Question for the forums

[CrimsonSoul]

I've been considering posting this for a while now but now that it seems like it is 100% for real happening I guess I will so that I can get some ideas. My and my wife got back together a while ago and things are going good (thatdowsnt have anything to do with this but hey).

Here we go

I apologize in advance for my bad grammar but I'm posting off my phone at work.
So I'm just wondering what to expect here and I have a huge backstory here.
There are three people inthe story me my wife and her aunt. Me and my wife live in Texas while her aunt lives in wisonsin but we make trips up there to visit her side of the family every few years when we can afford it. This all started when her aunt was delivering her 7th(?) child while she was in the hospital after delivering her the house she was staying in with her mom burnt down killing two of her children they couldn't get the children out because they are hordera and there was too much junk in the house to this day she still partially blames the baby for her other two kids deaths because she wasn't there to save them. Cps wasn't involved yet.
After they moved into a new house because the fire destroyed the other one my wifes uncle (who is a child molester) started living with them with my wifes complaints. My wife tried to tell them what he was because he molested her as a child but it was ne'er reported because her grandma who she lived with didn't believe her. Lo and behold he started molesting her aunts kids and she took them to the doctor after they started complaining. This is where cps got involved.
After cps came to the house and saw the living conditions they were still hoarding and all slept on one bed they removed her other 4 children this was almost 3 years ago and the youngest have been in foster care since while the oldest are with her aunt as they kept running away from their foster homes to live with her aunt.
My wife hot in contact with the case worker who wouldn't confirm the case against her aunt because she didn't sign a disclosure agreement. After all this time the cps worker brought her the paperwork and basically said if she didn't sign it her kids would probably be adopted out and she would never see them again so she did.
We got the paperwork on Friday to start the process of fostering to adopt (aunt doesn't know that we will probably adopt) and Wisconsin CPA plans on terminating her rights and filing a restraining order against her aunt. Wisconsin cps has talked to the foster family up there (an Amish family) an they agree it's in the childrens best intrest to be places with us because the kids seem depressed after visits with their mom because of the living environment. We were told we should expect a surprise visit from Texas cps shortly so theycan evaluate our home but the Wisconsin cps is going to push for them to come here and they are once all this happens are going to terminate her parental rights and file a restraining order against her but she doesn't know any of this yet.
Once all this happens most of my wifes family will more than likely disown her and start a bunch of drama an I'm just trying to figure out what I should do in order to prepare for all of this.

 

[strawman]

Just take things one day at a time.

 

[Dave]

If the family disowns her for helping out these kids then they aren't worth having as a family. If that happens, close ranks and forget that this extended family exists. If/when they finally come around & the situation has calmed down, you can let them back into your life. But for now - especially after what these kids have been through - the focus should be on them.

 

[Chibibar]

I would say kids come first. They are in need of help and you are in a position to help them. If the aunt decides to cut you off, then fine. If there is a restraining order against the aunt (filed by Wisconsin CPS) then your aunt can't visit you anyways (does that work in other states?)

 

[CrimsonSoul]

Didn't put this in the first post but it is looking like June when we are going to get the kiddo's because CPS up there has to fill out paper work for CPS down here and they are having to fax stuff back and forth, a slow process I'm told lol They are going to be doing a suprise homestudy of our house sometime soon, just don't know when... it's a suprise

 

[Enresshou]

I can't offer much advice on what to do in preparation, but good on you and your wife for taking care of them like this. The world needs more people like you.

 

[sixpackshaker]

Be ready to be confounded that the kids will still love their birth mother and will likely want to see her. I don't know how to advise you to say no. But you will have to support the restraining order.

Bless you for wanting to take care of family. That is one of the highest signs of character.

 

[CrimsonSoul]

Word has it that after visitation with the birth parents the girls are depressed and the case worker thinks it's because of the living environment at their moms house. I think it's because they are leaving again for however long but I dunno I'm not up there

 

[strawman]

When the CPS come to inspect your house they will be evaluating many things, some of which are:

* Enough space for child
Is there a bedroom, bed, and places to put clothes and other belongings? Are there places to play? Do homework? Entertainment?

