Help me finish writing a joke.

Dave · Mar 16, 2015

Okay, so it's no secret that my comedy career is starting to take off - locally at least. So far. *crosses fingers* So I'm writing some new material and I have the bare bones for a joke and a great delivery...but the ending is vexing me. I can get almost to the ending but it stalls out there. I need a good ending joke or blow line to take me out from it.

Here's the joke:

My daughter was in a car accident. She's fine, but the car is a bit messed up. What was interesting is I got to see her go through all five of the stages of grief in like 10 minutes.

Denial - Oh my GOD that did not just happen to me!

Anger - That sonofabitch! Look what he did to my car!

Bargaining - Okay, God! Please let my car be okay! I'll never do anything bad ever again!

Depression - *crying* My car! My poor car is ruined!

Acceptance - Okay, so now what? If the car can't be fixed then I guess I'll have to find a new one.

But then I found out that there is a sixth stage of grief - social media.

Here's where the joke breaks down. I go on to talk about how the different social media platforms are used, from Twitter (information only - "Got in a wreck. I'm fine. #carnotsomuch"), Facebook (trolling for sympathy - Thanks GOD I lived! I was so scared!), to Google+ (you have no friends).

But I don't feel any of those are a strong ending. I need something to end this with and I'm stuck. What ideas do YOU guys have that I might be able to use? Please remember I'm working corporate events so it's got to be as clean as possible.

HCGLNS · Mar 16, 2015

OMG gotta take a selfie.

PatrThom · Mar 16, 2015

An alternate angle:

Acceptance - Okay, so now what? If the car can't be fixed then I guess I'll have to get my parents to buy me a new one.

And then you can take Dad through the stages of grief, and then Dad can explain it to Mom and she can go through the stages, and then the grandparents.
Or else she could explain it to Mom & Dad as a family (or just Dad alone) and (t)he(y) can go through the 5 stages with the wallet/bank account, etc.

--Patrick

sixpackshaker · Mar 16, 2015

Why the hell do 30 of my friends "like" that I got in a wreck?

PatrThom · Mar 16, 2015

sixpackshaker said:
Why the hell do 30 of my friends "like" that I got in a wreck?

And why does Facebook keep suggesting body shop ads?

--Patrick

Tinwhistler · Mar 16, 2015

HCGLNS said:
OMG gotta take a selfie.

That was my first thought too

strawman · Mar 16, 2015

Change "What was interesting is I got to see her go through all five of the stages of grief in like 10 minutes."

to

"When she described it to me later I could tell she had gone through all five of the stages of grief in like 10 minutes."

Then the ending changes to:

"But then I found out that there is a new sixth stage of grief - social media.

She posted a selfie with her wrecked car.

GUESS HOW I FOUND OUT SHE WRECKED THE CAR?

That's right - she didn't bother to call me, I see her duckface on facebook/twitter/instagram in front of a trashed car with the note, "Uh oh, daddy's gonna be mad! lol!"

Then you can lead of into a social media joke or rant. This is something older adults are seeing more and more - their children's lives on facebook long before their children tell them, so it should strike a good note with them. And it can lead into a joke about social media, family, catastrophes, etc.

The joke becomes more about how people communicate than how they go through grief.

fade · Mar 16, 2015

"Has just been revoked"

"To get to the other side"

"because all the really good looking girls would still go out with the guys from Mohawk because they've got all the money!"

"You're fiyahed"

"Then the doctor says, "OK, now it's MY turn to cough!"

"ARGH! It's driving me nuts!"

Jax · Mar 16, 2015

Do you expand on how you see her 5 stages of grief? (as in, actually being there to see it?) Maybe the sixth one could be all 5 in realtime (you see her grief through various stages as it happens).

Denial = Twitter,
Anger = Instagram
etc.
And then the final one could be her sharing suggestions for cars on facebook or something: already shopping for a new one barely 10 minutes after the accident! / waiting for the tow truck / something like that

PatrThom · Mar 16, 2015

fade said:
"Has just been revoked"
"To get to the other side"
"because all the really good looking girls would still go out with the guys from Mohawk because they've got all the money!"
"You're fiyahed"
"Then the doctor says, "OK, now it's MY turn to cough!"
"ARGH! It's driving me nuts!"

