Export thread

It all started pretty good, a "Summerbreak" party-event thing at a cajun bar in town, a free beer if you show up dressed in beach attire, 2 for 1 bottles.

Me and my friends had a few beers and then a few other friends of my friend arrived, so we ordered a bottle of vodka for the lot of us. Obviously, given the 2x1, this meant we had 2 bottles.

It was all going smoothly, I was even successfully flirting with our waitress and she got us a few extra free beers even though some weren't in beach attire. And then my friends decided that 2 bottles meant you could drink straight up from one of them like it was goddamn water.


I was chatting up our cute waitress when the first call arrived. My friend's mother who's a completely overprotective obsessive sort of "where are you why haven't I heard from you in 2 hours!" sort of person with her son couldn't get a hold of my friend. I assured her he was ok and in the bathroom which is probably why he hadn't answered her.

15 minutes passed and the calls continued. Exasperated I went to the bathroom to look for my friend... no sign of him. Rest of the bar... nowhere to be seen. The girl he had been flirting with had no idea where he had gone. Starting to get a little worried cause the fracker had arrived in a brand new Mercedes to be seen by everyone I asked my other friend and his friends if he had seen him. The guy was smashed, completely drunk off his rocker.

Exasperated I walked outside and kept calling my missing friend's cell, to no answer. Then even his cousin who lives 200 km away who had my number cause we dated a while started texting me that his mother was worried as fuck. No answer from him, the bouncers hadn't seen him. His brand new Mercedes was still in the valet, which is what got me actually worried. He would never willingly leave without his brand new car.

I got back in the bar and my drunken friend decided to "go look for him" outside. His other friends, who had taken quite a bit of the 2 bottles, followed him. By this point I was frantically calling my friend with one hand and making my way around the whole noisy place with the other, looking for him. This is when I decided he could have left through the back door in a drunken stupor and went out that way myself looking for him. 2 Security thugs thinking I was trying to skip on the bill jumped at me and made me go back inside. Obviously now keeping an eye on me at all times.

Now I was alone in the bar. A 200 dollar bill left unpaid, my drunken friend and HIS friends had left the bar, and I was left alone. I had 50 dollars (I'm sort of converting currencies) on me (my budget for the whole week) and no way to pay for the rest of the bill. My first friend missing, worrying me all to hell, my second friend DRUNK AS FUCK not being able to tell me where the hell he even was when he did bother to answer his fucking phone.

I was left by the door, worried about what could have happened to my friend, not being able to pay the bill, my other friend not being ANY FUCKING USE AT ALL, the bar's security eyeing me suspiciously thinking I had tired to skip on the bill. Threats were made. They wanted to either call the police or kick the shit out of me, depending on what security guy was at that second nearby.

I was now worried both for my friend and for my fucking physical integrity at this point. About 2 hours of this later the bar began to close, people streaming out (some seeing me all in a mess, cellphone in hand at a corner near the exit, and yelling that "no girl is worth that trouble, man!") me running out of fucking battery from the incessant calling.

This is where I got lucky. The waitress I had flirted with vouched for me and got security to call the manager. Nice guy, told me I could leave an ID, all the money I had and my cellphone as guarantee and we could settle the account the next day. Being worried for my friend I didn't want to leave my cellphone behind, so I had to leave my watch.

I was finally allowed out. No way to go home, no money for a taxi. Then the oh so fucking awesome waitress caught up with me and lent me 10 bucks for a cab. (Seriously, this girl is both cute and awesome, I would have been in jail at this point without her, I owe her big time)

I get home. I decide to wake my dad and ask him what the hell to do about my missing friend. We both went down our contact lists calling people that might know where he is. I was exhausted, annoyed, tired, worried, pissed off and exhausted again. No sign of my friend... the other drunken friend would only speak gibberish when he bothered to answer, if even that.

And then my missing friend answered his phone.

He had been inside his car the whole time, in the bar's parking lot. Passed out. 167 (literally) missed calls on his cellphone, not knowing what the fuck had happened.

