Needing some Support.

[darkangel6988]

Hey Everyone,

It's been a real long time, I haven't been around on here at all the past 2 months as I was working hard to finish insanity and preparing for my husband to come home. I have 2 weeks of insanity left as it stands and the moment I had been waiting for finally happened on friday . It was the day my hubby came back.

I cannot believe that I am going to post this on a forum but I feel as though I have to reach out somewhere for support. After a long 4 months of waiting my husband came home and decided sunday night that out of the blue he no longer is in love with me and he packed up and left monday afternoon with no real reason to why.

I didn't receive a reason , nor did a fight take place, he just simply said that he loves me but is no longer in love with me. I believe something went on in Arizona that I'm not aware of and he came home and made a split decision but then again many things are racing through my mind. We had been fine for those wondering . I thought everything was ok which is probably why this makes this situation so much worse. We had had some up's and down's while he was away that worried me but never to the point of pushing me to think that he would come home and drop a bomb of this size on me.

I'm sorry I haven't been around, And I'm sorry I've missed out on things that may have happened to yall that needed support. I needed to get away and do something different . I guess now I will be doing alot different.

I am embarassed and ashamed to be typing this on here but I really feel as though I need to find support as I feel like my heart is broken and that my world is crashing down on me and it's so much to handle that the support I'm receiving at home just doesn't feel like enough.

I'd appreciate no jokes to this post . I would appreciate if someone would listen. I feel very hurt and fragile and I know I don't always get some of yall's jokes but right now jokes aren't needed. A simple hug would be accepted and appreciated.

I hope your all well and that I can come back here and have fun like I used to. Sorry to drop this on here. I just feel real alone and need some help.

 

[Ross]

 

[Cajungal]

I'm so sorry, darkangel. :hug: I can't imagine how hurt and shocked you must feel. You have my sympathies and my sincerest hope that better times will come your way. Do you live near your family?

 

[darkangel6988]

I'm so sorry, darkangel. :hug: I can't imagine how hurt and shocked you must feel. You have my sympathies and my sincerest hope that better times will come your way. Do you live near your family?

Luckily since he's felt like this and not told me in about a year he made sure he dropped me here at my mom and grandmohter's house before he went to school. I sure wish he had done this before he left. I am at my parent's house and have not made any plans yet. I am taking this time to just freak out . Will think later when I feel more able to. Thank you so much for your hugs and support. I sure could use it.

 

[Cajungal]

I'm glad you're with loved ones.

 

[Chibibar]

I'm so sorry, darkangel. :hug: I can't imagine how hurt and shocked you must feel. You have my sympathies and my sincerest hope that better times will come your way. Do you live near your family?

Luckily since he's felt like this and not told me in about a year he made sure he dropped me here at my mom and grandmohter's house before he went to school. I sure wish he had done this before he left. I am at my parent's house and have not made any plans yet. I am taking this time to just freak out . Will think later when I feel more able to. Thank you so much for your hugs and support. I sure could use it.[/QUOTE]

*hugs* I am glad you are with your love one. I am at a total lost of what he said. I think at this time, you should enjoy the time with your family and try to move on. I don't think you should try to figure out what is going on his head. I know it sounds kinda harsh, but right think about all the people who do care for you. I wish you good journey on your new life and your new things that you want to do.

*hugs*

 

[darkangel6988]

I'm so sorry, darkangel. :hug: I can't imagine how hurt and shocked you must feel. You have my sympathies and my sincerest hope that better times will come your way. Do you live near your family?

*hugs*[/QUOTE]


Luckily since he's felt like this and not told me in about a year he made sure he dropped me here at my mom and grandmohter's house before he went to school. I sure wish he had done this before he left. I am at my parent's house and have not made any plans yet. I am taking this time to just freak out . Will think later when I feel more able to. Thank you so much for your hugs and support. I sure could use it.[/QUOTE]

Thanks Chibbi, I'm trying hard but it's hard not to wonder why or what I did wrong. I guess it's not important nor does it matter but it seems like if I knew why this happened i could get over it easier. Then again I shouldn't expect him to make my life easier. I do replay alot of the past 4 years in my life and we were fine. I mean for those at home who knew us they can't believe it . So i guess it makes sense that i Can't either.

