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Open Relationships/Marriages. Do They Work? MSN reports...

Aug 15, 2009#1

Shegokigo

http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/ ... &GT1=32023

Very very interesting to see these kinds of reports becoming more and more mainstream.

Reminds me alot of when Ellen went "mainstream" with her sexuality and talk of gays and bisexuals slowly started making their way into everyday America.

Wonder how this is going to continue....

Aug 15, 2009#2

Hailey Knight

When they mention possessiveness and anger, that more references a cheating lover of a monogamous relationship, rather than an open one where both chief partners understand, agree to, and accept the arrangement of each one interacting with others on a sexual/romantic level.

Honestly, I think possessiveness is the easiest way to drag down and destroy what would have been a good relationship. Some people chafe at freedom, wanting the restriction of the significant other's command, but there are many who would like to have that solid connection, but also still be in charge of their own lives. To be wanted is great. To be needed forms chains. That can be good or bad, depending on the person.

Aug 15, 2009#3

Shegokigo

While there are still complications in open relationships, I don't see them as any worse as the issues that come up from single partner ones, especially the "cheating" issue in the one partner side.

What I've always found amusing are some of the reasons that people give for not wanting to "try" an "open" relationship. While there are some valid ones: "I don't have any interest in sleeping with anyonelse other than my partner" or "I don't have any interest in sleeping with someone of the opposite sex". Alot of the "reasons" are usually just fake excuses that stem from possessiveness/insecurity and just plain wanting to control the other person's life/make them miserable.

Aug 15, 2009#4

Espy

Or Shego, some of us just like our marriages and don't feel the need to sleep with other people. Crazy, I know... :heythere:

Aug 15, 2009#5

Shegokigo

That would fall under the first part I said.

Aug 15, 2009#6

Krisken

Espy said:
Or Shego, some of us just like our marriages and don't feel the need to sleep with other people. Crazy, I know... :heythere:

Making commitments and sticking to them... so old school.

Aug 15, 2009#7

Hailey Knight

Krisken said:
Espy said:

Or Shego, some of us just like our marriages and don't feel the need to sleep with other people. Crazy, I know... :heythere:

Click to expand...

Making commitments and sticking to them... so old school.

The open relationship never threw away the commitment part. That would imply a specific arrangement being agreed to, and then violated, whereas this is a different commitment being made, with different rules and expectations.

Aug 15, 2009#8

Chazwozel

I think the problem with most monogamous marriages is that most people don't understand what the term commitment means. That said I and my wife are perfectly happy sleeping with only each other. And yes, I would not be okay with my wife sleeping with other men. It's not a matter of insecurity or possessiveness it's a matter of trust.

Aug 15, 2009#9

Shegokigo

I think some people are misunderstanding the second part of my original post.....

Aug 15, 2009#10

Krisken

Shegokigo said:
I think some people are misunderstanding the second part of my original post.....

I didn't read your post at all. Sorry.

Aug 15, 2009#11

I

Icarus

Open relationships are a lot harder to keep balanced, I think. Heck, a "normal" relationship is already tough one to keep working but I know people too well to know that jealousy can never be discounted even if you're in an open relationship. The people I know who have open relationships, nearly always fall in the same trap: one of the two secretly wants his or her partner for him or herself but knows the their partner doesn't feel the same and is afraid to admit it out of fear of losing him/her.

At work, one guy is a self-proclaimed "playboy" and it took over a year before we discovered he had an actual girlfriend because he kept talking about other girls. When we had a company get-together, he brought her along and while there, he'd still flirt with the other girls present there. She said they had an open relationship too but it was pretty obvious HE was the one who had the open relationship while she was not very keen about it at all.

Personally, I'm weary of people who don't feel any jealousy when their girlfriend or boyfriend is hitting on other girls/guys - it's a natural emotion and it's hard for me to imagine how someone can simple let their partner go with someone else. Then again, intimacy and closeness for me only has real value if you only share it with one person.

Aug 15, 2009#12

Chazwozel

Shegokigo said:
I think some people are misunderstanding the second part of my original post.....

What I've always found amusing are some of the reasons that people give for not wanting to "try" an "open" relationship. While there are some valid ones: "I don't have any interest in sleeping with anyone else other than my partner" or "I don't have any interest in sleeping with someone of the opposite sex".

I don't see what other reasons there would have to be. Some people just don't want to bang everyone. I'm at the point in my life where I'd rather share my life with one person exclusively, rather than delve into sewing my wild oats all over. Sleeping around for me was fun in my teens and early 20's. I like being settled down with one person.

Aug 15, 2009#13

Hailey Knight

I don't feel jealousy at all, to be honest, so it's not something I can relate to. Which is probably why it irks me.

