Why on Earth didn't you fight back?
Tell Me Your Origin Story
- Thread starter doomdragon6
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I knew that was coming.
I'm just curious why someone would let another kid squeeze them to almost death, and not do a damn thing about it.
Because the other kid may have been stronger (probably was, if he got NR in that position to begin with), or because NR was in extreme pain. Although everyone might make their efforts to protect themselves, as NR actually said he did (if you read his post closely it says ''I tried to fight back'') there is little you can do when you are despairing, not thinking straight because your oxygen is being cut off and once again because you are in pain and generally because you are a kid.
Not everyone is a badass, or even a fighter. Not everyone can be an action hero. Some people are just victims. (No offense to NR)
Not everyone is a badass, or even a fighter. Not everyone can be an action hero. Some people are just victims. (No offense to NR)
I'm not talking about that single event. I'm talking about everything in general. I'm actually fascinated that a good portion of these origin stories develop deeply around being bullied. It's as though those events are what shaped the rest of the person's life. If I were in NR's shoes for instance, the next day I would have snuck up behind that little asshole and sucker punched him the head. At least he'd have learned not to fuck with me, even if I did fight dirty. I mean that's what you have to do sometimes in order to get it to stop. But it's water under the bridge at this point. He can't go back. I just see a lot of hurt, anger, and resentment in that post.
Growing up I was bullied too - everyone was. I'm always intrigued by the stories of people who just let it continue, and how much of an impact it had on their lives. It just makes me appreciate all the more that when I was younger I fought back and would never give a bully an inch. Those memories are of course still there, but I'm glad those events in my personal life never became defining moments. Or I guess they did, but in a positive manner. Like I said, I remember being bullied, but I don't remember it as vividly or venomously as North Ranger does.
I'm not trying to play blame the victim here at all, but I just never understood why and how people can just make themselves targets like that. It's akin to walking in a bad neighborhood shouting that you have a thousand dollars in your wallet, and expecting not to get mugged. The muggers are 100% wrong, and you did nothing wrong to deserve getting mugged, but all the same, it's your ass in the gutter with an empty wallet.
The more you roll over and take the worse it gets. And I never felt it was up to school administrators to police that sort of thing either. They can't pick favorites in a case of he said, she said, which is why telling the teacher rarely works. You have to stand up and tell them you're not going to take it anymore.
Mathias is mostly right. You HAVE to stand up for yourself. Even if it means getting punched in the face. Why? Because bullies don't just pick on "you", even though it feels that way. They have, at all times, multiple targets to choose from. They'll pick the easiest, most rewarding target they can find and torture that individual. If you make yourself a less appealing target (known to fight back, hurt them even slightly) then you're going to see a decrease perhaps even a complete stop in the bullying.
Will it continue throughout your life in different venues? Of course, it'll go from physical violence (school), to emotional(relationships), to possibly mental stress (work). However, the more you push back, the less you're going to see the focus on hurting you increasing.
However I disagree that school administrator's shouldn't police it. Granted it's not a 100% deterent, it' more defence than if bullies knew for a fact that there was no administrative reprocussion.
Will it continue throughout your life in different venues? Of course, it'll go from physical violence (school), to emotional(relationships), to possibly mental stress (work). However, the more you push back, the less you're going to see the focus on hurting you increasing.
However I disagree that school administrator's shouldn't police it. Granted it's not a 100% deterent, it' more defence than if bullies knew for a fact that there was no administrative reprocussion.
Oh, I fully agree that people should stand up for themselves. But as a kid, you don't always have that wisdom. When I was growing up I was always taught that I should ignore it and that eventually it would go away. I didn't know better than to ignore it. So I was bullied, although never to the point of physical violence (thank god). And I highly doubt I am the only person in the world who's been taught that way, as opposed to being encouraged to fight back. As I said, not everyone is a fighter.
