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Talking with friends (or hearing them talking) about how sex between friends affect friendships, I've heard them defend vehemently the position that sex is terrible for friendships, tears friendships apart and even that the sexual tension between two friends that feel attacted can be the glue for a great friendship... And the opposite one, that having sex with friends is awesome and has no negative effects.

Lately a friend of mine has been having trouble deciding what to do with her love life, and she has talked about this* (for some reason, with me, the obvious relationship expert.) and I have neever ben able to give anything that feels like good advice to her regarding this topic.

So I come to the almighty forum to ask what you think about this.
Does sex between friends destroy friendships?

*No, sadly, she isn't talking about me.

most probably because someone might fall in love and want more than just sex

fuck buddies are awesome IF they're not your everyday friends.

There's no hard and fast answer.

There are pitfalls. It depends on how the people feel about sex and relationships, and their expectations.

Many people fall in love with sex, and if both parties aren't on the same page here, that can leave one person feeling used, bitter and hurt. Many people feel possessive with the person they're having sex with, which can lead to jealousy, anger, and controlling behavior if the person they're having sex with is not exclusive with them. Some people might have guilty feelings afterward, or feel awkward, which can derail a friendship.

That said, I've had some incredibly long and good friendships that have included occasional sex. I've had some friendships with benefits fall into some of the pitfalls above. It's a risk you have to evaluate if you want to go that route.

It depends on the people involved, it's really dumb to try to apply some blanket thing to everyone.

Ooo.. that is a tough one buddy.

First of all. FWB (Friends with Benefits) is NOT for everyone.
The following is my opinion:

First of all, it all depend on the person what they think of sex.
Does it equate love?
is it part of love?
is it relationship only?

If the answer is yes to any above, it CAN complicate things for either party.

If sex is consider a feel good activity but not equate to love, then it can work out.

I had a few FWB in the past and we are still friends. It wasn't weird as long BOTH parties understand what they are getting into. This is probably the most hardest and important part.

Can it ruin friendship? yes it can. Can it strengthen it? sure! again, as long BOTH parties know what they are getting into

It's a mystery and there's no definite answer. Odd are though, it will ruin it. Sometimes it'll just work out and be fucken worth it.

MAYBE.

It did for me. I had a great friend through High School who was in a long-term relationship with a different guy so there was never any tension between us. They broke up while in college and eventually we started having sex. That developed into a romantic relationship that was quickly torn apart by us expecting too much from each other. I haven't spoken to her now for about 10 years.

So, my feelings are that if you're friends with someone for a long time and had no expectations of a relationship, stay friends. If you're friends with the expectation that something more will come out of it, make sure the other person knows that and feels the same way. If you're friends just because of the sex, then have fun while it lasts, but don't expect anything deeper.

This is why I insist on having sex with someone immediately upon meeting, before there is a friendship to lose.

It has made things awkward in the locker room at times, but at least I don't have to deal with problems such as yours.

Silver, ask her if she wants to test the theory with you.

What if you have to have sex to save the friendship?

It definitely changes the friendship, and can be ruined because usually the question arises of if your friend is spending time with you because they want to spend time with you, or if they're looking for easy sex. It can work for some people. It won't for others.

What if the only thing that can stop the asteroid from hitting the Earth and killing us all is making sweet, sweet love?

(Note: This line has failed ten times out of ten, but that doesn't mean it's not worth trying.)

The Lovely Boner said:

It depends on the people involved, it's really dumb to try to apply some blanket thing to everyone.

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This.

escushion;431900][QUOTE=The Lovely Boner said:

It depends on the people involved, it's really dumb to try to apply some blanket thing to everyone.

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This.[/QUOTE]

So sex does destroy friendships in some cases and doesn't in others. That's what I was asking.

I personally have a theory that my ejaculate causes women to turn from the coolest most down to earth people into insane psychos who spend their time trying to make me forget everything I ever loved about them.

So far I'm batting 1000.

Amorous Eyes;431948][QUOTE=Silver Jelly;431946][QUOTE=escushion;431900][QUOTE=The Lovely Boner said:

It depends on the people involved, it's really dumb to try to apply some blanket thing to everyone.

