The post-breakup sharing of friends

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IronBrig4

IronBrig4

You remember The Psycho. After things went from bad to ugly last month we are pretty much dead to each other. No, this thread isn't about her. Yes, I have moved on and have dated since then.

Anyways, we both share many of the same friends. We've taken pains to not invite each other to events that we plan. If we both get invited to the same party we just stay on opposite sides of the room and chat with other people. Lately I've noticed some distinct camps among our friends. There are some who gravitate towards her, and others who are drawn to me. The ones who hang out with her more will be perfectly friendly when I'm alone with them, but they'll barely say a word to me if she's around. Likewise, other friends will suddenly become stiff and distant with her when I get close. And her poor new boyfriend (also my friend) gets caught in the middle of everything. He likes hanging out with me because we've got a lot in common (and I honestly don't have a grudge against him) but the hangouts have become scarcer as of late. If she sees me talking with him she fumes or stomps past and he suddenly looks worried.

This is just silly. I haven't been badmouthing her to our mutual friends (forumite advice ftw) so I don't see any reason for this. I like our shared friends but how do I go about keeping them when there's all this fallout?
 
C

Chibibar

well.... If I remember correctly, the breakup wasn't "good" in a sense wasn't it? That kind of put your mutual friends in awkward positions. I am guessing that both like to hang out with both of you BUT if YOU are not talking to HER, it kinda makes it awkward and hard to choose sides. When they are alone, there are no competition. There is nothing much you can do unless you somehow patch the rift between you and your ex.
 
Dave

Dave

Staff member
Dear Iron,

There's nothing anyone can do about the insanities of others. Keep on doing what you are doing, not talking badly about anyone and staying friends with whomever will stay friends with you. Remember, your mutual friends are being forced to "take sides" in a dispute and they are uncomfortable about it, too. Don't badmouth them, keep on being the bigger man and it'll all work out okay in the end.

Or fuck her mom. Whichever makes you feel better.
 
IronBrig4

IronBrig4

@ Chibibar - There was nothing good about it. It got to the point where simply saying "hi" in passing and occasionally asking a couple friends how she was doing resulted in her complaining to her graduate advisor last month and threatening to tell the university that I was stalking her (the police would have just told her that 911 isn't a toy). But then I went to my own graduate advisor and his response was "WTF? That's not stalking!" If The Psycho tries anything he'll make sure I'm protected. Her threats are completely empty and the attacks on my character are groundless, so I have come to regard both them and her with the contempt they deserve. There's just some stuff you don't do. I don't think there's any chance of ever patching things up, and on advice of counsel (forumite, academic, and legal) I shouldn't even acknowledge her unless she brings a peace offering. So I can understand how our friends must feel awkward.

@ Dave - Would you believe there's a video about Option B? It was on iFilm back in the day. I am against having sex with somebody's mom on principle because they're married. Sisters, however, are fair game.

 
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