Aug 15, 2009#14

Chazwozel

Icarus said:
Open relationships are a lot harder to keep balanced, I think. Heck, a "normal" relationship is already tough one to keep working but I know people too well to know that jealousy can never be discounted even if you're in an open relationship. The people I know who have open relationships, nearly always fall in the same trap: one of the two secretly wants his or her partner for him or herself but knows the their partner doesn't feel the same and is afraid to admit it out of fear of losing him/her.

At work, one guy is a self-proclaimed "playboy" and it took over a year before we discovered he had an actual girlfriend because he kept talking about other girls. When we had a company get-together, he brought her along and while there, he'd still flirt with the other girls present there. She said they had an open relationship too but it was pretty obvious HE was the one who had the open relationship while she was not very keen about it at all.

Personally, I'm weary of people who don't feel any jealousy when their girlfriend or boyfriend is hitting on other girls/guys - it's a natural emotion and it's hard for me to imagine how someone can simple let their partner go with someone else. Then again, intimacy and closeness for me only has real value if you only share it with one person.

I'm on the same wavelength with you except with the jealousy part. If you trust someone enough there's no need to feel jealous. My wife loves to check dudes out on the beach, and I check out pretty much anything in a short skirt. But that doesn't mean I'm going to follow through, I trust my wife to do the same thing.

Aug 15, 2009#15

Shegokigo

Chazwozel said:
I don't see what other reasons there would have to be. Some people just don't want to bang everyone. I'm at the point in my life where I'd rather share my life with one person exclusively, rather than delve into sewing my wild oats all over. Sleeping around for me was fun in my teens and early 20's. I like being settled down with one person.

Shegokigo said:
While there are some valid ones: "I don't have any interest in sleeping with anyone else other than my partner" or "I don't have any interest in sleeping with someone of the opposite sex".

Aug 15, 2009#16

I

Icarus

I never had the urge to sleep around - no excuses or insecurities at all about that. When I'm with a girl, I simply would not be able to live with myself if I broke her trust. And if she suggested it, it would most likely mean the end of the relationship because if she had need to be with others, then I'd feel this wasn't the kind of relationship I'd be comfortable with nor one that would work in the long run.

About jealousy: I guess some people get it harder than others. It's not even something you chose to be. Envy & jealousy are considered "sins" but it's not something you can turn off and it's very hard to ignore. I'm not really jealous about material things at all, but I attach great value to intimacy and in a relationship, I feel that sharing things that no-one else knows really helps - I was jealous in the past when discovering that others were told things she wouldn't tell me, for example. I guess this is also tied to trust.

Aug 15, 2009#17

Chazwozel

Icarus said:
I never had the urge to sleep around - no excuses or insecurities at all about that. When I'm with a girl, I simply would not be able to live with myself if I broke her trust. And if she suggested it, it would most likely mean the end of the relationship because if she had need to be with others, then I'd feel this wasn't the kind of relationship I'd be comfortable with nor one that would work in the long run.

About jealousy: I guess some people get it harder than others. It's not even something you chose to be. Envy & jealousy are considered "sins" but it's not something you can turn off and it's very hard to ignore. I'm not really jealous about material things at all, but I attach great value to intimacy and in a relationship, I feel that sharing things that no-one else knows really helps - I was jealous in the past when discovering that others were told things she wouldn't tell me, for example. I guess this is also tied to trust.

Ok, let's put it this way. If my wife was making moves on another man, and I could see that she was really falling for him. Then, yes, I would be jealous and probably break his neck in a jealous rage. I'm only human, but I trust her and know that she still loves me so I don't care if she glances over at Joe Sixpack's nice butt.

Aug 15, 2009#18

Shegokigo

Hm yeah, this conversation is getting offbase.

The real point I was trying to make, is that it seems like swinging/open relationships/multiple partner lifestyles is starting to "eek" it's way into the mainstream's "okay" area and a little less in the "taboo". Granted the gay lifestyle is still not "fully okay" in alot of aspects of America, but it's defintely hit more "mainstream" since a few years ago.

I was simply wondering how "acceptable" lifestyles like mine will be viewed in the future.

On the note that the conversation SEEMS to be going:
My GF can sleep with anyone she likes (if I'm there) and vise versa. That's pretty much our only "rule" in the relationship. I think I mostly don't care because I don't really "love" her, and I think she'd be "fine" with "just me" but has the extra stuff on the side for herself as well, and not one of the "doing it for her so she won't leave me" things.

On an interesting thought: "that girl" that I always talk about..... I don't think I would share her or have want to share her, or even want anyonelse if I did have her....

Aug 15, 2009#19

Espy

Shegokigo said:
Chazwozel said:

I don't see what other reasons there would have to be. Some people just don't want to bang everyone. I'm at the point in my life where I'd rather share my life with one person exclusively, rather than delve into sewing my wild oats all over. Sleeping around for me was fun in my teens and early 20's. I like being settled down with one person.