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This.[/QUOTE]

So sex does destroy friendships in some cases and doesn't in others. That's what I was asking.[/QUOTE]

Did you honestly need a second opinion on that question? Let alone a plethora of 'm?[/QUOTE]

I like to hear what the people on this forums think about some topics. I mean, I also asked here if I should shave my hair, the "this girl" threads and sex tips, for example.

EDIT: or about the usage of "magic shrooms"

And you don't ever listen.

escushion said:

And you don't ever listen.

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I DID shave my head.

(for the record, a list of my threads. Notice how most look for opinions or advice: http://www.halforums.com/forum/search.php?searchid=1139901 )

Personally, I say go for the sex with friends thing.

If the friendship thing suffers, well, at least you still got laid

Just remember... if you DO have sex with a friend, get really jittery and nervous around them, stare at them when they're not looking and then quickly turn away, and always always always smell them really loudly when you hug.

Cajungal said:

Just remember... if you DO have sex with a friend, get really jittery and nervous around them, stare at them when they're not looking and then quickly turn away, and always always always smell them really loudly when you hug.

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+1

Amorous Eyes said:

Your own admission of how often you look for other people's opinions and advice tells me you have insecurity issues. Work on that, and girls will start gravitating toward you.

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^-- you be surprise how women (and men) can pick up if you are more secure about yourself.

Cajungal said:

Just remember... if you DO have sex with a friend, get really jittery and nervous around them, stare at them when they're not looking and then quickly turn away, and always always always smell them really loudly when you hug.

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This version of CG needs to chill on this forum more often. *takes notes*

mr_thehun said:

Just tell her you know for a fact that sex doesnt ruin friendships and then proceed to pork her barrel.

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I wasn't asking this because I was planning on doing it soon, just to have more opinions to give her more advice, but I like this plan.

Amorous Eyes said:

Your own admission of how often you look for other people's opinions and advice tells me you have insecurity issues. Work on that, and girls will start gravitating toward you.

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I agree that I'm insecure and that I like to hear other peoples opinions partly because of that but...

Amorous Eyes said:

asking about something that pretty much everyone will give the same answer for (and has)

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...Not everybody has given me the same answer. Even if the core message was the same, the answers are different and have different elements. Math242, for example, says friends with benefits are good if they are not you everyday friends. Chibi or Tin don't completely agree: having sex with friends is ok if you both know that sex and friendship are all you'll get from the relationship. Some answers have added personal experience, be it positive, negative or both, and in the case of General Specific, he even elaborates in how it went with some detail. Null brings in the paranoia factor into the equation...

I don't know, I find this to be interesting and it also gives me the possibility to reference other people's opinions when I'm speaking about a topic, even if they follow my basic idea of "it probably depends on the people involved".

Bleh, I should have alaborated more on my personal point of view, wich considers individual people as a factor, on the OP so you could see that I was not looking for a universal blanket, but just for opinions and impressions on this topic.

It's also not that obvious that everyone will give the same answer when someone with much more experience than SJ is asking him.

On topic, I don't have any opinion other than sex is obviously very dangerous to friendships.

mr_thehun said:

I had a sexy Polish roomate who asked me if I thought it would be awkward if roomates ended up sleeping together... as she was stepping out of the bathroom wrapped in nothing but a towel. Then I got married

DAMN YOU TINNNNNNNN!

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Honestly, I've only had one roommate that I didn't end up sleeping with at some point or another.



He wasn't much of a drinker.

Friends with benefits can definitely work, but you HAVE to be getting full dental.

I'll let you know if I ever find out.

Necronic said:

Friends with benefits can definitely work, but you HAVE to be getting full dental.

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So what you're saying is... the benefits must be oral?

I slept with a few of my friends. It only really had an effect on one friendship - and it was because we both wanted it to be more, but it didn't work out. That was awful. The other friendships, though, survived without so much as a hiccup. I think it's because we understood it was for the sheer pleasure of sex with someone familiar instead of us being in love or attempting to take things to the next level.

I'm with the "establish some strict ground rules first, then it's okay" crowd.

Sex with friends can be fine if it's crystal clear that you're in it for the "sex" part. If you're at all vague on that part, I guarantee you that "complicated" is the least of where it will go.

That's not to say that it couldn't go in a really good "more than just FWB" direction, but if you think that's a possibility at all, you're better off giving a real relationship a go.