He also told me I wasn't attractive which was a blow luckily I know better. I appreciate your support and I will do my very best to keep my head up and move on. One day at a time I guess.

*hugs* I am glad you are with your love one. I am at a total lost of what he said. I think at this time, you should enjoy the time with your family and try to move on. I don't think you should try to figure out what is going on his head. I know it sounds kinda harsh, but right think about all the people who do care for you. I wish you good journey on your new life and your new things that you want to do.

 

[Iaculus]

Ouch.

(administers creepy Internet-hugs).

Best of luck to you, and remember - humans are built to last. This may be tough, but I'm sure you can make your way through it. Oh, and I realise that it's instinctive and natural, but do try not to agonise too much over what, if anything, you did wrong. He's the one who dumped you in a horribly insensitive manner, after all.

 

[darkangel6988]

Ouch.

(administers creepy Internet-hugs).

Best of luck to you, and remember - humans are built to last. This may be tough, but I'm sure you can make your way through it. Oh, and I realise that it's instinctive and natural, but do try not to agonise too much over what, if anything, you did wrong. He's the one who dumped you in a horribly insensitive manner, after all.

Good timing to remind me not to agonize as I was currently just doing that.....Its like waves one minute im fine the next minute I go into meltdown and start screaming whyyyyyyy . Ill get thru it just right now sucks some serious ass. I just dont know what to do . I kinda wanna run away but he took the car

 

[Chibibar]

Ouch.

(administers creepy Internet-hugs).

Best of luck to you, and remember - humans are built to last. This may be tough, but I'm sure you can make your way through it. Oh, and I realise that it's instinctive and natural, but do try not to agonise too much over what, if anything, you did wrong. He's the one who dumped you in a horribly insensitive manner, after all.

Good timing to remind me not to agonize as I was currently just doing that.....Its like waves one minute im fine the next minute I go into meltdown and start screaming whyyyyyyy . Ill get thru it just right now sucks some serious ass. I just dont know what to do . I kinda wanna run away but he took the car [/QUOTE]

I know it easy for us to tell you "to move on" unless he explains his current position and his cryptic answer to you, there is nothing much you can do. You would end up hurting yourself trying to figure out what you did wrong. I have a feeling that you didn't do anything wrong. You are faithful and loving to him. I would bet that it was he who did wrong. What that might be? who knows. Why hurt yourself further trying to figure it out.

I think the best thing to do is talk with your family and plan out what to do next. If you need more concrete stuff, I guess you can try to figure out the basics first. Where will you live? the house still? selling it and get your own place? How are you on finances? do you need to get another job? I think it is best to concentrate on your needs right now and worry about his needs later (if ever. I wouldn't in my book)

 

[Dave]

I hate to say I had a feeling about this but I kinda did. He's been acting weird for a little while now, if we've been reading things correctly.

I'm sorry, hon. There's not much I can really say or do other than to let you know you have a place to vent or waste time if you need to. He's done similar things in the past and always come back so it sounds like he's not wanting to be tied down. He's in the military but that doesn't mean that he's totally grown up.

I know it hurts, but what you need to do is concentrate on yourself. I know you say you've been doing the insanity thing for you but I think you've been doing it for the wrong reasons. You have said things in the past like you wanted to look good for him, etc. Right now you are wondering what it is you did wrong and I'm here to tell you that I doubt you did anything. It sounds like he went off, had a good time and now doesn't want to have to settle down. There's nothing you can do about that. Even if he had a change of heart (again) would you be able to trust that this wouldn't happen in a month or two when he gets a wild hair again?