Click to expand...

Shegokigo said:

While there are some valid ones: "I don't have any interest in sleeping with anyone else other than my partner" or "I don't have any interest in sleeping with someone of the opposite sex".

Click to expand...

Sure and if you hadn't followed that up with this:

Shegokigo said:
are usually just fake excuses

I would have never responded. Maybe you didn't mean to be implying that you know that most peoples "excuses" are just fake but that's how it's written. From what you have now said I don't think thats what you mean, right? Sorry to misunderstand your wording.

Aug 15, 2009#20

Shegokigo

Because most people's excuses ARE fake. Perhaps there are exceptions (like those listed in this thread) but I'm talking about "General America".

Aug 15, 2009#21

Espy

Shegokigo said:
Because most people's excuses ARE fake. Perhaps there are exceptions (like those listed in this thread) but I'm talking about "General America".

Oh. I missed that study. What psychiatric journal was it in?

*I'm just giving you crap, I agree that many people want to sleep with other people, but I don't know how many want their partner to, open relationship or not... does that make sense?

Aug 15, 2009#22

The Lovely Boehner

I think the HBO show "Big Love" was more of a deal getting the idea a little more mainstream and less of just Mormon jokes. Also the CBS show "Swingtown", even though it was just a summer show, still got a lot of eyeballs on it.

Aug 15, 2009#23

Tinwhistler

I've been in open relationships (of one sort or another. Different relationships develop different rules, naturally) ever since I started dating, so for over 20 years. I've been in only one completely monogamous relationship during that time, which lasted about 3 years.

I don't think open relationships are any harder or easier than monogamous ones, except for the fact that finding partners who are okay with an open arrangement tends to be a bit difficult. But probably not any more difficult than finding a partner is, in general. I've never gone for any great length of time without companionship.

I've been seeing a lot more 'mainstream' articles on polyamory lately--and polyamory seems to have a lot more acceptance in mainstream media than swinging. Swingers still tend to be portrayed as horny deviants who just wanna fuck anything that moves, whereas polyamory is usually portrayed more in the 'hippie-love-shack' kind of tone.

Aug 15, 2009#24

Shegokigo

Espy said:
Oh. I missed that study. What psychiatric journal was it in?

Sorry bout that, let me rephrase:

Most people, whom I've met, either have a valid reason (as I stated earlier) or have fake excuses that stem from the issues I also stated earlier.

Aug 15, 2009#25

@Li3n

Shegokigo said:
Wonder how this is going to continue....

I;m thinking it reaches critical mass, then the inevitable backlash happens and we start burning you at the stake again... unless witches come back, then you might have a chance to avoid it this tim... oh wait, right, you yourself will get burned either way... sorry.

Aug 15, 2009#26

Krisken

Nope. Shego's opinion on relationships doesn't really bother me. It doesn't even bother me that she seems to think anyone who disagrees has "fake excuses".

Once a statement like that is made, there's not a whole lot left to discuss.

Aug 15, 2009#27

Shegokigo

Seriously, either read my posts or don't bother talking about what you assume are my opinions.

Aug 15, 2009#28

Calleja

I've found Mexican girls tend to be very much against open relationships.

It's weird, cause the average girl down here will be happy to spend the night with you if there's Chemistry, even if it means never seeing you again. But once you start "officially dating", open relationships are a big taboo. I don't think I've ever even met a girl who KNEW she was in an open relationship (some men think THEY are, just don't have to tell their girlfriends

).

Interesting little social commentary there.

I don't really mind, though, as much of a horndog I am when single, once I start a serious relationship a switch in my brain goes off and I become the most monogamous idiot around. I've never, ever cheated on any of my girlfriends. Not even a little bit.

Aug 15, 2009#29

Krisken

Ok, read it. I owe you an apology.

I think sex is only one way people try to control each other. I would be willing to bet that people in open relationships still do things to control other people in their lives.

Aug 15, 2009#30

Chazwozel

Shegokigo said:
Hm yeah, this conversation is getting offbase.

The real point I was trying to make, is that it seems like swinging/open relationships/multiple partner lifestyles is starting to "eek" it's way into the mainstream's "okay" area and a little less in the "taboo". Granted the gay lifestyle is still not "fully okay" in alot of aspects of America, but it's defintely hit more "mainstream" since a few years ago.

I was simply wondering how "acceptable" lifestyles like mine will be viewed in the future.

On the note that the conversation SEEMS to be going:
My GF can sleep with anyone she likes (if I'm there) and vise versa. That's pretty much our only "rule" in the relationship. I think I mostly don't care because I don't really "love" her, and I think she'd be "fine" with "just me" but has the extra stuff on the side for herself as well, and not one of the "doing it for her so she won't leave me" things.