I contained myself enough to let him know his parents were worried, that he should call his mom ASAP. I hung up and the whole night's stress finally caught up to me and I doubled up in chest pain. An anxiety attack (I have had one before, with another chain of awful events preceding it). Unbearable pain, not being able to breath or stand. My dad got me through it, made it a point to let me know I was gonna see a doctor for this even though it was the last thing I wanted given his economic issues and the expensive medication/therapy.

So now I'm at my room, anxiety attack gone but with painful remnants, obviously not gonna be able to sleep all night, and typing all this knowing I'm gonna get flak about posting it anyway.

Sorry for the humongous post, I just had to vent and I couldn't do it on my regular blog cause I don't want my mom to know about the anxiety attack, and she reads my blog. Feel free to disregard, but thanks for reading if you had the patience to wade through all my shit.

I do love most of you guys, y'know?

Ask the waitress out to a nice dinner, or at least send her some flowers.

Kick the shit out of your missing friend. Let him explain the bruises to his mom.

Worst smurfing Night smurfing Ever

Oh Shit, panic attacks suck Good on you for not bailing on your mate though.

Did you get the waitresses number? Every cloud....

I just about got stabbed tonight. Just sayin'.

And now after actually reading the whole post I can tell you that man, that sucks. Getting ditched on a bill is terrible, losing a friend and being that worried is a million times worse.

I'm definitely taking flowers for the waitress (Barbara was her name... awesome name) along with her 10 bucks when I go back there tomorrow for my watch and ID. Get her number, treat her for a nice dinner once I have money again.

It's not my missing friend I'm pissed off so much at this point, it's the other fucking drunken friend and HIS friends. They weren't drunk enough to not know they were skipping on the fucking bill. Cunts.

And no matter how drunk, you don't hang up on a friend who's desperately asking for help. He's definitely gonna hear me tomorrow once the fucker sobers up.

Thirded on asking the waitress out as a "thank you" dinner. Who knows... :heythere: And if she's spoken for, at least get her the flowers.

And while I won't recommend beating up your friend, some payback is in order. Spike his drink with ipecap or laxative, or if you have access to his unmentionables, season them with itching powder.

Worst smurfing Night smurfing Ever

I wouldn't wait until then. I'd call during his morning hang over and rip him a new one for pulling some bullspit like that.

And yeah, agreeing with what everyone has said about Barbara.

That sucks. I have nothing to say to that except that I hope you don't get shafted with the bill and I hope you feel better.

Perhaps Israel Kamakawiwo'Ole will have something to say about this.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wZFkXQKCuBc:35nybijc][/youtube:35nybijc]

Interesting input Mr. Kamakawowp'Ole

I love that version.

That made me smile, thank you, phil.

Calleja said:

I love that version.

That made me smile, thank you, phil.

Click to expand...

Don't thank me, thank the healing power of music!

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0x3W6hutEj8:3bfimh5j][/youtube:3bfimh5j]

Calleja said:

I'm definitely taking flowers for the waitress (Barbara was her name... awesome name) along with her 10 bucks when I go back there tomorrow for my watch and ID. Get her number, treat her for a nice dinner once I have money again.

Click to expand...

Dude, make it 20. You fucking owe her.

Worst smurfing Night smurfing Ever

Something like that has happened to me in the past as well only that I was able to pay for the bill then hunted them down and made them pay, with extra. At least they felt great remorse and made up for it. Since then, we always pay, immidiately when the bottles arrive.

Do keep us informed on things, this is a juicy story. Sorry about your shit luck.

Damn! I've had nights like that. Well, maybe not exactly like that, but bad. Don't rag on your friend too much - he was pretty smart to go to his car and pass out. I'd be more pissed at the other guys who ditched you. With that many people it should NEVER have fallen on you to pony up the entire bill.

I'm glad the friend is okay, I'm glad that in the end you'll be okay.

You always have a place to vent here, my friend.

What a sucky night! I would be livid with the guys who ditched me. I'd also beat up the friend who passed out in his car. The waitress was super cool and giving her flowers or something for taking care of you sounds like a real good idea.

Oh and this is for you 'cause you need it...