* Clean, orderly

While it might not make a difference ultimately, they do note whether the kitchen is clean (ie, they'll note if there are dirty dishes in the sink, for instance). While they don't expect perfect cleanliness and no clutter, they are interested in making sure that there's no obvious problems that might lead to illness. Adequate facilities for using the restroom, washing, etc.

* Safe
Dangerous items and chemicals must be properly secured, even when you're taking in teenagers, but especially when you're taking in children under 10. The area and neighborhood are safe. The house is structurally sound and safe.

* Food, shelter, financial security

They'll probably want to see your income tax forms to understand whether you have sufficient means to take care of the children. They may require information about your financial status including bank account balances and debts, loans, mortgages. They'll figure out what you generally eat, where, how you prepare your food. They'll go over insurance information, and inquire as to your life insurance policies (ie, how will you take care of your kids if your spouse dies, and vice versa). Whether you have a support system that will help you (family, friends, strong religious or other group affiliation)

There is a lot of advice online regarding adoption, especially adopting newborns, and while not all the same information applies, reading through it will help you understand what their goals and priorities are. They may not be what you assume they should be...
Added at: 13:12
In other words, pretend the children already live with you, or that if they were to appear tonight you would have everything all set to go. You may have months before things happen, but when the inspection occurs you need to be as ready to take them in as you will be when they actually do appear. Also, keep your house clean and uncluttered.
Added at: 13:20
Working window locks and door locks. If you have animals, do the animals pose any danger (ie, even if it's the kindest, gentlest pit bull in the world, they may not look on it favorably, but a lab is probably alright).

Oh, and your schedule - who is going to be home with the kids, or if you are nearby and reachable if the kids are old enough to be left alone.

 

[Wasabi Poptart]

Be prepared for some behavioral problems from the kids. Like sixpackshaker said, they will probably want to still see their mom and may try to run away again. Maybe they'll rebel in other ways or withdraw from you two. Have some patience. Have some support system in mind whether it is a minister from your church or a counselor. It might be something you talk to CPS about to see if they have any suggestions.

 

[CrimsonSoul]

I've already had CPS in my life before when my now 4 year old was diagnosed failure to thrive the case was dropped after about 1 year-ish we never lost custody during that time just mainly weekly doctor's appointments.. that was fun with my job! The kids we are going to get have never ran away one's 2 and one's 8 the 8 year old knows us from previous visits and is friends with our 7 year old. We just bought two sets of bunk beds and mattresses for the kids two for our boys and then 2 extra for the girls if/when they come here we got those in the mail today just need to set it up now. we have 2 cats and a chihuahua mix that hardly ever barks if you can believe that! my wife is a SAHM and I work 4 12's on a rotating shift with 3 days off a week. We should pass the inspection it's just getting the bunk beds and everything set up before the inspection I have a lot of projects going on right now lol me and my dad just bought some sheet-rock and insulation for the garage so I can put that up and put shelves out there for all the tools I'm amassing now that I'm a home owner. Thanks for all the suggestions Stienman all of the "important" doors have the locks up top way out of the kids reach that is drilled into the door frame itself all guns are locked up in a safe unless they are on me they are in the safe. if you guys can think of anything else let me know. The youngest seems to have some type of developmental delay and she just started a "early learning" type pre-school to help her with that, my 7 year old was in basically the same class at her age but is starting to grow out of it a little bit she is still behind in school and is having trouble reading I think she may be dyslexic she calls d's b's and vise versa and sometimes reads entire words backwards and she's struggling a little bit in school because of it.

 

[strawman]

I think you're on top of things. If they find anything they want you to fix, it'll be minor, and it shouldn't slow down the process at all as long as you show a willingness to follow their directions.

What you're doing is hard, but it's commendable.

You can always post here if you need anything.

 

[Chibibar]

Since the CPS recommend that you take the kids, I am sure if you have any doubts, CPS will try to help you or least guide you to the right info. They are doing it for the kids after all (IMO)