On an interesting thought: "that girl" that I always talk about..... I don't think I would share her or have want to share her, or even want anyonelse if I did have her....

Swinging has been mainstream since the 60's...

Aug 15, 2009#31

Calleja

Known about, sure... MAINSTREAM? I doubt it... how many swingers do YOU know?

Aug 15, 2009#32

Chazwozel

Calleja said:
Known about, sure... MAINSTREAM? I doubt it... how many swingers do YOU know?

I don't really ask people if they're swingers or not. :bush:

Aug 15, 2009#33

Calleja

Exactly. Tabooish.

Aug 15, 2009#34

Hailey Knight

Which is why I'd never aim for one: so sex gets opened up, but so what? Once you get in a relationship, unless both people really are sure of each other, are willing to live by the whole "love them, let them go", they are going to try to control each other. There's no escape.

Icarus: For me, it's not about a conscious thing. It's not ignoring or suppressing. I just don't feel jealousy. If we wanna get into sins, I theorize I'm too deep in pride for jealousy.

Aug 15, 2009#35

Aisaku

Krisken said:
Ok, read it. I owe you an apology.

I think sex is only one way people try to control each other. I would be willing to bet that people in open relationships still do things to control other people in their lives.

Interesting.... :popcorn:

Aug 15, 2009#36

Calleja

I don't know about you guys, but I use sex as a fun way to unwind, have fun, and share an intimate moment, of which we have so preciously few on this Earth, with another human being.

Aug 15, 2009#37

@Li3n

Chazwozel said:
Calleja said:

Known about, sure... MAINSTREAM? I doubt it... how many swingers do YOU know?

Click to expand...

I don't really ask people if they're swingers or not. :bush:

your 1st mistake...

Aug 15, 2009#38

The Lovely Boehner

Calleja said:
I become the most monogamous idiot around. I've never, ever cheated on any of my girlfriends. Not even a little bit.

That don't make you an idiot, man, I think it's kind of sweet

Aug 15, 2009#39

Calleja

I didn't call myself an idiot cause of the non-cheating. I become an idiot when I fall in love, for a lot of reasons I won't get into.

Aug 15, 2009#40

@Li3n

How do you cheat a little bit?!

Aug 15, 2009#41

The Lovely Boehner

@Li3n said:
How do you cheat a little bit?!

talking dirty with another girl, closed-mouth kissing, hugging is cheating just a little bit.

having sex every other day in motel rooms is cheating a lot

Aug 15, 2009#42

Chazwozel

Calleja said:
Exactly. Tabooish.

I don't exactly ask people I just met how many times a week they have sex, or who prefers to be on top...

Aug 15, 2009#43

Espy

Charlie Dont Surf said:
closed-mouth kissing

Well, I'm safe then... I only open mouth kiss girls I know.

Aug 15, 2009#44

Hailey Knight

Charlie Dont Surf said:
hugging is cheating just a little bit.

Wow, that is retarded. Man, I cheat a little bit on my fiance with my parents, my sisters, my friends...

You should probably stick to movie threads, Charlie. I think you better understand the land of fiction.

Aug 15, 2009#45

Espy

escushion said:
Charlie Dont Surf said:

hugging is cheating just a little bit.

Click to expand...

Wow, that is retarded. Man, I cheat a little bit on my fiance with my parents, my sisters, my friends...

You should probably stick to movie threads, Charlie. I think you better understand the land of fiction.

I think if you read between the lines what Charlie is saying is that, if you are in a commited relationship and you go out of your way to engage in physical contact with them, be it kissing, hugging, holding hands, etc, thats a form of cheating. If I give a girl friend a side hug, even if I think she's hot I'm not worried anyone is gonna look at that and go WHOA! But if I give a girl friend a long, lingering no holds bar hug? Yeah, that's a little off.

Aug 15, 2009#46

@Li3n

@escushion

Hey, i wanted to point that out... that you cheat a little on your fiancé with everyone you know that is...

Also, talking dirty?! Maybe if it got to the point where it was considered phone sex...

Aug 15, 2009#47

The Lovely Boehner

I just meant things in that ballpark. That was originally cuddling, but I rethought it, since for many people that's as intimate as sex. I don't think that giving another girl one hug is cheating at all

Aug 15, 2009#48

@Li3n

So it's just giving guys hugs then... :twisted:

Aug 15, 2009#49

phil

I think "non-standard" relationships will be more and more on the rise for a time as each younger generation shifts acceptible social norms further and further away from what their parents found acceptible.

First interracial relationships went from taboo to "ok, but uncommon" to, and this is just my opinion and observation, on the rise and much more common.

I think the controversy around homosexual relationships is starting to reach it's climax, as those opposed seem to get louder while fewer in number. I'm confadent that soon the issue will be like that of interacial relationships.

