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This is going to be a thread about the weird things myself and my fellow socially awkward brethren do that will likely confound so called 'normal' people. If the thought of being in a crowded room has never put a knot in your stomach, you probably won't understand these things.

I'll start us off.

- That feeling you get when you arrive 20 minutes early for work, decide you want to just sit in the car for a bit and listen to the radio, but can't... because the person in the car next to you is doing the same thing and they'll see you. It's time to either get out and head inside, or find a new parking place.

Also,

- When you enter a large public place, like a store, start heading in one direction, and then realize you're going the wrong way and you need to turn around. Instead of just turning around and going the other way, you have to look at your watch, pretend you didn't notice the time, and then act like you're suddenly turning around to head the opposite way because of some time-sensitive manner.


... Or maybe I'm the only person that does these.

I'm genuinely curious. Why do you give a shit about what other people think of you? Take the examples you've listed. I just don't get it, especially if they're doing the same thing as you.

I guess I'm wondering what does the anxiety stem from? Is it a form of OCD or something?

My take is that, if you want people to take you seriously, there is an air you need to project. Regardless of the circumstances, you usually need to appear calm, composed, and in control of the situation. So, if you make a mistake or do something out of turn, you try to keep others from noticing it, and make it look like things more or less panned out the way you intended. Counts for double if it happens in front of the troops.

To me, social awkwardness might be a measure of how natural you are at pulling that off, and how comfortable you yourself feel. The examples given above may be over-compensating a bit, but the principle behind them might be the same.

Mathias said:

I'm genuinely curious. Why do you give a shit about what other people think of you? Take the examples you've listed. I just don't get it, especially if they're doing the same thing as you.

I guess I'm wondering what does the anxiety stem from? Is it a form of OCD or something?

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I think if the causes of it were known, it'd be easier to deal with. I imagine a number of different problems can cause a person to be socially awkward, since it's not a medical or psychological diagnosis and more a blanket term for how some people feel around others. One person who's socially awkward might be like Ravenpoe, but another might go head-first into social situations and just fuck up how to talk to people.

I used to be awkward in some ways because I couldn't figure out how people were supposed to behave. At around when I turned 19 I had an epiphany like what you're saying, Mathias, and asked myself "why do I care what people think? I'd probably be happier if I didn't." And over months I worked to change that and was much happier, but it's not that simple for everyone. My problem was likely developmental, whereas others might have a problem stemming from some other disorder or biological issue. I still don't like looking into people's eyes, but I can fake it by looking at some other nearby part of their face and trying to ignore their eyes, and I spent so long pretending confidence that it comes naturally. Still don't like talking to people, but I can be out in public and unless I'm having direct interaction, everyone else is just another animal on Earth.

Not sure if that clarified anything or just muddied it more.

Mathias said:

Why do you give a shit about what other people think of you?

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I suppose you have it there. Some people do, others don't.

--Patrick

PatrThom said:

I suppose you have it there. Some people do, others don't.

--Patrick

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But that doesn't always tie into social awkwardness either. For example, my mom is very easy around people, but she lets their opinions weigh on her when she's not around them.

90% of people don't notice, and the other 10% don't care.

TommiR said:

My take is that, if you want people to take you seriously, there is an air you need to project. Regardless of the circumstances, you usually need to appear calm, composed, and in control of the situation. So, if you make a mistake or do something out of turn, you try to keep others from noticing it, and make it look like things more or less panned out the way you intended. Counts for double if it happens in front of the troops.

To me, social awkwardness might be a measure of how natural you are at pulling that off, and how comfortable you yourself feel. The examples given above may be over-compensating a bit, but the principle behind them might be the same.

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I suppose. I don't really think about actions like the ones that Ravenpoe described.


Actually... now that you mention it, people in the workplace often ask me how I have my shit together so well, and I'm always baffled as to what they mean. Maybe I'm just not identifying because I already do these things on a more subconscious level.

In public though, I couldn't care less about what someone thinks of me. No scratch off my ass if someone gaffs at me scratching it.[DOUBLEPOST=1393768921,1393768460][/DOUBLEPOST]

jwhouk said:

90% of people don't notice, and the other 10% don't care.

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And for that 0.1% that do care, what's going to happen? Are they going to shoot ya for picking your nose in traffic?

On some level, you have to understand it's not rational and for a lot of people, explaining that doesn't make the internal cause of it go away.

If I'm at a party and that person has a pet (hopefully a dog), 80% of the time, I will just hang out with the pet. Just so I don't have to have awkward conversation with complete strangers.

I don't think I'm always awkward, but if I'm first meeting you I'm either EXTREMELY hyper/jumpy or so shy I don't want to say anything to you.

And I know this thread is starting to deviate from the original topic, but, hey, I'm just saying, if I'm at a party you'll likely find me hanging out with the family dog.

Pets are better than people, so it's less awkward and more your choice to hang out with the life of the party.

Zero Esc said:

On some level, you have to understand it's not rational and for a lot of people, explaining that doesn't make the internal cause of it go away.

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You just need to calm down.

--Patrick

Mathias said:

I'm genuinely curious. Why do you give a shit about what other people think of you? Take the examples you've listed. I just don't get it, especially if they're doing the same thing as you.

I guess I'm wondering what does the anxiety stem from? Is it a form of OCD or something?

