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Peter Jackson's "The Lovely Boner"
#1
Espy
Espy
First of all this theater was not at my usual theater. It was at some weird theater downtown and the floor was really sticky and DAMN I had no idea it would have so much hardcore sex. Way to go PJ!
But seriously folks, PJ's The Lovely Bones is not a good movie.
Where to start? It's a total mess. It has so much potential and every here and there you see what he is trying to do and it almost works until the next giant tonal shift or dramatically awkward edit between stories or until the next uber-cheesy line, or dreamy teenage boy eye shot, etc, etc.
I feel terrible saying this, after all, I defended him in a recent thread as "deserving my automatic box office dollars" and so I plunked the cash down for this movie, expecting the brilliance I am normally given in PJ movies. It was not to be. Instead I struggled to hold in laughter at the "emotional parts", my wife didn't bother, she just laughed at every cheesy line and long dreamy eye shots.
It's not all bad, there are those moments I mentioned where things work and it's a solid story and then BAM! it's like a teenage romance writer who has zero experience in making you interested in what they write about takes over and just mercifully kicks you in the junk. The writing is atrocious. It's terrible. The "afterlife" scenes look one of two ways: pretty or silly.
Thats all I can think of right now. I'm very disappointed. I expect better from the man who brought us the masterpiece: Meet the Feebles. This is Heavenly Creatures without character we care about, effects that add to the story rather than detract from it, the bite of a man not afraid to make you uncomfortable in your seat and a giant helping of Twilight-ish teen melodrama layered into a decent murder mystery that is no mystery.
I must watch Heavenly Creatures again to wipe this from my brain.
But seriously folks, PJ's The Lovely Bones is not a good movie.
Where to start? It's a total mess. It has so much potential and every here and there you see what he is trying to do and it almost works until the next giant tonal shift or dramatically awkward edit between stories or until the next uber-cheesy line, or dreamy teenage boy eye shot, etc, etc.
I feel terrible saying this, after all, I defended him in a recent thread as "deserving my automatic box office dollars" and so I plunked the cash down for this movie, expecting the brilliance I am normally given in PJ movies. It was not to be. Instead I struggled to hold in laughter at the "emotional parts", my wife didn't bother, she just laughed at every cheesy line and long dreamy eye shots.
It's not all bad, there are those moments I mentioned where things work and it's a solid story and then BAM! it's like a teenage romance writer who has zero experience in making you interested in what they write about takes over and just mercifully kicks you in the junk. The writing is atrocious. It's terrible. The "afterlife" scenes look one of two ways: pretty or silly.
Thats all I can think of right now. I'm very disappointed. I expect better from the man who brought us the masterpiece: Meet the Feebles. This is Heavenly Creatures without character we care about, effects that add to the story rather than detract from it, the bite of a man not afraid to make you uncomfortable in your seat and a giant helping of Twilight-ish teen melodrama layered into a decent murder mystery that is no mystery.
I must watch Heavenly Creatures again to wipe this from my brain.
#2
Shadazz
Shadazz
I went to see this with my mother, us being the only people in the cinema, I didn't really expect anything amazing.
I didn't get anything slightly good. Cheesy, shitty lines that made me go "bawwwww" trying to hold in my tears for having paid to see this.
I could have seen Sherlock Holmes (which is amazing). BAWWWWWW.
I didn't get anything slightly good. Cheesy, shitty lines that made me go "bawwwww" trying to hold in my tears for having paid to see this.
I could have seen Sherlock Holmes (which is amazing). BAWWWWWW.
#3
Gusto
Gusto
Teehee, "boner".
#4
The Lovely Boehner
The Lovely Boehner
I'm a big enough man to say I giggle every time I see this thread title.
#5
CynicismKills
CynicismKills
Me too. Also I am sad to hear so much bad about this movie, as it looked visually stunning and the plot seemed like it could be interesting.I'm a big enough man to say I giggle every time I see this thread title.
#6
Espy
@CynicismKills: Yeah, it was really sad. It was like sitting there with the girl you have always thought of as perfect and while you are at dinner she's just picking her nose the entire time and eating the boogers.
Espy
I did it for you Charlie. I did it all for you.I'm a big enough man to say I giggle every time I see this thread title.
@CynicismKills: Yeah, it was really sad. It was like sitting there with the girl you have always thought of as perfect and while you are at dinner she's just picking her nose the entire time and eating the boogers.
#7
Cajungal
Cajungal
Man, a ton of people in my family have read this book and were probably excited for the movie. Ohhh well. I would never have guessed the plot from the title or the book cover. Hope your next movie adventure isn't as painful but still brings interesting stories to the forum.
#8
Espy
Espy
I read a real gem the other day about how as they started to test the movie the only people that responded to it where... teenage girls. Yup. So they started marketing towards the twilight crowd. It's not doing very good so hopefully Jackson will get a kick in his pants and do something we can all be proud of.
THIS GIRL IS SAYING WHAT I AM SAYING. We are kindred spirits you and I, both saddened by stupidity. Nice to have you on the forum, stick around awhile.Cheesy, shitty lines that made me go "bawwwww" trying to hold in my tears for having paid to see this.
BAWWWWWW.
#9
Dave
Dave
Roger Ebert HATES this movie. http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20100113/REVIEWS/100119992/1001
\"The Lovely Bones\" is a deplorable film with this message: If you're a 14-year-old girl who has been brutally raped and murdered by a serial killer, you have a lot to look forward to. You can get together in heaven with the other teenage victims of the same killer, and gaze down in benevolence upon your family members as they mourn you and realize what a wonderful person you were. Sure, you miss your friends, but your fellow fatalities come dancing to greet you in a meadow of wildflowers, and how cool is that?
