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The Horrible Joke Thread! (Not Safe For Good Taste)

#1



SeraRelm

IT HAS BEGUN!!!
(As a side rule, don't turn it into the longest joke contest.)




His name!


#2

PatrThom

PatrThom

Motion to preemptively move this into the NSFW area?

--Patrick


#3



SeraRelm

you = no fun.


#4

Bumble the Boy Wonder

Bumble the Boy Wonder

Why do flamingos stand on one leg?

Well, because they would fall down if they weren't standing on it! hyuk hyuk hyuk!


...Wait, it's not that kind of horrible joke?


#5

Hylian

Hylian

Enjoy


#6

Allen who is Quiet

Allen who is Quiet

http://www.hololcaust.com/


#7

North_Ranger

North_Ranger

Allen who is Quiet said:
http://www.hololcaust.com/
Click to expand...
Umm... Getting only a blank page and nothing else?

I remember reading some pretty awful jokes about Jews, though... from a joke book for children in the nineties, no less.


#8

sixpackshaker

sixpackshaker

Allen who is Quiet said:
http://www.hololcaust.com/
Click to expand...
HEY!! MY UNCLE DIED IN THE HOLOCAUST!!!!

He fell out of the guard tower.


#9

fade

fade

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

He was dead.


#10

Timmus

Timmus

I like my coffe like I like my women...

...ground up in bags in my freezer


#11

Timmus

Timmus

So this baby seal walks into a club...


#12

@Li3n

@Li3n

What do you call 100 dead gypsies/magyars/lawyers at the bottom of the Danube?

A good start!


#13

BananaHands

BananaHands

The bartender goes "We don't serve faster than light particles in here!"

A neutrino walks into a bar.


#14

North_Ranger

North_Ranger

How many Jews can you fit into a Volkswagen?
Two in the front, two in the back, twenty in the ashtray.


#15

FnordBear

FnordBear

What do you get when you cut a hooker's throat with a rusty butterknife?

I don't know about you but I get a boner.


#16

North_Ranger

North_Ranger

http://dead-baby-joke.com/

"Momma, why is Daddy running?"
"Shut up and give me more shells!"

"Momma, I don't like little brother's eyes!"
"Then at least eat the white stuff around it."

"Momma, I don't wanna go to America!"
"Shut up and keep rowing!"

"Momma, are you sure this is how you make pizza?"
"Shut up and close the oven lid when you crawl back in."

"Momma, I don't like grandma."
"Shut up and eat!"

What's black and scrapes at the glass?
A baby in a microwave oven.

"Momma, don't throw me down the elevator shaaaaaaaaaa...


#17

FnordBear

FnordBear

What's the difference between a Corvette and 20 disemboweled infants?

I don't have a Corvette in my garage.

What do you call a black man flying a plane?

The pilot. What are you racist?

What do you call an ethnic minority jogging down a street?

Suspect on foot.


#18

sixpackshaker

sixpackshaker

What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants coming over the hill?

Look! Here comes herd of elephants!

What did Tarzan say when he saw the same herd of elephants coming over the hill while wearing sunglasses?

Nothing, he did not recognize them.


#19

CynicismKills

CynicismKills

Two muffins are in the oven, one turns to the other and says "man it's hot in here." The other looks at him and says "holy shit a talking muffin!"

Two cows are grazing in a field. One turns to the other and says "Have you heard about this Mad Cow Disease? Scary stuff." The other looks at him and says "That doesn't concern me. I'm a helicopter."

Don't you hate when sentences don't end the way you expect them octopus?

How do you punish Hellen Keller?
Give her a basketball and tell her to start reading.

Why doesn't Hellen Keller skydive?
Because it scares the shit out of her guide dog.
Alternate punchline:
Because she's dead.


#20

WasabiPoptart

WasabiPoptart

How do you keep a dog from humping your leg?

Suck its dick.


#21



SeraRelm

Maaaan you guys are HORRIBLE.. carry on.


#22

fade

fade

A bear walks into a bar and says, "I want a bourbon and............... coke."
The bartender asks "what's with the huge pause?"
The bear says, "I've had them all my life."


#23

Timmus

Timmus

An Imam, a Rabbi, and a Priest walk into a bar.
Bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"


#24

WasabiPoptart

WasabiPoptart

What's six inches long, has a bald head, and drives women crazy?

A hundred dollar bill.


#25

sixpackshaker

sixpackshaker

What does a Bleached Blonde and a 747 have in common?

They both have a black box

What is the differnce?

Not everyone has ridden on a 747.


#26

Timmus

Timmus

Buddhist is at a hot dog cart.
Vendor says, " what do you want?"
Buddist says, " Make me one with everything."


#27



makare

isn't it make me one with everything?


#28

Timmus

Timmus

makare said:
isn't it make me one with everything?
Click to expand...
same diff


#29

Terrik

Terrik

Timmus said:
same diff
Click to expand...
Like, no, brah


#30

WasabiPoptart

WasabiPoptart



#31

North_Ranger

North_Ranger

WasabiPoptart said:
Click to expand...


#32

PatrThom

PatrThom

Two peanuts were crossing the street, and one was assaulted.

Two guys walk into a bar, which is curious because you think the second guy would've noticed.

--Patrick


#33

fade

fade

Two drums and a cymbal fell off a cliff.

Ba-doomp Krssh!


#34

WasabiPoptart

WasabiPoptart

Ok here's an oldie, but a goody:


What do you call a hooker with a runny nose?

Full!


#35

Hylian

Hylian



#36

North_Ranger

North_Ranger

Why Jesus couldn't have been born in Sweden?
Because you can't find a virgin and three wise men in there.

***
During an interview with a Winter War veteran:
- What was the first thing you did when you came home from the war?
- I had sex with me wife.
- And what did you do after that?
- Then I took off me skis.


#37

WasabiPoptart

WasabiPoptart

What's Mary short for?

She's got no legs.


#38

sixpackshaker

sixpackshaker

Hylian said:
Click to expand...
*pushes up nerd glasses*
Since it is Alan Scott I guess he boyfriend has wood. So how is that racist?:troll:


#39

PatrThom

PatrThom

sixpackshaker said:
Oh go on! Read the spoiler up there!
Click to expand...
I was going to say the same thing!!!

--Patrick


#40

HCGLNS

HCGLNS



#41

Gusto

Gusto

His boyfriend is Asian and GL is powerless against yellow things.


#42

Gusto

Gusto

Ironically I'm not a comic nerd nor a racist.


#43

sixpackshaker

sixpackshaker

But being a bigger nerd than racist, I remembered that Scott can't resist the Wood instead of a color.


#44

sixpackshaker

sixpackshaker

What sound does an 18-wheeler full of water makes when it hits an 18-wheeler full of vinegar head on?


DOUCHE!!!!!!!!


#45

Timmus

Timmus

How come Mennonites don't do it standing up?


because it might lead to dancing.


#46

fade

fade

Timmus said:
How come Mennonites don't do it standing up?


because it might lead to dancing.
Click to expand...
They were right in the Funny Pictures thread. Everything is about Bacon.


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