Stay strong, use family and friends as support and work on you for you, not for someone else. Cry your eyes out, yell into a pillow curse the stars. Get it all out. Then pick yourself up and make a life. You are still very young. You're smart, capable and you don't need a man to be complete.

Contact a lawyer and contact him/her NOW!!!

Don'ts:

Don't start drinking. You can get blitzed once in a while and be fine but don't start making it a habit.
Don't get so into Insanity that you turn into one of those muscle girls. Okay, if that's what you want it's fine but in my opinion they aren't pretty at all.
Don't stalk him or try to get him to change his mind. If there IS any chance it will push him away.
Don't wait to call that lawyer! The sooner you do it the safer your money & stuff will be.

 

[Chibibar]

I hate to say I had a feeling about this but I kinda did. He's been acting weird for a little while now, if we've been reading things correctly.

I'm sorry, hon. There's not much I can really say or do other than to let you know you have a place to vent or waste time if you need to. He's done similar things in the past and always come back so it sounds like he's not wanting to be tied down. He's in the military but that doesn't mean that he's totally grown up.

I know it hurts, but what you need to do is concentrate on yourself. I know you say you've been doing the insanity thing for you but I think you've been doing it for the wrong reasons. You have said things in the past like you wanted to look good for him, etc. Right now you are wondering what it is you did wrong and I'm here to tell you that I doubt you did anything. It sounds like he went off, had a good time and now doesn't want to have to settle down. There's nothing you can do about that. Even if he had a change of heart (again) would you be able to trust that this wouldn't happen in a month or two when he gets a wild hair again?

Stay strong, use family and friends as support and work on you for you, not for someone else. Cry your eyes out, yell into a pillow curse the stars. Get it all out. Then pick yourself up and make a life. You are still very young. You're smart, capable and you don't need a man to be complete.

Contact a lawyer and contact him/her NOW!!!

Don'ts:

Don't start drinking. You can get blitzed once in a while and be fine but don't start making it a habit.
Don't get so into Insanity that you turn into one of those muscle girls. Okay, if that's what you want it's fine but in my opinion they aren't pretty at all.
Don't stalk him or try to get him to change his mind. If there IS any chance it will push him away.
Don't wait to call that lawyer! The sooner you do it the safer your money & stuff will be.

^-- Agree. In Dave we Trust you da man!

 

[darkangel6988]

Thanks Dave.....

Im not gonna drink or call him. I wanna call him I want him to say this didn't happen but I'm not weak enough to call him. I have a lil too much pride and I'm a lil too full of myself to call him and beg.
He gave me money hes not being stupid in that department. I just dont know where to start to rebuild. I will never again let my life go into seclusion like it did for the past 4 years. As now i have nothing and have to start over. I haven't called a lawyer i dont know even know if i need an american or canadian one.

To be honest i havent even though i've just cried and cried and well cried some more.

I dont know what else to say i just want the pain to stop.

 

[HCGLNS]

If I read this correctly, your husband is leaving you and you are now staying at your parents while he is somewhere with your car. So you have essentially surrendered to him your two largest tangible assests in your home and vehicle.

Take your home back, take your car back, change the locks on both, call a lawyer and kick his ass to the curb.

 

[bhamv3]

Ho... lee... shit.

 

[darkangel6988]

If I read this correctly, your husband is leaving you and you are now staying at your parents while he is somewhere with your car. So you have essentially surrendered to him your two largest tangible assests in your home and vehicle.

Take your home back, take your car back, change the locks on both, call a lawyer and kick his ass to the curb.

We dont have a home as we were in the process of finding one in new york. We were supposed to go look today but obviously thats not happeneing. So there is no house. As for the car....he said if i can come up with the rest of the payment its all mine .

Luckily were not fighting over what is mine hes afraid of what illd o I think sso hes giving me everything I want. I tried to get him to leave the car here and take a bus but he wouldnt so i didnt argue.

