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Win a Humble Bundle!!

#1

Dave

Dave

Since stienman doesn't want me to repay him, I'm instead going to have a contest and the winner gets it!

It's the Humble Weekly Bundle and includes ALL CHAPTERS of the Walking Dead game!!

The Contest:

Write a Fake Onion-Style Headline

Rules:

  • Write the headline only - the story does not need to be written.
  • Post the headline in this thread and do so ANONYMOUSLY!! This way, we can be certain that there is no user bias in voting.
  • Did I say voting?!? Yes! YOU will have a big say on who wins!
  • You can vote for as many as you want. Likes = 1 point, Love = 2 points. Anything else is noted but doesn't really count.
  • I will be posting these on Twitter under the HFNN - Halforums Fake News Network - and see which ones get any play at all.
  • Contest will stay open until next Wednesday night and the Tweets will go out soon after. Prizes will be doled out Friday, June 7.
So get to writing! Oh, and there may be an additional prize if you're nice.


#2

Chad Sexington

Chad Sexington

Fox News Predicts Rising Number of Women in the Workforce Will Lead to Societal Collapse

Oh wait... Oops.


#3



Anonymous

"Dave's special sauce" extra special for one Wendy's customer.


#4



Anonymous

Entire Original Series Cast to Make Appearance in Next Star Trek Film
Abrams can't trust rebooted characters to act unguided, say sources


#5



Anonymous

George Lucas will be directing the next Star Trek film.


#6



Anonymous

Hotdog Bites Man; Oscar Meyer Quietly Removes Genetically Modified Pork Products from Market.


#7



Anonymous

Aquverse Announces First XBox One Add-On
No word on functionality of cone-shaped cups (sold separately)


#8



Anonymous

Valve has announced that Half-Life 3 official release date will be on October 21st 2028.


#9



Anonymous

US Air Force crew joins "Mile-High" club over Afghanistan.
"Skyhook" scandal explodes as more female airmen come forward regarding the flight deck crew.


#10



Anonymous

Paul Ryan confused about sexuality after seeing self in P90X commercial; joins Democratic Party


#11



Anonymous

Japanese man divorces wife when he discovers her genitalia is not pixelated.


#12



Anonymous

'I am under 18' button clicked for the first time in the history of the internet.


#13

Hylian

Hylian

Anonymous said:
'I am under 18' button clicked for the first time in the history of the internet.
Click to expand...
Hey! You were supposed to make a fake onion headline not post one they already used. ;)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-am-under-18-button-clicked-for-first-time-in-his,6396/


#14



Anonymous

National Wheat Farmers Association set to change name of Gluten to "Bread Protein"
Experts say a rise in gluten-intolerance may result in hate crimes.


#15



Anonymous

Military Research in New Weapon Shut Down by Cease and Desist Letter from Lucasarts
Close-quarters laser-based melee weapon allegedly too similar to lightsabers


#16



Anonymous

New HTC Phone sets Competing Phones on Fire
Broadcasts remote signal to cause iPhones, Galaxy phones to spontaneously combust

(Taipei, Taiwan) According to the latest specs released by HTC Corp. from their Taiwan headquarters, their newest phone, the HTC Equalizer, will be equipped with an internal device that is designed to broadcast a specific remote signal. This signal causes the batteries in all nearby Apple iPhones and Samsung Galaxy phones to quickly overload, leading to temperatures high enough to ignite the phone casing itself.

"The Equalizer represents a new paradigm in our company's competitive strategy," a company spokesperson said. "Our past strategies have proven too passive, which has led to falling market share. We are confident that the Equalizer will become the number one phone in the market when everyone else's phones start bursting into flames in their handbags and pockets."

The Equalizer is expected to go on sale in the US and Europe by the end of the year. It will be available in several colors, including Charred Black, Blazing Red, Electrifying Blue, and Ash Gray.


#17



Anonymous

Date of Boxing Match between Obama and Putin to be Finalized
Obama seen as slight favorite in charity match between the two manliest presidents


#18



Anonymous

Tony Romo engineers huge comeback in big game.


#19



Anonymous

Congress passes law that pictures of celebrity babies can no longer be called news. Network News ratings expecting a harsh drop.