After that settles down, then I think we're going to see the same thing with open/ polyamorus relationships, which seem to me to be a little more common than we think.

Aug 15, 2009#50

Calleja

I know my ex said she'd prefer me fucking some other girl than actually cuddling with her.

I kinda see her point, even if I don't totally agree.

Aug 15, 2009#51

@Li3n

Calleja said:
I know my ex said she'd prefer me fucking some other girl than actually cuddling with her.

I kinda see her point, even if I don't totally agree.

I take it she didn't cuddle with any of the other guys, so it wasn't cheating... (heh, just saw that s2 ep of Entourage with Holly Valance)

Aug 15, 2009#52

Calleja

Her argument was that sex could be construed as hormonal weakness, whereas cuddling implies a more romantic, intimate and even meaningful mind set. She was "willing" to forgive the first, but not the latter.

I did keep in mind that her arguing for that also meant that if SHE ever fucked another guy, she'd have the exact same defense.

Aug 15, 2009#53

Tinwhistler

Krisken said:
Ok, read it. I owe you an apology.

I think sex is only one way people try to control each other. I would be willing to bet that people in open relationships still do things to control other people in their lives.

Aug 15, 2009#54

Le Quack

I guess the thing would be that they are two different types of relationships all together, and that you can't judge one based on the other due to the differences.

Aug 15, 2009#55

Cajungal

It's all about what people really want and what they can handle I guess. I couldn't do an open marriage. It doesn't appeal to me at all. I had a buddy who was in a relationship with two guys for about a year. The other two had been together for a long time, and so my friend kind of got left out a lot because he wasn't as close to either of them as they were to one another. He got too jealous to continue it. I guess that would be the hardest thing to overcome in a situation like this.

Which brings me to the best advice I ever got about relationships--make damn sure that all intentions are out in the open. If someone doesn't want to commit to only you or even give you the share of the attention you feel you deserve, find someone who will I guess. It's trite but true: it takes all kinds. I'd just prefer a monogamous kind.

-- Sat Aug 15, 2009 6:48 pm --

Espy said:
escushion said:

Charlie Dont Surf said:

hugging is cheating just a little bit.

Click to expand...

Wow, that is retarded. Man, I cheat a little bit on my fiance with my parents, my sisters, my friends...

You should probably stick to movie threads, Charlie. I think you better understand the land of fiction.

Click to expand...

I think if you read between the lines what Charlie is saying is that, if you are in a commited relationship and you go out of your way to engage in physical contact with them, be it kissing, hugging, holding hands, etc, thats a form of cheating. If I give a girl friend a side hug, even if I think she's hot I'm not worried anyone is gonna look at that and go WHOA! But if I give a girl friend a long, lingering no holds bar hug? Yeah, that's a little off.

I cheat a lot. :bush: No, I'm just very huggy. And a big hug is an acceptable greeting around here for friends of either sex. What does make me uncomfortable is when a guy friend kisses my cheek. It's always a very sweet, innocent peck, but it just makes me feel very shy.

Aug 15, 2009#56

Bubble181

Huh. I hug men and women alike, and I kiss men and women alike on the cheek when greeting. It's a habit. I dunno. I just need lots of physical contact, sometimes.

Aug 15, 2009#57

Cajungal

I actually think it's very sweet to give someone a kiss as a greeting. I'm just really shy about it. *^^*

Aug 15, 2009#58

Bubble181

Oh, come here, you, *tiger hug plus big smooch on the cheek*

Aug 15, 2009#59

Cheesy1

Hi Cajun!

Aug 15, 2009#60

Tinwhistler

I think in the South, hugs are more acceptable as a friendly hello/goodbye. All my friends hug a lot, even the non-sexually-deviant types.

Aug 15, 2009#61

Frankie Williamson

Yeah, same here in Alberta. All my friends have always been huggy and cuddly.

Aug 15, 2009#62

Calleja

We're latin. I kiss on the cheek every single woman I greet, even if I'm meeting them for the first time. Unless it's like a formal work setting or something.

We also hug anyone we've met more than once.

I was actually talking about this just yesterday. A friend and I noticed how we met a few people at the party and greeted them with introductions and handshakes (pecks on the cheek for girls) only, but by the end of the night, when we were saying our goodbyes, we hugged all of them. Even the ones we didn't even see in between.

Aug 15, 2009#63

The Lovely Boehner

I just meant all those things as like uh, general first base type stuff, like what you'd do with your girlfriend in elementary school.

Aug 15, 2009#64

Cajungal

:aaahhh: <---me, running from cheesy and bubs

Aug 15, 2009#65

Hailey Knight

Charlie Dont Surf said:
I just meant all those things as like uh, general first base type stuff, like what you'd do with your girlfriend in elementary school.

That's as far as you got, I take it.

