So yeah....

[Necronic]

I have no idea why I am posting this here. I don't know anyone here personally, and for that reason I don't think yall can really add to this or help me with it. I just have to say it somewhere.

Me and an old ex (THE ex, you know what I mean) started chatting on facebook last night. She was drunk but seemed pretty coherent. We started talking about the fact that we both want to marry each other.....

wtf....

I am so fucking confused right now. I think this girl is actually the love of my life. I have thought about her every other day for 5 years, and I always tried to not think about her. Its like all these doors I have been trying in vain to keep shut for all this time finally blew open.

On the other hand...

I just got out of a 3 year relationship like a month ago. It was dead a long time ago though. I haven't thought twice about getting back with her. As a matter of fact my last girlfriend asked me once (@1.5 years) that if this girl showed up at my door and asked me to marry her would I say yes. I told her "maybe". That's how much this girl (THE ex) has fucked me up.

Fuck.

FUCK.

FUCK! I am so happy that this is in the open now, because either I will determine that she is the love of my life and marry her, or it turns out she isn't (or will have nothing to do with me, as I repeatedly screwed her over because I was an immature little shit) and at least I can start to get closure on it. There is a horizon here. But FUCK this is so fucking crazy! I can't believe she told me this. She said "we should do it" and I said "ok"

But I can't hurt her again. I have to know. I mean FUCK, she lives in Chicago, I live in Houston. She's in a relationship. Seems to like the guy. If I'm not serious about this, I can't jeapordize her happiness. Yet, how do I know if I am serious about this? I have to see her. I'll see her at christmas. Its too long. I want to see her now. But that's fucking crazy.

I am loosing my goddamned mind right now.

fuck.

 

[Dave]

WHY did you break up the last time? This is a huge question. If you broke her heart, what did you do and how have you changed since then? If she broke your heart are you looking at things through the lens of the rose-colored variety?

Either way if she's in a serious, what does this say about her loyalty and trustworthiness?

Not trying to muddy the waters, but it's a big move from one to the other city and you want to make sure it's right no matter what you do.

 

[North_Ranger]

[snarky]Pick up some softcore porn and spank the monkey, you endorphine-loaded little doormat goblin[/snarky]

Seriously, though... Don't. If she's in a relationship and willing to cheat the one she's with, that tells a lot about her character.

Also, even if she sang you the frickin' Pirates of Penzance, she was still drunk. And do you really want to get your hopes up over the ramblings of someone who's intoxicated?

 

[Chibibar]

well.... hmmm.....

Dave does pose a good question. Why did you break up in the first place and why would you consider marrying her when your other ex ask you about it.

I think you should not pursue this. She is in a relationship to a nice guy (at least if you like him he can't be bad right?) don't mess it up. She might be just thinking about stuff in the past and in a drunken state may not think properly at the time.

I say let it go man.

 

[Necronic]

We never were a couple. Really she is the ex that never was. We had an on again off again thing for years. Then we started to get serious, but I was also dating someone else. I made a choice, and for 5 years I have sat and wondered if it was the wrong one. I always told myself that she was just the "grass is always greener" girl, and that all my feelings, all the times I thought about her, it was just a way to think of a reason to end the relationship I was in.

Maybe that's the truth. I don't fucking know. I can't hurt her again, I know that. But I also know I haven't been able to not think of her for more than a couple days for 5 years.

I think I loved her, and that I still do, and that I was just too young and stupid to realize that at the time. I'm out of my god damned mind right now (which is great because I have to drive from houston to DFW tonight.)

I still remember almost every day, every night we were together. I remember the last time I saw her. We were at a party in Galveston, and she was with someone else. I left in the middle of the night. I couldn't handle it. Then I started what was my last relationship. I think I have been in a 3 year relationship that was a rebound.

Fuck.

I hope I can see her this christmas. She said she really wanted to, but that was before this conversation. If she was half the coward I always was she would change her mind. I would. I avoided her and couldn't talk to her when I was with someone. I deleted her phone number. Then I re added it. Then I deleted it. I stopped using myspace. Every time I thought about her I was basically cheating on my girlfriend.

 

[Adam]

I can see both sides because I've been in a somewhat similar situation, but my attitude has changed considerably vis-a-vis cheating.

My advice: Drink.

 

[Null]

Necronic: You want to marry a woman you've never really dated? Don't be a fucking idiot. You'd have to a) give up your job, b) move a thousand miles or so, c) say goodbye to all your local friends, and d) completely start your life over, all to be with a woman that you don't have any idea how you interact with on a serious, constant basis. Who is seeing someone else.

If you do this, it will be the biggest mistake of your life.

 

[Dieb]

You need to have a serious talk with her. One where both of you are sober. If you can't see her in person, call her. Tell her exactly how you feel. If you aren't sure you love her, but think you are, tell her that. Tell her why you think that. Listen to exactly what she says. Don't go into crazy marriage plans when you've hardly had contact with her for years. Take it slowly if you both really do want to get into a relationship.

And for the love of god, don't do ANYTHING that is remotely close to cheating while she's still in another relationship.

 

[redapples]

1. Brakes on the marriage. Seriously the old 'Marry in haste, repent at leisure' saying is one of the truest things ever said. I speak from experience and am willing to bet I'm not the only one on these boards.

2. I spent 5/6 years mooning over a lost love. We got back together and dated for about 6 months. It was great but when we broke up again I walked away with a light heart and no regrets. That there was one of the best relationships I ever had (my current spouse obviously topping it). I had a fun time and got over a serious hang up. As it happens I talked to her not that long ago on Facebook 20 years on and I really am over her which was kind of relieving.

So assuming 1 do 2 it may work out as a long term thing but if not at least you wont spend your time wondering what if...