I only know the source of half of those.

--Patrick

Celt Z · Mar 16, 2015

HCGLNS said:
OMG gotta take a selfie.

Include duckface.

Hailey Knight · Mar 16, 2015

stienman said:
Change "What was interesting is I got to see her go through all five of the stages of grief in like 10 minutes."

to

"When she described it to me later I could tell she had gone through all five of the stages of grief in like 10 minutes."

Then the ending changes to:

"But then I found out that there is a new sixth stage of grief - social media.

She posted a selfie with her wrecked car.

GUESS HOW I FOUND OUT SHE WRECKED THE CAR?

That's right - she didn't bother to call me, I see her duckface on facebook/twitter/instagram in front of a trashed car with the note, "Uh oh, daddy's gonna be mad! lol!"

Then you can lead of into a social media joke or rant. This is something older adults are seeing more and more - their children's lives on facebook long before their children tell them, so it should strike a good note with them. And it can lead into a joke about social media, family, catastrophes, etc.

The joke becomes more about how people communicate than how they go through grief.

This one wins.

EDIT: I should explain--this was the suggestion that made me laugh.

Charlie Don't Surf · Mar 17, 2015

Instagram would/could be a selfie with the car. Maybe a joke about hashtag "no filter" and something with a car's filter? I don't know if cars even have a filter.
Vine's a 6 second video, you could say something about it being longer than the crash.
Tinder could be something about "I didn't even know she had a tinder account"?
and maybe LinkedIn as a slightly absurd "I'm not sure how a teenage girl is going to get a job at Proctor and Gamble's Accounting department, but their HR supervisor loved her pic!"

but all those do is just make the joke go on longer, I guess

strawman · Mar 17, 2015

Ok, finding out on tinder as Charlie says would be hilarious. Not only are you, a married man, on tinder, but tinder presented you with your daughter's profile, and she's already updated her tinder profile with the crash image before you found out.

"So what do I do now? I need to talk to her, but I don't want to swipe right my own daughter! And what's the chance she'll swipe me? Do I need to update my profile saying, 'daughter, call me about the car'? This is too complicated, so I ranted on tumblr about it, was told to check my privilege, and then I got an email from my insurance company with a link to their claim form. Since when did they start following me?"

Dave · Mar 17, 2015

I like a lot of this but you have to remember I'm doing a lot of corporate stuff, so they won't get references like Tumblr checking privilege or maybe even swiping right.

PatrThom · Mar 17, 2015

Dave said:
I like a lot of this but you have to remember I'm doing a lot of corporate stuff, so they won't get references like Tumblr checking privilege or maybe even swiping right.

Well, they may not admit to it. But yes, it could be risky.

--Patrick

Charlie Don't Surf · Mar 17, 2015

Oh, also Pinterest, you saw her pinning new paint swatches for her bumper online, or new hubcap designs.

fade · Mar 17, 2015

Dave said:
I like a lot of this but you have to remember I'm doing a lot of corporate stuff, so they won't get references like Tumblr checking privilege or maybe even swiping right.

Excuse me, but are you talking about the Faces book? I don't even have a Tweetster.

phil · Mar 17, 2015

I do like the idea of you finding out and having to help cope via social media. Jump right into it a little sooner. Maybe end on saying you didn't know how to be there for her so you just sent her a selfie with #2sad4u and she said it was the sweetest thing you ever said to her. Or something like that.

sixpackshaker · Mar 17, 2015

fade said:
Excuse me, but are you talking about the Faces book? I don't even have a Tweetster.

...is that something I look up on Foxfire?

I hear that question just about every week.

PatrThom · Mar 17, 2015

Well, @Dave, if you let this thread go long enough, you'll be able to put together a corporate routine that has the IT staff in the back all ROFL while the suits up front are all, "What? What did he just say? I don't get it."