Aug 15, 2009#66

Heavan

Frankie said:
Yeah, same here in Alberta. All my friends have always been huggy and cuddly.

Not all of Alberta. Here in Calgary, we take offense to your concept of 'hugs'.

We take offense to a lot of things, though. We're offensive like that. :finger:

Aug 15, 2009#67

Frankie Williamson

Heavan said:
Frankie said:

Yeah, same here in Alberta. All my friends have always been huggy and cuddly.

Click to expand...

Not all of Alberta. Here in Calgary, we take offense to your concept of 'hugs'.

We take offense to a lot of things, though. We're offensive like that. :finger:

Really?

Man, I have been cuddling in the "friend" way with female friends since frigging junior high. All my friends have always been this way. A bunch of us watch a movie, people on the couch usually just get cozy. It's completely non-sexual, just friendly. I always find it weird when people are stand-offish even with their friends.

I'm going to add that I'm an Edmontonian by way of the Territories.

Aug 16, 2009#68

bhamv3

Ever since I got a girlfriend, I generally only hug men.

I occasionally hug other girls when there's a good reason for it, such as when I'm in a play, or when the girl desperately needs comforting. I always tell my girlfriend about these situations though, so she knows there aren't any secrets between us.

Regarding relationships, every couple is different in some way. You just have to find out what works and doesn't work for you and your partner. Just make sure you're honest with each other, and yourselves.

Now... who wants a hug?

Aug 16, 2009#69

Heavan

Frankie said:
Heavan said:

Frankie said:

Yeah, same here in Alberta. All my friends have always been huggy and cuddly.

Click to expand...

Not all of Alberta. Here in Calgary, we take offense to your concept of 'hugs'.

We take offense to a lot of things, though. We're offensive like that. :finger:

Click to expand...

Really?

Man, I have been cuddling in the "friend" way with female friends since frigging junior high. All my friends have always been this way. A bunch of us watch a movie, people on the couch usually just get cozy. It's completely non-sexual, just friendly. I always find it weird when people are stand-offish even with their friends.

I'm going to add that I'm an Edmontonian by way of the Territories.

The people I see cuddling are either people openly flirting of differing sexes or in a relationship. Going near a girl/guy (as a guy) that I'm not into sexually, with consent from them in a similar fashion, would be a serious faux pas.

Aug 16, 2009#70

Laurelai

I just can't help myself...

Chazwozel said:
.....I'm at the point in my life where I'd rather share my life with one person exclusively, rather than delve into sewing my wild oats all over....

Why.... are your oats torn?

apologies.

not really.

Aug 16, 2009#71

The Lovely Boehner

escushion said:
Charlie Dont Surf said:

I just meant all those things as like uh, general first base type stuff, like what you'd do with your girlfriend in elementary school.

Click to expand...

That's as far as you got, I take it.

\\ :eyeroll:

Aug 16, 2009#72

Hailey Knight

Charlie Dont Surf said:
escushion said:

[quote="Charlie Dont Surf":3ik5vpr2]I just meant all those things as like uh, general first base type stuff, like what you'd do with your girlfriend in elementary school.

Click to expand...

That's as far as you got, I take it.

\\ :eyeroll:[/quote:3ik5vpr2]

"Nobody hug me! Nobody kiss me! Oh my God, Mommy she touched me!"

I expect any minute for you to bust out "Can't Touch This".

Aug 16, 2009#73

Tiq

Hmmm... touchy subject.

Personally, I don't think I could ever be in an open relationship... I'm a very passionate guy even at my most sedate times, I constantly wear my heart on my sleeve and I care very deeply about each and every one of my friends, so when I find someone who I'm in love with, it tends to be extremely intense.

Interestingly enough, I actually had a friend once who used her bisexuality as an excuse to be unfaithful to her boyfriend, and it always ticked me off... she told him he had no right to stop her from sleeping with women, becasue that was just part of her personality.It all seemed like a convenient exuse to me, as my attraction to both men and women has no impact on my faithfullness to one person, when I fall in love and I wasn't suprised when I heard that less than a year later the lass had cheated on her boyfriend god knows how many times with a bunch of guys.

Aug 16, 2009#74

Biardo

escushion said:
Charlie Dont Surf said:

escushion said:

[quote="Charlie Dont Surf":3o9symjp]I just meant all those things as like uh, general first base type stuff, like what you'd do with your girlfriend in elementary school.

Click to expand...

That's as far as you got, I take it.

Click to expand...

\\ :eyeroll:

"Nobody hug me! Nobody kiss me! Oh my God, Mommy she touched me!"

I expect any minute for you to bust out "Can't Touch This".[/quote:3o9symjp]

dude

Aug 16, 2009#75

Hailey Knight

Biardo said:
escushion said:

Charlie Dont Surf said:

escushion said:

That's as far as you got, I take it.

