Dearest Rick Sanchez,
I heard about you getting fired from CNN, and I'd like to offer my deepest condolences. I work from home, and a lot of people are jealous of the fact that I don't have to squeeze into public transportation five times a week, I can poop in my own bathroom, and I can take three-hour lunches. But the one thing I wouldn't have traded with any cubicle slave is watching you at noon (here on the West Coast).
Rick's List was required viewing at my house, the perfect two-hour bridge between wiping the crusty sleep from my eyes and ESPN's duo of Around the Horn and Pardon the Interruption. But then CNN made this statement: "Rick Sanchez is no longer with the company. We thank Rick for his years of service and we wish him well."
Why, Rick? Why? *sniffle*
What was it that you said about Jon Stewart and Jewish people last Thursday on a Sirius radio show? Oh yeah, it was this:
"Yeah, very powerless people. [laughs] He's such a minority. I mean, you know, please. What—are you kidding? I'm telling you that everybody who runs CNN is a lot like Stewart, and a lot of people who run all the other networks on TV are a lot like Stewart. And to imply that somehow they, the people in this country who are Jewish, are an oppressed minority?"
Yowch! Couldn't you have asked your dozens of Twitter followers for a better diss?
I'll miss how you butchered the news in such an entertaining fashion. I'll miss how you used every possible opportunity to remind us that you were once paid for being a news journalist. I'll miss how you jumped at the chance to speak Spanish and roll your R's and remind us of your Cuban heritage.
Remember when you called president Obama a "cotton-picking president" and then back-peddled with that deer-in-the-headlights look? That was classic Rick! Or that time you thought the Galapagos Islands were Hawaii!? I get it, I think maps are hard to read, too! Remember all those condescending and misogynistic comments you made to regular correspondent Brooke Baldwin but didn't even realize it? Maybe that was just the Cuban machismo you ooze. You don't go finding trouble, it just lands right in your lap!
You aren't a horrible person. In fact, you had a certain charm to you—in that "awww, look how hard he's trying!" sort of way. Awkward 14-year-olds can look up to you and not give up on that dream of one day anchoring a cable news show. Your "Fotos del Dia" segment with recycled iMovie music always brightened my day, and I found joy in wondering what the heck videos of waterskiing dogs were doing on CNN.
I'm not sure how Jon Stewart will react tonight, but I'm hoping he goes easy on you. You've had enough. Sure, you weren't perfect. But you were mine.
I'll miss you, @ricksanchezcnn!
Your pal,
@TimAtTVDotCom