I did withdraw 3 large sums from the bank account that he knows about and he will be paying me again on the first. He will then i guess have to pay alimony and his Bah (housing allowance) is mine till i sign papers . Which i made clear I would not sign until i felt safe and established. so im not so worried about the money and household good things. I know I shouldn't trust him but he promised he wouldn't leave me high and dry and his father assured me it woudln't happen. I also promised I wouldn't rob him blind.

 

[Wasabi Poptart]

I'm sorry to hear this has happened to you. I hope you get some answers as to why he's decided to leave. The "I'm not in love with you" line is total crap and usually not the reason for ending the relationship. If he was getting ready to deploy, I'd even say he could be scared that something is going to happen to him in combat and not want to put you through that pain. It could be depression. It could be a lot of things. And you deserve to know what's going on instead of just letting him run away.

 

[darkangel6988]

I'm sorry to hear this has happened to you. I hope you get some answers as to why he's decided to leave. The "I'm not in love with you" line is total crap and usually not the reason for ending the relationship. If he was getting ready to deploy, I'd even say he could be scared that something is going to happen to him in combat and not want to put you through that pain. It could be depression. It could be a lot of things. And you deserve to know what's going on instead of just letting him run away.

Thanks I think its depression and the fact hes about to deploy. I thought that as well. Thanks everyone its helped to talk this out.

 

[Chazwozel]

What a dickhead.

 

[Chibibar]

I'm sorry to hear this has happened to you. I hope you get some answers as to why he's decided to leave. The "I'm not in love with you" line is total crap and usually not the reason for ending the relationship. If he was getting ready to deploy, I'd even say he could be scared that something is going to happen to him in combat and not want to put you through that pain. It could be depression. It could be a lot of things. And you deserve to know what's going on instead of just letting him run away.

Thanks I think its depression and the fact hes about to deploy. I thought that as well. Thanks everyone its helped to talk this out.[/QUOTE]

It is possible, but I wouldn't bet on it. I say follow Dave's advice and make sure all your stuff is secure.

As for "Where to start?"

Finding a nice place to live would be good. an apartment?
I presume you are currently working? If not, check the want ads
Transportation: Since he took the car, can you afford to pay the rest? That is tricky part. I am not sure what to do. I would say start getting up early and use public transportation until the car issue is resolve If you REALLY need a car, if your finances allow you to rent one or buy a used one, that might work too.

Basically start with stuff that will make you independent of him.

 

[Wasabi Poptart]

Honestly, I've heard quite a few of these "I'm not in love with you" stories from other Army wives when their husbands are going on a long deployment to a combat zone. I know you're getting a lot of advice here that basically is saying get a lawyer and divorce his silly ass. I personally think that he has made a rash decision and you may be following suit if you just go along with it. You need to talk to him about what's going on. If nothing else so that you know for sure if there is any chance of reconciliation or if this divorce is what you both agree on as the only route left. You are experiencing a lot of raw emotions right now and it isn't easy to always think clearly when something so devastating is thrown in your lap. Jumping right into a divorce might not be the answer, regardless of the well-meaning advice you're getting from people here. From what I've read, it sounds like you're just throwing your hands in the air and letting him get exactly what he wants. If it were me, I'd be fighting him every step of the way because I am worth more, and my marriage means more, than to be thrown away like some forgotten piece of paper. If you don't talk to him and he isn't talking to you, then nothing is going to get accomplished either way.
That's my 2 cents at least.

 

[Element 117]

seems like 2010 is the year for this stuff.

Get a lawyer. There's no chance he wants to come back if he really said this, so if you need a reason, do it to protect yourself. Work out, and quit smoking, and keep going through the daily routines even when you feel sad, especially then.

 

[Hylian]

That really sucks DK


I am glad to that you are with your family/loved ones right now. As Dave and others have said don't start drinking that will just make things worse. I hope things work out for you and I hope you take comfort in your family and friends in this time. And if you need a place to vent we are always here to listen.

