I just have to write this one down for posterity.
It's taken on a bit of an urban legend feel to it, some claiming to have heard it elsewhere. But it got to me as an honest-to-zod "friend of a friend" story. And it's so much more awesome if you imagine it to be true.
It's not very PC, like most drunken pub stories are. So.. be warned. I hope I can capture the awesomeness of hearing it from a friend, giggles exploding at every pause, beers in hand.
So.. a friend of a friend went on a back packing trip through Europe with a few friends of his. All the usual stops, Madrid, Paris, London, Lisbon. And then they got to Amsterdam.
Now, as all 20-somethings visiting Amsterdam they just HAD to partake on the local amenities that are illegal elsewhere. Coffee shops were visited, space brownies consumed, all types of "legal" marijuana tried. All good fun, these 5 guys were having an awesome Dutch weekend.
Then one of them suggested they try one of the OTHER legal Dutch amenities... shrooms. So they go to a nice little shroom shop and chose the ones they thought would be best for newbies but still pack enough punch. Enough punch being the keyword.
So they all chow down on the natural psychotropic mushrooms of power and go out for a walk around downtown Amsterdam. Pretty soon the shrooms kicked in and they began to see all manner of weird shit. Trees breathing, people's faces morphing, the sky welcoming them into the cosmos. Then they all suddenly felt like they were walking under water so you could see 5 Mexican tourists roaming the streets of Amsterdam.. exaggerated robot movements as they tried to walk in the "thick, thick air". Much laughter was had, but soon enough one of them got a bit too freaked out so they all decided to head back to their hostal.
It took them pretty much double the normal walking time to get there, mind you, since all sorts of ordinary obstacles were like Mount Doom to these tripped-out fuckers. Stop signs along the way were flashing them warnings about strangers, stray dogs were winking at them knowingly, doves at the park cooed out their names. They couldn't stop laughing and/or freaking out the whole way.
They finally get to the hostel, collapse in a heap... and realize one of them is missing. Where there once were 5 tripped-out mexican fuckers there were now only 4. One of them had been left behind in the "long" journey home.
Now, it's not even that late, about 8pm local time... but the 4 remaining dudes were barely beginning to coast down from their shroom trip and didn't feel like going out and doing a sweep of the streets of Amsterdam looking for their drugged out friend. They were debating what to do... even considering just continuing with their EuroTrip and hoping the other guy would make the plane back home a week later.
In the middle of this... the door slams open and the missing friend arrives. Eyes big as plates, the look of a ecstatic madman on his face.
"What the fuck man!? We thought we had lost you or you had been raped or something! Where were you, you fucking idiot!?" One of them exclaims at seeing him.
The newly arrived throws up his arms and interjects: "No, YOU guys are the idiots!! I can't believe you missed it! You fuckers missed it all!"
"Missed what!?"
"The gnome parade!!" he exclaims excitedly, arms waving. "It was so awesome! I was crossing the street when suddenly a whole bunch of real-life, actual gnomes began parading down the street! And you fuckers missed it all!"
The other 4 exchange knowing looks and roll their eyes. "It was the shroom trip, dude, there was no gnome parade."
"I KNEW you wankers wouldn't believe me! So I caught one and I have him tied in the alley behind the hostal! Come, quick, before he can escape!!" And he runs out frantically, expecting to be followed.
Shroom aftermath still somewhat in effect, all 4 exchange now confused looks, jump up, and run after the once missing friend.
They arrive at the alley and, indeed, find a short shadowy figure tied to a pipe. Struggling and raving at them in a strange language.
"YOU SEE!?" Asks the gnome's captor, still frantic. "I told you it was real! A real life gnome!"
The other 4 slowly walk towards the scene and as the light catches the figure... they realize it's a little kid with Down Syndrome. Hands tied behind his back and to a pipe. Struggling and cursing in Dutch.
As far as they can figure in hindsight, the drugged-out idiot must have seen a class from a special-ed school having a field trip or something, confused the little "weird looking" kids for gnomes and without even thinking about it grabbed one and dragged him to the hostel's back alley and tied him down. Apparently, and luckily for the drugged out idiot, no one had seen him doing it.
They hurriedly untied the kid and took him to the nearest police station, not even bothering to explain how they had found him, hoping that the fact that he had Down Syndrome would make the police think they had found him wondering the streets, lost. Then they ran for their bags and left the city that very night, sure that the police would be behind them the whole time, chasing them for kidnapping a poor special-ed kid.
Damn, it doesn't translate as well into text... but boy was I laughing when my friend mimicked the whole thing out. When the big revelation came he had the whole table in shocked hysterics.