#20



Anonymous

Dodo Bird Brought Back From Extinction Thanks To Cloning
Strangled back into extinction ten minutes later due to annoying warbling


#21



Anonymous

Surgeons Extract Man's Feels
Repeated impacts to the man's feels after playing The Walking Dead necessitated emergency procedure


#22



Anonymous

EA Finalizes Purchase of Every Children's Hospital, Soup Kitchen, & Women's Shelter
Says Rep - "Go ahead. Now you'll just look like a huge jerk for hating us."


#23



Anonymous

Anonymous said:
EA Finalizes Purchase of Every Children's Hospital, Soup Kitchen, & Women's Shelter
Says Rep - "Go ahead. Now you'lljust look like a huge jerk for hating us."
Click to expand...
EA begins Charging for Value-Added Services at Hospitals, Soup Kitchens, and Women's Shelters
Medication, spoons, and beds now cost extra


#24



Anonymous

Anonymous said:
EA begins Charging for Value-Added Services at Hospitals, Soup Kitchens, and Women's Shelters
Medication, spoons, and beds now cost extra
Click to expand...
3 Years Later, EA Announces Closure of Hospitals, Soup Kitchens, and Women's Shelters
"There's just no profit to be had from keeping those servers operating. I mean services."


#25



Anonymous

Obama Secretly Repeals Second Amendment
Gunowners now face jail terms, summary execution


#26



Anonymous

Monsanto Develops GM Wheat that Encourages Penis Growth
Opposition to GM foods drops sharply


#27



Anonymous

EA Sports announces new "printable Madden," allowing customers to pay $60 to print the cover-art for the newest Madden game and insert into their existing Madden box.


#28



Anonymous

Twitter Unveils Newest Trend - TW'ING - 20 Character Tweets
Says CEO - "We Hope T


#29

bhamv3

bhamv3

Man, I'm torn between wanting the ones that sound like real Onion headlines to win, and wanting the ones that make me chortle out loud to win.


#30

Bumble the Boy Wonder

Bumble the Boy Wonder

bhamv3 said:
Man, I'm torn between wanting the ones that sound like real Onion headlines to win, and wanting the ones that make me chortle out loud to win.
Click to expand...


#31



Anonymous

Mars Rover Curiosity Begins Mutating Due to Cosmic Radiation
Mutations include a new limb, helf-repair abilities, and energy blasts from optic sensors


#32



Anonymous

Privacy Advocates Warn: Xbox One Can Smell Fear
If you find yourself in a room with Microsoft's new Kinect, do no look directly into it's sensor, back away slowly and maintain a submissive posture.


#33



Anonymous

NFL Signs 6 Year Deal With Youtube - Super Bowl Halftime to Begin Showcasing Viral Stars


#34

bhamv3

bhamv3

Anonymous said:
NFL Signs 6 Year Deal With Youtube - Super Bowl Halftime to Begin Showcasing Viral Stars
Click to expand...
I would actually be ok with this. Get Nick Pitera first.


#35



Anonymous

Armed Homosexuals Storm Church, Force Parishioners to Marry People of the Same Sex
Church officials forced to promise never to conduct heterosexual marriages ever again


#36

fade

fade

Anonymous said:
EA begins Charging for Value-Added Services at Hospitals, Soup Kitchens, and Women's Shelters
Medication, spoons, and beds now cost extra
Click to expand...

Don't hospitals already do this?


#37



Anonymous

Monsanto lobbies FDA to recognize GMO foods as a fifth food group.
Anti-GMO groups pleased, as this would require additional labeling.


#38



Anonymous

President Obama Set to Meet & Greet Winner of Internet Vote
Given the day off after unsuccessful search for the winner, Woll Smoth


#39



Anonymous

Woman Found Guilty of Murdering Husband
Unrepentant, she was quoted as "Well, I told him if he stole one more star..."


#40



Anonymous

Man Converts after seeing Christian photo on facebook.


#41



Anonymous

Man Charged with Selling Counterfeit Fun-House Mirrors Releases Statement
Tells Reporters "This isn't what it looks like"


#42



Anonymous

Pat Robertson Fails to Decry Oklahoma Tornadoes as Acts of God.
Chides caller for suggesting as much; cites local topography, atmospheric instability as likely factors.