The makers of this film seem to have given slight thought to the psychology of teenage girls, less to the possibility that there is no heaven, and none at all to the likelihood that if there is one, it will not resemble a happy gathering of new Facebook friends. In its version of the events, the serial killer can almost be seen as a hero for liberating these girls from the tiresome ordeal of growing up and dispatching them directly to the Elysian Fields. The film's primary effect was to make me squirmy.
It's based on the best-seller by Alice Sebold that everybody seemed to be reading a couple of years ago. I hope it's not faithful to the book; if it is, millions of Americans are scary. The murder of a young person is a tragedy, the murderer is a monster, and making the victim a sweet, poetic narrator is creepy. This movie sells the philosophy that even evil things are God's will, and their victims are happier now. Isn't it nice to think so. I think it's best if they don't happen at all. But if they do, why pretend they don't hurt? Those girls are dead.
I'm assured, however, that Sebold's novel is well-written and sensitive. I presume the director, Peter Jackson, has distorted elements to fit his own \"vision,\" which involves nearly as many special effects in some sequences as his \"Lord of the Rings\" trilogy. A more useful way to deal with this material would be with observant, subtle performances in a thoughtful screenplay. It's not a feel-good story. Perhaps Jackson's team made the mistake of fearing the novel was too dark. But its millions of readers must know it's not like this. The target audience might be doom-besotted teenage girls -- the \"Twilight\" crowd.
The owner of the lovely bones is named Susie Salmon (Saoirse Ronan, a very good young actress, who cannot be faulted here). The heaven Susie occupies looks a little like a Flower Power world in the kind of fantasy that, murdered in 1973, she might have imagined. Seems to me that heaven, by definition outside time and space, would have neither colors nor a lack of colors -- would be a state with no sensations. Nor would there be thinking there, let alone narration. In an eternity spent in the presence of infinite goodness, you don't go around thinking, \"Man! Is this great!\" You simply are. I have a lot of theologians on my side here.
But no. From her movie-set Valhalla, Susie gazes down as her mother (Rachel Weisz) grieves and her father (Mark Wahlberg) tries to solve the case himself. There's not much of a case to solve; we know who the killer is almost from the get-go, and, under the Law of Economy of Characters that's who he has to be, because (a) he's played by an otherwise unnecessary movie star, and (b) there's no one else in the movie it could be.
Here's something bittersweet. Weisz and Wahlberg are effective as the parents. Because the pyrotechnics are mostly upstairs with the special effects, all they need to be are convincing parents who have lost their daughter. This they do with touching subtlety. We also meet one of Susie's grandmothers (Susan Sarandon), an unwise drinker who comes on to provide hard-boiled comic relief, in the Shakespearean tradition that every tragedy needs its clown. Well, she's good, too. This whole film is Jackson's fault.
It doesn't fail simply because I suspect its message. It fails on its own terms. It isn't emotionally convincing that this girl, having had these experiences and destined apparently to be 14 forever (although cleaned up and with a new wardrobe), would produce this heavenly creature. What's left for us to pity? We should all end up like her, and the sooner the better; preferably not after being raped and murdered.
#10
drawn_inward
drawn_inward
Aw, man. Saved me 20 bucks, Espy. Thanks.
#11
Espy
Espy
I wish I didn't bear such bad news DI. Just go rent Heavenly Creatures of LOTR or something.
#12
Jay
Jay
Plz make the Hobbit not suck!
#13
Espy
Espy
Well, since he's not directing it it should be fine, not to mention that Del Toro is in charge so between them it should be awesome. Even this crappy movie doesn't make me worry about the Hobbit.
#14
Calleja
Calleja
Dayumn... thanks, I was actually sure this was worth the theater ticket.
#15
Cajungal
Cajungal
I was so excited about this! Guillermo del Toro rocks my socks off... I NEVER use that expression, but God help me, I want to have sex with that guy's imagination.Well, since he's not directing it it should be fine, not to mention that Del Toro is in charge so between them it should be awesome. Even this crappy movie doesn't make me worry about the Hobbit.
#16
Hailey Knight
Hailey Knight
Or Meet the Feebles.I wish I didn't bear such bad news DI. Just go rent Heavenly Creatures of LOTR or something.
#17
fade
fade
How much crying is in it? Seriously...I find the LOTR movies almost unrewatchable on account of all the damn crying.
#18
ElJuski
ElJuski
The book seems like its pandering to basic emotions of grief and revenge, and the movie seems like a further condenced version for the moms that didn't have time to read the book, but heard about it in their pilates class from their friends. So, I was going to avoid this one even before the mediocre reviews came in.
Yet, as always, having not seen the film, I CAN'T REALLY SAY. But ho-damn, will I zing it good.
Yet, as always, having not seen the film, I CAN'T REALLY SAY. But ho-damn, will I zing it good.
#19
Calleja
Calleja
cough condenSed cough
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
#20
The Lovely Boehner
The Lovely Boehner
damn, did the non-native speaker just correct mister college learnin'?
#21
Cajungal
Cajungal
*sniffle, lip quiver* Oh, Sam...How much crying is in it? Seriously...I find the LOTR movies almost unrewatchable on account of all the damn crying.
#22
ElJuski
MAN I FUCKED UP
ElJuski
ha, not to mention, your signature to compliment the whole ordeal.damn, did the non-native speaker just correct mister college learnin'?
MAN I FUCKED UP
#23
Calleja
Calleja
I'M SORRY I CAN'T HELP IT IT'S A DISEAAASEEEE!!
Don't judge me.
Don't judge me.