--Patrick

Dave · Mar 17, 2015

phil said:
I do like the idea of you finding out and having to help cope via social media. Jump right into it a little sooner. Maybe end on saying you didn't know how to be there for her so you just sent her a selfie with #2sad4u and she said it was the sweetest thing you ever said to her. Or something like that.

I think that's a strong ending. I was leaning towards ending with her posting something on MySpace and asking if anyone was there. But I like yours better.[DOUBLEPOST=1426616040,1426615935][/DOUBLEPOST]

Dave said:
I didn't know how to be there for her so I just sent her a selfie with #2sad4u and she said it was the sweetest thing I ever said to her. So that's bonding now, I guess.

Just Eric · Mar 17, 2015

Dave said:
Okay, so it's no secret that my comedy career is starting to take off - locally at least. So far. *crosses fingers* So I'm writing some new material and I have the bare bones for a joke and a great delivery...but the ending is vexing me. I can get almost to the ending but it stalls out there. I need a good ending joke or blow line to take me out from it.

Here's the joke:

My daughter was in a car accident. She's fine, but the car is a bit messed up. What was interesting is I got to see her go through all five of the stages of grief in like 10 minutes.

Denial - Oh my GOD that did not just happen to me!

Anger - That sonofabitch! Look what he did to my car!

Bargaining - Okay, God! Please let my car be okay! I'll never do anything bad ever again!

Depression - *crying* My car! My poor car is ruined!

Acceptance - Okay, so now what? If the car can't be fixed then I guess I'll have to find a new one.

But then I found out that there is a sixth stage of grief - social media.

Here's where the joke breaks down. I go on to talk about how the different social media platforms are used, from Twitter (information only - "Got in a wreck. I'm fine. #carnotsomuch"), Facebook (trolling for sympathy - Thanks GOD I lived! I was so scared!), to Google+ (you have no friends).

But I don't feel any of those are a strong ending. I need something to end this with and I'm stuck. What ideas do YOU guys have that I might be able to use? Please remember I'm working corporate events so it's got to be as clean as possible.

I would say the sixth could be a repeat in varying orders of all 5.. Each one of those could be Facebook posts.

Zappit · Mar 17, 2015

Dave said:
Okay, so it's no secret that my comedy career is starting to take off - locally at least. So far. *crosses fingers* So I'm writing some new material and I have the bare bones for a joke and a great delivery...but the ending is vexing me. I can get almost to the ending but it stalls out there. I need a good ending joke or blow line to take me out from it.

Here's the joke:

My daughter was in a car accident. She's fine, but the car is a bit messed up. What was interesting is I got to see her go through all five stages of grief in like 10 minutes.

Denial - Oh my GOD that did not just happen to me!

Anger - That sonofabitch! Look what he did to my car!

Bargaining - Okay, God! Please let my car be okay! I'll never do anything bad ever again!

Depression - *crying* My car! My poor car is ruined!

Acceptance - Okay, so now what? If the car can't be fixed then I guess I'll have to find a new one. Daddy can help me buy a new one.

I, personally, went right into the denial stage at that point. Still there. It's pretty comfortable, actually.

How does she handle this whirlwind of volatile emotions while in a fragile state? She goes on Facebook...

I've been thinking about this, and I think I've got something: (edits included)

...Because what better way to deal with being in a terrifying car accident than posting it online where all your friends can "like" it.

Also, when you post online about being in a car accident, one of the first things that happens is a bunch of Internet lawyers start telling you to sue. Now, while Brett from Facebook might have courtroom experience, the fact that his profile pic is him shirtless, holding two beers in one hand and a Cockapoo in the other, sorta makes me think his courtroom experience...wasn't as a lawyer. Also, Brett - posting a bunch of 4/20 stuff really makes me doubt you've got the keen legal insight that might help.

When she finally settled down, she started talking to me about helping her pay for a new car. I said no. She's got a job. She can pay for it. It's a parent's job to teach their children responsibility. To teach them to earn what they get in life. We had a long, meaningful conversation about this, and I felt I had reached my daughter.

Then she asked her Mom and we bought her a new car the next day. (Throws hands up.)