I don't think I ever fought back during school or at home. The school situation, like I said, I just rolled swith it. I didn't ignore it, I acknowledged it and I just laughed about it or teased them back. After a while it just stopped. So, I guess you don't always need to resort to violence. Not crying, not bowing your head, grinning and looking them in the eye seemed to do the trick to.
All though, there was one bully that I wish to this day I had hit. She wasn't physical but she would say mean and nasty things to me. My usual tactics didn't work because she played off insecurities I had. She was just the kind of person that was able to to root those things out of you and use them to her own advantage. I still hateher and I still hear stories about how she is now, how her father bought her a brand new car and she started to cry because it wasn't the kind of car she wanted. How she intentionally crashed it and he bought her the one she wanted. I think 'I really should have hit that spoiled asshole.'
Also, I sorta wish the woman who abused me would come stalk me like she has my sister. I have ten years of pent up anger and unspent retribution in me that is dying to get out.
All though, there was one bully that I wish to this day I had hit. She wasn't physical but she would say mean and nasty things to me. My usual tactics didn't work because she played off insecurities I had. She was just the kind of person that was able to to root those things out of you and use them to her own advantage. I still hateher and I still hear stories about how she is now, how her father bought her a brand new car and she started to cry because it wasn't the kind of car she wanted. How she intentionally crashed it and he bought her the one she wanted. I think 'I really should have hit that spoiled asshole.'
Also, I sorta wish the woman who abused me would come stalk me like she has my sister. I have ten years of pent up anger and unspent retribution in me that is dying to get out.
North_Ranger
Staff member
Mathias:
Fuck you, we already had this discussion once. And I don't feel any compunction to let you throw about your self-righteous, hindight, now-if-I-had-been-in-a-situation-like-that "wisdom" about the first time when I learned what assholes people can be, not to mention the first and only time when I considered my life to have been in danger. Again.
You got that?
Good.
Now, as you may have noticed, I make little mention of bullying after that event. Sure, there was some, but I have forgotten and gotten over it as trivial, juvenile idiocy that most people get over. I didn't fight back, but I stopped giving a shit about assholes who think they have the right to say and do whatever the fuck they want. There was a moment in my senior year when I did fight back, not with fists, but with words and not being afraid. That, however, is an event I keep to myself, out of regard to the fact that me and the bully made amends. I don't consider him a friend, but I've forgiven him.
As for your "analogy" about my behavior - which you apparently managed to summarize from a few lines - being similar to going to a bad neighborhood yelling that you have pockets full of simoleons, I give the appropriate response of telling you that your analogy is weak at best. Going to school is obligatory. Going to a bad neighborhood is not. And I chose to go to the high school in my hometown because despite everything, I still had friends - great ones at that. I remember still hearing the odd "fatso" comment or being reminded of some elementary school event during those three years as well, but they are blurred by happier memories of a handful of close friends.
I gave you people a story. A story. Not the whole story. So please, stop f***in' playing an armchair psychologist with my life. Or let's hear yours so I can put on my Sigmund Freud beard, pfake Aüstrian akzent and make casual remarks about your formative years with metaphors pulled out of my rear end. Nut up or shut up.
How's that for standing up to a bully?
Fuck you, we already had this discussion once. And I don't feel any compunction to let you throw about your self-righteous, hindight, now-if-I-had-been-in-a-situation-like-that "wisdom" about the first time when I learned what assholes people can be, not to mention the first and only time when I considered my life to have been in danger. Again.
You got that?
Good.
Now, as you may have noticed, I make little mention of bullying after that event. Sure, there was some, but I have forgotten and gotten over it as trivial, juvenile idiocy that most people get over. I didn't fight back, but I stopped giving a shit about assholes who think they have the right to say and do whatever the fuck they want. There was a moment in my senior year when I did fight back, not with fists, but with words and not being afraid. That, however, is an event I keep to myself, out of regard to the fact that me and the bully made amends. I don't consider him a friend, but I've forgiven him.