#43



Anonymous

Man Lets Visiting Jehova's Witnesses into House
The witnesses were at a loss for what to say, stating they'd never planned for this event.


#44



Anonymous

Westboro Baptist Church to picket local Olive Garden.
Calls their eggplant parmigiana "an abomination unto the Lord."


#45



Anonymous

Local teen meets federally mandated education goals
District officials at a loss; federal education commission promises to raise standards.


#46

figmentPez

figmentPez

School bans triangular flapjacks from being served in cafeteria
Cites that corners could cause injuries when thrown

Oh, wait, that one is real. (and thankfully higher ups overturned the decision.)


#47

Ravenpoe

Ravenpoe

figmentPez said:
School bans triangular flapjacks from being served in cafeteria
Cites that corners could cause injuries when thrown

Oh, wait, that one is real. (and thankfully higher ups overturned the decision.)
Click to expand...
Silly Brits, that's not a flapjack!


#48

Terrik

Terrik

Whoops[DOUBLEPOST=1370137788][/DOUBLEPOST]
figmentPez said:
School bans triangular flapjacks from being served in cafeteria
Cites that corners could cause injuries when thrown

Oh, wait, that one is real. (and thankfully higher ups overturned the decision.)
Click to expand...

I...how can people...I mean, this was a real thought?


#49



Anonymous

Michael Bay tapped to direct remake of Ghost Busters
The story will now focus on a teenage boy, his bimbo girlfriend, and his Army Hero father fighting aliens from Mars.


#50

Emrys

Emrys

I read the title as "Win a Humble Bumble" and thought "Bumble is humble?"


#51



Anonymous

Fans pleasantly surprised that new video game sequel is all it was cracked up to be
"I can't believe it," says series fan Joe Smith, "what am I supposed to do on the internet now?"


#52



Anonymous

After years of lying to self, man admits he doesn't get internet meme
"I never knew," says clueless Joe Jackson, "I even made a few, but I never really got it. It was all a lie."


#53



Anonymous

New gun control laws require automatic pilots become semi-automatic


#54



Anonymous

Quaker Oats mascot discovered to be Catholic
In response, manufacturer adding bits of glass to oatmeal to allow self-flagellation for sin of indulging in breakfast.


#55



Anonymous

Some People on the Internet Actually in Agreement
"What the &*%$ is this gay bull&%#?!" said internet user UrMomologist.


#56



Anonymous

Animated GIFs of new movie appear on Tumblr before production begins
Fans rage because no one is tagging them #spoilers


#57

Bumble the Boy Wonder

Bumble the Boy Wonder

So... I'd like to just combine all my likes from the entries I've made, then maybe I could win.


#58

Bowielee

Bowielee

Chad Sexington said:
Fox News Predicts Rising Number of Women in the Workforce Will Lead to Societal Collapse

Oh wait... Oops.
Click to expand...
I didn't notice this before... all I can say is wow... just... wow...


#59

Chad Sexington

Chad Sexington

Bowielee said:
I didn't notice this before... all I can say is wow... just... wow...
Click to expand...
Right? It's hilarious until you remember it's not satire.


#60

bhamv3

bhamv3

Bumble the Boy Wonder said:
So... I'd like to just combine all my likes from the entries I've made, then maybe I could win.
Click to expand...
I could combine all of mine and I still wouldn't win. :(


#61

Dave

Dave

Added Humble Bundle 8 to the prize package!

So far that's 18 games & a ton of soundtracks to go with them!


#62



Anonymous

Twelve-Year-Old Boy Discovers Masturbation, Forgets Literally Every Other Thing He Wanted To Do This Weekend


#63



Anonymous

"Homosexual Agenda" Discovered To Be Mostly Mundane Chores, Occasional Dancing


#64



Anonymous

NASA announces that thy have discovered oil on Mars.

*Headline directly below*

US Government has announced project "Space Freedom" to liberate Mars from terrorist threats that have been detected.


