Wacom Graphire 4 and Windows 10

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I've switched from Mac to windows for my comic art, and I ran into some difficulty getting my tablet to work. It's a Graphire 4 from about 2004 or so, but it still works fine. However, downloading the official Wacom driver for this tablet did not work. It's deceiving, too, because Windows recognizes the tablet as an "HID-compliant mouse" so pointing works, but not pressure sensitivity. Even unzipping the exe and directly connecting the tablet to the driver doesn't work.

So I'm documenting what does work, so anyone else who finds this thread knows what to do. Find the EUROPEAN driver for the BAMBOO tablet (not the Graphire) version 5.3.0. Yes, I know. Sounds weird, and I cannot take credit. I found it by digging through threads and connecting the dots. As hard as it is to believe, this driver works. It's not the correct tablet model, not the latest version, and not US. But it works.

 

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Also, if you, like me just discovered the ahem "joy" (irritation, stupidity, annoyance, etc.) that is windows ink and "flicks", please see this, uh, colorful guide for disabling the crap out of this useless feature. Maybe it's awesome on a Surface, but it sucks donkey balls when you're trying to draw, and that asinine white circle pops up and the pen emits a right click signal. And yes, "sucks donkey balls" is the technical term for what's happening.