Export thread

Rant (M): Rants From the Future!

#1

ThatNickGuy

ThatNickGuy

(Note: (M), as noted here, is a shortened version of the Roman numerals for one million.)

Happy millionth rant thread, everyone! It's been a long time coming, hasn't it?

I know Dave used to tell us how getting old sucked, but I had no idea. Couldn't find my false teeth today. Turns out they were in my mouth the whole time. I wondered why I was able to eat those peas. AND I peed on my care nurse during my sponge bath.

Great-grand kids came into today. One of 'em was playing that new Micro-Son-Tendo 5-D system. You know, the one where you can make your own movies that span space and time? I hear it's crazy popular in Lunar City. Me, I guess I'm happy enough with my old PlayWii 5, back before Macrohard got bought out by SonTendo.

I did get to see Avatar 10, though. Anyone else think that was awesome? That whole innermindweb technology goes over my head, but it was neat to be a minor character on Pandora along with the rest of them. Think I might watch it again and try shooting the main character, just to see what happens.


#2

General Specific

General Specific

HELLO, BILLY!!


#3

Officer_Charon

Officer_Charon

What's with the life preserver?


#4

Charlie Don't Surf

The Lovely Boehner

Fuck the conservative political party.


#5

Ravenpoe

Ravenpoe

I hate how all language has been replaced with memes. It's like Darmok in The Next Generation, only with lolcats.




#6

Sparhawk

Sparhawk

Darmok at Tenagra without a Bukkit.


#7

North_Ranger

North_Ranger

The goddamn hydrospanner got stuck in the subatomic samophlange again.

Oh well, gotta intercall the son again and have him have a look at it. I know he bitches about how long a trip it is from Mars back to good ol' Earth, but I want to see my grandkids. I hear little Pete would do well to spend some time in 1G. Toughen him up a little, you know?


#8

FnordBear

FnordBear

Damn Reticulins! Eer since first contact back in the 20s they have been popping up their little gray heads everywhere. Hell I went to Jack in the McBurger King Bell yesterday and one of the lil bug-eyed bastards kept trying to repeat my order back to me in their damn clicking moon-speak. Learn English you stupid spacers! If you are going to move here you need to learn to speak the language! And what is with those saucers? Damn things have to be giving us cancer with their dirty nuclear power coils! I swear I have had two livers in the past two years since that family of them moved in upstairs!


#9

North_Ranger

North_Ranger

Dude, not cool! That's speciesist!


#10

FnordBear

FnordBear

They took my job!


#11

General Specific

General Specific

HELLO, BILLY!!


#12



Matt²

Bizarro!
Give us the diamond beam, or else Stormy gets it!


#13

ThatNickGuy

ThatNickGuy

Poor General Specific. Remember a few years back when he was starting to get confused and started mixing up our names? It was funny at first 'til he called me Sheg. That was weird. Can one of the mods try to get through to him that Billy (his grandson) took him for everything, including his meds? How's that retirement home fund going for him, anyway?

And damnit, Fnord! Some of my best friends are Reticulans! Hell, my care nurse is one! I'm all for Bill-20185 passing, if only so my granddaughter can have the wedding she's always dreamed of.


#14

FnordBear

FnordBear

Letting the little buggers in the church was bad enough now that when I go to mass I have to see this:



But dammit, I draw the line at good human girls marrying those dirty alien greys. Keep the blood pure!


#15

General Specific

General Specific

ThatNickGuy said:
Poor General Specific. Remember a few years back when he was starting to get confused and started mixing up our names? It was funny at first 'til he called me Sheg. That was weird. Can one of the mods try to get through to him that Billy (his grandson) took him for everything, including his meds? How's that retirement home fund going for him, anyway?

And damnit, Fnord! Some of my best friends are Reticulans! Hell, my care nurse is one! I'm all for Bill-20185 passing, if only so my granddaughter can have the wedding she's always dreamed of.
Click to expand...
Is that you, Billy?


#16

blotsfan

blotsfan

Ah well. Maybe the Bills will win it all next year.


#17

Dave

Dave

God damn it! Someone was supposed to come clean the glass but they didn't show up! I can hardly see out now. It wouldn't be that bad but I'm shelved close to both Al Gore and Steven Wright and I can never tell them apart through the liquid.

Fuck it. I'm logging back in to the Admin Interface Deck. Maybe later I'll jack into WoW and hook up with some Half Elf slut. I hope it's a girl this time. The last time was awkward.


#18

ThatNickGuy

ThatNickGuy

Yeah....sorry about that, Dave. Sometimes I like to get in touch with my feminine self.

---------- Post added at 11:47 AM ---------- Previous post was at 11:46 AM ----------

Also, is anyone else as surprised as I am that GotHomo won a Kurtz this year at the San Diego Nerd Con?


