Scattering the ashes

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L

Laurelai

My dad died July 29th of this year in his home several states to the north and this weekend my mom came down with his ashes because it was his wish to have his ashes scattered in the river where I grew up and we lived for over 20 years. It was a gorgeous sunny Florida October day- wonderful day for it.

I'd never scattered ashes before (I'd seen someone's, so I knew what they looked like) and my mom asked me to go first since I was the first born. Well, mom didn't bring anything to scoop them out with (and I didn't even know people had scoops for that o.0) so I went to reach my hand in. Next thing I know, I hear 2 gasps and my aunt asked "What are you doing?!"

well.... I thought it was pretty damned obvious. I was reaching into the bag to gather a handful of my father's ashes to sprinkle over the water.

When I said what I was doing (again, I was surprised that explanation was necessary) my mom told me not to because I could catch hepatitis (my dad was given this little gift from his anesthesiologist when he had surgery in '77) and my brother says "Because its impolite"

Now- being in the medical field, I get info on hepatitis allll the time. Its a tenacious nasty little germ, but it sure as shit can't survive cremation; and as for polite, well- this was my daddy. I have accidentally kicked him in the nads several times, hooked him in the knee with a fish hook, thrown up on him, and generally made him pull his hair out on several occasions. I doubt he would have been upset if I grabbed his spleen and part of his liver to put him in the water.

I actually *wanted* to have what was left of my father in my hands one last time, but it would have been a very bad time to make a stink, so I up-ended a corner of the bag and let some of the ashes pour out before passing it to my brother.


So, it is a done deal, no take-backs, but I kinda feel like I missed my last chance.

I'm not going to ask if I'm crazy, because I already know the answer to that, but I'm curious- are there rules for this sort of thing? I felt a tad dorky because to me, there was no issue at all with having my dad's ashes in my hand and on my skin one last time, but apparently, I was the only one who felt this way.
 
S

Silvanesti

Im sorry for your loss.

And far as 'rules' go? bah, its your loved one, its a way for you to get to say goodbye. I wouldnt give a flying fuck about strict rules.
 
North_Ranger

North_Ranger

Staff member
Hmm... I've always wondered about that myself. Partly because I would like to be cremated myself. Post mortem, of course, Shego, so put down the torch and lighter fluid.

I would think it depends on the situation. If you're going to be sprinkled into a river, I'd think a nice vase and one or two little shakes per person should do it. I considered asking being thrown into the wind at the Cliffs of Moher, but the wind would probably throw me into people's faces. And somehow the idea of being dusted off of Cousin Marika's jacket doesn't sound so nice as being carried away in the wind.

Oh, and sorry for your loss. If your dad was in the army... *stands up and salutes* If not, well, I just did it anyway...
 
SpecialKO

SpecialKO

Deepest condolences, Laurelai.

Sounds like you handled it like a trooper, though.

I've never heard of any rules, but I more than understand where you're coming from.
 
Krisken

Krisken

First off, I'm sorry for your loss. It sounds like you really miss your dad and I hope your memories of him are all good ones.

As for disposal of remains, it seems that disposing his ashes in the river was probably illegal.

The law forbids you to dispose of "human remains" on public land and inland bodies of [URL="http://www.ehow.com/how_2058998_dispose-cremation-ashes.html#"]water. This happens anyway, but if you are caught you will go to prison, straight to prison, and stay there a very long time.[/url]

I'm glad no one was caught! I'm not finding anything specific about it being improper to physically handle the ashes, though. I've been to a few ettiquete sites but still no luck. I think it's different in each family.

This may be helpful to you as well

Again, I'm sorry for your loss.
 
W

Wasabi Poptart

My condolences to you and your family. I don't know of any proper procedure for scattering ashes. I always thought they just got tossed into the wind and that's that.
 
North_Ranger

North_Ranger

Staff member
That reminds me, though... How, um, "finely-grained" is the end result of cremation? Are there still bits of bone there or is it all just a pile of grey ash?
 
T

Twitch

North_Ranger said:
That reminds me, though... How, um, "finely-grained" is the end result of cremation? Are there still bits of bone there or is it all just a pile of grey ash?
Click to expand...
There are bits of bone but they are very very tiny. We left the ashes of a friend in the Grand Canyon after a hike he was supposed to join us on.
 
Shakey

Shakey

My mom keeps saying she wants to be cremated. My sister keeps telling her she'll be dead and it won't matter because we'll do whatever we want. Gets a laugh every time a family member dies, mainly cause that's the only time it comes up.
 
Cajungal

Cajungal

Staff member
Impolite? No, no, no. I think it would make him happy that you wanted to hold him right in your hand and not with a scoop. Y'all fulfilled his wish, and that's what's important. I'm sorry for your loss. If death and saying goodbye have to happen, however, I'm glad when it happens on a nice day at least. :hug:
 
Shegokigo

Shegokigo

North_Ranger said:
Hmm... I've always wondered about that myself. Partly because I would like to be cremated myself. Post mortem, of course, Shego, so put down the torch and lighter fluid.
Click to expand...
:devil:

As for Laur, I can't really comment as I have no loved ones that I could imagine caring about when they pass. Though my dying wish is to have my body flown by helicopter for a few hours out to sea, and dumped (not in a bag) so that I can be left to the depths of the Abyss. (I'm not being dramatic, that really is what I want)
 
Dave

Dave

Staff member
My last wishes won't be allowed by my wife. She thinks it's weird.