 

[Dave]

Whose name is the title of the car in? If it's in his name there's nothing you can do. If it's in both of your names there's little you can do but since he is in possession you'll need a lawyer to get possession or 1/2 the value. If it's in your name tell him you want it back now or you'll report it stolen.

 

[Matt²]

If I read this correctly, your husband is leaving you and you are now staying at your parents while he is somewhere with your car. So you have essentially surrendered to him your two largest tangible assests in your home and vehicle.

Take your home back, take your car back, change the locks on both, call a lawyer and kick his ass to the curb.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^THIS^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

he has abandoned you I'm sorry to say. But he is also being cruel and selfish. Be praying for you, but don't let him hurt you more. See that lawyer TODAY.

 

[General Specific]

As I have never gone through anything even remotely similar, here is my advice: Get a lawyer, but don't stop talking to him or take any rash actions yet. Find out more info first. Obviously something with him has changed. As previously suggested, it could be that he's scared of the deployment. He could also be trying to hide infidelity. At this point, you just don't know. So, don't take any rash actions until you know for sure.

Also, don't ever feel embarrassed or ashamed of this. It isn't your fault and it wasn't your choice for this to happen. Angry, sad, and frustrated; sure, but not ashamed.

 

[darkangel6988]

As I have never gone through anything even remotely similar, here is my advice: Get a lawyer, but don't stop talking to him or take any rash actions yet. Find out more info first. Obviously something with him has changed. As previously suggested, it could be that he's scared of the deployment. He could also be trying to hide infidelity. At this point, you just don't know. So, don't take any rash actions until you know for sure.

Also, don't ever feel embarrassed or ashamed of this. It isn't your fault and it wasn't your choice for this to happen. Angry, sad, and frustrated; sure, but not ashamed.

Thanks everyone. It just happened yesterday so for today im just gonna workout cuz i love it and wanted to become a personal trainer. I dont have a job or money or anything but he gave me a nice sum to keep me till the first and I promised to pay our bills like normal till we figure things out and he promised to provide what i needed and so far so good.

I gave a speech to him to try to save my marriage nad he wanted to leave. hes with his family so maybe that will help. I also spoke to his mother and emailed his dad and let them know how i feel and where i sstand and that i want to save this marriage. if anything so i can get a job and be more established then I am now.

I wanna make sure i put my 100% into this marriage as its what i said i would do when i married him I will stand true to my vows.
If he still wants to leave then I will contact a lawyer. I know its scary but i know him and one thing he is not is stingy so I have money he went to the bank and got it for me . I dont really want the car but he said i could have it when hes home he said i can have it all. I think i need to wait this is so quick and shocking i dont wanna jump the gun.

BUt thanks for the support and advice I sure have missed you guys.

And dave i'm not muscle woman but I did make a youtube video of this insanity journey i was doing if yall wanna check it out here's teh link I've had awesome resulst so atleast im going into to this looking fabulous lol

 

[Thread Necromancer]

I was afraid of this.
Don't be ashamed to post here. Despite our quirks it's a good little (dysfunctional) family and friends mode thing we have going on here. When my (ex)wife did this same thing to me the forums was the first place I came to after the bottle. I should have been here before the bottle.

I'm sorry for you.

 

[rabbitgod]

I like the dog about 3 min in. He's just standing there all WTF??

 

[Element 117]

looove the music.

 

[Shegokigo]

You should probably read part of my "Single Again" thread Dark. I'm going through nearly the EXACT same thing. 7 year relationship suddenly over because they suddenly "Love you but not in love with you" bullshit.

You can see my progress over the course of 2 months in the thread, if anyone knows what you're going through, I can relate on alot of levels.

 

[figmentPez]

*hugs*

 

[drawn_inward]

Good luck! Keep talking about it on here and IRL. You'll bust through the other side a better and stronger person.

 

[Chazwozel]

What a dickhead.

 

[darkangel6988]

Yep !