#65



Anonymous

North Korea Declares War on Dzhokhar Tsarnaev
"They stole our headlines, bastards"


#66



Anonymous

MLB player caught not using steroids.
Apologizes to fans, teammates, for not giving 110%


#67



Anonymous

It has finally been proven that human infants cannot fly
"We've studied this for years throwing tens of thousands of infants off literally everything from beds to out of airplanes at altitude but the results have conclusively come back. Babies don't fly." said Doctor Nihsen lead scientist of the Flying Circus Project


#68



Anonymous

School Lunch Cook Fired Due to Student Complaints
Claims "students are at fault for not appreciating Bouillabaisse, Beef Wellington, and Caviar." Student council president saddened by departure, "We just want chicken nuggets once in awhile."


#69

Dave

Dave

Damn it! I was posting these to my Facebook to see what kind of play they would get. Turns out I was posting them to my HF account and it didn't go out into the wild. I fail so hard.

Posting some of them now.


#70

DarkAudit

DarkAudit

Dave said:
Damn it! I was posting these to my Facebook to see what kind of play they would get. Turns out I was posting them to my HF account and it didn't go out into the wild. I fail so hard.

Posting some of them now.
Click to expand...
They made it out on twitter, so you're fine.


#71



Anonymous

Area Cat Bored with Owner's Sexual Performance.

CHICAGO - Household pet and frequent observer of owner's sexual encounters admitted that he had grown bored with his owner's performance earlier this afternoon.

"Missionary again?" Bojo, 8, exclaimed from atop his owner's dresser. "Please. It's like you're asking these girls to fake their orgasms."


#72



Anonymous

Local Idiot Suggests Threesome to Bring 'Spark' Back in Relationship

Bowling Green, KY - With the hope of restoring that 'magic' lost in a year-long relationship, Eric Richards, arranged a meeting with his girlfriend to sug-- Oh, no. He's not really suggesting a threesome is he? Are you fucking kidding me?


#73



Anonymous

Breaking News: Babies are delivered via a womans vagina and not by stork as originally believed.
When asked for comment stienman was quoted as saying "This changes everything I know about how children are brought into this world. Who would have thought it was sex that did it and not a magic stork with fairy dust!"


#74

Dave

Dave

Contest closed and thread locked. If you haven't liked or loved, do it now!


#75

Dave

Dave

Anonymous said:
Dodo Bird Brought Back From Extinction Thanks To Cloning
Strangled back into extinction ten minutes later due to annoying warbling
Click to expand...
Anonymous said:
Twelve-Year-Old Boy Discovers Masturbation, Forgets Literally Every Other Thing He Wanted To Do This Weekend
Click to expand...

Anonymous said:
MLB player caught not using steroids.
Apologizes to fans, teammates, for not giving 110%
Click to expand...
Okay, here are the final 3 based on ratings, retweets and likes/shares on Facebook. I will be setting up a poll soon.


#76

bhamv3

bhamv3

Heh, a few days ago I realized I could add a "love" to my top-scoring entry and boost myself into the top three. Didn't do it though.

Now shower me with applause for my sporting behavior!


#77

Ravenpoe

Ravenpoe

bhamv3 said:
Heh, a few days ago I realized I could add a "love" to my top-scoring entry and boost myself into the top three. Didn't do it though.

Now shower me with applause for my sporting behavior!
Click to expand...

I totally did that to mine.

Still wasn't enough.


#78

Fun Size

Fun Size

No love for masturbation.

It's like I don't even know you people anymore.


#79

Dave

Dave

I'm calling it! Dodo bird wins! The winner?

Cheesy1!!!


#80

Cheesy1

Cheesy1

Yaaaaaay! Thank you! :D


#81

Bumble the Boy Wonder

Bumble the Boy Wonder

Almost had it with my funhouse mirrors :(


#82

bhamv3

bhamv3

My top scorer was Monsanto's penis-growing GM wheat.


#83

Hylian

Hylian

How well did the Japanese man divorcing his wife do overall?


#84

Dave

Dave

Hylian said:
How well did the Japanese man divorcing his wife do overall?
Click to expand...
It actually did quite well and should have been in the mix of the three. I missed it in the tallying phase. It did pretty well here and was retweeted/shared on Facebook & Twitter. :oops:


#85

Hylian

Hylian

Dave said:
It actually did quite well and should have been in the mix of the three. I missed it in the tallying phase. It did pretty well here and was retweeted/shared on Facebook & Twitter. :oops:
Click to expand...

It doesn't really matter too much


I think the Dodo bird headline was better I was just a bit curious is all.


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