Click to expand...

\\ :eyeroll:

Click to expand...

"Nobody hug me! Nobody kiss me! Oh my God, Mommy she touched me!"

I expect any minute for you to bust out "Can't Touch This".

Click to expand...

dude

I can't stop. There's too much material here. It's gold, Jerry.

Aug 16, 2009#76

The Lovely Boehner

I dunno where I've posted on here that I don't enjoy physical affection from the opposite sex but I mean keep on truckin' with those jokes, buddy

Aug 16, 2009#77

Hailey Knight

Charlie Dont Surf said:
I dunno where I've posted on here that I don't enjoy physical affection from the opposite sex but I mean keep on truckin' with those jokes, buddy

Yeah, you're right, you did not say you don't enjoy physical affection. Just that it's cheating. As for the last part, will do!

Charlie's Mom: "Hi son, I haven't seen you since the last time I tried to hug you and you ran screaming. Come give mom a hug."
Charlie: "What the fuck, mom? I'm in a relationship now. I can't be with you anymore."
Charlie's Mom: "There's nothing wrong with a hug."
Charlie: "It's adultery. Don't be such a slut, mom. You'd spread your arms to any man."
Charlie's Mom: "It's not just any man. You'll always be my little boy."
Charlie: "So now you're a pedophile too?"

Aug 16, 2009#78

Biardo

dude just no

Aug 16, 2009#79

Tiq

Eschu.. seriously shut the fuck up and stop filling the thread with this pointless shit.

Aug 16, 2009#80

Hailey Knight

Tiq said:
Eschu.. seriously shut the fuck up and stop filling the thread with this pointless shit.

Tiq... seriously shut the fuck up and stop filling the thread with this pointless shit.

Man, I sure am anticipating so many good reasons I should listen to you rather than you listening to me, considering neither of us know each other, nor do either of us have any authority over each other.

Disclaimer: This thread was being filled with pointless shit when a bunch of people didn't bother reading all Shego wrote before taking offense.

Aug 16, 2009#81

Tiq

Right... so spend some time getting it back on track, instead of making it worse. :thumbsup:

Aug 16, 2009#82

Tinwhistler

Aug 16, 2009#83

Hailey Knight

Good idea.

I referenced one part of the article in my first post, but as for the general question of acceptance? Not at all. For one, there's the Supreme, Unquestionable Sanctity of Marriage that is touted no matter what, ignoring how much marriages don't work, even if the people stay together.

Second, as seen with the Mormon communities, there's the potential for abuse, with what can develop into a harem situation.

But as for the actual practice, disregarding whether it's accepted or not? It depends on the person and what they feel is most important. Some people view love as most important and are okay with having sex with others besides their significant other, and their SO doing the same, so long as the love bond is strong. Others view sex as more important, and are okay with their SO forming very close bonds with others emotionally, and do the same. Some tie sex with love, and so view having sex as loving or being loved, which leads to fun misunderstandings when both people aren't like that.

I don't think it will ever be mainstream in the way the article notes. Those are celebrities. What's accepted by the public for them is not the same for their next door neighbor.

EDIT: Nice, Tin

Aug 16, 2009#84

@Li3n

escushion said:
Charlie Dont Surf said:

I dunno where I've posted on here that I don't enjoy physical affection from the opposite sex but I mean keep on truckin' with those jokes, buddy

Click to expand...

Yeah, you're right, you did not say you don't enjoy physical affection. Just that it's cheating. As for the last part, will do!

Charlie's Mom: "Hi son, I haven't seen you since the last time I tried to hug you and you ran screaming. Come give mom a hug."
Charlie: "What the fuck, mom? I'm in a relationship now. I can't be with you anymore."
Charlie's Mom: "There's nothing wrong with a hug."
Charlie: "It's adultery. Don't be such a slut, mom. You'd spread your arms to any man."
Charlie's Mom: "It's not just any man. You'll always be my little boy."
Charlie: "So now you're a pedophile too?"

Charlie's mum sounds like one hot slut... :twisted:

Aug 16, 2009#85

ElJuski

Escuchion...I wish I could paint a picture of how horribly you are misunderstanding CDS and projecting some weird-ass rage. But I'm way too lazy. Instead, I'll point out that, if you're going to burn a dude, at least take the time and think of something funny.

-- Sun Aug 16, 2009 5:39 pm --

I should also point out that, if you don't immediately jump to some rage-filled conclusion, it makes sense. The important thing is intent mentally with what you aim to achieve with the person in question. It's simple; one of my best gal pals, for instance, is more like a sister to me. There is no sexual tension, and any girl I'm with will inherently (hopefully) notice that (that is, if she even cares anyway). But a person can (again, usually...well, hopefully) tell if two other people have some sort of tension or otherwise un-platonic thing going on.