As for your "analogy" about my behavior - which you apparently managed to summarize from a few lines - being similar to going to a bad neighborhood yelling that you have pockets full of simoleons, I give the appropriate response of telling you that your analogy is weak at best. Going to school is obligatory. Going to a bad neighborhood is not. And I chose to go to the high school in my hometown because despite everything, I still had friends - great ones at that. I remember still hearing the odd "fatso" comment or being reminded of some elementary school event during those three years as well, but they are blurred by happier memories of a handful of close friends.
I gave you people a story. A story. Not the whole story. So please, stop f***in' playing an armchair psychologist with my life. Or let's hear yours so I can put on my Sigmund Freud beard, pfake Aüstrian akzent and make casual remarks about your formative years with metaphors pulled out of my rear end. Nut up or shut up.
How's that for standing up to a bully?
I can't say what I'd have done in NR's position. In the London Riots thread, didn't you say we're all the same and would do whatever another person did in their position if we were that person? So if any of us had been in NR's place, with his mindset and background, we'd have done the exact same thing.
What's the point of posting stories about your life without any kind of feedback and insight? If someones willing to share deep shit about themselves, they should be willing to have a discussion about it.
North_Ranger
Staff member
Funny, the story you gave us is the one about being bullied. So what you're really saying is you want people to feel sorry for you. That's what I'm getting off your little tantrum here. Let me check my first posts regarding the topic of bullying. Hmm. Yep, they look pretty civil and non judgmental to me.
How exactly does one nut up? I've never heard that term before.
I'm just curious what his alternative to shutting up is when given those choices.
I'm just curious what his alternative to shutting up is when given those choices.
No. I don't need a pity party. My life's been fine. I've had ups, and I've had downs. Just like every other person out there. I have enough self esteem to not have to post all the baww that's gone on in my life.
Want a story? My brother died in a car accident. I had to raise his kid. Boo hoo.
M
makare
People are just talking about their lives no one has implied they should be pitied at all.
doomdragon6
Staff member
Mathias: Stop stirring shit into my thread. This is an Origin Story thread, not a "Let's Piss All Over Everyone Just Because" thread. You can start that one if you like.
Now that you've well and truly persuaded everyone to never post their origin story again, I'd love to invite anyone still here to share theirs. Even if you think it's boring, I'd like to hear it!
I wanna hear Dave's. And Gusto's. And Jay's. Annnnnd... Hm... Cop Guy's! Where's Cop Guy's origin story?
Now that you've well and truly persuaded everyone to never post their origin story again, I'd love to invite anyone still here to share theirs. Even if you think it's boring, I'd like to hear it!
I wanna hear Dave's. And Gusto's. And Jay's. Annnnnd... Hm... Cop Guy's! Where's Cop Guy's origin story?
I didn't want to come off as sounding like everyone's seeking pity. I find it fascinating too, which is why I wanted to delve in deeper into the bullying issues that NR raise himself. How can anyone post a story and not want to discuss it. The impression I'm getting from his response is that, yes, he wanted a pat on the back and a pity party.
Added at: 17:10
Fine, fine. Lets all just ooh and ahh without any real discussion. I guess everyone likes to just hear themselves talk on the internet as well...
North_Ranger
Staff member
He could nut up by telling his own origin story so we can take one part of it and go "Oh that's not how you're supposed to do it, now if I had been in your shoes I would have beaten this guy to pieces, impregnated his mom and made his dad's heart crap its pants".
I don't consider myself going over the top here since this is the second time I have mentioned that story - and the second time Mathias starts his proclamation for violence being the only way to solve problems between people not old enough to shave. I don't even want to bother arguing the whole thing with him again. He can put up a stone wall again, but I don't have to go and bash my head against it - this being an analogy of the usefulness of arguing with him.
I don't consider myself going over the top here since this is the second time I have mentioned that story - and the second time Mathias starts his proclamation for violence being the only way to solve problems between people not old enough to shave. I don't even want to bother arguing the whole thing with him again. He can put up a stone wall again, but I don't have to go and bash my head against it - this being an analogy of the usefulness of arguing with him.