Worst smurfing Night smurfing Ever

If you score with the nice waitress, you might end up remember this as one of the best nights of your life.

we'll drink to that

A few things:

1. Panic attacks suck. I get pseudo-ones; my brother used to have huge, fuck-off sized ones. One day I'll be there with him.
2. Your friends fucking suck for ditching you. Go First Blood on their ass.
3. That waitress was a cool bean, yo.
4. Good thing your buddy ended up passed out safe in his car. But you shoulda checked in there! Who knows, the dude might have tried to have driven off. Derr pa derr on this part.
5. Good thing everything went okay.
6. It sounds like you had a Mexican knock-off version of The Hangover.

Worst smurfing Night smurfing Ever

Math242 said:

If you score with the nice waitress, you might end up remember this as one of the best nights of your life.

we'll drink to that

Click to expand...

And skip out on the bill.

Glad everything is okay. Sounds like it's time for an ass-whoopin', Susan style.

Edrondol said:

Damn! I've had nights like that. Well, maybe not exactly like that, but bad. Don't rag on your friend too much - he was pretty smart to go to his car and pass out. I'd be more pissed at the other guys who ditched you. With that many people it should NEVER have fallen on you to pony up the entire bill.

I'm glad the friend is okay, I'm glad that in the end you'll be okay.

You always have a place to vent here, my friend.

Click to expand...

The lesson here is, if people start filing out with the excuse of "looking for the friend" be an asshole, and make them pay their tab right then. Or, make sure you're not the last one out. Either way, you'd have saved yourself some stress

Trust me, I've been in similar situations when I was younger and partying hard int he Navy...and the last thing someone's dumb ass wants to see is me pissed off on their front porch at 8am when they're nursing a hangover.

Worst smurfing Night smurfing Ever

Man that sounds like a sucky night. Glad to hear it all worked out in the end though.

Worst smurfing Night smurfing Ever

Calleja said:

I hung up and the whole night's stress finally caught up to me and I doubled up in chest pain. An anxiety attack (I have had one before, with another chain of awful events preceding it). Unbearable pain, not being able to breath or stand. My dad got me through it, made it a point to let me know I was gonna see a doctor for this even though it was the last thing I wanted given his economic issues and the expensive medication/therapy.

So now I'm at my room, anxiety attack gone but with painful remnants, obviously not gonna be able to sleep all night, and typing all this knowing I'm gonna get flak about posting it anyway.

Sorry for the humongous post, I just had to vent and I couldn't do it on my regular blog cause I don't want my mom to know about the anxiety attack, and she reads my blog. Feel free to disregard, but thanks for reading if you had the patience to wade through all my poop.

I do love most of you guys, y'know?

Click to expand...

I would suggest that you stop partying for a while. All that stress and alcohol may worsen your condition.

Worst smurfing Night smurfing Ever

Sell your story to how I met your mother

but seriously, it may have sucked, but if you two hit it off you may be thanking them all later

Futureking said:

I would suggest that you stop partying for a while. All that stress and alcohol may worsen your condition.

Click to expand...

Thankfully I was pretty much sober the whole time. I don't drink that much anymore, I had a few beers and two vodka tonics. Booze lost its appeal to me a while ago. I was more interested in making sure every time someone ordered something they told me so *I* could ask Barbara for it, heh.


Thanks guys, I was pretty much shaking when I typed all that down, in anger, pain, exhaustion. Sigh. It's a fucking wall of text, ain't it?

I'm going down to the bar in a couple of hours. Having slept a couple of hours I don't really feel like ripping my friends a new asshole, I just don't want to see them for a while, y'know? Fuckers.

Worst smurfing Night smurfing Ever

Glad to here your okay after that. Can't blame your friend for passing out in the car, but he should of at least told someone. Dunken' friends are kind of like children eh? Well when your the sober one anyway.




I'm just telling you this as your friend, you should probably marry barbara. Just sayin'


Jokes aside tell us how it goes.

If all goes well with Barbara (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) then make your drunken buddy be the best man. That way he has to pay for the bachelor party and see what it feels like to foot the bill.

