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Well, some advice is required on how to talk to a girl about this, folks.

My girlfriend's sister is apparently pregnant, but in a bad way. From what Kat's told me of the situation, the egg went wonky and attatched itself to her sister's fallopian tube, instead of the uterine wall. From what my med teachers have told me, it's right now nothing more than a combination tumor and parasite, it could never, ever be a reach pregnancy and will in fact endanger the girl's life, possibly leading to fatal internal bleeding if it ruptures.

Kat and I are set to talk to Mischa (the sister) tonight, who despite all sense and rationality, refuses to have ANYTHING done, because "It's still technically my child, and I don't want to kill it". Any advice on talking to the girl here? The only thought I keep having is "it will NEVER be a child, ever, there's no way to make it one."

WolfOfOdin said:

Well, some advice is required on how to talk to a girl about this, folks.

My girlfriend's sister is apparently pregnant, but in a bad way. From what Kat's told me of the situation, the egg went wonky and attatched itself to her sister's fallopian tube, instead of the uterine wall. From what my med teachers have told me, it's right now nothing more than a combination tumor and parasite, it could never, ever be a reach pregnancy and will in fact endanger the girl's life, possibly leading to fatal internal bleeding if it ruptures.

Kat and I are set to talk to Mischa (the sister) tonight, who despite all sense and rationality, refuses to have ANYTHING done, because "It's still technically my child, and I don't want to kill it". Any advice on talking to the girl here? The only thought I keep having is "it will NEVER be a child, ever, there's no way to make it one."

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If she's not going to listen to the doctors then there's nothing you can do. She's going to have health issues and until it gets bad she won't do anything.

Ectopic pregnancies are horrible Poor girl.

Perhaps you can take the route of "don't look at it like you're killing your baby. If the embryo is allowed to develop, you could do some real damage and destroy your chances of ever getting pregnant again. Don't think of it in terms of this baby; think of it in terms of the future children that you want to have someday. Do you want to put them at risk? Because if you let this go on for too long, you could be killing them."

Sister had the same thing earlier this year. Essentially, if she ever wants to be alive to take care of any present/future kids, she needs to fix this now.

When my lil sis had this, they ended up giving her emergency surgery to remove the affected fallopian tube. She can only get fertilized from one egg now. It stinks, but her life was more valuable!

My sister in law almost died when she had an ectopic pregnancy. They didn't catch it early enough and during the ensuing miscarriage she almost bled to death. I don't have any advice on how to convince your friend that she should do something about it, but waiting can be very disastrous.

When convincing anyone of anything, it helps to have some reliable stats and evidence. Show Mischa that science and medicine say she'll be putting her own life and her future children at risk by ignoring her doctors' advice.

Let her know that if the ectopic pregnancy goes too far along they will have to perform "tube" surgery and the resulting scar tissue could prevent her eggs from being released essentially leaving her sterile and unable to have children.

Have her talk to her religious leader/advisor/priest about it, if she is at all religious. This may well be the only way to do it.

Chances are she won't listen to reason, and you'll have to wait. It will likely become unbearably painful for her, and she'll be admitted to the hospital where they may have better luck convincing her.

If she does listen to reason then guide her here:

http://www.merck.com/mmpe/sec18/ch263/ch263e.html

Ectopic pregnancies cannot be carried to term and eventually rupture or involute. Early symptoms and signs include pelvic pain, vaginal bleeding, and cervical motion tenderness. Syncope or hemorrhagic shock can occur with rupture.

...

Rupture may be heralded by sudden, severe pain, followed by syncope or by symptoms and signs of hemorrhagic shock or peritonitis.

...

Untreated ectopic pregnancy is fatal to the fetus, but if treatment occurs before rupture, maternal death is very rare. In the US, ectopic pregnancy probably accounts for 9% of pregnancy-related maternal deaths.

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But it sounds like an ethical and/or religious issue, and you will NOT make any progress unless you convince her from that standpoint.

As-is, she is ready to 'bear her burden' if there's even the slightest chance a healthy child could be produced, perhaps even if it costs her own life. Unfortunately for you, a very, very small portion of ectopic pregnancies DO result in healthy babies (delivered via C-Section), so no matter how small that chance is, she may be willing to take it.

Good luck to her! For those who hold life so precious this sort of thing can be extraordinarily stressful.

-Adam

She needs to understand that she is putting her life in danger for a baby that will never make it to full term. I think HowDroll hit it in the head though. If you explain to her that she might not be able to have more children in the future, it may sink in.

I'm a little more harsh, Darwinian (is that even a word?). If you've (and by you, I mean family, medical professionals, anyone she respects the opinion of) has tried to talk to her about it. Let it be. Let her go and experience the joys of trying to have this her way. As everyone has brought to her attention, it won't happen. That's a result she'd probably be 'okay' with. It's the "If I'm not meant to have this child, then I won't have this child, but I will not do anything to harm this child." mentality, then fine.

I have a firm belief in that if anyone isn't able to make tough decisions, they probably shouldn't be a parent.

As George Carlin says... kids that eat marbles don't grow up to have kids that eat marbles.

"What we've got here is failure to communicate.
Some men you just can't reach...
So, you get what we had here last week,
which is the way he wants it!
Well, he gets it!
N' I don't like it any more than you men."

elph said:

I'm a little more harsh, Darwinian (is that even a word?). If you've (and by you, I mean family, medical professionals, anyone she respects the opinion of) has tried to talk to her about it. Let it be. Let her go and experience the joys of trying to have this her way. As everyone has brought to her attention, it won't happen. That's a result she'd probably be 'okay' with. It's the "If I'm not meant to have this child, then I won't have this child, but I will not do anything to harm this child." mentality, then fine.

I have a firm belief in that if anyone isn't able to make tough decisions, they probably shouldn't be a parent.

As George Carlin says... kids that eat marbles don't grow up to have kids that eat marbles.

"What we've got here is failure to communicate.
Some men you just can't reach...
So, you get what we had here last week,
which is the way he wants it!
Well, he gets it!
N' I don't like it any more than you men."

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This advice should only be taken if all else fails.

BlackCrossCrusader;280145][quote=elph said:

I'm a little more harsh, Darwinian (is that even a word?). If you've (and by you, I mean family, medical professionals, anyone she respects the opinion of) has tried to talk to her about it. Let it be. Let her go and experience the joys of trying to have this her way. As everyone has brought to her attention, it won't happen. That's a result she'd probably be 'okay' with. It's the "If I'm not meant to have this child, then I won't have this child, but I will not do anything to harm this child." mentality, then fine.

I have a firm belief in that if anyone isn't able to make tough decisions, they probably shouldn't be a parent.

As George Carlin says... kids that eat marbles don't grow up to have kids that eat marbles.

"What we've got here is failure to communicate.
Some men you just can't reach...
So, you get what we had here last week,
which is the way he wants it!
Well, he gets it!
N' I don't like it any more than you men."

Click to expand...

This advice should only be taken if all else fails.[/QUOTE]

Indeed. That was the meaning of the second sentence really.

I cannot imagine there's anything you and her sister are going to say to her - that other professionals haven't - that's going to convince her. I'm assuming she's been spoken to by professionals since she knows about the pregnancy and where the fetus is attaching.