I think it's weird everybody is painting things like "A Hug" or "A Kiss" into one big vat. The way I hug my brother is different than the way I hug an old friend which is different than the way I hug my niece which is different than the way I hug the girl of my dreams.

Aug 16, 2009#86

Bubble181

Your niece isn't the girl of your dreams? :-P

Aug 16, 2009#87

Tinwhistler

ElJuski said:
I think it's weird everybody is painting things like "A Hug" or "A Kiss" into one big vat. The way I hug my brother is different than the way I hug an old friend which is different than the way I hug my niece which is different than the way I hug the girl of my dreams.

which one do you hug like this?

Aug 16, 2009#88

Calleja

Only me, of course.

Aug 16, 2009#89

Hailey Knight

ElJuski said:
Instead, I'll point out that, if you're going to burn a dude, at least take the time and think of something funny.

Ouch.

Aug 16, 2009#90

Shegokigo

I thought it was hilarious....

Aug 16, 2009#91

Hailey Knight

Shegokigo said:
I thought it was hilarious....

Aug 16, 2009#92

Philosopher B.

Hey guise. Is this another of those thread things I've been hearing about.

Aug 16, 2009#93

Bubble181

Nawww. This here's a yarn.

Aug 17, 2009#94

R

Raemon777

Woven together by a supernatural loom that tells us who to kill.

Aug 17, 2009#95

Shegokigo

Raemon777 said:
Woven together by a supernatural loom that tells us who to kill.

Aug 17, 2009#96

Mr_Chaz

Calleja said:
Only me, of course.

That's you on the left? Man, Juski looks like a lady!

Aug 17, 2009#97

The Lovely Boehner

LOOM OF FATE

Aug 17, 2009#98

Joe Johnson

Sheesh, I barely have time for a relationship with my wife these days! (now that we have a kid). I can't imagine having to time for something "on the side".

Aug 17, 2009#99

fade

Calleja said:
We're latin. I kiss on the cheek every single woman I greet, even if I'm meeting them for the first time. Unless it's like a formal work setting or something.

We also hug anyone we've met more than once.

I was actually talking about this just yesterday. A friend and I noticed how we met a few people at the party and greeted them with introductions and handshakes (pecks on the cheek for girls) only, but by the end of the night, when we were saying our goodbyes, we hugged all of them. Even the ones we didn't even see in between.

Yeah, Calleja kissed me when I visited Mexico. He kept insisting that it was just a cultural thing. I've seen the whole "peck on the cheek between men as a greeting" thing, but the tongue was a bit of a surprise.

Aug 17, 2009#100

sixpackshaker

Joe Johnson said:
Sheesh, I barely have time for a relationship with my wife these days! (now that we have a kid). I can't imagine having to time for something "on the side".

Well John of John & Kate + 8 found the time, so there is hope for you yet.

Aug 17, 2009#101

Jake

fade said:
I've seen the whole "pecker on the cheek between men as a greeting" thing, but the tongue was a bit of a surprise.

Aug 17, 2009#102

Calleja

fade said:
Yeah, Calleja kissed me when I visited Mexico. He kept insisting that it was just a cultural thing. I've seen the whole "peck on the cheek between men as a greeting" thing, but the tongue was a bit of a surprise.

rly:

The only men I kiss are like my family. Dad, grandad, couple uncles. That's it.

huh... I hadn't thought about that. Europeans still kiss men to greet, right? We don't... weird.

Aug 17, 2009#103

Shegokigo

Charlie Dont Surf said:
LOOM OF FATE

Aug 17, 2009#104

The Lovely Boehner

Shegokigo said:
Charlie Dont Surf said:

LOOM OF FATE

Click to expand...

I went by that name elsewhere, it ain't no secret. It's my second favorite screen name to date (behind this one)

Aug 19, 2009#105

Bubble181

Calleja said:
fade said:

Yeah, Calleja kissed me when I visited Mexico. He kept insisting that it was just a cultural thing. I've seen the whole "peck on the cheek between men as a greeting" thing, but the tongue was a bit of a surprise.

Click to expand...

rly:

The only men I kiss are like my family. Dad, grandad, couple uncles. That's it.

huh... I hadn't thought about that. Europeans still kiss men to greet, right? We don't... weird.

It REALLY depends in where in Europe. Even in Belgium, which is, say ,the size of a middle-sized city, really, there's a big difference. Walloon will kiss; Flemish people usually won't. Me, I'm an exception, but ah well.
The more latin countries usually do more kissing, the more german ones less so. Germans don't kiss. Dutchies kiss...But just twice, while Walloons will kiss thrice. Don't ask me.

Aug 19, 2009#106

Math242

walloons kiss once. French kiss thrice.

i've tried to stop that stupid habit with my friends. i would try to shake hands and i was perceived as rude.

damnit

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