

LittleSin

LittleSin

You are a douche canoe.

*ba dum TISH*


#21

LittleSin

LittleSin

Oh god...why am I laughing so hard?!


#22

CynicismKills

CynicismKills

"So Dave, what do you do with your life these days?" "Oh, I run a forum." "I'm so sorry."


#23

HCGLNS

HCGLNS

Dave is hung like a mule!


#24



SeraRelm

I thought he called sex "The one inch flinch"...


#25

phil

phil

"Man, fuck that guy," said the hobo. Everyone agreed with him, though none said so. "yeah, fuck Dave" was then the mood of the bus stop.


#26

sixpackshaker

sixpackshaker

Complement:

Yesterday somebody told me that Dave was not good enough to sleep with dogs. I took up for him and said he was.


#27

Piotyr

Piotyr

Dave, you're not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately.


#28

DarkAudit

DarkAudit

Dave once moved from east Texas to West Virginia, raising the average aggregate IQ of both states in the process.
Grrrrr... :thumbsdown:


#29

Piotyr

Piotyr

Grrrrr... :thumbsdown:
That's okay, keep at it. You'll get those full words out eventually! ;)

That was a shameless joke at DA's expense. The contest is supposed to be about DAVE, I know. I apologize, DA.


#30

WasabiPoptart

WasabiPoptart

Dave is my baby-daddy.


#31

Bumble the Boy Wonder

Bumble the Boy Wonder

Dave is the kindest, most humble soul I know. Though I haven't met him in the real world, I only hope I can be so lucky to do so some day.


#32

Cajungal

Cajungal

I'd hit that.


#33

TommiR

TommiR

Dave must have giants' blood in him.

edit: Also, the below is not an entry on account of it's length, but I felt like it seemed strangely appropriate.

IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Dave, my son!


#34

WasabiPoptart

WasabiPoptart

I thought I saw Dave tonight. Then I realized I still needed to flush.


#35

AshburnerX

AshburnerX

Dave, we all appreciate you...r ability to keep down the old people smell. It's really considerate.


#36

Krisken

Krisken

You, sir, are milqueoast. You are the Velveeta of the forum, not good or even healthy, but necessary.


#37

phil

phil

There's no more faith in thee than in a stewed prune.




Thou art unfit for any place but hell.
(aw snap)


#38

HCGLNS

HCGLNS

Dave supports the Dallas Cowboys.

That's the joke.


#39

HCGLNS

HCGLNS

grinch-grin-2-o.gif


#40

General Specific

General Specific

Dave supports the Dallas Cowboys.

That's the joke.


#41

phil

phil

When Dave says "what, what" no one thinks "in the butt"


#42

Hailey Knight

Hailey Knight

Dave was the best of times; Dave was the worst of times.


#43

Cat

Cat

I'll withhold judgment as dave's dick was too big for my mouth.


#44

rac3r_x

rac3r_x

Dave's a smeghead, who wouldn't know a good curry even if he had an I.Q. over 6000.


#45

PatrThom

PatrThom

Limiting myself to 5 of each:

-Not saying Dave is old, but he was Galactus' godfather.
-One word from Dave can make a strong man weep and a young man cry...his breath is that bad.
-Dave found a cure for his sagging gut and flappy hooties! He just plugs his nipples into his belly button. Both problems solved!
-Dave is quite the codger. He always gets mad if you forget to cut up his marshmallows.
-Dave drives an electric car because he feels burning gas disrespects his family's remains.

On to the compliments!

-There are many mods, but only one Dave. This is what is meant by Intelligent Design.
-Dave is so patient, he once won a staring contest with a mirror.
-We love Dave so much, we canceled the parade for Inanimate Carbon Rod and held a parade for him, instead.
-Dave is so smart, Alex Trebek tells HIM, "Suck on it!"
-Dave impressed the Universe so much with his benevolence, it chose him to raise Sammi.

--Patrick


#46

Ravenpoe

Ravenpoe

One night spent with Dave, and women are ready to become nuns.

Dave's brain is so weak that he has to wear crutches under his ears.