I wish you well with Barbara. She seems to go WELL beyond the call of duty. She deserve mad props and you should at least take her out for thank you dinner and saving your butt.

You shouldn't let your friends get off so easy. I understand not wanting to see them, but they deserve some sort of retribution for being such cockstains.

Worst smurfing Night smurfing Ever

Glad you are ok man... sounds like quite the adventure...

You really need to get your friends back though, BRUCE style.

That story gave me flashbacks to one crazy fucked-up night in Dublin searching for a friend of ours.

Glad everything turned out okay.

Worst smurfing Night smurfing Ever

Espy said:

Glad you are ok man... sounds like quite the adventure...

You really need to get your friends back though, BRUCE style.

Click to expand...

Make Barbara the Lilu to your Corben, also.

When something similar happened to me, the friend ended up running out in front of a car and getting his leg broken.

Worst smurfing Night smurfing Ever

Am I the only one that was expecting this story to end with Calleja, his waitress and a few of her friends in a hot tub full of jello?

At least your friend had sense enough not to drive drunk and it seems like it all worked out in the end. And it makes for a good story.

Worst smurfing Night smurfing Ever

Charlie Dont Surf said:

You shouldn't let your friends get off so easy. I understand not wanting to see them, but they deserve some sort of retribution for being such cockstains.

Click to expand...

Man, Charlie advocating retribution? I don't disagree, mind, just surprised.

Also, creepy, creepy Internet-hugs for Pa-ya-ya, and that waitress sounds freakin' awesome.

I don't mean vengeance or beating the shit out of them, but just their share of the bill and telling them off.

Worst smurfing Night smurfing Ever

Charlie Dont Surf said:

I don't mean vengeance or beating the poop out of them, but just their share of the bill and telling them off.

Click to expand...

Well, yeah, s'why I phrased it that way, rather than wondering who'd hijacked your account.

Worst smurfing Night smurfing Ever

Calleja said:

I'm going down to the bar in a couple of hours. Having slept a couple of hours I don't really feel like ripping my friends a new *, I just don't want to see them for a while, y'know? Fuckers.

Click to expand...

So......

How's Barbara?

Worst smurfing Night smurfing Ever

:falldown:

Worst smurfing Night smurfing Ever

kaykordeath said:

Calleja said:

I'm going down to the bar in a couple of hours. Having slept a couple of hours I don't really feel like ripping my friends a new *, I just don't want to see them for a while, y'know? Fuckers.

Click to expand...

So......

How's Barbara?

Click to expand...

If you and Barbara worked out, you would have to thank these "deadbeat" friends of your

She wasn't there when I went for my stuff, sadly. And I thought it wouldn't be a good idea to ask the manager for her phone. I left the money she lent me and the flowers with him.

I'll probably go back there soonish.

noooooooooo, real life is not like a romantic comedy motion pictureeeeee........ :waah:

Charlie Dont Surf said:

noooooooooo, real life is not like a romantic comedy motion pictureeeeee........ :waah:

Click to expand...

WHAT? Fuck! First it's not a fairytale, then it's not an afterschool special... Now this?! WHAT IS THE POINT ANYMORE

--Calleja, that will be one of those awesome stories you'll tell over and over sooner or later. I mean that sucks, but damn, it's certainly interesting. Glad your friend is not dead. Go make him wish he was!

I feel for you.

This raised a eyebrow though:

Calleja said:

His brand new Mercedes was still in the valet, which is what got me actually worried. He would never willingly leave without his brand new car.

Click to expand...

But less worried than the thought that he might have driven when so drunk that he passed out in the seat of his car?

Waitress definately owed the flowers and a heafty tip on the bar bill.

redapples said:

I feel for you.

This raised a eyebrow though:
Calleja wrote:
His brand new Mercedes was still in the valet, which is what got me actually worried. He would never willingly leave without his brand new car.


But less worried than the thought that he might have driven when so drunk that he passed out in the seat of his car?

Click to expand...

I didn't know he was passed out inside his car, he could have been kidnapped for all I know. My state is a pretty safe one, but the country is still in a bit of turmoil anyway, so stuff like that can be worrisome.