This new story was written a few weeks ago. It's a response to my growing distaste in giant, company-wide crossovers among Marvel and DC. I like the idea I put around it, but I guess the final product isn't quite as good as what I had in my head.
So, any help or suggestions on what I could change, remove, expand or anything else, I'd be eternally grateful. This is a straight cut and paste from a Word document, so I apologize in advance if the formatting winds up looking wonky.
Administrative Duty
Word Count: 1,328
By Nick Piers
Tapping his war gauntlet on the arm of his captain’s chair, General K’Tlax impatiently waited for his fleet to enter the Sol system.
“General!” Lieutenant S’Klak shouted from the con. “The fleet is circling the system as we speak! There will be no escape for any Soling!”
“Excellent!” The General bellowed. “Inform the commanding ships to ionize their cannons and prepare their boarding parties! It shall be a glorious invasion that these so-called Earthlings shall never witness again!”
The blue planet slowly zoomed into orbit. General K’Tlax’s scales glistened with anticipation. He flicked his forked tongue against his sharpened incisors. To prepare such a magnificent fleet took twenty-three cycles, but it would be worth it.
“Sol’s third planet is within range, sir! We are about to pass their orbiting moon!”
“Open hailing frequencies in all languages to every orbiting satellite! They deserve knowledge of their imminent deaths!”
Just as the fleet neared Earth’s moon, K’Tlax saw on the view screen—
“What nonsense is this?!”
Thousands upon thousands of ships, making up dozens of various armadas from all across the solar system, were – for lack of a better word – parked. The Cragians’ legendary stone ships, the Phalian war armada, the fabled one-man fighters of the Ghorps; every one of them sat idly amongst each other, lined up one great alien race after another.
On the surface of Earth’s moon, K’Tlax could see gigantic, powerful beings. Some of them looked familiar to him, such as The Eternal Crimson. A great number of these celestial beings stood in a circle, seemingly just talking to each other. Some of the more unruly ones, like Celestisaurus, were seemingly tied down with giant red tape.
Suddenly, the view screen, along with the entire bridge of The Incinerator went dark. His crew – hardened warriors, prepared to die in the name of their cause – were startled only briefly, and then searched for answers.
“Sir! All power but life support has been nullified!”
“The same is occurring on the other ships, sir!” The ships psychic informed.
Outraged, General K’Tlax scrambled out of his captain’s chair, slammed his boots onto the metal floor and let out an angry roar. “Who dares to stop my fleet!?”
“My humblest apologizes, General K’Tlax.” A puny, yet confident voice spoke.
Appearing out of nowhere – without any teleportation signature – stood a puny Earthling with disgustingly groomed blonde hair, spectacles and wearing a lavish 3-piece business suit. He stood in front of the view screen between the two lieutenant’s control panels. Cradled in his arms was a clipboard, where he was constantly scribbling on.
“WHO DARES!?” General K’Tlax bellowed. His men had already unholstered their weapons and the puny businessman was already surrounded.
“I’m sorry, General, but you are not scheduled for an invasion, today.”
“What nonsense are you speaking?!”
The businessman, calmly ignoring K’Tlax’s finest warriors, stepped forward and held up his clipboard. On it was a calendar with names of great cosmic beings. K’Tlax thought many were only rumours. Many he had not even heard of. Why, even Anorexis the Undevourer and The Machinations of the Absurd Dynasty were listed!
“Any and all appointments for the imminent invasion and/or destruction of planet Earth must be made at least six Earth months ahead of time. Would you like to make an appointment? I might be able to squeeze you in for, say, July? That’s four months from now. There’s a planned invasion from the Paper Mache dimension. They booked the entire first week. Frankly speaking, it’s only going to last the afternoon of the fourth. Pyronation, alone, will handle it.”
“I would like to appoint your head as a trophy!” K’Tlax shouted.
He unsheathed his claws and heroically charged at the suited man.
With a short side step and a backhand chop to the back of K’Tlax’s neck, the great general plummeted to the floor.
The businessman calmly wiped his hand with his handkerchief “As Secretary of Interplanetary and Other-Dimensional Affairs – you may call me John — my sworn duty is ensuring that any invasions do not overlap others. There is absolutely no room on the schedule right now for an invasion from your Reptaxian fleet, General.”
“Warriors! Seize him and take him directly to the brig!”
His personal guard and every proud officer on the bridge swarmed the Secretary. Unsurprised, the Secretary flicked his wrists. From somewhere in his sleeves shot long, thick red ribbons. They quickly wrapped around each crewmember, sending them flailing to the floor.
“My sincerest apologies, General. The more unruly sorts must cut through my patented red tape before they think about attacking me again. Seems all of them have to learn that lesson at least once.”
“I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!” K’Tlax bellowed. He crawled over to his captain’s chair and sat upon it. Pulling out his personal control system, he pressed every button a dozen times, hoping to regain control of his commanding ship.
“It’s no use, General,” the Secretary stated, adjusting his tie and bifocals. “Listen, if you really want a glorious battle, now, I have a suggestion.”