Dave is such an old sourpuss that when he sucks a lemon, the lemon makes a face.

A wise man once deduced that there were three things fundamentally wrong with the universe. All of them are Dave.

Dave sucks too much for me to finish this se

Dave appears to be the culmination of generations of major genetic mishaps.

...........................


Wait, there was a contest?


#47

Bubble181

Bubble181

Dave appears to be the culmination of generations of major genetic mishaps.
Impossible, there were no generations before him. He's the basic sludge we started out with, and we're what's resulted after generations of culling all the bad genes.


#48

Siska

Siska

You have two eyebrows!


#49

Terrik

Terrik

I use to like this forum until Dave introduced Minotaur penis.


#50



SeraRelm

I use ... Minotaur penis.
TLDR


#51

Dave

Dave

Locked until winners are chosen.


#52

Dave

Dave

Okay, the votes are in and the winners were chosen by my daughter and her boyfriend. In reverse order they are...

Third place, winning Costume Quest... rac3r_x!! Let it be known that their decision was based almost solely on the name "Smeghead". My daughter is a Red Dwarf fan, too!

Second place, nabbing a pristine copy of Psychonauts... Ravenpoe for his ramblings about genetic mutations. Ironic when you figure that she is next in line, but the irony has passed her by.

Our GRAND PRIZE WINNER of the Humble Bundle V is... LittleSin!! Because the teenagers giggled like idiots over the name "douche canoe".



Congrats to the winners, thanks to all you fuckers who thought it was fun to pick on poor old (and I do mean OLD) me! Prizes will be sent by PM in about 5 minutes.


#53

fade

fade

Teenagers. I was doomed with Shakespeare and old commercials.


#54

Ravenpoe

Ravenpoe

Thanks Dave! You know we love ya!


#55

PatrThom

PatrThom

Last time *I* try to be subtle.

--Patrick


#56

Bumble the Boy Wonder

Bumble the Boy Wonder

...Well if I knew teenagers were gonna be the judges, I wouldn't have been sincere!


#57

Bubble181

Bubble181

Yeah, here I was thinking we'd be judged by beings as old as Lilith and Adam, and we get judged by people not allowed to drink! Tsk!

Congratulations to the winners!


#58

Cheesy1

Cheesy1

Yeah, I would have made regular fart jokes instead of "old fart" jokes.


#59

TommiR

TommiR

Hmph! Last time I recite poetry to Dave.


#60

LittleSin

LittleSin

...I have a confession.

I thought there was no way in hell I could win this contest sooooo....

I already bought the humble bundle. :hide:


#61

Dave

Dave

Now you have 2. Gift one to someone.

Quick! Everyone compliment LittleSin!!


#62

BananaHands

BananaHands

...I have a confession.

I thought there was no way in hell I could win this contest sooooo....

I already bought the humble bundle. :hide:
Ayyy girl, yer somethin' special.


#63

LittleSin

LittleSin

You know what. I'd love to have a contest. :p


#64

HCGLNS

HCGLNS

Give it to the person who tells the best story on Friday Night Vent


#65

LittleSin

LittleSin

HOLY SHIT.


#66

Dave

Dave

Same day as my first D&D 5e game. Good plan, HCGLNS. :cry:


#67

LittleSin

LittleSin

:(


#68



SeraRelm

You know what. I'd love to have a contest. :p
Are we doing the compliment contest yet? I don't think I'm allowed to post mine outside of the NSFW board...


#69

LittleSin

LittleSin

Are we doing the compliment contest yet? I don't think I'm allowed to post mine outside of the NSFW board...
I'm actually thinking about HCGLNS idea.

However, it is a bit exclusionary. So maybe I should post a thread and just have people tell me stories.


#70



SeraRelm

There once was a Dave from Nantucket, with a hooty so flappy he could tuck it. He said, with chagrin, as he flexed his admin, "I'll ban the next Mathias ruckus."


#71

fade

fade

I wondered if there was a stupid Nissan/Datsun insult in there somewhere, but I couldn't make one work.


#72

PatrThom

PatrThom

It would involve some major motion.

--Patrick


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