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It might very well be a mild form of OCD, given the nature of it, at least in my experience.

The problem with irrational fears is that, well, they're irrational. And I know it. Now, it's not something I can't overcome. In fact, I'm quite good at overcoming it now. A lifetime of dealing with it has strangely enough turned into a confidence with people, and one of my greatest strengths (now) is being able to handle strangers and even be downright charming. It's why I was in sales for so long.

But the anxiety is still there, even if I no longer react to it. I still feel it, I still feel that tightness in my chest for a split second, before I remind myself that I've got this and push it aside. The feeling never goes away. I once described it as feeling like an alien on a strange planet, and a fear that at some point my disguise will fail.

And yeah, this thread took an examining turn I wasn't expecting, but hey, let's roll with it. That's Halforums.

LittleKagsin said:

If I'm at a party and that person has a pet (hopefully a dog), 80% of the time, I will just hang out with the pet. Just so I don't have to have awkward conversation with complete strangers.

I don't think I'm always awkward, but if I'm first meeting you I'm either EXTREMELY hyper/jumpy or so shy I don't want to say anything to you.

And I know this thread is starting to deviate from the original topic, but, hey, I'm just saying, if I'm at a party you'll likely find me hanging out with the family dog.

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I don't think I'm socially awkward, but I am an introvert. I'd hang out with the family dog just to avoid having to make small talk.

WasabiPoptart said:

I don't think I'm socially awkward, but I am an introvert. I'd hang out with the family dog just to avoid having to make small talk.

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I'm definitely there with you. More fun hanging with children and playing tug of war with my stepdad's bulldog than listening to my grandmother make racist comments and express her fear of "the jews".

LittleKagsin said:

If I'm at a party and that person has a pet (hopefully a dog), 80% of the time, I will just hang out with the pet. Just so I don't have to have awkward conversation with complete strangers.

I don't think I'm always awkward, but if I'm first meeting you I'm either EXTREMELY hyper/jumpy or so shy I don't want to say anything to you.

And I know this thread is starting to deviate from the original topic, but, hey, I'm just saying, if I'm at a party you'll likely find me hanging out with the family dog.

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I consistently do this, so don't feel bad.

Whenever I go over to someone else's house during a celebration, I always get asked, "Could you take a look at my computer...?" while I'm there, so I usually spend the time plunked in a chair some distance from the goings-on.

--Patrick

One time walking through a children's clothing section at a store to get to my destination, a woman with small children was impeding me, I attempted to turn at a clothing rack to get around her and she turned at the same time on the other side of the rack, continuing to block my path. I ended up walking a weird long path to the aisle I was heading to to avoid visible stopping, backtracking, or asking the lady to make room.

In general walking behind someone who is a slow walker and also bobbing side to side as they walk down the narrow hall/aisle/sidewalk so you can't get around them without the risk of them bumping into you, I end up slowing my pace and accepting my fate that this is the speed at which I will be traveling down this hallway.

People in grocery stores who have their shopping carts parked in front of what I want, I'll loop around the aisle so they'll have moved when I get back rather than ask them to move their cart a few inches.

Panhandlers of any sort, asking for money, donations, signatures, handing out pamphlets, whatever. I will go great lengths out of my way to avoid having to deal with them. My most shameful moment is getting back into my car and going to another store across town when I saw a homeless man going car to car in the first store's parking lot. I feel like a huge dick not giving money to people who ask for just a small amount of pocket change, even considering I'm a full-time student who makes almost no money of his own and every penny I have is government loan money that I will have to pay back with interest.

The middle two seem pretty normal to be honest.

I sometimes sing. I mean, someone will say something and a song will pop in my head and I will sing it.

I always somehow expect people to join.

They don't. So I end up just kind of trailing off and humming softly, pretending like I hadn't done anything in the first place.

This isn't an awkward thing but something to do with my social anxiety but I fret and fret and fret over even the smallest interactions I've had during the day or will have. I over analyze to a point that i hardly function once I get in that mind set. It especially gets bad before parties or the like. I have to coach myself before going on exactly how to act to seem normal and not come off as an idiot. I always ask who will becoming before hand so I can train myself accordingly...my sister always ends up bringing unexpected people and that can throw me for a such a loop that I iwll just go home.

This only started in recent years. I don't know why it started. I used to want to be in plays and i still do but...but where once I would go to an audition and take it as a learning experience now I can't even do that.

This isn't what the thread is about but so many of my interactions on a day to day bases become like what's being described by others that I can't ignore it.

David said:

In general walking behind someone who is a slow walker and also bobbing side to side as they walk down the narrow hall/aisle/sidewalk so you can't get around them without the risk of them bumping into you, I end up slowing my pace and accepting my fate that this is the speed at which I will be traveling down this hallway.

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When I find someone like that, sometimes I start zombie walking behind them.

Talking to yourself out loud works, too.

--Patrick

Dei said:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/joannaborns/worst-things-if-youre-socially-awkward?s=mobile

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That list reminds me of just how far I've come.

I was given the "Shyness" award in Elementary school . They took a picture of me and the girl recipient of the award pretending to hide under a desk . I do not look back on those years fondly.

Ravenpoe said:

That list reminds me of just how far I've come.

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That list makes me feel a little like Gregory House.

Some of them are worse than what I experience, but some, yeah.