“We shall do battle, then! Your blood will rain down on Earth as a warning!”
“No,” the Secretary said with a small chuckle. “But speaking of warnings: if you want, we do offer the chance for a herald while you wait.”
“A…herald?”
“Indeed! Even the most powerful beings, like Anorexix, uses one from time to time. You know, it could be a mysterious monolith, a garbled message to decode, even a lesser being that can go toe-to-toe with your intended target to soften them up or deliver a personal warning.”
“A Reptaxian needs no herald! We are the warning and we are the threat!”
“Of course, of course,” the Secretary chuckled. “If I may ask, who is the intended target that’s generated such ire?”
“Alpha Male and his accursed Cosmic Pack!”
The Secretary nodded, understandingly. “He’s currently busy with an invasion from the Egyptian Pantheon, lead by Anubis. They’ve been on the waiting list for three years. You should have seen some of the Egyptian monoliths that appeared all over the world in that time.”
K’Tlax sighed a deflated sigh. This was meant to be a great day in Reptaxian history. A battle to be told and re-told for centuries. His children’s children’s children would tell its tales.
The Secretary appeared at his side with a warm, inviting cup of what K’Tlax recalled to be “cocoa.”
“Listen, General. I understand,” the Secretary said This is your first invasion of Earth. You would not believe the number of appointments I’ve had to reschedule over the years because of misunderstandings like this.”
“I will be a shame to my people!” K’Tlax sobbed, taking a sip of the cocoa. It was quite delicious. He decided that, once he conquered Earth, he would allow cocoa’s continued existence
“I have a great idea, General,” the Secretary said. “I’ll re-open your hailing frequencies to speak with some of the other armada. Perhaps they’ll let you join in on their timeslot! I bet the Kill-o-Trons would love the help.”
The Secretary, sitting on a folded chair that appeared out of nowhere, crossed his legs and sipped at his own cup of cocoa.
“Did you know The Ouguns and the Shalbas war started that way? They decided to kill time by fighting each other and the whole thing conveniently spilled onto Earth just in time for their appointment!” He smiled at the memory. “Oh, they didn’t last long, anyway, once The Vengeance Guild got involved, but it was nice how it worked out for them.”
The Secretary looked at his watch.
“Oop! Listen, I have to go. I have a meeting with Anorexix on the moon. I need to convince her not to bother consuming Earth. She just throws it all back up again, anyway.”
The Secretary patted General K’Tlax on the shoulder and was instantly gone.
K’Tlax slumped in his captain’s chair. He sipped his cocoa.
It was going to be such as glorious invasion.
So, any help or suggestions on what I could change, remove, expand or anything else, I'd be eternally grateful. This is a straight cut and paste from a Word document, so I apologize in advance if the formatting winds up looking wonky.
Administrative Duty
Word Count: 1,328
By Nick Piers
Tapping his war gauntlet on the arm of his captain’s chair, General K’Tlax impatiently waited for his fleet to enter the Sol system.
“General!” Lieutenant S’Klak shouted from the con. “The fleet is circling the system as we speak! There will be no escape for any Soling!”
“Excellent!” The General bellowed. “Inform the commanding ships to ionize their cannons and prepare their boarding parties! It shall be a glorious invasion that these so-called Earthlings shall never witness again!”
The blue planet slowly zoomed into orbit. General K’Tlax’s scales glistened with anticipation. He flicked his forked tongue against his sharpened incisors. To prepare such a magnificent fleet took twenty-three cycles, but it would be worth it.
“Sol’s third planet is within range, sir! We are about to pass their orbiting moon!”
“Open hailing frequencies in all languages to every orbiting satellite! They deserve knowledge of their imminent deaths!”
Just as the fleet neared Earth’s moon, K’Tlax saw on the view screen—
“What nonsense is this?!”
Thousands upon thousands of ships, making up dozens of various armadas from all across the solar system, were – for lack of a better word – parked. The Cragians’ legendary stone ships, the Phalian war armada, the fabled one-man fighters of the Ghorps; every one of them sat idly amongst each other, lined up one great alien race after another.
On the surface of Earth’s moon, K’Tlax could see gigantic, powerful beings. Some of them looked familiar to him, such as The Eternal Crimson. A great number of these celestial beings stood in a circle, seemingly just talking to each other. Some of the more unruly ones, like Celestisaurus, were seemingly tied down with giant red tape.
Suddenly, the view screen, along with the entire bridge of The Incinerator went dark. His crew – hardened warriors, prepared to die in the name of their cause – were startled only briefly, and then searched for answers.
“Sir! All power but life support has been nullified!”
“The same is occurring on the other ships, sir!” The ships psychic informed.
Outraged, General K’Tlax scrambled out of his captain’s chair, slammed his boots onto the metal floor and let out an angry roar. “Who dares to stop my fleet!?”
“My humblest apologizes, General K’Tlax.” A puny, yet confident voice spoke.