I don't know what you're trying to get out of him, Matthias; he has a point in that this discussion's been done between you guys before. It's not gonna have a different result.
Here, I'll give this one: in my bullying situation, which I didn't really get into because it's not life-defining--being a kid sucks for a lot people, for different reasons--my dad said what you say, and you're both right. Yeah, I'd have gotten in trouble with the school, because I would've done worse than I was given, solely because what happened to me wasn't that damn bad. It was annoying and I should've punched a couple of the guys so they'd go the hell away. I couldn't get myself to actually do it--I didn't feel the motivation there, or maybe I thought I was being superior, or some other dumb shit. The only time I've ever punched someone was when a guy put his hand up my sister's skirt. It felt right then.
For the usual bullying, I just didn't. BUT I will admit, had I done so, it would've solved my problems much earlier. And maybe I should have. OR maybe I shouldn't have been such a loner jackass and then I'd have realized that sometimes people are just testing you, and if you learn to laugh things off rather than get pissy, you'll find there are layers to a person beneath the bullying, and you might actually have friends instead of enemies. Who knows? At this point, who cares? That was a long time ago. Being an adult rocks; I don't have to give a shit about high school BS anymore, and I know that "it's too early for soda" was a lie my mom made up in the morning so she wouldn't tear her hair out over hyperactive children juiced up on Coca Cola when she wished she could sleep until noon.
Added at: 17:16
I'll admit, that's pretty fucking funny.
I'm pretty sure you're overreacting and being over sensitive -as usual.
Heaven forbid, and woe is be to the one that mentions obesity or bullying in your presence.
fade
Staff member
I never know how to address the bully issue. I was in a unique-ish situation with that one. On the one hand, I was a raging nerd in HS, complete (I kid you not) with taped glasses and 70s hand-me-downs from some dude my dad worked with. On the other hand, I was an athlete and worked out a good bit. I was just looking at a picture from HS yesterday. It's hilarious, actually. Like someone photoshopped the lead character from Revenge of the Nerds's head onto this in-shape body. The end result was that I never got physically bullied, but I still got it verbally. People just ran afterwards.
North_Ranger
Staff member
Notice I never said you couldn't give feedback or insight. Discuss away, just be respectful.
So if people, and that means ANYONE, wants to stir up shit, troll or give someone shit for their story then you are gonna end up getting dooms nice thread locked up and a infraction headed your way. Just be respectful of folks stories and their lives. Consider this a gentle warning for everyone in the thread who is posting and will post. Discuss, and be respectful of peoples very personal stories.
Edit after reading the last few posts that appeared while I wrote this: NR and Matthias can drop their discussion here. Done. You guys go post in other threads or talk about other stuff that isn't each other.
I took this to mean with kids. I'm trying to think, if my cousins were bullied, what would I tell them? Their moms tell to just ignore it or tell a teacher. My first instinct is to say the stuff my dad would say, about fighting back, but schools these days are rough. They have zero tolerance policies for fighting, so they'd rather let a kid get picked on and picked on until they snap and do something horrifying than address the problem beforehand, or let the kids have their fight and be done with the constant bullying, or discipline the bully before things escalate... You want the kid to stick up for him/herself, but you don't want them suspended or worse either. Some of these bullies today are just rich little shits whose parents will sue if you touch their innocent little snowflake.
Or maybe that's just the area I'm in. Fucking yuppies.
M
makare
With those schools no tolerance policy is that fighting anywhere or just on school grounds? Could the kids get in trouble for fighting in a park or something?
That's another thing--my first instinct would be school grounds, but nowadays schools are stretching their reach to anything kids are doing if they attend that school, regardless of where, even if it's on the damn internet (Facebook).
North_Ranger
Staff member
May I kindly suggest continuing this line of discussion in another thread? You know, not to muddle this thread any further with this...
Oh what the hell, I'll just say it:
My mom told me she was going to kill herself on more than one occasion.
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