#19

Allen who is Quiet

Allen, who is Quiet

I told the past me that the number he was thinking of was 69, and he still didn't believe that I was him from the future.


#20

North_Ranger

North_Ranger

Dave said:
God damn it! Someone was supposed to come clean the glass but they didn't show up! I can hardly see out now. It wouldn't be that bad but I'm shelved close to both Al Gore and Steven Wright and I can never tell them apart through the liquid.

Fuck it. I'm logging back in to the Admin Interface Deck. Maybe later I'll jack into WoW and hook up with some Half Elf slut. I hope it's a girl this time. The last time was awkward.
Click to expand...
That's why I quit when they put in the Tactile Interface patch. Nothing makes you limp faster than peeling off some hot blood elf chick's armor and finding a wiener and two meatballs. I swear, I had to wash those gloves like a dozen times...


#21

Frank

Frankie Williamson

Sucks that I died in the great Canadian uprising of 2021, but at least the afterlife has the ULTRAnet now but we're stuck with God damn Heavenus as our USP here. We're totally capped at 3000 TB/s down and upload. How am I supposed to download ULTRAporn this way?


#22



Iaculus

Oh, hi there, guys, long time no see. Me and a few of the other post-singularity ascended wanted to pop down, see how things were going for you primitive meatlings, and... wait, what's that user's handle? Icculus? And he's... wait... he's on the precognitive sex offenders' list? Claimed in another thread that he's got a special friend who's 'going to be very mature for her age when she gets born next century'? Right. Of course.

I'll... just be going now. Let me know when you've chased him off the forum, and I might head back on over. Or... just bask in my technosorcerous omnipotence whilst you lowly mortals complain incessantly about your ever-degrading physical shells. That's an option too.

Bye.


#23

General Specific

General Specific

GOODBYE BILLY!


#24

Azurephoenix

Azurephoenix

I hear you Frank, I didn't quite die in that Canadian uprising.... but I may as well have. Man, I thought that being a cyborg would be cool... but the maintenance. Damn, I used to think that domestic cars were bad for repairs but I swear that these upgraded mechanical fingers that I installed are nothing but a royal pain in the ass. I mean... you'd think those Reticulins being from a fancy other planet and all would be able to make technology that doesn't break down every other day but that doesn't seem to be the case. Oh bother... I think my abdomen is leaking... fluid... again...

At least I have this cool 40-watt phased plasma rifle... that's worth something...


#25

Hailey Knight

Hailey Knight

Brains...


#26

Gusto

Gusto

Sparhawk said:
Darmok at Tenagra without a Bukkit.
Click to expand...
Fail, when the walls fell.


#27

Chad Sexington

Garbledina

Kids today just don't remember that M is the Roman numeral for one thousand, not a million. You'd think with all the time-travel field trips they'd pick it up but they just don't appreciate the opportunities they have.


#28

Null

Null

Damn robots plasma-keyed my flying car.


#29

Frank

Frankie Williamson

Chad Sexington said:
Kids today just don't remember that M is the Roman numeral for one thousand, not a million. You'd think with all the time-travel field trips they'd pick it up but they just don't appreciate the opportunities they have.
Click to expand...
M with a line on top of it is a million. Nick just forgot the line.


#30

Sparhawk

Sparhawk

Frank;433227][QUOTE=Chad Sexington said:
Kids today just don't remember that M is the Roman numeral for one thousand, not a million. You'd think with all the time-travel field trips they'd pick it up but they just don't appreciate the opportunities they have.
Click to expand...
M with a line on top of it is a million. Nick just forgot the line.[/QUOTE]

M in parenthesis, (M), is also a valid symbol for Million.


#31

Silver Jelly

Silver Jelly

You know what I always say in the Soylent Green threads? That I don't care it's people as long as it's not people I personally know?

Well, guess who found his highschool crush all powdered up in his breakfast today...


That's what I get for reading labels.


#32

Chad Sexington

Garbledina

Sparhawk;433229][QUOTE=Frank;433227][QUOTE=Chad Sexington said:
Kids today just don't remember that M is the Roman numeral for one thousand, not a million. You'd think with all the time-travel field trips they'd pick it up but they just don't appreciate the opportunities they have.
Click to expand...
M with a line on top of it is a million. Nick just forgot the line.[/QUOTE]

M in parenthesis, (M), is also a valid symbol for Million.[/QUOTE]
Fuck you guys, I waited a long, long time to be curmudgeon-y. I had to freeze my body! I WILL BITCH ABOUT THIS EVEN THOUGH I'M WRONG JUST PROVE HOW CURMUDGEON-Y I AM


#33

Sparhawk

Sparhawk

Crap. Teleporter at the house broke, ruined the grocery delivery coming in at the time. Hell of a mess to clean up AND... I gotta get the old anti-grav sled out of storage to be able to get to the public trans-station to get to work in the morning.