Appearing out of nowhere – without any teleportation signature – stood a puny Earthling with disgustingly groomed blonde hair, spectacles and wearing a lavish 3-piece business suit. He stood in front of the view screen between the two lieutenant’s control panels. Cradled in his arms was a clipboard, where he was constantly scribbling on.
“WHO DARES!?” General K’Tlax bellowed. His men had already unholstered their weapons and the puny businessman was already surrounded.
“I’m sorry, General, but you are not scheduled for an invasion, today.”
“What nonsense are you speaking?!”
The businessman, calmly ignoring K’Tlax’s finest warriors, stepped forward and held up his clipboard. On it was a calendar with names of great cosmic beings. K’Tlax thought many were only rumours. Many he had not even heard of. Why, even Anorexis the Undevourer and The Machinations of the Absurd Dynasty were listed!
“Any and all appointments for the imminent invasion and/or destruction of planet Earth must be made at least six Earth months ahead of time. Would you like to make an appointment? I might be able to squeeze you in for, say, July? That’s four months from now. There’s a planned invasion from the Paper Mache dimension. They booked the entire first week. Frankly speaking, it’s only going to last the afternoon of the fourth. Pyronation, alone, will handle it.”
“I would like to appoint your head as a trophy!” K’Tlax shouted.
He unsheathed his claws and heroically charged at the suited man.
With a short side step and a backhand chop to the back of K’Tlax’s neck, the great general plummeted to the floor.
The businessman calmly wiped his hand with his handkerchief “As Secretary of Interplanetary and Other-Dimensional Affairs – you may call me John — my sworn duty is ensuring that any invasions do not overlap others. There is absolutely no room on the schedule right now for an invasion from your Reptaxian fleet, General.”
“Warriors! Seize him and take him directly to the brig!”
His personal guard and every proud officer on the bridge swarmed the Secretary. Unsurprised, the Secretary flicked his wrists. From somewhere in his sleeves shot long, thick red ribbons. They quickly wrapped around each crewmember, sending them flailing to the floor.
“My sincerest apologies, General. The more unruly sorts must cut through my patented red tape before they think about attacking me again. Seems all of them have to learn that lesson at least once.”
“I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!” K’Tlax bellowed. He crawled over to his captain’s chair and sat upon it. Pulling out his personal control system, he pressed every button a dozen times, hoping to regain control of his commanding ship.
“It’s no use, General,” the Secretary stated, adjusting his tie and bifocals. “Listen, if you really want a glorious battle, now, I have a suggestion.”
“We shall do battle, then! Your blood will rain down on Earth as a warning!”
“No,” the Secretary said with a small chuckle. “But speaking of warnings: if you want, we do offer the chance for a herald while you wait.”
“A…herald?”
“Indeed! Even the most powerful beings, like Anorexix, uses one from time to time. You know, it could be a mysterious monolith, a garbled message to decode, even a lesser being that can go toe-to-toe with your intended target to soften them up or deliver a personal warning.”
“A Reptaxian needs no herald! We are the warning and we are the threat!”
“Of course, of course,” the Secretary chuckled. “If I may ask, who is the intended target that’s generated such ire?”
“Alpha Male and his accursed Cosmic Pack!”
The Secretary nodded, understandingly. “He’s currently busy with an invasion from the Egyptian Pantheon, lead by Anubis. They’ve been on the waiting list for three years. You should have seen some of the Egyptian monoliths that appeared all over the world in that time.”
K’Tlax sighed a deflated sigh. This was meant to be a great day in Reptaxian history. A battle to be told and re-told for centuries. His children’s children’s children would tell its tales.
The Secretary appeared at his side with a warm, inviting cup of what K’Tlax recalled to be “cocoa.”
“Listen, General. I understand,” the Secretary said This is your first invasion of Earth. You would not believe the number of appointments I’ve had to reschedule over the years because of misunderstandings like this.”
“I will be a shame to my people!” K’Tlax sobbed, taking a sip of the cocoa. It was quite delicious. He decided that, once he conquered Earth, he would allow cocoa’s continued existence
“I have a great idea, General,” the Secretary said. “I’ll re-open your hailing frequencies to speak with some of the other armada. Perhaps they’ll let you join in on their timeslot! I bet the Kill-o-Trons would love the help.”
The Secretary, sitting on a folded chair that appeared out of nowhere, crossed his legs and sipped at his own cup of cocoa.
“Did you know The Ouguns and the Shalbas war started that way? They decided to kill time by fighting each other and the whole thing conveniently spilled onto Earth just in time for their appointment!” He smiled at the memory. “Oh, they didn’t last long, anyway, once The Vengeance Guild got involved, but it was nice how it worked out for them.”
The Secretary looked at his watch.
“Oop! Listen, I have to go. I have a meeting with Anorexix on the moon. I need to convince her not to bother consuming Earth. She just throws it all back up again, anyway.”
The Secretary patted General K’Tlax on the shoulder and was instantly gone.
K’Tlax slumped in his captain’s chair. He sipped his cocoa.
It was going to be such as glorious invasion.
