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I'm needing some advice about same sex parent characters and using their pronouns along with proper names in dialogue.

I thought I had this down, but it is starting to get confusing. I have been writing (for awhile) a dystopian book where the main character was adopted by two married men. (I posted a sample in the Artist's Corner some time ago)

Well, I thought I had the pronouns set in stone. The main character, Blue, had a Father (Papa, Trevor) and a Dad (Daddy, William). She would call them my Dad or my Father. Like any kid, when you're talking to them you'd say something like "Daddy" or "Papa." Then I started to get worried that the readers wouldn't connect who each man was with their name.

It's especially hard since the first big scene has all three of them together and names are flying. I break them up later on and have her interact with the two men separately so that the audience can make an emotional connection. "Okay, Trevor is the father. He is a doctor." I didn't want to call them Papa Trevor and Daddy William. That's not something a child would do.


As readers, what would you need to keep things straight?

Well, as a collective, you'd use "My parents," obviously. For one at a time, you could conceivably use "Dad" as the honorific used by Blue in just about every case but use literary tricks to clarify for the readers' benefit.

Context will go a long way. If you identify one of them by name, any subsequent "he" or "him" will be taken to refer to the last named person, and you'd need to make some sort of context switch before using nonspecific pronouns to refer to the other one. You can also fudge it with location: "Hand me that newspaper," Blue's dad said from the chair (assuming you've established which dad is the one in the chair). Likewise, if there's only one in the room, there's no confusion. You might develop nicknames such as "DW" for "Daddy William," though that might make Blue sound like Launchpad McQuack. If Trevor is a doctor and William is an auto mechanic, then it's going to be obvious who is speaking if the conversation is about something medical or automotive, so you're good there as well.

These might be obvious to you already. But they might not.

--Patrick

What about a nickname, different from one that you'd give a father, for one of them? Maybe the child isn't as close to Trevor, the doctor, so he calls him Doc?

I think a good idea would be to talk to some same-sex parents, on a forum dedicated to that, or a local LGBTQ community organisation. Not only will they have, if not better, more full answers, but also a lot more insight for you.

phil said:

What about a nickname, different from one that you'd give a father, for one of them? Maybe the child isn't as close to Trevor, the doctor, so he calls him Doc?

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I like that. People used to call my Grandfather Doctor Cook. I might draw on that.[DOUBLEPOST=1382127813,1382127585][/DOUBLEPOST]

Chad Sexington said:

I think a good idea would be to talk to some same-sex parents, on a forum dedicated to that, or a local LGBTQ community organisation. Not only will they have, if not better, more full answers, but also a lot more insight for you.

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I originally got the ideas from talking with an older gay couple who adopted a son. They were married in Canada before any legalization in the US. One of the parents told me that their son, who was probably in first grade at the time, would stand up to people and say "I do have two parents. I have a Papa and a Daddy." I'm going to expand and ask more people. I need more research.

A friend of mine has a "dad" and a "dad". When they want to discern between them, they use their names.

I guess what I'm saying is whatever you choose to do, as long as it's consistent it'll work. There are as many ways of discussing your parents as there are your grandparents. Or Memaw. Or Mama (which I've heard as a grandmother). Or Nana. You get the picture. This would be something incredibly personal to the character and even if it looked weird to others it wouldn't matter. Use what you want but be consistent.

Great, now I have to watch "My Two Dads"

dill616 said:

As readers, what would you need to keep things straight?

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*Snicker*

My aunts were "mommy" and "other mommy", but eventually the kids nicknamed their moms based on hair color.

Zero Esc said:

My aunts were "mommy" and "other mommy", but eventually the kids nicknamed their moms based on hair color.

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Red-mum... REDMUM!

I think I have it under control now. I've just forced myself to strictly call each parent by one pronoun. Instead of even referring to them as 'my dad' it's just 'Dad' now. I will get this. Hizzah!

dill616 said:

I think I have it under control now. I've just forced myself to strictly call each parent by one pronoun. Instead of even referring to them as 'my dad' it's just 'Dad' now. I will get this. Hizzah!

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Sometimes it's less a matter of coming up with new terms and more just how you structure the sentences when dealing with several individuals of the same gender. You'll be fine.