#34

SpecialKO

SpecialKO

I support the First Amendment and agree that they have the right to build it, but I think it's just insensitive for those True Blood fans to create a fanfic site in the same server farm where Fanfiction.net used to reside before it was destroyed by shippers in the name of Twilight.


#35

Rob King

Rob King

You guys think you had it bad dying, and being cyborg-ified in the Canadian Uprising. Well did the damn Quebecois invade your mainland territory? Oh ... well, I guess they did. But did they sink your island? No, I daresay they didn't.

Say what you will about her, but Newfoundland looked mighty beautiful, even as she sank into the depths.

Now I'm a refugee in fucking PEI. Pfft. Death. Cyborgs. You haven't seen half of the shit I've seen.


#36

Gusto

Gusto

Rob King said:
Say what you will about her, but Newfoundland looked mighty beautiful, even as she sank into the depths.
Click to expand...
I watched the whole thing, sitting on my citadel terrace high above the Republic of New Ontario, sipping a lovely 2396 Bordeaux.


#37

Frank

Frankie Williamson

Well, I died tripping over a curb and hitting my head just as the uprising began, so I missed most of it.


#38

SpecialKO

SpecialKO

I didn't notice because Northern NJ imploded when a non-corrupt politician completed his term without taking a bribe, and by the time reality stopped flapping around, the whole uprising had finished.

I DVRed the re-run, though.


#39

Null

Null

Silver Jelly said:
You know what I always say in the Soylent Green threads? That I don't care it's people as long as it's not people I personally know?

Well, guess who found his highschool crush all powdered up in his breakfast today...


That's what I get for reading labels.
Click to expand...
At least you finally got a taste...


#40

Hailey Knight

Hailey Knight

Wish I could get a taste...

Of some brains anyway. After my status rose to that of living impaired, sure, I get great disability, but I realized that there's a severe lack of brains to eat in the D.C. area. Go ahead and make a politician joke if you want, but this is no laughing matter. I tried that Soylent Green stuff, but it's like you took a good thing and diluted it with a bunch of garbage. I'm getting desperate enough to head over to the head museum--there's gotta be a brain or two, just by statistical odds, right?


#41

Terrik

Terrik

Duke Nukem Forever finally got released..


and it sucks.


#42

North_Ranger

North_Ranger

Silver Jelly said:
You know what I always say in the Soylent Green threads? That I don't care it's people as long as it's not people I personally know?

Well, guess who found his highschool crush all powdered up in his breakfast today...


That's what I get for reading labels.
Click to expand...
Well, didn't you always say you wanted to eat her?


#43

Silver Jelly

Silver Jelly

If our streets weren't infestated with kaijubulls and mutant matadores fighting eternally to the death, I'd go and slap all of you who joke about my breakfast tragedy. >: (


#44

General Specific

General Specific

*clutches heart* goodbye.... billy *collapses*

---------- Post added at 03:00 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:58 PM ----------

SWEET RELEASE! Well, I gotta say that Heavenus gets setup awfully fast. It isn't as fast as what I had, but at least now I can rejoin the rest of you with actual insights. I am so glad to be out of that withered old husk.

Maybe I'll go haunt Billy a little... after all, revenge is a dish best served repeatedly. :)


#45

figmentPez

figmentPez

Terrik said:
Duke Nukem Forever finally got released..


and it sucks.
Click to expand...
That's not what Yahtzee thought.


#46

General Specific

General Specific

Ooh, anyone else get a weird tugging? OOF! There it is again! What is that? What is... no! Leave my body alone! Get those doctors away from me! Death was the best thing to happen to me in

---------- Post added at 03:06 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:05 PM ----------

Hello, Billy...


#47

ThatNickGuy

ThatNickGuy

FINALLY! I get to use that favour that Sheg owed me. Don't worry, Gee-Ess! She's on the way!


#48

North_Ranger

North_Ranger

ThatNickGuy said:
FINALLY! I get to use that favour that Sheg owed me. Don't worry, Gee-Ess! She's on the way!
Click to expand...
Impossible! She and her armies were massacred in the Battle of Ipswich, back in the War of '65. I should know, I was there.... the memories still haunt me. So many mutant squirrel super soldiers, crushed like egg-shells in a tapdancing class...


#49

ThatNickGuy

ThatNickGuy

Where ya think she got those squirrels?

THAT'S why she owes me.


#50

North_Ranger

North_Ranger

So it was YOU who broke into my lab and sabotaged my research!


#51

ThatNickGuy

ThatNickGuy

Pfft. Don't be so pedestrian.

My clone did it.


Top