I want my body donated to a "corpse farm". You know, those places where they take real dead bodies and stick them out in the forest for a couple of weeks and then train CSI people by investigating a badly decomposed "found" body.

I'll still be an organ donor, but wanted to use the whole thing for SCIENCE!
 
@Li3n

@Li3n

Dave said:
My last wishes won't be allowed by my wife. She thinks it's weird.

I want my body donated to a "corpse farm". You know, those places where they take real dead bodies and stick them out in the forest for a couple of weeks and then train CSI people by investigating a badly decomposed "found" body.

I'll still be an organ donor, but wanted to use the whole thing for SCIENCE!
Click to expand...
Try to be more positive, who knows, maybe you'll get divorced by then... (too soon?)

Also, that sounds awesome... where do i sign up?
 
Dave

Dave

Staff member
@Li3n;283443][quote=Dave said:
My last wishes won't be allowed by my wife. She thinks it's weird.

I want my body donated to a "corpse farm". You know, those places where they take real dead bodies and stick them out in the forest for a couple of weeks and then train CSI people by investigating a badly decomposed "found" body.

I'll still be an organ donor, but wanted to use the whole thing for SCIENCE!
Click to expand...
Try to be more positive, who knows, maybe you'll get divorced by then... (too soon?)

Also, that sounds awesome... where do i sign up?[/QUOTE]

There are 3 universities who have body farms. They are Western Carolina University, the University of Tennessee-Knoxville and the University of Texas-San Marcos. If you contact any of these you can volunteer your body when you pass away.
 
Krisken

Krisken

Dave;283448][quote=@Li3n;283443][quote=Dave said:
My last wishes won't be allowed by my wife. She thinks it's weird.

I want my body donated to a "corpse farm". You know, those places where they take real dead bodies and stick them out in the forest for a couple of weeks and then train CSI people by investigating a badly decomposed "found" body.

I'll still be an organ donor, but wanted to use the whole thing for SCIENCE!
Click to expand...
Try to be more positive, who knows, maybe you'll get divorced by then... (too soon?)

Also, that sounds awesome... where do i sign up?[/quote]

There are 3 universities who have body farms. They are Western Carolina University, the University of Tennessee-Knoxville and the University of Texas-San Marcos. If you contact any of these you can volunteer your body when you pass away.[/QUOTE]
The South- Where we like to put dead bodies in forests for education. :D
 
Dave

Dave

Staff member
Krisken;283451][quote=Dave;283448][quote=@Li3n;283443][quote=Dave said:
My last wishes won't be allowed by my wife. She thinks it's weird.

I want my body donated to a "corpse farm". You know, those places where they take real dead bodies and stick them out in the forest for a couple of weeks and then train CSI people by investigating a badly decomposed "found" body.

I'll still be an organ donor, but wanted to use the whole thing for SCIENCE!
Click to expand...
Try to be more positive, who knows, maybe you'll get divorced by then... (too soon?)

Also, that sounds awesome... where do i sign up?[/quote]

There are 3 universities who have body farms. They are Western Carolina University, the University of Tennessee-Knoxville and the University of Texas-San Marcos. If you contact any of these you can volunteer your body when you pass away.[/quote]
The South- Where we like to put dead bodies in forests for education. :D[/QUOTE]

For education? Maybe. I prefer...

FOR SCIENCE!!!
 
T

ThatNickGuy

I'm late to the thread, so I'll just add a :( and a :hug:.

As for what I'd want done with my body when it's all over? Totally natural. No chemicals or even a coffin. Just wrap me in some cloths, bury me and plant a tree.

FOR NATURE!
 
Hylian

Hylian

I personally would love to have my corpse flown into the sun but I know that will more than likely not happen :(
 
T

ThatNickGuy

Shannow said:
I wish to have my mind put into a destructo-robot.

SHANNOW KILL!!!
Click to expand...
Multiple choice funny responses!

1) Stop! Or my Shannow will shoot!
2) Shanobo Cop
3) Shanoot now. Ask questions later.
 
General Specific

General Specific

When I die, I want to be cremated and have my ashes put into an urn that's been made into a life-like model of my own head. But only if I can make a weird face while they take the pictures/scans/whatever.
 
drawn_inward

drawn_inward

Sorry for your loss Laurelei. I can't imagine losing my dad. Don't kick yourself over not getting to touch the ashes. Your heart was in the right place.
 
Rob King

Rob King

In the show Eli Stone, the tititular character's father was cremated. They kept the ashes in a coffee can too.

Maybe I'm sick, but I find something cool about that. I don't like any urn I've ever seen for ashes. They all seem too pompous.
 
Cajungal

Cajungal

Staff member
Rob King said:
In the show Eli Stone, the tititular character's father was cremated. They kept the ashes in a coffee can too.

Maybe I'm sick, but I find something cool about that. I don't like any urn I've ever seen for ashes. They all seem too pompous.
Click to expand...
I kind of see what you mean. I'm not fancy now, so I don't think a fancy container would be appropriate for my remains. Maybe a shoebox, or a plastic bag in the junk drawer. :p

"Move Leslie, I need a paper clip and some rubber bands."
 
L

Laurelai

My mom sent pix today- here's one of all of us heading out to the boat.



---------- Post added at 03:39 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:37 PM ----------

yeah... that's my big ass in the blue jeans and pink shirt
 
S

SeraRelm

Well it was that or one of the gray-hairs...




I need to stop playing with photoshop. I just considered putting a shark in that picture.

I'm sorry.:(
 
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